middle aged

"I envy you, being able to keep what you like for so long."

"It's not easy. When I was young, people told me what to make money, what to be popular, but I didn't listen to it. I just guarded this place. It's not a small thing to bear the complaints of my family, but people live in this life. It’s not easy, is it really good in the eyes of others, only you think it’s good, is it really good.”

"Yeah, that's the truth, but it's really difficult to realize it..."

"Your generation is under a lot of pressure, houses are expensive, and children spend a lot of money to go to school. I often hear my son complain that money is not easy to make, life is boring, and he buried himself in it for the sake of the children and the family, but I know That kid, his life is stable now, and he doesn’t dare to venture into anything anymore. Humans are like this. They can’t let go of what they have, but they can’t get what they want. When they get old and old, they find themselves It’s like living a life in vain, not living the life I thought about, regretting it at that time, but it’s too late.”

"..." Uncle's words were like a sharp knife piercing Qi Yunze's heart. Qi Yunze felt distressed, and every sentence was reasonable, but it was as unbearable as cutting flesh on him. What he loves is not a kind that does not make money. A living, or a particular hobby, is enough to destroy all his existing life.

"Buzz..." The mobile phone on the table rang, Qi Yunze looked at the caller's number, frowned, the uncle didn't sit by his side any longer, nodded to him lightly, and took his own Gu Zi went to the bookcase to sort out the books.Qi Yunze picked up the phone, the name of the caller was obviously not liked by him, but he still pressed the answer button helplessly.

"Hello, Director Zhou." Qi Yunze lowered his voice, trying not to disturb the tranquility of the shop.

"Oh, Xiao Qi, the leaders of the general group are going to visit our department tomorrow morning. How is the management preparation of our production site going?" The voice on the other side of the phone was lazy and nonchalant.

"I have fully inspected before leaving get off work on Friday, and all the places that may be visited have been rectified and rectified."

"How can I see it on Friday? Don't we stop production on Saturday and Sunday? What if something happens to the production workers in the past two days? People from the general group will come early tomorrow morning , If there is really something wrong at that time, will you be responsible or I will be responsible?!"

"...Director Zhou, I'll go and have a look now, don't worry."

"That's right. Don't ask me to remind you of such things in the future. You have to realize your own duties and do him well, right?"

"Yes……"

The other party had already hung up the phone, Qi Yunze looked at the pitch-black phone screen, he couldn't get out of his chest, he was holding the phone tightly with his fingers, even bloodstains were pressed out by the metal frame of the phone.

snort!This is his reality. The guy surnamed Zhou was directly airborne to the position of director of their department the year before last. I don’t know where he got the money to buy a diploma. Nepotism fishes in troubled waters in the company.Qi Yunze didn't talk about all the big and small matters in the department, and he often gave Qi Yunze small shoes to wear. Qi Yunze almost forgot how many times he had received such temporary and unnecessary overtime calls.

However, complaints are complaints, and life is life. He drank the rest of the drink in the ceramic cup in one gulp, put down the half-read book The Border Town Prodigal Son, picked up the car keys, walked out of the store, turned around, and went against the direction of the school. Walking to the car, memories are always memories, and the burden of life is his truest appearance.

After this overtime shift, it was nearly six o'clock when he came out of the company. Qi Yunze sat in the car and lit a cigarette, took a deep breath, and swept the remaining cigarettes in the cigarette case with half-closed eyes in the smoke. Below are a few.For more than a year, his addiction to cigarettes has become heavier and heavier. He used to consume three or four cigarettes a day, but now he consumes almost one pack a day.Qi Yunze looked at the white smoke rising from his fingertips, as if he was calculating the probability of dying from lung cancer if he smoked like this.After smoking a cigarette, he took out his mobile phone and called home.

"Temporary work overtime at the unit in the afternoon. I just left the company. I guess I'll be home late. Eat first." After the phone call was made, Qi Yunze stubbed out the butt of his cigarette in the ashtray in the car, urging in a hoarse voice. Before Xiao Man's voice came from the other side of the phone, he heard Qi Beibei's heartbreaking cry.

"What's wrong with Beibei?" Hearing his daughter's cry, the veins on Qi Yunze's forehead twitched, and he immediately became nervous.

"It's not a big deal. I just watched a kid eating ice cream outside. I asked for it and bought one for her. But I dropped half of it, and then I kept making trouble."

"Buy her another one." Qi Yunze heaved a sigh of relief, but his daughter's crying made him feel distressed, and he couldn't bear to listen to it over the phone, so he told Xiaoman again.

"Qi Han has already gone downstairs to buy it. Look at your daughter, she is used to it by you two." Qi Yunze heard the sound of water splashing through the phone, and Xiao Man seemed to be washing things in the kitchen.

"Why do you work overtime on weekend afternoons?" Maybe it's because she was too tired to take care of the children herself, Xiao Man's tone was full of undisguised complaints.

"Tomorrow the general group will come to visit, and then make final preparations."

"Just you? Your director didn't go?"

"No." Qi Yunze replied, with an inexplicable urge to light a cigarette again.

"Did he order you again?"

"..."

"He ordered you to go, so go, you are not the person in charge of the department," Xiaoman muttered.

"Hmm..." Qi Yunze didn't say anything more, and responded helplessly.

"Is there any food at home?"

"Have."

"Put it in the refrigerator first, I'll heat it up myself when I go back."

"it is good"

After hanging up the phone, Qi Yunze looked at the few cigarettes left in the glove box in the car, thought about his lungs, and resisted the urge to light another one, started the car, and left the car outside the company. garage.

If Qi Yunze knew that the consequence of not smoking that cigarette would be that he would not be able to control his hands and feet and drive here, even if it was ten, he would still smoke it.

Looking at the familiar downstairs of the apartment in front of him, Qi Yunze smiled wryly. Sure enough, that person seemed to be addicted to drugs that made him unable to extricate himself. After ten days of so-called "normal" life, the repressed desire could not be restrained from blowing out of his chest. Urging him to seize any opportunity to see his shadow.

Qi Yunze parked the car in a parking space a little farther away, walked downstairs to the apartment building, counted the number of windows, and looked at the windows with small warm yellow lights, his heart suddenly felt at ease.

The man's slender figure was printed on the white curtains under the soft light. He seemed to be leaning against the railing of the balcony. He looked very relaxed. The shadow held the phone in one hand and put it to his ear. , I don't know who he was talking about, Qi Yunze looked at his shadow, envious, jealous of the person on the other side of the phone who could talk to him a lot.

The figure turned sideways, still maintaining the appearance of holding the phone, and slowly paced on the balcony. The sideways shadow allowed Qi Yunze to see clearly the opening and closing of his lips, as well as the glasses on the high bridge of his nose.Shadow lightly supported his glasses, but suddenly staggered, as if he stepped on something under his feet and almost tripped.Qi Yunze watched as the shadow kicked away an unknown mass, he must have stepped on something like a rag without seeing his feet.Seeing the way the shadow kicked the rag away impatiently, Qi Yunze could even imagine the slightly annoyed expression on that person's face, and the look of disgust in his eyes looking at the rag.

Unknowingly, a smile crept up to the corner of Qi Yunze's mouth. All the unsatisfactory things at work and family had been left behind by him at this moment, and he felt satisfied from the bottom of his heart when he saw only one shadow. Qi Yunze knew that , that drug called Mo Pingfan, he couldn't get rid of it for a long time.All the previous entanglements and misunderstandings are no longer important to him. As long as Mo Fanfan is still living by his side, even if he only sees a shadow, he will have the courage to continue to face everything.

In Qi Yunze's mind, the words that the master of the bookstore told him in the afternoon appeared again: "What other people think is good is not really good, only what you think is good is really good."

This is the power from the heart. The one you really love can make him infinitely powerful just by a shadow, but the happy days envied by others are like shackles, imprisoning the dreams you want to pursue.

But what about the children?Qi Yunze thought of the young Qi Han and Qi Beibei?They are innocent.Where is the wife?The woman who worked hard for his family, maybe he doesn't love her, but he can't bear to hurt her, and his elderly parents, even if he really breaks through everything, is it necessary to let the elderly parents carry the burden of his original love for him? Should I bear the responsibility?

Qi Yunze stayed downstairs in the apartment for 10 to [-] minutes before leaving. This was not the place he should have come to.

"Brother? What did you just say?" Mo Fanfan opened the corner of the curtain, and when he turned around just now, he seemed to see a person downstairs. That person was standing under an old willow tree, as if looking at this side, the familiar figure The shape caught Mo Pingfan's attention all of a sudden, and for a while he couldn't even hear what Brother Matsumoto said on the other side of the phone.

"I said, the teacher is not in good health recently, do you want to come back and have a look? What's the matter, is the signal not good over there?"

"Hmm... a little bit" The figure disappeared in an instant. Mo Fanfan pulled the curtains a little, opened the window, and poked his head out, but still didn't see any clues.

"I'll go back and take a look later..." Almost half of his body came out, but there was still nothing in his field of vision. While responding to Senior Brother Matsumoto on the other side of the phone, Mo Fanfan retracted his body, taking advantage of the flying mosquitoes outside. How to come in, quickly closed the window.

Lack of sleep must have caused hallucinations. How could that person appear here again? At this time, he might not even be able to hide here.