fantasy land

Diary 2X14,09,19

(One month after the Point of Equilibrium.)

Today, my mother developed a lung infection and went into the operating room. She is now under observation in the ICU. The situation depends on the infection after 24 hours.

My mother has done this several times this month, and nerve damage will cause many complications.

She's not doing well, luckily I've had no guests lately and I can ask for leave.

Diary 2X14,09,21

My mother's condition has stabilized and she is still under observation in the ICU.I went to pay the money today, and the money for this month is almost spent.

Today I thought I should borrow money from the manager first, but I have never borrowed money from him, so I don't know if it is possible.But in the afternoon, I mentioned to him to arrange more work. He said that the customer's money came down last time, and I can go to get it first.With this money, I can pay off this month's debt, and my mother's medical expenses have also been continued.

Thank you for this guest, really appreciate it.

Diary 2X14,09

I asked for leave for a week, and I was afraid that the manager would be angry if I didn't go back.

Only after I went back did I realize that after ordering flowers, the MB cannot accept foreign customers, and can only serve one customer within a period of time.

At other times, you can train or go to the venue for demonstrations.Today is very free, I got off work early to see my mother, she is doing well, I am relieved.

I don't know yet who my guest is.

Diary 2014, X9, 25

Sister Lang said that ordering flowers is like a guest picking flowers, and ordering me is like his flowers, as long as he keeps them.

He also told me that my guest is called Qi Hengzhi.It's the second young master of the Qi family.

Diary 2X14,10

My mother's situation is a bit repeated, the infection is good and bad, the skin disease and urinary tract infection on the body have recurred again, and I have been sleeping in the hospital recently.But during the day, people come and go, although there is no way to sleep well, there is no way.

Sister Lang said that ordering flowers means that the customer likes you, and only ordering you if they like you. Ordering flowers is not cheap. The money he paid was given to the garden, and it was enough to give me a bonus, which shows that it is really a lot.

But he didn't show up for a month.

I didn't dare to ask Sister Lang if other customers did the same, and they didn't come after giving the money.But it doesn't seem to be, I see that some guests always come, take their PR to drink or something.

I'm not very drinkable, I can't yet.Sister Lang told me to learn.

But if my guest needs it, I can drink with him.

I want to thank him.

2X14, 11,02.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day for singles, and there were activities in the garden again.

Lonely people always have various names and carnivals.There was a shortage of people in the store, and my mother was doing well, so I went back to help.

When I was sitting at the bar, an uncommon MB from the next door group came to talk to me. After a few words, he talked about my guest, how generous he rewarded MB, how nice he was, how rich and famous he was.

I listened quietly, and when he finally finished speaking, he said, "I think he ordered you, but he never came."

Sister Lang blocked it for me. He said that Young Master Qi was very busy, but he gave me a lot of money.

The man walked away awkwardly.

In fact, I also want to know if I didn't do a good job and he doesn't like me anymore.So not coming.

Although.......I only have one time, I don't really understand.

Hope, I don't know, there is no way.

if…

2X14,11,05

Today, Sister Wolf gave us a box for each of the people who picked up the brand. I opened it and saw that there was a necklace inside.

They were all opened, and I followed suit. Inside was a necklace and a small pendant with "Qi" engraved on it.

I blushed at that time, and Sister Lang said that if I put him on, there would be no impolite guests.And there will be no trouble for those who go to the theater to come to me.

It's not like a name tag, it's like a talisman.

2X15 02, 04

Today is New Year's Eve, and there are many fewer people in the hospital.Mom is doing fine today.There are fewer people in the fantasy garden. Sister Lang gave me two days off and went to the hospital to accompany my mother today.

This year's New Year is a bit cold, and the TV said that there will be cold air in the north.I don't know how much the temperature will drop in the northern capital.

I know it's cold because I have chilblains on my hands and it hurts to type.

The TV in the ward broadcast the Spring Festival Gala at night, which was very lively and prosperous. I wonder if my mother can hear it.

Today I had a colleague who was ordered to spend just like me. His guest came to see him and gave him a red envelope, saying it was lucky money.

It suddenly occurred to me that I hadn't seen my guests all winter.

I don't want to ask him for money!Really, I have enough money to spend!

It's just that it's a holiday after all, so I don't know where he is, whether it's cold or not.

I wish him a happy new year, and someone gave him lucky money.

2X15 02, 14

Today is Valentine's Day, and there are many customers in the store.

I can't make a show, so I can only accompany Sister Lang to greet guests. He seems to use me as a signboard, "a person of Qi Hengzhi", and he seems to have a lot of face when he says it, and he is very good at attracting customers.

I saw in the circle of friends that today is the day of university registration.

Last year when I saw these, I would be sad, I would be sad.But this year I can read, I can stare at the words.

I won't be able to go to school until the money is paid off, and it's hard with mom, but I'm not as sad as I was last year.

I wish my guest a happy day too, today is Valentine's Day, hope he sends roses.

2X15,03

McDonald's has cherry blossom ice cream, and Xiang Hang asked me to go after work. He said buy one get one free.After eating it said it was like toothpaste.

He is very funny, nice, can sing and play the guitar, it seems that he used to be a resident singer in a bar and came here because he owed money.

He even has girlfriends.

I didn't ask deeply, everyone has secrets that they don't want others to know.

Maybe my father and mother are my secrets, and Fantasy Garden is also my secret.

2X15,04,12

Today Xiang Hang said that I can search my guest on Baidu, he is a celebrity, and he will definitely be able to find something.

Ah, how had I not thought of this?But I dare not search in front of people, and I dare to use my mobile phone to search when I get home.

I always remember that Sister Lang said his full name is "Qi Hengzhi"

I don't know if it's Heng or Heng, so I searched for both, and when I searched for Heng, a picture came out.

I don't dare to watch it, but when I'm alone, I watch it.

It was a group photo, it was pressed on a big signboard, there were several people, it was a bit blurry, I only saw his face when I zoomed in.It turned out that he was like this. I haven't seen him for a long time, and that feeling is very strange.

He looks very energetic.It was him, I probably remember his eyes.

I read a few more reports, and he said some things about his career, and he seemed to have his own ideas.

It actually feels amazing that my guest is him and I have a relationship with him.Although it is such a relationship, I have received his help and still have his money, so I always have to thank him.

2X15,05,13

Today I lost my temper with someone, in the fantasy garden, I hit someone.

The reason is that he broke my necklace, a drunk MB came to trouble me, he said, "Having the name of Qi Hengzhi, what arrogance! There are so many bonuses, why!"

I didn't know where I was being arrogant, but he talked louder and louder, started arguing, scolded me, beat me, and pulled my chain.

"Like dog tag one!" and snapped.

I watched the chain break in his hand, and as he pulled on the pendant, the blood rushed to my head, and then I rushed up and punched him.

Why should he vent his anger on my chain.

I broke his face, and my own face was covered with blood.In the end, Sister Lang drove us away and sent us to the hospital. He had stitches, and so did I, on the jaw.

Xiang Hang said I was stupid, but I knew I wasn't stupid. He broke my chain, which was one of the few connections between me and the guests.

2X15,04,12

Sister Lang told me today that my client didn't give me any more money.

Maybe it's running out.

I can't wear that chain anymore either.

From the second day onwards, I was going to be listed. That day he gave me a leave of absence. I was like a lonely ghost with nowhere to go. I went back to the hospital alone for a day.All day long I've been thinking, I've lost a friend, or maybe I've lost a god.

At night I looked at his picture and cried. In the toilet of the hospital, I covered my mouth in the middle of the night and cried all night.

The big deal is that I will sell it tomorrow. I can always make money and pay back the money. My mother still has to see a doctor, so I can't die first.

But I'm always sad.

I can't live without the right to be sad.

He is very good. Although he didn't come, he kept giving me money so that I could take time off to take care of my mother.Not anymore.

I don't have a talisman anymore.

2X15,04,13

Sister Lang asked me to receive a guest today.There is only one guest in a night, which means that he is a night package.

I was a little nervous, but I couldn't be found. When I walked into the room, I found that he was a middle-aged man with a sense of grace.He looked at me with that loving smile, like an elder.

He chatted with me all night.Ask me how old I am, where I am from, and what I did before coming to Fantasy Garden.Even asked me if I like having sex with men.

Around eleven o'clock, he left.

I don't understand, but Sister Lang gave me a large bonus.

2X15,08,16

Today, I met my guest.

He called me out, pulled over, took off my pants, burned a cigarette on my leg, and made me bleed.He was very angry the whole time.

At first, I thought he recognized me, but in the middle, I thought he was angry with me, angry that I didn't wait for him, angry that I put up the sign again.

Later, I found out that it was not. He didn't remember me at all. When he sent me back, he even said sorry to me and gave me money.He didn't recognize me at all.

It's not cold today, but I'm still shivering.

I want to tell him,

It's me.

it's me.

I want to show him the necklace, I want him to see my face, I want him to remember that he tapped me.I am his.

But I am not now, I am not eligible.

He doesn't remember me anymore, and I have no reason to pester him.

It just really hurts.

I didn't know smoking could hurt so much.

2X15,09,

The customer who served today said that Shao Qi has been in Russia, and he has something to do with his family, and he went there to manage the company.

I heard that the old man relies on the old to sell the old, and refuses to obey, which makes him trip up.

No wonder he was so angry that day.

I listened to refill him.

I feel that I finally understand that he didn’t come to see me after 3 months because he was not in China, and he was like that day because he was in a bad mood.

Although it is still impossible for him to remember me, I still feel better.

I was originally a small person, in the eyes of the guests, I was looking for a happy pastime, so I don’t need to be remembered for a long time, as long as they get what they want from me, that’s enough.

2X15

Today I went to watch a movie with Xianghang called COCO.

In the city of the dead, a bone disappeared because it was completely forgotten by the living relatives, and I cried.

Death isn't really death, being forgotten is.I am the forgotten plaything of the guests, and although I am not dead, I am forgotten.

At the end of the film, the little boy cried and begged his great-grandmother to think of her father. He pleaded bitterly, think of him, and don't forget him.

Tears occupied my sight, I covered my mouth, I couldn't let the crying disturb the other audience, but I was crying, I shouted in my heart, think of me, think of me, don't forget me.

Don't forget me, Qi Hengzhi.

■

There is no next article in 15 years.

Looking at the blank page, Qi Hengzhi felt his heart ache.

why?

What's going on here?

Why doesn't he know anything?

Why did Xie Tiao suffer so much where he couldn't see it?

……

Qi Hengzhi couldn't hear the sound, he couldn't see anything, his eyes were completely dark, he covered his eyes, and slowly, cold tears flowed down from between his fingers.

Why has he always been confident that he has done his best to Xie Tiao.

Give a helping hand, help pay off the debt, deal with the relationship between him and Fantasy Garden, let him stop living the life of MB, and give him new choices.

After a long time, even Qi Hengzhi himself thought that this was enough.

But if feelings are such a quantifiable substance that can be measured equally, there will not be so many resentful couples in reality.

Looking back now, he saw that he had failed completely.

He didn't realize that Xie Tiao was so miserable.

He hates his own body, hates his fall in fantasy paradise, denies himself in his heart, he always looks up to, thanks to, and even attaches to himself,

He was so humble, he lowered himself into the dust, he was willing to put all his dignity in front of him, and let himself be crushed and trampled by himself.

But he has no complaints, and still hates himself for not being good enough.

He didn't dare to express his sadness, and he gritted his teeth to restrain those envy, jealousy, anger, and resentment.

All that was left to Qi Hengzhi was an understatement, "It's fine."

His happiness is cautious and timid.hiding.He also denied all the details that Qi Hengzhi liked him. He was so moved, but he forced himself to label everything as charity.

But I recorded it in words bit by bit, portrayed it carefully, and remembered all the kindness.

Even, he punished himself for loving himself.Knowing that you can't love, but you would rather bear it for life. After bearing those sufferings, you still can't restrain yourself from loving.

One log after another.The earliest time can be traced back to Xie Tiao High School, where Qi Hengzhi first appeared, more than a month after they ordered flowers for the first time.

Before this, Qi Hengzhi really didn't know that he was so important to him.He thought, maybe Xie Tiao hates him?I hate him for abandoning him many times, no matter what.Hate him for imprisoning freedom, and keep him by his side.Or hate him for taking it upon himself.

It turned out it wasn't, not at all, Xie Tiao's friendship for him was written in black and white, from the moment they met, it was all about caring, which was better than the love for himself.

And he hid all these thoughts because he was too self-respecting?Or is it because he is too inferior?

Does he love Qi Hengzhi too much, or does he love himself too much?

Qi Hengzhi didn't notice it, or he chose to ignore it because he chose to avoid disadvantages?

When loving someone, the person is one with him, Xie Tiao raised his knife to kill himself, and the pain spread to him too.

The pain of letting the knife cut wrapped around him tightly like a spider web, and Qi Hengzhi let the pain drag him down.

Xie Tiao, let me find you, okay?

=======================

Next update: On the evening of March 3rd

In the early morning of writing this chapter, I cried and vomited.Xie Tiao's suffering is that even if he is talking about his diary blog, he can't directly tell all his pain, he can only talk about it, and all the words are just the tip of the iceberg of his pain.