end of love

It would be fine if Jin Yan wasn't Jin Yan.

For some reason, such a thought suddenly popped into Bai Hao's mind.

He doesn't need Jin Yan to understand, nor does he need to forgive, he just wants Jin Yan to hate him, hate him, and guard against him, instead of smiling at him, listening to him, and letting him get what he wants as if nothing happened.

Before finding Jin Yan, he also thought a lot about how to apologize, how to explain, how to repent, even if he copied everything that Jin Yan had suffered, he was willing to do so.

But he thought about all kinds of things, but he didn't think that when they met, Jin Yan would say sorry to him in fear, I didn't die.

Every time Bai Hao thought of this sentence, he felt that he should be hacked into pieces.But he also knew that he was really hacked into pieces, and there was a fool who would be more sad than him.

So if Jin Yan is not Jin Yan, you can stand by and watch his pain and misfortune, and curse him that there will be more retribution, so that he can be punished more.

Bai Hao raised his hand, and slowly covered the back of Jin Yan's hand, his fingertips clenched little by little until they touched the other's palm.

He suddenly felt a little lucky, fortunately Jin Yan covered his eyes, otherwise seeing him crying, I don't know what strange words this drunk would have uttered.

"Jin Yan..." Bai Hao opened his mouth softly, and then slowly lowered his hand.

Jin Yan looked at him, his eyes were not very clear, and his face was slightly puzzled, but he didn't move, and obediently asked Bai Hao to put his hand down.

Bai Hao leaned closer to him and pressed against his forehead, with a smile on his face, but his voice was choked up: "Young master is also... very happy to see you."

He knew that Jin Yan had never forgotten the past, otherwise he wouldn't want to leave, wouldn't hide from himself to endure the pain, and wouldn't be so uneasy after being drunk... But he couldn't let Jin Yan go.

What Li Shuyi said might be correct, but he couldn't do it.Even tonight when Jin Yan was having dinner with others and was not by his side for a few hours, he seemed to have lost his soul, not knowing where he was going or what he was going to do.It doesn't matter what kind of feelings he has for Jin Yan, because no matter what the feelings are, they will be together for the rest of their lives.

Bai Hao hugged Jin Yan into his arms, and his tone was extraordinarily gentle: "Do you like me?"

Jin Yan's mind was muddled, his chin was resting on Bai Hao's shoulder, his eyes were fixed on the coffee table on the carpet, he didn't know who was talking to him, so he asked confusedly, "Who do you like?"

That deep and pleasant voice seemed to be coaxing: "I like Bai Hao."

The chandelier on the zenith reflects on the glass coffee table, a halo of light in front of my eyes, sometimes getting bigger and sometimes getting smaller, seems to be hypnotic.

Jin Yan lowered his eyelids a little bit. It was too warm to hold him. He relaxed his body, leaned his head against the skin of Bai Hao's neck, and muttered softly: "I like the young master the most."

As soon as the voice fell, people fell into dreamland.

He went to bed too early.

If it was a few minutes later, he might still be aware that someone lowered his head and placed a light kiss on his lips.

As soon as the new year was over, Xiao Xinghua also came back.

He read Li Shuyi's medical records and all the examination results, and then held a general medical discussion meeting, officially putting the operation on the agenda.

On the day of the preoperative talk, because Li Shuyi asked to participate in the whole process, it was held in his ward.

Xiao Xinghua told them that Li Shuyi's situation wasn't too bad, but it wasn't optimistic either.Although the tumor is benign, it is located at the left skull base, and the lesion is low and deep. Because the nerves on the left side are more abundant than those on the right side, the surgery is risky and difficult.In addition, because Li Shuyi had suffered gunshot wounds before, he had not stopped from major and minor injuries for more than half a year, and he was messing around again, so his health was not good.

"For brain surgery, no doctor can guarantee [-]% success. Even if the surgery is successful, many of our patients have serious sequelae. So no matter what, you must be mentally prepared."

After Xiao Xinghua finished speaking, Li Shuyi's expression remained unchanged, Bai Jing next to him frowned, and Jin Yan was so frightened that he clenched the corner of Bai Hao's clothes tightly.

"You should rest well these few days. You will have a blood test and an antibiotic skin test the day before the operation. In order to avoid infection during the operation, you need to shave your hair." Xiao Xinghua told Li Shuyi, "Before the operation, you must fast for eight hours. , but don’t worry, a nurse will remind you when the time comes.”

Li Shuyi nodded: "Thank you, Dr. Xiao."

Bai Jing sent Xiao Xinghua away, and as soon as he left, Li Shuyi immediately turned to Jin Yan and said, "I warn you, if you dare to shave your hair, you will never appear in front of me again." From the corner of his eyes, he saw Jin Yan's expression as if he had made some major determination, and he knew what this idiot was thinking.

Jin Yan was terrified. He didn't know why he didn't say a word, but Uncle Li knew what he was going to do.

Li Shuyi turned to Bai Hao: "You keep an eye on him, don't make him stupid."

Bai Jing sent the person away, probably because of other things, and never came back.Li Shuyi just wanted to stay by himself for a while, so regardless of Jin Yan's crying expression, he drove the two of them away.

In fact, whether his illness is serious or not, he doesn't care at all.I just want to take advantage of the fact that no one is bothering me now, to recall the recent days and clear up my troubled thoughts.

Li Shuyi knew that since Bai Jing found him, he had overreacted.Whenever Bai Jing opened his mouth, he would stop him with sarcasm, sometimes even like a hysterical resentful woman.Thinking about it now, mentioning Ning Yue, asking Xie Ming to send someone to Bai Jing, in the final analysis, it was because he couldn't let go, and he still cared about Bai Jing's past.

He pulled away from himself, examined objectively, and suddenly found in embarrassment that it was himself who had been relentless, and the person who was really calm and calm was Bai Jing.

Li Shuyi pulled a wry smile from the corner of his mouth.This seemed to be a vicious circle that couldn't be stopped, he was always on the sidelines pressing every step of the way, while Bai Jing completed his plan step by step without being affected at all.

In the past, Bai Jing had said more than once that the two of them were not suitable, and it was because he had been unable to position himself correctly that he ended up in the current situation.

At night, Bai Jing took the things he had prepared for Li Shuyi and went to his ward as usual.

When I went in, I saw Li Shuyi wearing a white hospital gown, leaning against the window with his forehead against the window, his eyes downcast, not knowing what he was looking at.

The heart suddenly stabbed a bit.

When he sent Xiao Xinghua out today, Xiao Xinghua told him that after they got in touch with Li Shuyi, they found his attitude was very negative, and hoped that Bai Jing could communicate with him well so that he could change his mentality.Otherwise, if he doesn't even want to live, what's the use of a great doctor.

Bai Jing stood at the door, not daring to pass for a moment.

Li Shuyi heard the voice, and slowly raised her head to meet his gaze.

The ward was so quiet that even the sound of breathing could not be heard. As time passed, neither of them spoke, but their intertwined eyes gradually became hotter.

It was Bai Jing who spoke first: "Don't lean against the window, cool."

He thought that Li Shuyi would stab him a few words as usual, or ignore his words, but he didn't expect that this person actually left the window, took off his shoes, and sat on the hospital bed.

Bai Jing was a little stunned, Li Shuyi glanced at him, patted the seat beside her, and said softly, "Come and sit down."

Bai Jing didn't know what was wrong with him, so he walked over according to his words, first put down the box in his hand, took the coat hanging by the bed and put it on his back, and then sat down.

Li Shuyi let him move, his eyes fell on the box, and asked: "What is this?"

Bai Jing leaned over and took the box over, and put it in Li Shuyi's hands: "Open it and have a look."

Li Shuyi frowned slightly, the box was only a little bigger than his palm, and it wasn't heavy to hold, so he didn't know what it contained.

He looked at Bai Jing suspiciously again, and then opened the box.

The first thing that came into view was a lady's hairpin, which was very old-fashioned, with a black background and a tacky rose in the middle. There were not a few diamonds left on it, and the bottom even had a little rust.

Li Shuyi was stunned, and it took him a while to come back to his senses. He took out the hairpin and stroked it over and over again, his fingertips trembling slightly.

"You know," he said suddenly, with a look of nostalgia on his face as he spoke, "When she was young, she carried me behind her back, and I always stared at this hairpin from behind, counting the diamonds on it, one, two I counted them and I got home." He smiled, "Later I grew taller than her, and she still wore this hairpin. I asked her why she didn't buy a new one, and she said she would wait until I grew up. Big buy for her."

"Wait for me to grow up, wait for me to grow up..." Li Shuyi murmured in a daze.

Knowing that he was sad, Bai Jing didn't want him to think about it anymore, took out those slightly yellowed photos from the bottom of the box, handed them to him and said, "You never smiled when you were young."

Hearing this, Li Shuyi put down the issuing card and took the photo.

After the accident at home, Zhao Hui took away all of Li Wenying's belongings and left nothing for him.He didn't even know that there were so many photos of him and his aunt.

Li Shuyi looked at all kinds of himself in the photos, and found that he really didn't like to laugh when he was a child.Even though it was his birthday, with a little red dot painted on his forehead by lipstick and cream on his cheeks, he still stared at the front with a serious face, in stark contrast to Li Wenying who was bending over with a smile next to him.

Infected by his aunt, Li Shuyi couldn't help laughing and said, "No wonder people say that three years old is old."

He held the photo and looked at it carefully for a long time, then raised his head and asked Bai Jing, "Did you tell Uncle Zhao about my illness?"

Bai Jing replied in a deep voice, "No, these are what he asked me to give you."

Li Shuyi nodded, he believed that no matter what happened to Bai Jing, there was still some sense of propriety, so he didn't ask any more questions.

He touched the hairpin again, and after putting away everything, he pondered for a while before saying, "I should thank you, but this seems deliberate, so I won't say it."

Bai Jingxin lifted it up, waiting for his next words.

"The two of us, throw away the love and love, don't care about who is right and who is wrong, and who is more sorry for whom. We have known each other for so many years, are we considered friends?"

Bai Jing didn't understand what he meant by these words. How could the two of them "throw away those loves and loves"?Li Shuyi couldn't get rid of it, and he couldn't get rid of it even more.But he still followed Li Shuyi's words and answered "yes".

Li Shuyi said: "Then, as my friend for more than ten years, please do me two favors."

Bai Jing looked at his brighter eyes under the light, resisted the urge to reach out and touch him, nodded and said, "Say it."

Li Shuyi's expression became serious in vain: "If I die, don't erect a monument for me and scatter my ashes into the sea."

"Li Shuyi!" Bai Jing's face changed instantly, his deep voice seemed to drop the room temperature by several degrees.

"Listen to what I have to say." Li Shuyi frowned and continued, "Another thing, when I was in the nursing home, I found someone to be a surrogate through Yitian. If I die and the child is born in the future, help me find a good one. Some people give them away for adoption."

This is what Li Shuyi regrets most now.He used to know that he was sick, but he waited for death without hesitation. While committing suicide slowly, he also felt guilty and restless.Later, when he met Mu Ran, he somehow wanted to retain the blood of the Li family, trying to alleviate his sense of guilt in this way.

As a result, the sense of guilt was not relieved at all, and I left myself with a big trouble.

Bai Jing's heart sank.He didn't expect Li Shuyi to be a surrogate, but he also saw that Li Shuyi really didn't want to live.Otherwise, if he wants a child, he can have it together when he is a surrogate, so there is no need to wait until later to find such a sustenance in a hurry.

"I originally wanted to leave these matters to Jin Yan, but the child is not in good health, and I don't want him to be sad, so..."

"If you don't want him to be sad, do you want me to be sad?" Bai Jing suppressed the anger in his heart, and gritted his teeth.Li Shuyi faced him, and actually explained the funeral in a business-like manner. Is this what he deserves as a friend after throwing away love and love?

Li Shuyi was a little impatient, sad?If he really died, the benefits to Bai Jing would definitely outweigh the disadvantages, what is there to be sad about?

"Whether I admit it or not, you are willing or not, the closest person to me in this world is you. I leave these things to others, and there are always various worries and problems. After much deliberation, I still have to hand them over It's in your hands." Li Shuyi paused and said, "You just tell me, these two favors, do you want to help or not?"

Bai Jing pursed his lips and said coldly, "Both of these situations are impossible."

Li Shuyi was helpless: "I was just planning for the worst."

Bai Jing turned his head to ignore him and did not speak.

Li Shuyi stared at him, from the corner of his eyes, slowly slid across the profile of his profile, and finally landed on the corner of his mouth.

After he came back, he only cared about being angry and quarreling, and he hadn't seen Bai Jing properly for a long time.Even if this person is sullen now, like a cold rock, when he looks at him, he still can't control his heart palpitations.

Li Shuyi smiled slightly, tilted his head and said, "Why don't I give you a gift in return?"

Bai Jing raised his head, there was still some lingering anger in his dark brown eyes, Li Shuyi didn't wait for him to speak, and leaned forward to kiss him.

Bai Jing opened his eyes wide, his pupils constricted slightly.

Li Shuyi closed her eyes and wrapped her lips around his, touched his hand, passed between his fingers, interlocked his fingers, and kissed him tenderly.

The shuddering pleasure made Bai Jing's back go numb, he came back to his senses, held Li Shuyi tightly with one hand, and cupped his face with the other, regaining the initiative.

I don't know how long it took before this lingering kiss ended.

Li Shuyi gasped and backed away, Bai Jing immediately chased after him, and pecked his lips lightly.

Li Shuyi smiled, wanted to tease Bai Jing a few words, but heard the other party hoarsely say: "Shuyi, can you forgive me?"

Li Shuyi raised her head and saw that the corners of his eyes were red, and there were deep pleadings in his eyes.

"Forgive you for what?" Li Shuyi had a sour nose and forced a smile, "I've been pestering you all these years."

Bai Jing felt a burning pain in his heart and asked him: "Does it mean that no matter how many times I say I love you, you won't believe it?"

Li Shuyi was silent, and then said softly: "You don't like Li Shuyi who is by your side and is willing to be used by you. You don't like Li Shuyi who blocked a shot for you and risked his life to save you... but love is seriously ill and heartbroken Is it the cold-hearted Li Shuyi?"

Bai Jing was speechless, not knowing how to explain.He wanted to start over, but the hurt had always been there. Li Shuyi's heart was already riddled with holes. She didn't believe him, let alone forgive him.

Li Shuyi didn't want to quarrel with Bai Jing, in fact, he was relieved.The kiss just now made all the things that had been pent up in his heart disappear completely. This was the final closure between the two of them, and it was also his reconciliation with the past.

On the day of the operation, Li Shuyi originally did not allow anyone to see him off.But Bai Jing stayed in his ward every night, he couldn't drive him away, he couldn't avoid him, so he had to follow him.

When he was pushed to the operating room in the morning, Bai Jing accompanied him all the way.When it was time to go in, Li Shuyi sighed, made Bai Jing bow his head, and said to him, "I don't blame you."

I don't know if this is the last time, if it is, he doesn't want Bai Jing to leave any regrets, and remember him with such regrets for the rest of his life.

Bai Jing grabbed his hand violently, his eyes were red, and the pain was so extreme that he couldn't speak.

Li Shuyi lowered his eyes and looked at Bai Jing's pale, bloodless hand, which kept shaking. Without saying a word, he slowly but firmly pulled his hand out, and then asked the people next to him to push him into the operating room.

He didn't look at Bai Jing again.

The operating room is very large, and there are many doctors and nurses, and everyone is making various preparations, which seems to be in a hurry.

Li Shuyi slowly closed his eyes, and the tendons in his body that had been tense all the time since he was born until now finally relaxed.There was a strong sense of exhaustion in his heart, but he felt a strange peace.

He knows that life is long and there are many possibilities.

But waiting may be more impossible.

He didn't want to wait any longer.

So at this moment, Li Shuyi made a wish with God, hoping that he would never wake up.

The author has something to say:

I want to sign Mu Ran's bookmark card, temporarily stop updating for a few days