lace cobweb

Whether she was awake or in a dream, she couldn't help reliving the past two months, but starting from this afternoon, from the moment she walked into this room and saw Lin Luxing, everything disappeared.This is a love that is so strong that it is almost terrifying that even she herself cannot understand and accept.After Lin Luxing left, Jiang Luo almost forced herself to recall those memorable moments with the deceased. This was the purpose of her coming here, but she couldn't concentrate, and soon, her mind flooded with new ideas. Something that completely messed up her thoughts.At this moment, Jiang Luo couldn't think of anything else, except Lin Luxing.She thought over and over again how Lin Luxing was standing and talking at that place, and she remembered her sullen face, the serious expression that was almost disgusted, and the way she looked at herself with her eyes down.This is a proud enemy, an enemy king who cannot be grasped or swallowed. Full of hatred for herself, Jiang Luo silently recited Lin Luxing's name. She recited it thousands of times, and she was so painful that she couldn't breathe.

The small piece of floor where Lin Luxing was standing just now was in front of her, and the setting sun gradually shone into the room and fell on it, showing a blood-red light.Jiang Luo stared at the empty light, treating it as the original sin of being confused, as if he hated it for not appearing in the world, and for not teaching Lin Luxing to have a chance to stand on it.After a long time, she boldly leaned over and kissed the cold ground. The ground was full of dust. She didn't want to kiss it. She didn't want to do such a dirty and humble behavior, but she actually kissed it. , and very happy.If Lin Luxing gave her the heel of his shoe to kiss her, maybe she would kiss it too, although she must be resisting in her heart, she blamed herself and gave up on herself at the same time.

At this moment, the thought appeared in Jiang Luo's mind for the first time: she was going to commit suicide.

Although she couldn't love Du Nasha, she wanted to follow Du Nasha. She used her life to repay all the mistakes she made, repay Du Nasha, repay Lin Luxing, repay the suffering of the two of them, and repay the heartbeat and tears in high school.Apart from this life, Jiang Luo has nothing more precious.

At first, she didn't take this idea seriously, and was taken aback.This was just an idea that popped up out of nowhere, and she thought about it out of anger, but she immediately vetoed the idea herself.Jiang Luo got up from the floor, patted the ashes off her body, and was about to leave. Looking out of the dark window, she suddenly remembered the "The Tale of Ise" that Du Nasha had read to her during the summer vacation.The hero once had an affair with the queen when he was young, and even wanted to take her away from his father and brother. Later, the queen married into the palace, and there was no news of her. The man had to go to her abandoned residence, lie on the ground and look at the moon with tears in his heart sinking westward.She still remembered Dunasa's sweet and mournful voice, she recited the waka, and there was a sentence "This month and this spring are all different".Jiang Luo silently recited it twice in her heart, recalling that lonely and irreversible spring of this year, Lin Luxing was wearing a light yellow dress and snow-white stockings, standing under the sun, and the man beside her was carrying a paint box for her.It was only half a year ago, and their high school days seemed far away.

A deep sadness immediately hit Jiang Luo's heart.This sorrow is not for Lin Luxing, nor for Du Nasha, but purely for those past days, pure and brilliant, without breakups, deaths, marriages and nightmares, filled with trivial and sweet worries every day, that They have many troubles and secrets when they are young. These insignificant things are indispensable homework for girls.The campus is like a grand golden garden. Jiang Luo, Lin Luxing, Du Nasha, and many immature girls are laughing and laughing behind a fence, unscrupulous. They are entitled to be unscrupulous. They are surrounded by flowers, young and energetic. Complacent, no one can tell what kind of future there will be.Now, this grand garden has been scattered, and there is not a single yellow rose left. The youth of the girls has faded and withered in time, accompanied by the not fatal, tacit and hazy love at the beginning.

Jiang Luo returned home with mourning for the past and deep exhaustion. She didn't open the memory card that Lin Luxing gave her, and she didn't want to open it.The next day, after waking up from a nightmare, she returned to the long-lost class.College life lasted for nearly a week without any disturbance, and it was only during the weekend that Jiang Luo had the courage to put the memory card that recorded the memories into the card reader and insert it into the computer.She hurriedly browsed through the seemingly inconspicuous and blissful past events recorded from the perspective of Du Nasha. This period of time lasted only two months, but there were memories beyond expectations, which weighed heavily on people's hearts. Torture her, hold her accountable.After the memory of one side has faded away, those stories seem to still have a cold and solid aroma.From some of Du Nasha's essays recording her mood and the records of talking about Jiang Luo with others, Jiang Luo learned a lot of things that she didn't know. Before the deceased was alive, she didn't care much or didn't notice it at all.In addition, she also found an unremarkable phone call recording in an inconspicuous folder, which was with Lin Luxing. Judging from the file information, the call was made in the early morning of September [-]st, and it was Jiang Luo who asked Lin Luxing to A few hours after letting Du Nasha be the bridesmaid, Jiang Luo and Du Nasha should have fallen asleep by then.

This audio was like a ghost appearing in a time and space that shouldn't exist, Jiang Luo clicked it out of curiosity.The audio is very complete, it seems that Du Nasha started recording from the moment it was connected.It was Lin Luxing who called Du Nasha. After connecting, Lin Luxing exchanged some vague greetings with her, and asked softly, "Can you tell me when did you and Jiang Luo start dating?"

"The end of July." Du Nasha replied, the familiar voice made Jiang Luo's heart tremble.Du Nasha said: "After you got engaged."

"...But..." Lin Luxing hesitated: "You told me on Christmas Eve last year that you were Jiang Luo's girlfriend, but it was not convenient for others to know. You stayed at her house overnight and took her mobile phone. You Remember? What the hell is going on here?"

Jiang Luo was stunned.She heard Dunasa laughing.

"Last year's Christmas Eve, I did spend time with her, but not at her house, you can't think of it, she is sitting on the street waiting for you to find her."

"I called her, I went to her house to look for her, but she is not at home." There was a trace of panic in Lin Luxing's voice: "I called twice, you know, you picked up..."

"Actually, I didn't get her cell phone." Du Nasha said calmly: "I answered your call and went out to find her when I knew she hadn't come home. It's thanks to you telling me. My luck is very good, I found her."

"then you……"

"During the day of the Art Festival." Du Nasha said: "I took advantage of the time when you were in the locker room and changed her mobile phone card with mine. Then you called her and you called me. Naturally, I told you that. This kind of thing is all about luck, and I never thought it would go so smoothly. She was very sad, and I spent the whole night with her, how about you? How long have you been waiting downstairs at her house? "

Lin Luxing was silent for a while, then said, "□□."

Du Nasha laughed again, the laughter was like wind chimes in the breeze, softly, as if she was afraid of alarming someone.

"Indeed. I want to be a gangster, I've had enough!" She said irritably, "If I don't become a gangster, I'm afraid I can't help but commit suicide. You can scold me, I won't fight back."

Lin Luxing didn't scold her, a swear word was Lin Luxing's limit.She sighed and asked, "Why are you telling me this now?"

"It doesn't matter." Du Nasha's voice suddenly became gloomy: "Actually, you will find out sooner or later. Didn't Jiang Luo just say that we started in summer? You just listened to Jiang Luo's words and felt something was wrong, so you gave it in the middle of the night. Shall I call?"

"Yes..." Lin Luxing replied, "But you kept it a secret for so long...I'm still too stupid."

"You are not stupid." Du Nasha said coldly: "You are too arrogant, and you don't cherish Jiang Luo at all. However, you are qualified to be arrogant. In fact, you don't have to scold me. I can bet you, Jiang Luo Still like you, and will always like you. I was stupid, I took a chance, thought she would like me, it was too obvious, she used me as a plaster. I don't know how long we can go on like this, but you Believe me, I am not having a good time, I am in more pain than you, I am jealous of you, Lin Luxing, I am very, very jealous of you, you are loved by so many people, just let this Jiang Luo go, give her to me. I hope you Can make Jiang Luo despair as soon as possible."

"Don't worry." Lin Luxing countered: "I'm about to get married, and the man's condition is very good. I won't hold on to her, I'm not you, and I don't have the hobby of breaking up others."

"Then you must be very happy. Lin Luxing."

Lin Luxing didn't know why and said "Huh?"

"I want it." Du Nasha said suddenly in a hollow voice: "I want happiness. I thought being in love was happiness, but no, I only have jealousy. I hate whoever looks at her more. I feel empty. , I want her to love me, I only have this purpose for this year, otherwise I would have died long ago, but she still doesn't love me, never. Lin Luxing, you must be very happy to be loved by so many people and have both parents. I have never experienced that kind of life in a single day, and Jiang Luo is also different from you, you are suitable for marriage and having children, and live happily ever after, so I wish you the best."

Lin Luxing didn't seem to know how to answer, she was silent for a long time, said: "Thank you." and hung up the phone.

The recording ended, and there was a long void.Jiang Luo was stunned for more than ten seconds. She didn't know how to react to the information that subverted her cognition. She didn't recover until the recording was played from the beginning again.She shivered for a while, retracted her hand as if avoiding a poisonous insect, and directly unplugged the computer.Jiang Luo held his head in both hands, and his mind became confused again. Just as his fragile spirit recovered, it collapsed again, unable to continue.She was lying there, motionless, as if she was dead, only her brain was rapidly searching for past memories, as proof of Du Nasha's confession.There are too many things that can be regarded as evidence. Jiang Luo was submerged like a flood. She remembered that during the art festival, she and Lin Luxing were locked in the changing room together. Du Nasha did borrow her mobile phone from her outside. She took it away from her coat and put it back into her coat pocket. Everyone was preparing for the drama, but no one paid attention to her actions.Also, that night, Jiang Luo received a sales call, calling her Miss Du. At that time, she thought that someone had mistaken her surname, but it was not wrong. The card in her mobile phone was Du Nasha's card. .It was rumored that Lin Luxing went to find a man on Christmas Eve and was away from the dormitory all night, but it was actually because she went to Jiang Luo's house.Jiang Luo couldn't imagine what Du Nasha had said to her in that phone call, and how long Lin Luxing had been waiting downstairs alone at her house.Meanwhile, Dunasa was reading Sappho's poems to her.

At this point, Jiang Luo finally learned the whole truth, that is, her senior year in high school, her broken love, her redemption, and her love affair were all a huge deception from beginning to end.She lived in this deception for a whole year, and now she really broke free from the conspiracy.She missed everything that was at her fingertips, and she buried her young love for no reason.She could have had a happy relationship with Lin Luxing and spend a memorable young life, which would change their future fate and save them from sinking.However, as Du Nasha interfered, the misunderstanding between the two became deeper and deeper, and finally caused an irreparable tragedy.

When he realized this fact, Jiang Luo felt extremely angry for a moment. The infinite hope in them was destroyed by fate. Fate swallowed them like greedy blood and digested them bit by bit in the esophagus.Is this all Dunasa's fault?Jiang Luo couldn't hate Du Nasha no matter what, so he could only curse fate powerlessly.It's true that Du Nasha planned everything, but if Jiang Luo didn't deny himself, and Lin Luxing didn't suspect and test each other, if they were determined, no matter how many tricks Du Nasha had, she wouldn't be able to use them.Besides, Du Nasha had already died of jealousy. Looking back now, what happened to her was not a tragedy. Du Nasha destroyed the love between Jiang Luo and Lin Luxing, but she threw herself into the fire and died in love.

What Du Nasha wants is happiness, she wants to be loved.Such a request is justifiable. No one wants to be happy. If one is not loved, one cannot live.But love and possessiveness are two sides of the same coin. The happiness that Du Nasha wants, the unique love she seeks, cannot be found in Jiang Luo.Jiang Luo used to think that he loved her enough, but it wasn't until she saw Lin Luxing a few days ago that she fully understood and fully admitted her sins.Du Nasha loves Jiang Luo too much, so she knows Jiang Luo's sincerity better than herself.There was still embers in her heart, even if she only glanced at Lin Luxing and looked at her silently, it would be an unforgivable sin.Lin Luxing also loved her, and Lin Luxing couldn't help but respond to her gaze. In the intersection of their eyes, a slender, cobweb-like evil grew, linking them closely and quietly until they fell into hell.

In this romantic entanglement, during this painful time, there is no real culprit to be found.Complicated and chaotic relationships connect them together, everyone is a sinner and everyone is a victim.Jiang Luo's anger had nowhere to vent.Only now did she understand what kind of colorful cage she was trapped in. Her sensuality, love, and hatred were like cobwebs, woven with exquisite and beautiful lace, manipulating them, entangled them, and serving as their hanging ropes and wedding dresses.They are the victims of this vast, empty world, to which fate plays with them like fragile puppets.

Jiang Luo straightened up abruptly, only to realize that his face was already full of tears.She wiped her eyes indiscriminately, feeling that she could no longer stay at home. The home where she and Du Nasha lived together became Jiang Luo's first and last prison.She finally stood up from the computer, and stepped out of the house as if fleeing.She fled, though she didn't know where she was going.She was born irresponsibly, and from then on, no matter where she fled to in the world, she could not escape the fate that bound her body—unless she hung herself on a street lamp like Dunasa.

Jiang Luo hurriedly walked in the autumn night wind, aimlessly crossing the city.She passed by the huge LED screen, stopped for a moment, and looked up in a daze.The night of the city is illuminated by electronic colored lights, and the content on the screen is constantly changing, switching from the colorful advertisements to the red background slogans, the whole piece is red, bright red, like blood from the Falling out of the screen, splashed on her body, caught off guard, unavoidable, she melted completely in this blood pool.Jiang Luo opened her eyes wide, those huge slogans were printed in her pupils, and she saw the word happiness.

Happiness, happiness stands in the cool autumn wind, the colors are pure and bright, like hallucinations, like poisonous mushrooms.She is not happy, Lin Luxing is not happy, everyone is not happy, how can anyone be happy?Jiang Luo thought vaguely, there is no happiness in this story, there is no happiness in this world.At this time, she thought of the last words Lin Luxing said when she said goodbye to her, and she also thought of the appearance of Du Nasha hanging on the sling. They are two terrible and dangerous avengers, and they are unfortunate.How to be happy?How on earth can we escape these causes and effects?Du Nasha may have asked herself this question before she died. This is an unsolvable question. Who should be responsible for the misfortune of Du Nasha and Lin Luxing?Jiang Luo knows that she should bear it, but she may not be able to bear it all. Behind all the misfortunes in this world, there is always something deep and fateful, and there is always a spider web that silently opens and waits for its prey.Who is responsible for Du Nasha's depression?Responsible for the pressure on Lin Luxing's family?Who is responsible for the beggar with a broken limb and a muddy face lying on the street now?That tramp behind the stop sign at the station is covered in rotten holes and bleeding pus, who caused him to such a degree?Who caused the gloomy weather, the severe cold and the scorching heat, and all the innumerable evils and misfortunes in the world?

The answer is no, there is no perpetrator, and there is no redemption.

Jiang Luo walked away from the screen, the night wind was still blowing violently, the trees on the street were shaking their canopies under the sickly lights, like magic hands, calling her to sacrifice her body at a secret gathering.Soon, an overpass bridge only for vehicles appeared in front of her eyes. Jiang Luo had driven past here many times, and was very familiar with this bridge, so she developed a feeling of attachment.She boarded the overpass, walked straight ahead, walked to the middle of the bridge, and looked down.Overpasses pass through thriving neighborhoods, next to tall buildings adorned with thousands of lights, surrounded by jubilant advertisements and sleepy windows.Jiang Luo looked back and saw the continuous flow of vehicles on the overpass, and the city was vividly visible, like a huge construction site, roaring at any time.In the blink of an eye, she had a fatal determination: the road is below, if she jumps off this overpass and survives, the speeding car will run over the broken body of this sinner.

The idea of ​​suicide resurfaced again, with unprecedented clarity and determination, Jiang Luo climbed up the railing.Her dress flew rapidly in the night, making a mysterious sound, as if it was about to take her away in the air.After she stood firmly on the railing, before she fell down, she raised her head and stared at the distant sky.She saw the cloud palace roll up the bead curtain, revealing a huge full moon, the light golden light shining lonely on the black night sky, shining like a day for thousands of years.Under the moon, a plane skimmed over the cloud, with red lights flashing on its wings, and it soared towards an unknown country.At this moment, Jiang Luo felt that she seemed to be far away from the world, and she was about to melt into this bright moon and these few strands of dark clouds.She is unaccompanied in the world, whether it is Lin Luxing or Du Nasha, they are now as untouchable as a princess in a feather robe returning to the moon.All Jiang Luo did was chase after their shadows.She tried to straighten her arms, up, up, as if to touch the brilliance of the moon—and then she was top-heavy, lost her balance, and fell into the traffic, into the abyss of feasting and feasting.