【Mustard】Combined for a long time must be divided

When Atsushi Nakajima came back from the bathroom, he suddenly found that Akutagawa Yin's place was empty, and he was a little stunned: "Where is Miss Yin?"

"Access control of the school." Akutagawa Ryunosuke answered concisely.

"That's it..." Atsushi Nakajima didn't know whether he should breathe a sigh of relief, but he sat down with mixed emotions, "Speaking of which, why did you bring me to this place to have dinner with your sister without telling me? "

When he asked, he didn't really hope that Ryunosuke Akutagawa would answer him. He was used to being ignored along the way, and he didn't expect any response from this administrative manager who went his own way.It was just unexpected, Ryunosuke Akutagawa pondered for a while, and although he didn't answer directly, he suddenly mentioned another thing to him——

"The two of us..." It was rare for Akutagawa to speak his own words, "both Zaixia and Yin grew up in boarding houses with relatives."

Just a short sentence contains a mind-exploding amount of information. Atsushi Nakajima had just picked up a cherry tomato, and before putting it in his mouth, he subconsciously turned to look at him.

"What?" He asked with puzzled but beautiful eyes.

"Both of our parents died in an accident when I was eight years old," continued Ryunosuke Akutagawa, "and no one would inherit our custody, so the court decided that blood relatives would take turns taking care of us. After that He and Xinnuan have experienced a lot, some people are sincere to us, and some people are behind the idea of ​​their parents' inheritance, the two children who have no support, at that time, all they could do was keep silent."

When Atsushi Nakajima really understood the meaning behind these words, he couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. He didn't know what to say, but the complex and sour emotions kept rising and falling. This familiar but subtle scene made him feel at a loss for a while. At a loss, he just bit his lip and stared blankly at Akutagawa.

"I have been working hard all the time just to have more choices, whether it is for myself or for silver. I have never had any regrets for the choices I have made, and I will not do so in the future. This shakes—no one can change my belief."

When Akutagawa said these words, his expression was calm. The harm and pain caused to him by his past life were all overwhelmed by his firmness. The man who grew up from a rough and difficult life now makes any obstacles in front of him become insignificant. Overshadowed.

I admire him very much, Dun thought for a moment, he is worthy of my admiration.

He didn't know what kind of emotion was in his eyes, but when his eyes fell on Ryunosuke Akutagawa, the latter forgot what he was going to say for a moment.

He has always known that Nakajima Atsushi's eyes are more beautiful than ordinary people, and many people have praised the transparent and clear color; but since the first meeting, Akutagawa Ryunosuke has never seen anything different in these eyes. Soft and peaceful under cover, he didn't know that when Atsushi Nakajima watched him with all his attention, it would make his heart beat faster——

If someone can identify what the emotion is at the moment when the greenness flashes across the heart, it is undoubtedly the heartbeat.

It was neither early nor late, and the place was a quaint restaurant with British alto ditties. The person he wanted to say something to was sitting beside him, with sincere and gentle eyes.

He has nothing left to reconfirm.

Akutagawa Ryunosuke lowered his eyes.

When he was about to speak again, Atsushi Nakajima stopped him in advance.Dun gestured around: "I always feel that this is not a suitable place to talk. If you don't mind, I also have a place I want to go. Do you want to come with me?"

Akutagawa Ryunosuke stared at his face for two seconds, then chuckled lightly: "They said 'come together', but in the end I still need to drive. You are very good at talking."

Atsushi Nakajima also laughed when he heard this: "But you will go, won't you?"

They walked out of the revolving door of the restaurant and drove to their destination in Atsushi Nakajima.The time occupied by the sunset gradually passed, the night became darker, and a round of bright moon hung farther above, the moon shadow was reflected on the sparkling water surface of the Tsurumi River, and was stirred into finer pieces by the ripples. A misty cloud.

Atsushi Nakajima walked in front of Akutagawa: "I used to like to come here very much. It's very quiet and deserted. When I felt that I couldn't hold on anymore, I stood here many times and wanted to jump off, but in the end I bit Grind your teeth and turn around.”

His back looks like a blur of nothingness, but the conspicuous hair color makes him glow in the moonlight, and the color emitted from his body is hazy.

Ryunosuke Akutagawa walked slowly behind him, moving his lips softly: "There is always something cute in the world."

"That's not like what you would say." Atsushi Nakajima turned slightly, looking at him with surprise.

"It's the motto that Silver signed on the title page of the book when she was in middle school," said Akutagawa, "She said she liked it very much."

"So that's how it is," Atsushi smiled knowingly, "but I also like it very much. Because if you persevere, you will meet people whose lives will become warmer and brighter. Be it Mr. Dazai, Ms. Yosano, and everyone in the office. Well - I'm grateful for all the people who have come in my life since then."

When he uttered these words, the fine evening wind blew past his hair and fingertips, and the chirping of insects hidden in the grass and lawn became clearer. Dun walked a short distance in front, and suddenly felt the footsteps following behind him. The sound seemed to stop.

When I turned around, I saw that there was a distance between Akutagawa and him separated by the moonlight. It was not far enough, but it was enough to make it impossible to feel the warmth and heart of each other.

"What's wrong?" Dun asked in confusion, tilting his head slightly.

Akutagawa Ryunosuke was wearing a pure black suit, which was his usual stern style. At this time, he seemed more like a shadow separated from the night, silent and dense.

"Among these people, what kind of existence am I?"

He stood still and asked.

This question came suddenly, and Atsushi Nakajima was caught off guard: "This..."

He subconsciously took a small step back, and then stopped as if holding back forcefully: "Why do you ask like that?"

Akutagawa Ryunosuke didn't answer, his pure black eyes were as deep as the night, and even resonated with the darkness in people's hearts - when he stared like that, what did he want to see?

"You know what I'm asking," Akutagawa said. "You knew it from the beginning. You can back off, or even turn around and move on, forgetting my question, and it doesn't matter."

"—But Tsurumi River is only so long, and when you get to the end, you will eventually have to give an answer."

It cannot be avoided forever.Atsushi Nakajima understands this very well. He seems to have had a premonition a long time ago. After a person has gone through a long and lonely journey, sooner or later, someone who does not know where he is will quietly and in an unexpected way. Infected into his life, making him nowhere to hide in the lonely world, like the rising and setting of the sun, the rising and falling of the tide, more similar to some natural law, which cannot be escaped.

He also asked himself whether he was ready all the time, but the answer was always no.

People who experience loneliness for a long time and get used to it will take the approval of others as nourishment, firmly root in the vast crowd, always greet people with a smile, and all negative emotions will be firmly suppressed in their hearts, so that they will be deceived. After others, I can even hypnotize myself: I am fine, I can live like this.

But the shell has been uncovered, and the softest belly of the hedgehog can be seen.

So there was a strange hope in his heart that was different from the past, maybe it was time to change; but no matter what, he couldn't take that step, there were too many interference factors, he didn't know what to do was right, what to do to be able Keeping the balance intact—he didn't know all of that.

The only thing that is clear is that the person who will come is Ryunosuke Akutagawa.

Atsushi Nakajima never feels that he understands each other. Even though he knows the food Akutagawa Ryunosuke likes, the animals he hates, his work habits, and the operation of his mind, he still dare not say that he understands him. Who would like this kind of relationship with the ex-girlfriend to confirm what is right?

He was afraid of the love and care that he could not give, and also afraid of Akutagawa Ryunosuke who was disappointed because he felt his inaction.

It is very simple to radiate kindness to others, or simply put yourself in a network of interpersonal relationships, and do the ordinary things that every ordinary person should do-love is a completely different thing.

How can I distribute the love that is exhausting just to give to myself?

But Akutagawa was right, the Tsurumi River was only so long, Nakajima Atsushi couldn't hide after all.

"...this matter," he said hoarsely after a long silence, "maybe I have considered it."

"I feel very confused, and I can't express my feelings. If what you mean is what I think, then I will subconsciously think: What do you mean by what you said to me during the meal? If you really have a little bit of love for me Unusual feelings, so is it out of novelty or empathy due to similar experiences? You are a bit complicated for me, Akutagawa."

"Equations have corresponding solutions, and riddles have prepared answers, but you and I can't really understand them. —— After all, I can't even figure out my own thoughts, and I want to speculate on others. Kind of stupid."

Atsushi Nakajima sighed helplessly.

"But if it's you, I'm very happy."

Akutagawa Ryunosuke listened to his chaotic analysis of his heart, and did not waver. When the other party hung his soft neck in a little confusion, he spoke.

"If your confusion was only your own, I would say no more; but since you have confused you by mentioning me--then I will tell you that whatever I convey may be misinterpreted by you , the final answer remains the same.”

Atsushi Nakajima looked at him.

"To put it more clearly," Akutagawa continued, "it's about freshness and empathy. Don't just guess what I don't mean at all."

After hearing this sentence, Atsushi Nakajima kept looking at him with forbearing eyes, but after a while he couldn't help laughing out loud.

He took a few steps forward, and gently wrapped his arms around Akutagawa's back.

What was reflected in his eyes was the crescent moon exuding a faint light blue light, and the overflowing colors filled his eye sockets, making his tone of voice erratic for a while when he spoke: "You are obviously better at talking than I am. Reason is telling me I should do this, but emotion is still telling me not to—"

"But you came here," Akutagawa Ryunosuke rubbed the top of his hair a little, and it felt unexpectedly soft, "Is it driven by emotion in the end?"

"Not yet," Atsushi Nakajima moved his head away from his shoulders, and looked seriously into Akutagawa's eyes, "Emotionally, I think I should say 'I like you too' and kiss you, but for me now It's too hard to say..."

As he said that, he let go of his hands, put his hands behind his back in some relief, and pursed his lips into a smile.

"I think I'll have to think about it."

Akutagawa Ryunosuke snorted.

"At least you are honest enough now. Then you can think about it until the day you can become more honest—"

Akutagawa Ryunosuke took Atsushi Nakajima back to the downstairs of the bachelor apartment where he lives now, and rolled down the window after the other party got off the car to stop him.

"What else?"

"What do you think should be done?"

"..."

Dun stood a few steps away and thought about it, but in the end he didn't go forward, but waved his hand on the spot: "Good night."

——That’s all.Akutagawa Ryunosuke didn't respond, he straightened his leaned body back on the seat, started the car slowly and left.

After all, Atsushi Nakajima still has plenty of time to think about it.

The time seems to be too much, even Atsushi Nakajima thinks so. He put on his indoor shoes at the entrance, fumbled to turn on the light, and was suddenly attracted by the notification that suddenly appeared on the phone screen.

"The blog IchiyoHiguchi you follow has been updated."

He paused, and suddenly had a premonition and eagerly unlocked the lock screen—as expected, there was a new update on Higuchi Ichiyo's INS.

In the early morning, the wings of the plane shone with a dew-like reflective ray, and several flights were parked neatly on the huge airport, and the perspective of Ichiyo Higuchi’s photo was clearly at the boarding gate.

The caption under the photo is only a simple line: I want to see you now.

At that moment, he suddenly lost the courage to turn on the light. The huge panic swept him like a solitary boat to the center of the vortex. In the summer night, Ling Dun suddenly felt a little cold.

——But he didn't seem to have more time to think about it.

It was a sudden event that he didn't expect.

TBC