Cai Wei

【thirty】

I could feel myself getting weaker day by day. I began to cough up blood, had trouble breathing, felt weak all over, and sometimes even had severe pain from my lungs to my abdomen.Began to lethargy, drowsy and even struggled in light sleep all day.

I know that Lin Ximing has never thought of giving up from the beginning to the end. There are not half a hundred doctors who come and go, and there are dozens of them.The most respected doctor in Kunming City is expected to hear and ask, and there are also Western medicine doctors who have returned from studying in France.

Just with little success.

Even if we can afford expensive western medicine, there is no supply of medicine in the Kunming rear area.I took all the medicines that I could buy, but my old disease broke out, and the new disease persisted, and all kinds of medicines were just barely enough to hold my breath.Sometimes I want to tell Lin Ximing, forget it, I can't force it.But every time I see his eyes, my words are stuck on the tip of my tongue, unable to speak out.

As far as I am concerned, the sunshine in front of the window when I open my eyes every day, the sleeping lover in the twilight of the morning light, the warm and gentle touch and vitality are like some kind of soft tentacles, softly and deeply softening me heart of.

The grass is bearing its seeds, and the wind is shaking its leaves.The one you love whispers to yourself in your sleep, and the one you love smiles silently when you are awake.We are beautiful without talking.

Perhaps the happiest thing in life is this.

I really just want to watch Lin Ximing busy in the small wooden house in such a quiet manner.I want to watch him come out of the firewood room covered in ashes, carrying plain noodles.I want to watch him writing at his desk on the small square table. The clay sculpture kitten I gave him on the table has been wiped down to look like the one I gave him 15 years ago.I want to see him holding me in knitting gloves, his slender eyelashes cast a shadow under his eyes.This kind of fulfillment and beauty is mediocre, but it is so warm that it makes people cry.

How could I be willing to leave him.

But I can't just watch him quietly like this, enjoying the days when it's just the two of us, until my death.

"Pumin's Miscellaneous Collections" has not yet been compiled.

Of the five books we expect, one is finished, two are proofread, and two are yet to be written.

I have to finish my part of the remaining two volumes before I am too weak to hold a pen.

When Lin Ximing and I proposed this idea, he didn't say anything, but just looked at me silently, making my eyes slightly hot, unable to control my guilt and pain, and unable to restrain my desire to cry.

I know he won't stop me, and I know he wants to stop me.

People always have to believe in something. It is a barrier to forge ahead against the wind and frost sword, and it is the pride that is born with wings and does not want to wriggle forward and crawl like an insect.This kind of belief does not need to be fanatical or devout, it is as important as life, but also as light as life.

I was speechless to those eyes, and could only answer with tears, taking his understanding and indulgence as my last capricious capital.

Lin Ximing made me a wooden table that can be used on the bed. I hold the pen with my right hand, but my left hand sometimes hooks the hand of Lin Ximing who is sitting by the bed and accompanying me.When I hold my fingers together, I always feel peaceful, belonging to the general tranquility.

This is a huge project, which consumed almost all of my waking hours. It was not until I often entered a coma with unconsciousness that I was forcibly stopped by Lin Ximing.

During this period, many colleagues, friends, and students from the past and present came to visit, but Lin Ximing declined all of them.

But every afternoon, after get off work and school, you can hear the sound of children reading aloud, and some people are leading the reading.Ximing went to see it, and when he came back, he told me with a smile that it was my students who led the group of children who were always playing in the United Nations University to read the first book we wrote, Miscellaneous Collections of Puming. ".He also said that the little mud monkey specially asked him to bring me a sentence, saying "I wish Professor Chang a speedy recovery".

I smiled and listened to the sound of their reading, the sun without temperature in winter looked so beautiful.

I still read Hobby's last letter.

"...If I sacrificed myself for the country and devoted myself to Chengren, I would have fulfilled my vocation, because I was born in modern China, and we are not allowed to live for a while...I only hope that my sacrifice can protect the reunion of my family more, How many lands can be defended..."

The heart is sour.

When I woke up today, the sun was high and it was already noon.I was unusually sober, and even had the strength to sit up slightly, watching Lin Ximing nervously sorting out my and his books in the room.

This is probably the flashback that has been passed on in the market.

I didn't make a sound for Lin Ximing to hear me wake up, but just looked at his back without blinking.A kind of reluctance so strong that it cannot be described permeated his heart, blurring the picture in front of him.

I returned to the time when Nankai was bombed in a daze, standing blankly among the fleeing crowd, feeling my blood coagulate, and being burned together with the ashes and annihilated books.Sitting in the car to Changsha suddenly, I saw the old mother sadly saying goodbye to the child, and the crying child curled up next to the luggage.

I never seem to forget the people fleeing from the bombs, the mangled corpses.

It also seems that the burned books will never be forgotten.

And Hobby who died for his country.

And the most ashamed Lin Ximing.

I saw that he noticed that I was awake, put down the bibliography he was sorting out, and walked towards me quickly.I can't see his appearance clearly. There are too many memories that have broken free from the shackles of memory and flooded my mind.

I seem to have seen him who accompanied me to read at night when I was studying; he who was sideways with a sad look when he left me to go to France; The one who hugged me tightly when the sound was deafening; the one who lowered his eyes against my palm and begged me to take good care of himself in a low voice; the one who was always by my side and accompanied me;

"Wei... Weihua..."

I felt my hand being held gently, and I heard his voice trembling like a suppressed cry.

I felt the pain in the depths of my body dissipate, my consciousness was blurred, and the shackles that imprisoned my soul became lighter, like stepping on cotton wool, but I didn't fall, but kept away from the ground.

I seemed to hear singing, probably outside the window, the window was opened, and the singing came in.

"The long march of thousands of miles has left the palaces of the Five Dynasties. Stopping temporarily, Hengshan and Xiangshui are parting again."

"Weihua..."

So cold.

"Weihua... just say one more sentence... just, just one more sentence. Just one sentence."

"Juedao is transplanted to Zhenqianzhi, and Li Yuan's blood is sprinkled all over Kyushu. It is blown all over, and the strings are chanted in the mountain city, and the love is full."

"Weihua, don't, don't do this! Today...you haven't spoken to me today, so just say anything...it's fine."

I opened my eyes unconsciously, the colors around me gradually faded, and I heard a familiar voice whispering in my ear.

"Woo... Even, just, just call my name again... that's fine..."

"The shame of a thousand years will eventually be snowed in. Zhongxingye needs outstanding people. It will become three households, and it is hard to break a strong heart."

I leaned helplessly against the people around me, and finally came to my senses.I cocked the corner of my mouth, as if I saw him approaching me tremblingly.

"This... this heart is bright,...cough, what can I say!"

"How difficult it is to worry about the new national movement, and to be patient and hope for the former philosophers."

So tired, so light.

"Weihua!"

"To get rid of the enemies, restore Shenjing, and return Yanjie!"

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The author has something to say:

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⒈ "The grass is bearing its seeds, and the wind is shaking its leaves. It is very beautiful when we stand silently." —— Gu Cheng, "In Front of the Door"

[-]. He Bi's letter is an excerpt from Liu Cuigang's last letter to Xu Xilin.

⒊"The Long March...return Yanjie." ——The school song of Southwest Associated University "Man Jianghong"

⒋ "This heart is bright, so what can I say." - Wang Yangming's last words.