Cai Wei

【fourteen】

After the Japanese bombers returned triumphantly, the people hiding gradually came out from the mountains.When I returned to the previous classroom, I found that it had turned into ruins, and the unburned wooden tables and chairs were still burning, as if hell hadn't left yet.

Lin Ximing went to find a cup to fetch water, and I stood alone beside the ruins.This place in Kunming is backed by a mountain, and the soil is very light. The dust raised by the airflow blown up by the bomb floated in the air for a long time without sinking, and my whole organ was filled with breathing, and my fragile throat was so itchy that it was scratching mad.I covered my mouth and nose, but I still couldn't stop the smell of burning wood. This smell always reminded me of Nankai a year ago, when the books were swallowed by the fire and turned into ashes.

Fortunately, fortunately, I still remembered to bring those books with me before I left.

Surrounded by people coming and going in a hurry, charcoal black and blood red seemed to be splashed on the loess with free ink, and the mournful cries were mixed with the urgent calls for help. I saw half an hour ago they were still holding their chin The student who listened carefully to the class was covered in blood, his left leg was twisted unnaturally, and the sharp fracture of the shin bone pierced the flesh | naked|naked.I remember that he often came to my class to listen to him, his name was Zhang Ling, he liked to play ball, but now his hair was soaked in cold sweat from the pain, and he was lying in the dirty ruins waiting for a temporary woven stretcher to take him to the hospital for treatment.

I almost asked a few words out of breath, and a man who looked like a doctor told me that he was hit in the leg by a falling wall, and it is impossible to give too much treatment due to the current medical conditions in Kunming.

"Then... what will happen to him?"

"This leg..." The doctor looked like he was in his late thirties, and he looked like a student who had just returned from studying abroad. "I'm afraid I won't be able to keep it."

The stretcher made on the spot was hurriedly made. Three or five people carried Zhang Ling, who was almost in a coma, onto the stretcher, and hurried away. I watched them go away. Not long ago, I ran into this young man who was always full of energy. Images of him are in my mind, wearing a sleeveless vest marked Tsinghua 1911, running past me with a basketball, and greeting me with a smile.

I clenched my fist unconsciously, but let it go weakly.

"Weihua", Lin Ximing walked towards me quickly with a glass of water, "moisten your throat."

I sucked my saliva in my mouth and saw He Bi wandering slowly like a ghost not far away, "So I can't escape anywhere", he approached Lin Ximing and said when he saw Lin Ximing and me.

"Yes." Lin Ximing took the cup of water from me and sighed, "Weihua, I put your books in the school building for you."

"Okay", I answered Lin Ximing's words, "We are Chinese first, then students, professors, doctors, farmers..." I lowered my eyes and looked at the dirty dark red blood on the ground, "Flee , can never escape.”

"Can't you escape?" He Bi murmured, as if thinking about something.

I actually noticed that he sealed himself off. When his body came to Kunming, his soul was bound by him in that dark basement. It was like me in Changsha, lost in this chaotic era of war, just paralyzed. In the midst of the full coursework, being in the busyness, I got numb enrichment, but lost my own reality.

"Why did you think of coming to Kunming after you escaped?" I asked.

"I don't know," He Bi slightly shook his head, "I don't know where to go, I just heard that Tsinghua alumni have all come south to Kunming, so I came here."

Lin Ximing went to a student on the side of the road to borrow a mask, handed it to me, and I took it and put it on.

The three of us stood in the middle of the noisy ruins, and there was even the reflection of a burning fire that would not be extinguished in our eyes.

"Do you hate the Japanese?"

"Hate!" He gritted his teeth without hesitation.

"But I don't think you hate." My voice was very cold, revealing an emotion of not wanting to believe what he said.

He Bi was stunned for a moment, looking a little angry, but because I was a professor, he didn't want to be rude to me, "You...how can you say that!"

Lin Ximing glanced at me, I gave a look to indicate that I was fine, he nodded and turned to help transfer other wounded.

"Have you ever done anything?" I looked into his eyes, they were a pair of black eyes without much energy, like a pool of stagnant water, with a faint smell of corruption, "You didn't do anything, you were just running away, to a Where you think it's safe."

I pointed to the people who were cleaning up the mess in the collapsed building, most of them were students in Tsinghua clothes, "You are different from them, you have no hope. Do you still remember your article that made my eyes shine?"

"Where... which one?"

"In the May [-]th Mingzhi article, you said at the end of the article, 'The day of the philosopher is far away, and the punishment is in the past'. You borrowed Wen Tianxiang's "Song of Righteous Qi" as the conclusion, and the aftertaste is long. But what about you now? You can effectively imitate Qin Zhang Liangzhu , Han Su Wu Festival, General Yan, and Ji Shi's courage in the blood?"

I looked directly at him and asked seriously, "You are so depressed, how can I believe that you hate the Japanese?"

"I...I also want to avenge Xiaoxiao." He looked up at the sky, where there were still traces of bombers.

I sighed, this kind of thing about the spiritual pillar is really something that people have to think for themselves, but I can't help but watch the student I am optimistic about day by day, as if his spinal cord has been pulled out, and he has nothing to do. The spine that is unwilling to yield has lost the strength of inner support.

He needs hope, even if this hope, as Nietzsche said, is the root of all evils and brings endless pain to people.

But the pain is often real. If a person is no longer in pain and becomes numb, it is no different from death.

"We are often lost in the fantasies of fresh clothes and angry horses, but suffer from the reality of being stretched. Sometimes the difference between thinking and doing is just a little hope. Do you want to avenge Xiaoxiao?"

"hope."

"Do you wish to return to Peiping?"

"hope."

"Then try to do it." I evoked a smile, "The teacher doesn't want to see you living in chaos like a walking dead, you are still young."

I saw him take a deep breath, clenched and loosened his right fist, loosened and clenched, closed his eyes and said, "I will think about it carefully", he opened his eyes, and bowed slightly to me, "Thank you sir, Mr. is bothered."

"I just don't want to see you stumbling on like this hopelessly."

Hobby walked a little staggeringly, like a person in the dark fumbling for a light, or a lost ship fighting against the ocean current.I turned around to look for Lin Ximing, but saw an old man with a haggard face walking towards me.I know this is the administrator of our books and materials, a rare old man with few words and a stingy face, because his surname is Chen, most of us respectfully call him Old Chen.

Mr. Chen held a dilapidated notebook and saw the ruins of the classroom in front of me. He was stunned for a moment, the wrinkles between his brows deepened, he shook his head slightly, and wrote down a few notes in the notebook.

I was a little surprised that Mr. Chen, who manages the library, should not be recording classrooms that need to be rebuilt or repaired. This work is often done by the students.

"Old Chen, cough...you are?"

Old Chen's muddy pupils were clouded, "Professor Chang, we lost another dozen textbooks!"

"What? How?!" I looked at him in shock.

"Behind this classroom," Mr. Chen pointed to the blackened corner of the ruins, "There are some rare books of Professor Fu Sinian Fu that were just brought in from Chongqing, and they turned into ashes again after this blast." .”

I... I don't know at all... Then there are still books that I haven't taken away.

Chen Lao seems to have finally found someone to talk to, even the wrinkles on his face that rarely smiles in the vicissitudes of life are trembling.

"Nankai's library was completely destroyed by the bombing of Japanese planes. The books in Peking University's library were almost lost due to time constraints. President Mei originally contacted Gu Yuxiu to transport the books in the library to Chongqing. I brought a very small part, most of which were still in Chongqing. But I never expected that at the end of June... Around 6 or 26, President Mei received an urgent call from Gu Yuzhen. During the bombing a few days ago, the whole house The books... were all burned and reduced to ashes."

I felt cold all over, like that time when I fell into the icy pool, the chill penetrated into the flesh little by little along the exposed skin, making people shiver and want to find a small gap, and shiver in a ball.

"Tsinghua University, Peking University, and Nankai University have almost all the books collected by the three schools for decades..."

Old Chen's low and hoarse voice trembled and disappeared into the air of Kunming. The corners of the eyes of the rare old man with little expression and emotion were moist, and a drop of muddy tears that could not be blinked back was held in the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, refusing to fall.

"Now the United States is using the 13 volumes that Professor Fu Sinian managed to evacuate to Chongqing in the early stage. Most of them are Chinese and foreign rare books. This can be regarded as the last batch of books." What is recorded on the board, "Now more than ten books have been burned... Wherever you go, you can't escape this bomb|bomb."

If... if I knew it was there, wouldn't it... wouldn't burn it.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Lin Ximing walking towards me, I almost stumbled to find him, I grabbed his wrist, tightened and loosened.He was startled by me, but he held me back without hesitation.

"Weihua? It's okay, it's okay." He hugged me in a panic, but because in front of people, he just hugged me lightly and then let go. He didn't know why I was like this all of a sudden, so he comforted me at a loss. .

I just feel very sad, the lingering coldness twisted in my veins and engraved on my bones slowly flows into some kind of fuel, maybe firewood, maybe coal, maybe oil, maybe saltpeter, It's gun|powder, it's a flammable and explosive emotion, and this fuel finally ushered in that fatal spark.

I saw Lin Ximing hastily reached out to wipe away the moisture from the corner of my eyes.

I cried silently, without even realizing it, but my heart seemed to be burning.

The author has something to say:

This chapter is really uncomfortable to write QAQ