Wacky Wednesday

···Amon···

I thought that the one teaching geology was the computer that seemed to come out of "Resident Evil", but it took me a long time to find out that it was a short woman, almost completely blocked by the podium.For the first 10 minutes, she babbles in a lifeless voice over a once-in-a-millennium textbook on structural geography.The students are like reporters at a press conference, all writing hard and holding a mini recorder.I was curious: why would anyone want to listen to this class a second time?

I tried to imagine Jack sitting in the classroom listening to this woman: he was fidgeting, he was out of his mind, he was looking out the window, he wanted to be a good student, he wanted to listen and take notes, but he was in pain the whole time .

Jack liked the excitement, the climactic experience, making things happen and seeing what effect he could have on the atmosphere around him, on people's emotions and behavior.Until he was frightened by his own power, until he retreated with the hope that he hadn't done too much damage, that he hadn't hurt anyone else.

I may never be able to talk to him about it, but these moments of him are one of the few moments I love most about him: when I watch him accept the consequences of his mischief and his bravado is replaced by blankness. A moment when I watched him desperately need someone to tell him "enough is enough".Like he threw that alarm clock at me last night.It was because his impulse defeated his reason. He was not naturally fierce and violent, but he was childish.He threw the alarm clock on the front foot, but regretted it on the back foot.He's had enough of being alone against me, and he's ready to deal with the consequences with me.

I imagined him immersed in fantasy, and imagined him fishing in his notes.I imagined that he froze during the exam, watching the words run wildly on the paper, and the ticking of the wall clock on the door suddenly became clear in his ears.

I forced him to go back to school to study.I didn't think about what I was doing, or how he felt about it.I just took every opportunity I could to advocate for his higher education.For his job prospects, for his future, to be worthy of his bright and active mind.

I used to really believe that it was for Jack's best interest to get a degree.But I also realize now that the way I convinced him—well, pushed him—to go to college wasn't particularly gentle.

Jack told me before that he wanted to tattoo people.Hold back and tell him that I think he is too talented to do this, and it is too difficult for me.At one point, I pointed out that he even had a tattoo. "Where did your interest in tattoos come from?" I asked.

He stopped talking.

The more I thought about it in hindsight, the more I recalled how he used to talk to me about other people's tattoos, piercings, and various body decorations.He loves the way other people dress their bodies.He has been adorning his body in a non-permanent way—the eyebrow ring is removable, the nail polish is removable, and the hair is kept at a length that can be permed from time to time.

When I thought about how overwhelmed I was at his age, I wondered why I felt entitled to push him to make decisions.It's really evil, I was always confused until I was 30 years old.I was working as an administrative assistant at a medical school at the time.I would never have done anything to cling to a boyfriend at the time—my penchant for family discipline often led to breakups.At that time, I just couldn't understand why a person like me who was so determined and prepared for a rainy day would still be so dazed and sad.

I can't say how happy I am when I'm over forty, but it feels much better than the feeling of being "30 years old" with a butcher's knife on my neck.

I don't even know why.My 20s were pretty uneventful.I did a BA, an MBA, went to a few clubs — after years of dreaming about the BDSM scene and trying to figure out what other people do, I finally got to experience it for myself.I have traveled to some places.I drink too much coffee.I made a few friends, but none for long.I signed up for a film-making training class, and then found that I was more suitable for watching than filming.

Unlike Jack, I can't dance or flirt.I can talk to people, I'm good at it.But I am not as fraternal as he is.I can only love a few people, and neither of my parents is necessarily included.I haven't lived at home since I was 14.My parents and I talk to each other about once a month, and send me polite cards on my birthday and various holidays.And Jack's love seems to be enough to distribute to everyone who is willing to accept it.

There is a saying that the longer a person lives, the more he understands.In a way, I reckon this is true.But the more people live clearly, the more they feel ignorant.

If I don't feel that I can understand Jack's needs most of the time and know how to meet his needs, otherwise I really don't know how I can give Jack an attack.

I love him,

Loved so much that I freaked myself out the first few seconds I thought about it.Like the first time we kissed, the energy in him frightened me for a moment.

The professor is talking about infinitesimal strain, and there is a picture of a rock laughing at the bottom of her PPT.

So what am I going to do with this love?

What am I going to do with this fear?

In the middle of class, I got a text message.I was so bored, so I clicked on it.It was sent by Connor.

Beth neuropathy.Unbearable.Let's chat.

I held back my sigh.I really, really don't want to get involved in this.But I already let him dove once today.And when class was over, Jack had a conference call with Wittmeyer, so I was able to kill time.

03:30 Talk over coffee?

He replied: OK.This thing is so awesome.

I didn't know either of Beth and Connor, except that they were roommates, and that Beth beat Connor and Jack in table hockey every day.I have no interest in meeting them.When Jack talks to me about them, it always sounds like they're a little... Let's put it this way: superficial, petty.Well, I might be a little jealous of them hanging out with Jack all day.They were younger and funnier than me, and Jack could talk to them about a lot of stuff I didn't understand.

But jealousy is an emotion that Gong and a HR director shouldn't have.

I'm trying to remember what Jack's small talk was about.Beth recently dated someone, and Connor hates her new girlfriend.

What better way to spend an afternoon than to take a time machine back to middle school?

Connor and I agreed to meet at a coffee shop.I continued to struggle to concentrate and listen to the teacher talk about orthographic projection.

Ten minutes later, Beth sent a text.

What did Connor tell you?You can't believe a word he says, and it's not like you don't know it.Can we meet?

oh my god.

Let's meet together, I suggested.

no!He is here, and I can't talk anymore today.

A&L has a four-step mediation process, and whenever two or more employees have conflicts, I have to follow this process.This process is called "deep comment for reference method" - the name is quite unreliable - and it is a bit too old-fashioned and condescending for me.But it works surprisingly well.I even try it now and then when Jack throws a tantrum.

Step [-]: Take a deep breath.It's up to me to urge participants to "inhale slowly and the diaphragm expands. Exhale slowly and feel the tension flow through the fingers."

Step Two: Assess the current situation.I lead participants to state the problem at hand in their own words.

Step [-]: Exchange positions.Everyone hates it in theory, but they actually enjoy doing it.I instruct the participants to pretend to be body swapping themselves.I gave them scripts and let them play each other, and I didn't allow them to do any malicious imitation.Participants need to integrate into roles and express different personal perspectives, so that conflict resolution can be more smoothly resolved.

Step Four: Come up with a solution.The best of both worlds.I would assess the situation, see how the participants felt about each other, encourage them to think positively, and ask them to shake hands.Participants return to the workplace with great relationships.

I don't know if the "deep comment method" will work for two anti-social college students, but I do understand interpersonal conflict, especially the flammable and explosive twenty-something stunned.

I sent Beth a text, suggesting that she and I meet at the coffee shop I had an appointment with Connor at 45:[-], and saving myself the trouble of not mentioning that Connor would be there.In mediation, deceit is sometimes necessary.I once used food to lure two employees who had a mortal enemy into the employee lounge, and gave them a set of "deep comments for references" on the spot.

There is also a song from "Moses Junkie" called "We Will Be Friends When We Die".Jack has let it go a few times.

dead to be friends;

I will never be separated from you.

You are the lid of my takeaway cup,

It's the snow I've soaked in urine.

I have friends at A&L.I have like-minded friends, but I don't have close friends.I gave up a lot for my career.

The professor has already talked about limited strain.

I couldn't sit still, I couldn't calm down at all.

I decided to check my e-mail on Jack's phone.Usually I don't advocate doing this kind of thing in class, but this time is an exception.I tried to access my work email, but the phone was already logged into Jack's account.I was about to log out of this account, but John Grogan from the Rosa Holcomb Library sent Jack an email at 11:18 today.

I click on it.

Dear Mr Parker:

The Rosa Holcomb Library regrets to inform you that you have been terminated due to violations of our time and attendance policies.Please refer to the labor contract for details.

sincerely,

George Grogan,

Wellston Community College

Rosa Holcomb Library's

librarian

Numbness hits my entire body, from my abdomen to my chest, limbs, and throat.I sat and listened to the professor's voice, but couldn't catch a word.The numbness turned to heat, which intensified until I was sweating profusely.

I was fired.

I was fired in Jack's body, that's right.And the reason for being fired was also foreshadowed by Jack first.But I got him fired for the real thing.

It's me, Amon.I use my mind that belongs to Amon to make a choice that belongs to Amon.

I did something wrong.

I shouldn't have pissed Grogan that way.I should have stayed in the library and finished Jack's work.

How am I going to tell Jack about this?

Class is over.The lecturer turned on the light.I put away the textbooks.Time to settle Beth and Connor.

Step [-]: Take a deep breath.