lost snail

I am 26 years old, why am I still lonely on my birthday this year.

—— Chi Ning's diary

I just lost the right to be in charge of a very warm and promising project that I have been working hard for. To be honest, I was quite surprised. After thinking about it, this kind of intrigue should be common in such a company and cannot be more common. After all, there is nothing like it. Only your name is written on the credit and no one else will come to snatch it, so I am relieved.

Today is my 26th birthday. My fiancée went to France to see my uncle and aunt and couldn’t come back in time. Instead, I sent a big gift to express my apology.I don't think it matters, but I don't want to spend this day with those so-called friends and colleagues with hypocritical faces.

I don't think I'm familiar with them. Outside of busy working hours, we spend most of our time in bus, subway, and private cars, and then spend time with our wives and children. If we don't have time to get together and have fun, then Where did the buddy friendship come from?

The weather was a bit cold, I drank up the expensive foreign wine, nestled on the sofa at home without turning on the TV or mobile phone, and fell into a deep sleep before I knew it.

I feel light as a soul, of course, please don't question how I feel.With my ingenuity, of course I immediately realized that I was dreaming.

I took a closer look at the surrounding area. The street scene in the neighborhood looks familiar to me, but I can’t tell where it is in Beijing, but there is a voice guiding me in the dark. I step on the ground like in real life. Walk forward step by step to two crossroads.I was a little impatient, and my intuition told me that something must happen ahead.

Well, sure enough, I came to a familiar street, it was very close to my school, the restaurant on the corner of the street, if nothing else happened, it should be Shen Feng who came to Beijing to look for me, that's where I proposed to break up.Is this dream to restore the scene when we broke up?I became interested.

I originally planned to go into the restaurant to find Shen Feng to break up, but when I walked to the floor-to-ceiling windows of the restaurant, I saw a table for two by the window. There were two people sitting opposite each other. One was the handsomely dressed Shen Feng, and the other was Wearing glasses and wearing short hair is very sunny and handsome, Chi Ning, that is, me.

Eh?Thought I was the main character in this drama?It seems that I was just a theatergoer in the dream... What a pity, I wanted to try other reasons for breaking up.

Although more than two years have made the memory of the breakup blurred, but I stood outside the window and looked at the two people in the window, and I can roughly guess their conversation.

Shen Feng grabbed the teacup with one hand, took a sip, and his eyes flickered.His eyes are not near-sighted, and he still has good-looking double eyelids. The corners of the eye sockets are sharp, and when they reach the narrow and long eye tails, they are slightly gentle and then join together naturally.The eyelashes are long and curved, looking like a domestic dog, and the eye color is a kind of brown common to oriental people, just like the color of the early spring sun shining on the bare tree trunk.Just looking at those eyes, it seems that he can feel his emotions, he is very happy, the lover reunited after a long absence, he should be telling all the things that happened during the parting.

I carefully recalled what he said at the time, but I didn't remember it. It seems that I chose to ignore these irrelevant issues.

Ten minutes later, Shen Feng had almost finished speaking, and seemed to have reached a crucial point, looking at Chi Ning with anticipation in his eyes, like a little boy looking at a toy in a window.

I think he should have mentioned that he is coming to Beijing to study as a graduate student.

Chi Ning's face remained unchanged, as if he hadn't heard anything important from him.Seeing this, I am neither boastful nor narcissistic. My self-control ability, my scheming, and my careful consideration are indeed very powerful.

When I was in college, I guessed that he would not stay in Shanghai honestly, because I knew very well how much he loved me.But his performance is still good, at least the four years of university are stable and did not cause me any trouble, otherwise I would not sit still and wait until graduation before breaking up.

Whether he came to Beijing for graduate study or work, I expected it, but it had no effect on the result. Even if he didn't come to Beijing, I would no longer need his financial support after graduation, so this abnormal relationship, no matter what end at this time period.

I stood outside the window, looked at Chi Ning inside, adjusted my glasses a little, then opened and closed my lips as if to say something.Coincidentally, I don't remember what Shen Feng said back then, but I remember clearly what I said.

"Shen Feng, I want to break up with you. For the past seven years, I have been using you. Now that I am going to work, I no longer need you and your money, so let's break up. I'm sorry, and I wish you success in your studies. "

I?terribly sorry?For some reason, I couldn't help laughing when I saw the person in the window saying the words of apology. I was so happy when I said those words, and I finally got rid of my unbearable past. Who can understand that I have How happy!

However, Chi Ning in the window is still very professional as an actor. He maintained a feigned sad expression on his face, and was afraid that his performance would be too stiff, so he got up and left the restaurant without looking back.

At this time, I was free to watch Shen Feng's expression.Come on, cry, I haven't seen you cry yet!

But Shen Feng in the window seemed to be standing still, he didn't get up to chase Chi Ning or yell loudly, in fact, his lack of reaction at the beginning was beyond my expectation.

Through the glass, I watched his slender fingers tightly grasp the fabric of the jeans, making the line of the trousers twist and bulge like the tendons on the back of his hand.His lips were pursed tightly, probably clenching his teeth. After a few seconds, he loosened his trousers with one hand, picked up the teacup in front of him, and lowered his head to drink, but his hands were shaking so badly. The teacup was about to be released from his hand, so he raised his head, as if a suffocated person opened his mouth to swallow a mouthful of scorching air, and his clear Adam's apple visibly moved.Then he brought the other hand to the table and changed it to holding the teacup with both hands, which was indeed much more stable now.However, I couldn't help but want to look into his eyes.

I thought that I could see his heart by looking into his eyes, but I didn't expect the fact to be unsatisfactory.It may be that the watery light on the side of the eyes blocked the color of the eyes. I saw that the watery light gathered little by little with the gravity of the earth, and finally slipped from the slightly opened eyes with the angle of the lower eyelashes.

Snapped!

The first marching army of tears landed in the light green liquid in the teacup first, a crisp sound seemed to startle Shen Feng, he turned his head slightly, and looked out the window in the direction where I was standing.

No... no way?He shouldn't be able to see me.

Shen Feng's bright red lips opened and closed, whispering.

I shouldn't be able to hear it, even if I wasn't outside the window, sitting where Chi Ning was sitting just now, I couldn't hear it clearly.However, at that moment, I just heard his voice.

"Why...can't you lie to me for a while longer?"

My heart skipped a beat, like a twitch, I knew it was a dream, I knew he couldn't see me, but, but... His words were speaking to me, I knew it, I could feel it.

At that moment, I suddenly felt so humble, even despicable.I took advantage of a boy's feelings, what did I do to him!

I couldn't control my feet, and moved two steps forward, and then I knew that the window couldn't stop me, who was like a soul.I want...I want...I want to wipe his tears away!

But for a moment, he seemed to be absent-minded or insane, he wiped his face indiscriminately, and then walked out of the restaurant straight away.The waiter at the door hurriedly stopped him, he staggered without thinking, he took out his wallet and stuffed it to the waiter, without asking for money or change, he shook off the waiter's pull , went straight to the middle of the road and staggered away.

Then, a white Chevrolet drove up just in front, and it was too late to brake. After a loud brake sound, Shen Feng fell down in the middle of the road with his face covered in blood.

I was so frightened by the sudden accident that I was at a loss, but I just seemed to be absent-minded, and while yelling for Shen Feng, Chen Feng, I threw myself on the body in the middle of the road that I didn't know whether it was dead or alive.

It may be that I struggled too much, or that I was too frightened, but I finally woke up from the nightmare.

The first thing I did when I woke up was to put my right hand on my chest.The frequency of the heartbeat you feel cannot deceive others, nor can you deceive yourself.

It was seven years, and that was a man who only had eyes for me. How could I watch him die peacefully?

My heart hurts at the thought of his death.I cannot afford this crime.

When my senses returned, I told myself repeatedly that it was just a dream.The plot that happened was nothing more than a car accident that often appears in Korean dramas. Shen Feng is still alive and well. I have seen him several times after the breakup. His emotions have recovered well, and there are no scars on his face, nor on his head... …

No, after he broke up, he seemed to have given up his neat cropped hair and kept slightly curly hair reaching his forehead.

I have to meet him.