This benefactor is not too cold

Xie Chang'an followed Zhuang Ruoruo's instructions, helped Wang Bingchuan clean up, went out to buy medicine, and gave him water by breaking his chin. His movements looked rough but his expression was cautious.

Hearing the original heavy breathing calmed down, the anxiety entrenched in his heart subsided. Xie Changan's eyes fell on Wang Bingchuan's frowning eyebrows in his dream, and he tried to help him unfold, almost stubbornly , but in the end, he just rubbed repeatedly at the end of Wang Bingchuan's eyebrows. The touch felt by his fingertips was no stranger to him, and he realized that his actions had a hint of love and affection, so Wang Bingchuan's expression was secretive.

In fact, at the very beginning, at the beginning of their acquaintance, before Wang Bingchuan revealed his sexual orientation, the relationship between the two of them still hadn't reached such a tense level, and it could even be said that they were a little closer than others.

As soon as Xie Changan entered the brokerage company, Wang Bingchuan asked him to come and take him with him, and he really treated Xie Changan sincerely, fought for resources for him, took him to the notice, and taught him the necessary skills in this circle. It's time to turn a blind eye.

At that time, Xie Changan was grateful to Wang Bingchuan from the bottom of his heart, and followed him with "Brother Chuan." He trusted him, relied on him, and thought he could take care of him.

The two ate and lived together, and Xie Chang'an would occasionally see Wang Bingchuan coming out of the bathroom naked without bringing a change of clothes, and a restless assumption would often arise in his heart, making him feel ashamed of Wang Bingchuan.

The following is a typical "I treat you as a brother, but you want to sleep with me" drama. One day, Xie Changan was drunk too much, and he was drunk. On Wang Bingchuan's smooth skin, there are traces of sex after sex, which are shocking all over his body.

Xie Changan trembled unconsciously, it was hard to believe that he had done such a thing, and with his movements, the unsatisfactory thing slipped out of Wang Bingchuan's body, and he got the stolen goods.

Xie Changan looked at Wang Bingchuan with guilt.

Wang Bingchuan comforted him with a hoarse voice: "It's okay."

He stretched out his hand and wrapped it around his neck again, leaning over to kiss him, unexpectedly this action set off alarm bells in Xie Changan's heart, and he pushed Wang Bingchuan down on the bed without any pity: "Did you do it on purpose? "

Wang Bingchuan did not respond, neither acknowledging nor denying it.

Xie Changan asked again: "Do you like men?"

Wang Bingchuan nodded.

In an instant, the original respect and guilt towards Wang Bingchuan disappeared, and Xie Changan felt betrayed and deceived by those close to him. He thought of his mother who had shed tears all day and finally died, and felt boundless anger.

Turning over and pressing on Wang Bingchuan, he ran amok with instinct: "You like to seduce men so much, and you like to be fucked by men so much? Are you so despicable?"

Wang Bingchuan didn't defend himself, he bowed his body to bear Xie Changan's anger cooperatively.

After this incident, the two still lived together, but Xie Changan's attitude towards Wang Bingchuan had obviously changed.

It doesn't matter if you have done one game. The second time, the third time, the two often do it. From Xie Changan's point of view, it seems that he is just using him as a free tool to vent his desire. Bending it into various shapes, seeing him begging for mercy and seeing the scarlet corners of his eyes, as if this can get rid of the haze in his heart.

Xie Changan's mother was a "same wife" and only learned the truth after she became pregnant.

Giving birth to Xie Changan meant that the last value of inheriting the family had been exhausted, and the male mistress began to enter the house, appearing grandly in front of Xie Changan's mother and him, either demonstrating to show off, or ridiculing.

Living under the oppression of domestic violence, beatings and kicks, and not being able to tell others for a long time, Xie Changan's mother finally hanged herself in front of his room door. The moment he opened his eyes, he saw a haggard woman There is no more life.

Xie Chang'an was filled with grief and fear, and rolled down from the bed. He was only 14 years old at that time. This scene has since become his heart disease, and it has also laid a hidden danger for future depression.He knew that his mother hated him too, if it wasn't for him to endure the humiliation, if it wasn't for wanting to bring him up, she wouldn't have to bear those.The woman who had been weak and compromised all her life, at the end of her life, used the most violent behavior to force him not to follow his father's path in this life.

He has always resisted homosexuality, and at the same time rejected his secret and unknown desire for Wang Bingchuan.

He thought that in this life he would be completely separated from the homosexual he hated the most, and had nothing to do with it, until he met Wang Bingchuan, who had the deadliest attraction to him, who could not be avoided, immune to, and no one else could replace him.

In order to be able to cover up, I deliberately used sarcastic remarks to treat this person many times, tortured him and tortured myself, trying to deceive myself and others, so as to continue to maintain the illusion of indifference. His acting skills are good, so far no one has seen the flaws .

The schedule of "Idol and Acting" conflicted with the costume drama in which he will be a big IP male lead. It is clear at a glance who is more important and who is more important. Originally, he should have rejected the former without hesitation, but he saw the contestants When there was an artist brought by Wang Bingchuan, on the contrary, he rejected the latter almost without thinking.

The reason is only known to him.

Seeing Wang Bingchuan as he wished, it hurts if he doesn't see him, and it hurts when he sees him. The agitation in his body that had been silent for a long time was ignited again, and his rationality tended to be burnt out, but he still shot and hurt him.

For a long time before that, Xie Changan was struggling in the quagmire of reason and emotion, the more he struggled, the deeper he sank, no one knew, no one came, and no one wanted to rescue him from the sea of ​​suffering.

During the depressive period of bipolar disorder, he often wondered why he came to this world, and who is looking forward to his arrival?Just leave like this, will anyone shed tears?Maybe there are, his fans may cry bitterly after hearing the news of his death and burn all his peripheral products, and then find other idols. After a few years, who will remember him ?

Yes, at least his voice and smile are recorded in the plays he performed.Or maybe the film and television works he has starred in will be moved to the classroom of acting students one day in the future and become a model for them to ponder. Perhaps this is the whole meaning of his existence.Then he quietly waited for the emotion called despair day after day, until he was completely pushed into a situation where he could never recover. At that time, looking back on his life, it was probably like this, and only like this.

But now, he has become unwilling, and some are no longer satisfied with this. To be more precise, he is not satisfied with doing nothing and ending his life like this.

Wang Bingchuan woke up faintly, and as soon as he woke up, he met Xie Changan's eyebrows and eyes like Qingqiu mountains and rivers. The flames dancing in the deep eyes made it hard to see clearly.

Wang Bingchuan: "Why are you still here?"

Xie Changan kindly reminded: "This is my home."

Wang Bingchuan struggled to get up, but Xie Changan pressed him on the bed: "You still have the strength to struggle? I'll take you back after dinner."

Xie Chang'an helped Wang Bingchuan up, leaned on the bed, and served the porridge.

Wang Bingchuan has been in the society for many years, and has always been acquainted with current affairs. Except for some paranoid thoughts about Xie Chang'an a few years ago, he has never held anything to heart. Fortunately, now he can no longer hit the south wall. up.

Wang Bingchuan took the porridge and drank it up in twos.

Xie Changan picked him up involuntarily, and seeing Wang Bingchuan's unnatural expression, he sarcastically said, "Is there any part of your body that I haven't seen, or have I never touched?"

Wang Bingchuan was no longer shy, let Xie Changan stuff himself into the car, and gradually became familiar with the scene in front of him.

Until the car stopped in front of his house.

Xie Chang'an still carried him out of the car, but leaned against the door of Wang Bingchuan's house alone, neither coming in nor saying to leave, only making him unable to close the door.

Wang Bingchuan didn't intend to answer, and walked into the room.

Behind Xie Chang'an suddenly said: "Move back to live, how about we start again?" Back to the house where the two used to be together.

The tone is too calm, without any fluctuations, just like the calm water surface, but the turbulence and undercurrents underneath.

Wang Bingchuan paused, without turning his head: "He Baorong told Li Yaohui countless times that it is better for us to do it all over again, but in the end, he just failed again and again, let alone us?"

Xie Changan never spoke again, nor did he leave.

After standing for two hours, he put his mobile phone on the table: "I put your mobile phone card here, I'm leaving."

Wang Bingchuan was fiddling with flowers and plants in the courtyard without stopping. After Xie Changan left, he turned on the phone, dialed back the phone number prompted by the text message, and dealt with the daily affairs of the artists, talking and laughing happily. There was a wind blowing, and it blew his unstable flower pot to the ground, making a shocking sound.