sweet temptation

I lay on the bed, stared at the ceiling above my head, and didn't want to move.

There was no electricity in the room, and a lifetime of candles burned in the room.

The light gray flame flickered, and the only sound in the room was my breathing.

I sat up and counted on my fingers.

one two three four,

five, six, seven, eight,

……

31.

34 days.

Chu Ci has not come for 34 days.

Before leaving that day, he ran his fingers through my hair and said, "Wait for me to come back."

This walk is 34 days.

I don't know when he will come back.

Perhaps, until the end of the next four years,

He will come back.

Or maybe, he will never come again.

But these have nothing to do with me.

I stepped on the ground, it was cool and a little cold.

Thin chains were tied around the ankles, and the bells jingled.

I dragged it to the door and opened the wooden gate.

Creak, creak, the door opened, and the sun poured in.

I squinted my eyes and stretched out my hand to cover my eyes, but I opened my fingers involuntarily to welcome the baptism of the sun.

The warm sun, the sun that makes the whole body warm.

After getting used to the light, I put my hands down and stepped out of the room.

The chain was just long enough for me to walk up to the wooden fence in front.

This is a wooden loft independent in the wilderness, surrounded by endless sea of ​​flowers.

The wind blows, bringing a refreshing floral fragrance.

I sat cross-legged on the ground, looking at the endless garden through the gap between the railings.

But everything here, every grass and tree, every flower and leaf, every dust and sand, is free.

except me.

But I feel at ease.

It seemed like I was the only one left in the world, and no one could bother me.

Including Chuci.

The only regret is that the world in my eyes is black and white.

I long to see color.

Intense and bold colors.

Even if I die the next moment.

I also hope to see strong colors that can burn me.

A horse appeared in sight.

Da Da ran towards the attic on the field.

Immediately sat a man wearing a casual shirt, it was Chu Ci.

He shook his hand and waved to me across the sky.

I lowered my eyes, looked around him, and fixed on the unknown gray-white flower in the distance, guessing the color of its petals.

From the corner of his eye, he saw him lead the horse hitch to the attic.

I could hear the clatter of his leather shoes on the stairs.

I closed my eyes and imagined the dust on the steps flying in the air with his movements.

Footsteps approached, step by step, and stopped behind me.

He sat down, put his hands under my armpits and lifted me into his lap.

"It's cold on the ground, brother."

His straight legs were in the air, his hands were crossed on my lower abdomen, and he kissed the back of my neck affectionately,

"I miss you, brother."

I look down.

That day, the cracking sound of the phalanx of the left middle finger was especially on the side of the ear.

I didn't dare to look back, nestled in his arms, like a quiet doll.

He didn't seem to realize my uneasiness, and unbuttoned my shirt one by one from bottom to top.

His fingertips lingered along my ribs.

The body was suddenly turned over by a burst of force.

At some point, his legs withdrew from the railing, pressing me on the corridor of the attic.

His hands untied my belt, unzipped my trousers, and looked at me with tender eyes.

"There is no one around, brother give it to me."

I closed my eyes and let him do whatever he wanted until night fell.

There was no strength in the whole body.

He picked me up by the waist and stepped into the wooden barrel filled with hot water.

I sat on him, leaning against his arms, with my eyelids drooping.

He chuckled lightly, and said in a doting tone, "Sleep when you're sleepy, brother."

I didn't respond, but fell into darkness as I said.

When he opened his eyes, Chu Ci was still there, sitting on the sofa flipping through the picture album in his hand with great interest.

I was still nestled in his arms, my eyes fixed on the painting following his flipping fingers.

The person in the painting is Chuci.

The person who paints is me.

Seeing me awake, he sighed.

"It's a pity, brother, I couldn't keep that painting, it was swallowed up by the flames."

"But it doesn't matter, I have prepared a canvas and a paintbrush."

"In the days and nights to come, continue to paint for me."

"However, you should be added to the painting."

He pointed to the painting where he stood under the plane tree and looked into the distance.

"Look at him, he's so lonely without his brother."

I guess I should laugh at his ignorance.

Who wants a colorblind person to paint for him.

From the moment I opened my eyes here, I had lost the ability to draw.

No, no.

What I lost was not the ability to draw.

What I lost was the ability to draw Chu Ci.

Because of Chu Ci's words, I started to learn painting.

And the eternal object in my painting is only one Chuci.

I used to deceive myself and others, saying that Chuci belonged to me.

So I can unscrupulously describe all kinds of Chuci.

But now I see clearly.

Chu Ci is not mine.

So I am not qualified to lock him in my painting.

My painting book was born for Chuci.

What's the point of painting if you can't draw him?

His eyes fixed on the album again.

The Song of Chu in the painting is looking towards the west.

That is the direction of my country, and my eyes are full of longing.

I still remember the mood when I drew the pen to describe his eyes.

At that time, I stayed abroad for a long time.

Without exception, all the letters sent to Chuci fell into the sea, and I missed him like crazy.

So I think, Chu Ci should also miss me like I do, thinking that he loves me as much as I love him.

So every Chu Ci's eyes are filled with yearning and admiration.

But even in the world on canvas, I still refuse to paint me next to him.

See, I'm clearly aware of that.

Subconsciously, I know clearly that Chu Ci doesn't love me.

I just refuse to admit the reality, so I have to draw a false picture every day to remind myself

——Chuci and I have never been in the same world.

Chu Ci turned my head and faced him, angry.

"I'm here brother."

"Even if you miss me, you should look at me."

"Even if he is me in my brother's painting, I will be jealous."

He closed the album and solemnly kissed my eyes.

"Look at me alone, brother."

When speaking, Chu Ci's eyes were full of kindness, and there was deep affection in his dark eyes that I couldn't ask for in the past.

I found that I don't understand him more and more.

I didn't understand it before, and I don't understand it even more now.

I used to want to understand, but now it doesn't matter.

I reached out to cover his affectionate eyes.

"What exactly do you want? Chu Ci."

Tell me what you want and I will do whatever it takes to make it for you.

As a condition, please let me go.

Chu Ci took off my hand, suppressed the look in his eyes, and said jokingly: "I only want you, brother."