if i could love you

After filming the whole season of "Passing By", Jiaoer's summer vacation is coming to an end.When I returned to Pingcheng from the hot and rainy border town, the weather in Pingcheng was rainy.Unlike that tropical town where the rain comes so quickly and suddenly, the sky in Pingcheng is always overcast for a long time before the rain is willing to float down.

Jiao Er sat in the car going home, watching the continuous rain falling on the car window, her heart was filled with dampness.

Simon looked at her thin face and said distressedly, "Go home this time and take a good rest! Don't think about anything!"

Only then did Jiaoer close her eyes and nodded silently.

As a manager, Simon naturally felt that it was a good thing for Jiaoer and Li Li to break up; but as Jiaoer's sister, seeing her getting thinner and taciturn, how could he not feel distressed?

"Jiao Er, everything will be fine."

When Jiao Erlin got off the car, Simon hesitated again and again, not knowing how to comfort her so as not to poke her heart, so he only said this at the end.

"Don't worry. I'm fine, but I've been a little too tired recently." Jiaoer's eyes barely had some brilliance, but it was just a forced spirit.

Jiaoer walked to the door of the house, took a deep breath, and adjusted a not too ugly smile before ringing the doorbell.

As soon as Mother Wen opened the door, she couldn't hide her surprise in her eyes.She was still wearing an apron, presumably cooking.

"Simon told me he won't be back until five o'clock in the afternoon! It's only past four o'clock!" Mother Wen squeezed Jiao Er's arm and said distressedly, "How much weight have you lost?!"

"It's raining today, but the road conditions are okay. There's not much traffic jam, and you're not happy because you came back early?" Jiaoer hugged Mother Wen, and her coquettish tone couldn't hide her deep fatigue.

Mother Wen patted Jiao Er's back lightly, and said angrily, "You child! How could I be unhappy?"

The scent from the kitchen wafted out one by one, carrying the warm smell unique to Mama Wen.Jiaoer lay on Mother Wen's shoulder, took a deep breath and asked, "Mom, what are you doing? It smells so good!"

"Chicken soup stewed for you! I called you these few times, and I always felt that you were even more tired from filming before." Mother Wen let go of Jiaoer at this time, looked at her carefully, and then said, "Look at it. I'm haggard! I'm almost skinny. When I come back this time, I'll make up for you and tell mom what you want to eat."

Jiao Er's nose got sore when she heard this, she lowered her head and lay on Mother Wen's shoulder again, called "Mom" softly, and stopped talking, for fear that her voice would betray her emotions.

Sensitive mother Wen still noticed Jiaoer's strange mood, and she couldn't help asking, "What's the matter? Are you unhappy outside?"

Jiao Er lowered her head and secretly wiped away her tears before saying, "No."

"Then why are you crying?" Mother Wen knew that although her daughter was weak, she was always strong and sensible.They rarely told the couple about the grievances they suffered outside.This time, my daughter's eyes were red as soon as she entered the door. How could she not be in a hurry?

Jiaoer choked back her sobs, then smiled again and said, "Mom, why are you so kind to me?"

"Silly boy, you are my daughter!" Mother Wen was speaking, her warm palms stroking Jiao'er's face.

"Mom, I'm just too tired! I'll go to sleep and call me after dinner, okay?" Jiaoer smiled with the corners of her mouth curled up, but it seemed even more distressing.

"Okay, you go to bed first. Mom will call you later." Mother Wen's tone was cautious and gentle, as if she was coaxing a child who had just been wronged.

Jiaoer was lying on her own bed, and the sheets and quilt were all newly changed.The soft quilt wrapped Jiaoer tightly, and inside was the fragrance of lotus that I liked.Jiao Er took a deep breath, and tried to clear all the stale air in her body when she exhaled again.

She has actually slept several times on the plane, and now she doesn't feel sleepy at all.She huddled under the quilt, watching the gradually darkening sky outside the window, and the rain was still falling.There is also a layer of raindrops hanging on the outer glass of the window, and the warm yellow light gives them a gentle glow.

The scene of the night when I broke up with Li Li is still vivid in my memory.She clearly remembered Li Li's red eyes filled with indescribable pain when she said the word "break up".She turned her head away in distress, afraid that she would soften her heart and regret it in the next second.After a long time, she heard Li Li's answer.

"it is good!"

It was only then that Jiao Er realized that an ordinary word "good" could have such a great lethality, it would make him feel pain like a thousand arrows piercing through his heart.

Only when Li Li poured out her resentment towards herself word by word did she realize that she had become like this in Li Li's heart.On the night after chatting with Yu Fuman, Jiaoer actually thought about her relationship with Li Li.Yu Fuman said don't limit yourself to the options given by others, that is to say, don't live according to other people's life templates.Everyone's life is their own, and they should live the way they want.She and Yu Fuman are indeed the same kind of person, but it doesn't mean that Yu Fuman's current life is a realistic representation of her future.Maybe she will be luckier than Yu Fuman, maybe she will be worse than Yu Fuman.She thought about the best and the worst, and felt that as long as Li Li was still around, she would have the courage to go on.The future is an unknown adventure, if you are with the person you love the most, Jiaoer thinks it is worth a try.Even if she will lose this bet in the end, she is not afraid.

But before she had time to tell Li Li these thoughts, she heard herself from Li Li's mouth.It turned out that in this relationship, I once made Li Li so sad.She lost confidence in herself, and she didn't know what would happen if she went on.

It turns out that love, like food, has a shelf life.I don't know when, their relationship has begun to deteriorate.That being the case, it is really that the long-term pain is not as good as the short-term pain.

Jiao Er, who was immersed in her own world, heard the sound of the door opening, accompanied by the sound of mother Wen's cautious footsteps.She whispered beside the bed, "Jiaoer, it's time to eat."

"En. Good." Jiaoer snuggled under the quilt, secretly wiped away the tears she didn't know when, and then agreed.

After Jiaoer packed up, he walked into the dining room and saw that Papa Wen was there.He is usually very busy with work, always leaving early and returning late.Even if Jiaoer usually rests at home, there is very little time to see him in a day.

"Come on, Jiao'er, sit next to Dad!" Dad Wen said to Jiao'er, patting the seat beside him.

"Your dad had dinner today, but when he heard that you were coming back, he stopped going. If it was normal, why would I call and they wouldn't come back!" Mother Wen took the soup bowl from Auntie's hand and put it on Jiao He said in front of Er, "Drink a bowl of soup first, and it has been stewed for several hours! How about a taste?"

After hearing what her mother said, Jiaoer's eyes became sore again, and the well-developed lacrimal glands were about to burst into tears again.At this time, any flimsy snowflake may cause the collapse of the emotional snow mountain in Jiaoer.

"Try this shrimp, don't you usually like this shrimp made by your aunt the most?" Mother Wen picked up a shrimp and put it in Jiao Er's already piled high rice bowl.

Jiaoer's hard-pressed tears still fell, and she covered her mouth and couldn't stop crying.

"Daughter, what's the matter?" Papa Wen panicked when he saw Jiao Er's appearance.

Jiaoer shook his head, tears streaming down his face. "I'm fine, you can eat first! Let me be alone for a while, and you don't care about me."

After she finished speaking, she ran to her bedroom as if fleeing.

Jiao Er, who was nestled on the bed, lost control of her emotions again, and her tears flowed like continuous rain outside.She really held back at the dinner table for a long time, but she still couldn't hold back.She couldn't tell where the tears came from, whether it was the meticulous care of her parents, the pain of losing Li Li, or the bad weather, probably all of them!

"Jiaoer, can I come in?" Mother Wen knocked on the door outside and asked in a low voice.

"Yeah." Jiaoer's voice was still crying.

"May I hug you, Mom?" Mother Wen asked softly standing in front of Jiaoer's bed.

Jiaoer just sat up from the bed, her eyes were already red and swollen from crying.She called out "Mom" softly, and then couldn't speak anymore.

"My baby!" Mother Wen said, holding Jiao'er into her arms.

Jiaoer's tears flowed out again like a river that has collapsed a dam.

Mother Wen rubbed Jiaoer's back with her warm palms back and forth, and said softly, "It's okay, just cry if there is something. Cry, don't hold back."

Jiaoer cried in her mother's arms until her shoulders shook.After a long time, when Jiaoer felt that the tears had run out, she said in a crying voice, "Mom, thank you."

Mother Wen shook her head with a smile, and asked again, "Jiao Er, can you tell Mom what happened? Mom and Dad are very anxious to see you like this!"

Mother Wen waited for a long time but did not get Jiaoer's answer, so she couldn't help asking again, "Don't you want to say it?"

"Mom, I'm very confused now. I don't know how to tell you and my father. After this period of time, let me digest this matter before I tell you, okay?" Jiaoer's voice was heard Get up stuffy.

"Jiaoer, we are just worried about you. You have been like this since you were a child. You don't say anything when you are wronged outside. Sometimes your father and I want you to take the road of an artist. Is it right? Looking at you like this It's hard work, we really feel bad!" Mother Wen let go of Jiaoer, and wiped away the tears on Jiaoer's face with her warm fingertips.

"Mom." Jiao Er's eyes were red again.

"Don't cry, baby." Mama Wen frantically wiped away another flood of tears for Jiaoer.

"Mom, I'm fine." Jiao paused, trying to adjust a smile but found that she couldn't do anything, so she said again, "It's really fine, Mom. You and Dad don't worry about me, after this After a while I got better."

"You don't want to say it, and it's not good for mom to ask any more. But mom and dad will always support you, no matter what you do. If you feel hard, then we won't go this way, it doesn't matter. We are still young, what I'm not afraid." Mother Wen spoke softly, and gently patted Jiao Er's back with her warm palm.

Jiaoer seemed to have returned to those sleepless afternoons when she was a child, and her mother patted herself lightly in the same way.She changed into a comfortable position and lay in her mother's arms, the sadness in her heart seemed to be diluted in some way.

"Mom, it would be great if I were a child forever. It's really hard for adults!" Jiaoer's eyelashes were still stained with tears just now, and her red and swollen eyes made people feel very distressed.

"Silly boy, everyone has to grow up. Everyone will go through such a hard time, and after this period of time, they will gradually get better." Mother Wen's calm tone tried to get rid of Jiao Er's progress. mist.

"But I really can't take it any longer." There was unspeakable pain in Jiao'er's voice.

"Silly boy, your life has just begun, how can you say such dejected words?" Mother Wen paused, and stopped patting Jiaoer's back, "You feel that the difficult days are like the rain outside , it won’t keep falling. There will always be sunny days.”

"En." Jiao Er buried her head in her mother's arms, and the voice came out muffled.

She listened to the sound of the rain getting louder and louder outside, wondering when the day would clear up.

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