if i could love you

In a blur of light and shadow, Jiao Er saw Li Li walking towards him holding Sheng Yan's hand.Her heart throbbed, and she wanted to leave here but couldn't move.She just stood there at a loss, but Li Li passed her by as if she hadn't seen her.

Jiaoer knew that he was dreaming again.During the days when she was separated from Li Li, she dreamed of Li Li almost every night. The most dream was when she saw Li Li for the first time, she stood silently on the podium, her eyes were like a long frozen river .

This time in the dream, she grabbed Li Li's wrist.Since it cannot be realized in reality, let yourself indulge once in your dream!

"Li Li, Li Li, Li Li..."

Jiaoer whispered Li Li's name over and over again.

"what happened?"

Li Li actually answered her.

"Let's not break up, okay? I'm too willful."

Jiao Er held Li Li's wrist tightly, feeling that the touch at this moment was extremely real.It took a long time to wait for Li Li's reply, even though Jiao Er knew it was a dream, she couldn't help but feel anxious inside.

Jiao Er said again, "Whatever happens in the future, let's tell each other, okay, no one will hold it in our hearts, okay? Do you know that when I was in a cold war with you, I was very sad. In fact, I have already done it. Prepare, I know that the same-sex road is difficult. But if I am with you, I will not be afraid."

"homosexual?"

Regardless of this doubt, Jiao Er continued, "It doesn't matter if you are a girl, I never felt that gender would be an obstacle between us. I am really too afraid that one day you will become disliked because of my superficiality and uncutness. Me. After all, there are so many excellent and smart people around you, what if I can't compare with them?"

"In my heart, you have always been the best!"

Jiaoer said painfully, "Don't lie to me. I know what I am like."

"But don't worry, I'm working hard. I've been studying hard recently, and I will definitely get better and better. Wait for me, okay? Let's not break up, okay?"

Li Li on the other side still didn't reply.

Jiao Er repeated again, "Let's not break up, okay?"

It took a long time before Jiaoer heard the answer.

"it is good."

"Really?"

Jiao Er still did not let go of Li Li's wrist, she had already forgotten that it was in a dream.When I heard the word "good", I didn't know how happy I was.

"Well. You have a good rest. When you recover from illness, we will be together."

Jiao Er felt that his hands were empty, and Li Li disappeared into the dream.She fell into a deep sleep again.When she woke up again, Jiao Er saw the empty bedside, and couldn't help but sigh in her heart.

The more perfect the dream is, the more lonely the reality is.

Jiaoer was lying on the bed, she didn't know what time it was, and she didn't want to know.She wished that time would stop here, because she didn't know what else was waiting for her in the unknown.

When Jiaoer was in a daze, Simon gently opened the door and walked in.Seeing that Jiaoer was awake, she sat by the bed and said, "Are you awake? What do you want to eat?"

Jiaoer shook his head without saying a word.

"Want to drink water? I'll get you a glass of water." Simon was about to stand up and pour water for Jiao'er as he spoke.

"Don't be too busy, I'm neither hungry nor thirsty. I just want to be alone for a while." Jiao'er's eyes were empty, and his lips were bloodless.

"Jiaoer, you are still young. Don't act like this." Simon's voice was different from usual, a little strange.

Only then did Jiaoer realize that Simon's eyes were red, as if he had been crying.So she asked, "What's wrong with you?"

Simon quickly lowered his head to cover up, "I'm fine."

Jiao Er frowned and asked, "Have you ever cried?"

Simon wiped his eyes, then smiled and said, "I may have been infected by you, and I also have a little cold. I just took medicine, so there shouldn't be any major problems."

"You'd better eat something! You've been sleeping all day and night, do you know that?" Simon continued.

"I've been asleep for so long?"

Jiao Er's sleep has not been very good, coupled with the emotional problems during this period, so her sleep quality is even worse.But Jiao Er still couldn't believe that she had slept for such a long time.

Simon nodded and said, "That's right. So you have to eat something quickly so that you can get better faster."

Jiaoer nodded in agreement.

Jiaoer drank the preserved egg and lean pork porridge bought by his assistant, and felt that the taste was somewhat similar to the one made by his mother at home.It was only then that she remembered that Simon said that her mother had bought a ticket to fly over to see her.

"My mother said she bought a plane ticket to see me, so when will she come?" Jiao Er asked Simon.

"Oh, auntie, she didn't buy the nearest ticket. So I can't say it, let me take good care of you." Simon replied.

Jiao Er let out a "hmm", then bowed her head and drank the porridge.

After finishing the porridge, Simon and the assistant both went back.Jiao Er felt that she should call her mother.It took a long time to get through the phone.

"Hey, Mom."

"Jiaoer, what's wrong?"

"I just want to tell you that I'm almost fine. Don't worry about me, and don't fly over to see me."

"Hmm. Well, I see."

Jiaoer was already prepared to be nagged by her mother, but she didn't expect that today's mother Wen didn't talk too much.She was still wondering, when she heard Mother Wen say, "Jiaoer, I'll hang up first if there's nothing else to do."

"Well, bye, Mom."

Just as Jiao Er was about to hang up the phone, she heard Mother Wen say "wait a while" on the phone.

"what happened?"

"Jiao Er, don't put so much psychological pressure on yourself. No matter what you do, you will always be the best child in your mother's heart."

Jiaoer thought that her mother felt that she was depressed all the time because of the pressure of filming.So she replied, "Okay. Mom, don't worry. I'm fine. I'm finishing this movie soon."

After the three-day vacation, Jiao Er devoted himself to the filming of "" again.Everything seems to be the same, but there are some changes.Simon is now following Jiaoer every step of the way, and will accompany her during filming and rest.

Jiaoer felt that Simon was afraid that she would fall ill again, so she couldn't help but said to Simon, "Don't worry! I will eat well and rest well. You should also rest well. Didn't you say you have a cold? ?"

"Why, you still think I'm annoying?" Simon asked.

Jiaoer quickly waved his hand and said, "No. I'm just worried about you."

After hearing this, Simon actually smiled, stroked Jiaoer's hair and asked abruptly, "Jiaoer, what if I don't take you with me anymore?"

Jiaoer didn't understand why the well-behaved Simon asked such a question, she frowned and asked, "Why do you ask such a question."

"It's okay, just ask suddenly." Simon didn't look at Jiao Er when he answered.

Jiaoer still answered this question seriously, "I don't want this kind of thing to happen. But if you don't take me with you, I will treat you as my own sister."

Simon stopped her shoulder and said with a smile, "Silly boy, no one will never be separated from anyone. Only by learning to say goodbye can we grow up!"

Yes, only by learning to say goodbye can we grow up.Jiao Er's thoughts involuntarily flew to Li Li again.I hope that both she and Li Li can get better and better without each other's company.But Jiaoer never thought that it was Simon who was preparing for his resignation.

Not long after, Ms. Wen suddenly sent Jiaoer a WeChat message for no reason. The content of the message was as follows: "Jiaoer, Mom and Dad know that you are very unhappy recently. You have been a good boy since you were a child, and you never let me Dad and I are worried. But the more you are like this, the more my dad and I love you. You are a good boy, no matter what you do, my dad and I will support you. If you want to continue to be with her, my dad and I will not It will stop you. If you feel that there is no need to persist in this relationship, my father and I will act as if we don’t know anything. You will always be our baby.”

Jiaoer read this wechat message three times in a row before confirming that her parents knew about her and Li Li.She was in a complicated mood at the moment and didn't know how to start.She didn't expect her parents to accept this "deformed" relationship so easily; but it was too late to say anything now, she and Li Li had already broken up; she didn't even know where her parents knew about it.

When Jiaoer was in a daze with her mobile phone, Simon came to her room and asked her to eat.

"What are you in a daze for?" Simon patted her and said.

Jiaoer silently handed the phone to Simon.

After looking at it, Simon gently put his phone on the coffee table and called out "Jiaoer" softly.

Jiaoer lowered her head and asked, "How did my parents know about this?"

Simon sighed, sat next to her and said, "Jiaoer, actually, the day you were sick, auntie came over. She stayed with you in the room all the time, and then you probably talked in a dream. Auntie heard everything .”

Jiao Er raised her head in disbelief when she heard this.She suddenly understood why the touch of Li Li's wrist in her dream that day was so real.

Simon continued, "Later, my aunt found me and asked directly, 'Who is Li Li?' At first I pretended to be stupid, but my aunt saw it right away. I knew I couldn't hide it, so I had to tell the whole story. My aunt refused to let me know." I told you that she came to look for me. Jiaoer, I’m sorry. I’ve been guilty of you all this time, but I’m relieved to see my aunt and uncle being so open-minded.”

Jiaoer did not blame Simon, but thanked Simon for telling her mother about her unspeakable relationship.This incident was like a stone pressing on her heart, she wanted to tell her mother very much, but she never knew how to speak.

"Is it because of this incident that you have been staying with me every step of the way recently?" Jiaoer asked.

Simon shook his head and continued, "Now that I'm here, it's time for me to tell you the news. I have submitted my resignation letter to the company. I will leave at the end of next month."

"Resignation?" Jiao Er frowned and repeated, she suspected that something was wrong with her ears.

"Yes." Simon nodded, his tone soft.But even so, it couldn't hide the explosiveness of the news.

Jiaoer stood up abruptly, and her voice suddenly increased, "Why did you leave the job? Am I disobedient? Are you a little tired recently? It's okay, you can take a break first, and I will obediently Waiting for you to come back. Do you think this is good, I will ask uncle for leave for you first. "

Jiaoer picked up the phone while talking, and was stopped by Simon.

"Jiaoer, listen to me."

"I won't listen!" Jiaoer shouted hysterically.It was the first time in all these years that she and Simon had spoken so loudly.

"Jiaoer, you are an adult now. Calm down!" Simon's voice couldn't help but increase.

Seeing that Jiaoer had calmed down a bit, Simon continued, "When you were eleven or twelve years old, your aunt handed you into my hands. She was so reassuring to me, but I made such a serious mistake..."

"That incident was not your fault." Jiao Er murmured.

Simon turned a deaf ear and continued, "Maybe it was because of that incident that your relationship has come to this point. I should have resigned a long time ago, and I should have resigned since that incident happened. Now you have grown up too , I have my own opinion. I feel relieved now that I leave."

After Jiaoer finished listening, the little light left in her heart was completely extinguished.When you grow up, you must learn to say goodbye, so Li Li left her, and Simon also left her.Is this a gift for her?Jiaoer felt her hands and feet were cold, and it took a long time before she said, "Okay. Then you all leave me! I can live a good life myself, and I don't need anyone."

Jiao Er closed his eyes after speaking, feeling that he had walked into the end where the light disappeared.

The author has something to say:

For the latest final exam, the daily change has changed to a two-day change.After the 21st, the daily update will resume.