miss a useless name

30.

The nearest supermarket was three kilometers away. Cheng Shenzai went there with a dejected expression. The man seemed to be happier after changing his clothes. The outline from the jaw line to the shoulder and neck was extremely soft.

Cheng Shen even relaxed a lot.Entering the supermarket, Cheng Shen pushed the cart, his movements were natural, the same as many years ago.

They were dressed the same and looked good. They were quite eye-catching at that stop, attracting a lot of attention along the way.Cheng Shen turned a blind eye to it. In the early years, the two were very keen on shopping in supermarkets, and all these trivial things related to life were covered by love.In the past few years, there have been fewer, Yu Yan went alone more, and the number of times they went together is very small.

There are many exquisite gift boxes on the shelves in the entrance area of ​​the supermarket. When you walk in, you can see boxed mooncakes.It was only then that Cheng Shen remembered that the Mid-Autumn Festival was approaching.

"When is the Mid-Autumn Festival?" Cheng Shen picked up the moon cakes and looked at them: "I bought two boxes for you to eat, why is there no bean paste..."

Yu Yan counted the days: "It seems to be October tenth."

With Cheng Shen's hand hanging in the air, he turned his face to look at Yu Yan: "You are going to Haicheng after the National Day, when will you be back?"

Yu Yan said: "If I don't come back, I will go to seven cities starting from the 8th, and I will start directly from the local area without going back and forth."

Cheng Shen stopped suddenly, and put the mooncake back: "Then I'll stay at home alone for half a month?"

Yu Yan took two mooncakes and put them in the cart. Hearing this, he glanced at him lightly. He didn't complain or complain, but simply stated the facts: "I often stay at home alone for half a month."

Cheng Shen opened his mouth, but he could no longer utter the words to persuade him to stay.He was guilty and wronged, and he also felt powerless.

Yu Yan supported the car and pushed it, as if he didn't see his silence: "The schedule has been arranged."

Cheng Shen immediately snatched the cart back, and tried to smile at the other party: "Forget it, I will spend more time with you during this time."

Yu Yan's eyes fell on the row of shelves. All kinds of snacks were packaged in colorful colors. He took a few boxes of lime-flavored biscuits and said intentionally or unintentionally: "Remember this? You gave me snacks back then , there is this taste in it.”

Cheng Shen looked over, his eyes were full of strangeness, he had long forgotten what was in the bag of snacks in the name of gratitude when he first saw it, and he wasn't the one who bought it, but he didn't expect Yu Yan to remember it so clearly.

Yu Yan smiled as expected, and said nothing more.

Cheng Shen pursed his lips, and the cart slipped away from his hands, like a young lover he could no longer hold on to.The years are uncontrollably spreading to the invisible distance, the times are changing, everyone is moving forward, but Yu Yan still seems to be stuck in the past that cannot go back, he misses the sky that belongs to the 17-year-old, not always It is sunny, but even the haze is worth recalling.

Yu Yan was so nostalgic, he was wearing this dress, every time he looked at Cheng Shen, he was looking for the 27-year-old boy through this 17-year-old shell.

Cheng Shen even felt that the reason why Yu Yan said he would not leave was not because of love, but because he was reluctant to part with the self who would love.

He seemed to be standing at this end of time, standing alone, looking back quietly, thinking with all his strength about a name that had been abandoned for a long time.

Cheng Shen watched him struggling alone, taking in all his distress and helplessness.He wants to change the status quo, but there is nothing he can do.

They fell into an inexplicable stalemate, like walking a high-altitude tightrope, and any disturbance could shatter them to pieces.

·

The next day, Yu Yan went to work at the magazine office on time, and the editor-in-chief gave him the sample booklet of "Hui Yin".

The cover is made of a gray-blue hard shell according to Yu Yan's requirements, and the word "Hui Yin" is hot-stamped on the surface in cursive, silver-gray, and the overall look is just two words, depressing.

Yu Yan was very satisfied. After the signing meeting, his popularity increased to a higher level, but he didn't want to use his fame to earn the sales of "Echo".He felt that the quality of this book was not high, and the articles of different ages were spliced ​​together. It seemed that the good and the bad were uneven. He still wanted to publish a small amount for the sake of commemoration and collection, so he rejected the opinion of the editor-in-chief to publicize it.

The post-National Day schedule has been properly arranged. The first stop is Haicheng, and two days later, I will move to Hangzhou and Changsha. I will pass through seven cities along this route, and I am expected to return to Beicheng on October 25.The air ticket and hotel have already been booked, so he really didn't mean not to accompany Cheng Shen on the Mid-Autumn Festival.

After the cooperation case was over, Cheng Shen was free for a few days, and soon became busy again.But no matter how busy he is, he will take the time to send a message to Yu Yan, asking if he eats on time.Knowing that Yu Yan doesn't like group activities, he just stays at home when he has nothing to do, he tries his best to go home for dinner, and he won't stay out all night for dinners that can't be avoided, even if he is drunk, people will definitely send him back.

He was still thinking about changing Yu Yan to a bigger house, and he said it through the strength of alcohol that night, when Yu Yan was leaning on the bedside and reading a book with a night lamp.Cheng Shen was so drunk that he was afraid that his body would smell bad, so he washed himself up before climbing into bed to hug someone.

He lay flat on the bed, put his arms around Yu Yan's waist, buried his face in his lower abdomen, and blushed even more with boredom.Fearing that he would suffocate to death, Yu Yan stretched out his hand to push, but someone grabbed his palm and pressed it to his lips for a delicate kiss.

After that time, Yu Yan has always been somewhat resistant to his closeness, but he was allowed to go that night, probably because he didn't want to argue with the drunk.

Encouraged by Cheng Shen, he worked harder to please him, Yu Yan's waist felt weak, and he let him go only after whispering that his legs were numb.

But he didn't get up, but said to Yu Yan in this posture: "Yanyan, we have lived here for many years, do you want to change the environment?"

Yu Yan asked: "Why do you want to change when you live well?"

Cheng Shen counted them one by one: "It's too far away from our work place, there is no hospital around, and you have to travel three kilometers to buy groceries, and taxis don't want to go here when you come back late. And the apartment is a bit small, I want to take you to live in a big house."

Yu Yan didn't say whether he would like it or not: "It's too deserted for the two of us to live in a big house."

"Then I'll raise a kitten for you." Cheng Shen scratched his stomach, "Didn't you always want to raise a cat?"

Yu Yan was not moved by his reasons, and also resisted the cat's temptation: "No, I think this place is very good."

Cheng Shen was rejected, and he had no choice but to throw Yu Yan down.

Yu Yan panicked and pushed him directly: "Don't..."

"Don't do anything!" Cheng Shen hugged him, putting his legs on his body, "Hug me." He shamelessly played a rogue, blaming Alcohol for everything he did: "Yanyan, hug him too." Hug me, you haven't hugged me for a long time."

His actions were obviously so domineering, making Yu Yanhuo breathless, but his tone was so aggrieved, as if he had been left out in the cold for a long time.

"Just hug me, and I'll let you go." Yu Yan didn't move, Cheng Shen shook him anxiously: "You hug me..."

Yu Yan blinked lightly, his eyelashes scraping against Cheng Shen's stubbled neck.He watched helplessly and saw the other party's Adam's apple trembling uncontrollably.

Cheng Shen was drunk and headed up, his emotions were stirred up into a flood by alcohol, he felt suffocated before drowning, he seemed to be dying.

Cheng Shen choked up: "... hug me."

He didn't cry, but Yu Yan's eyes were red because of it.

Slowly moving his hands to his back, Yu Yan patted him and sighed softly: "Don't drink so much next time."

Cheng Shen let go of his hand, and the cold wave submerged him.

·

During the seven days of National Day, Yu Yan had a week off, and Cheng Shen stayed with him at home for two days like a fool, and then got impatient with the phone calls one after another.

Yu Yan looked up from the computer screen, saw Cheng Shen hung up the phone, and said, "Go to work."

Cheng Shen threw the phone on the sofa, raised his hand and pushed back the broken hair that was hanging on his forehead, and shook his hips in front of the coffee table sullenly: "I've already figured out what to have for lunch today."

"Let's eat tonight."

Cheng Shen rubbed his face helplessly. He is not a person who doesn't care about the importance, and he also knows that the work at hand is very important and he can't wait. It's just that Yu Yan will be separated from him for half a month, and he wants to spend more time with him.

He changed his clothes, changed his shoes at the door with his mobile phone, Yu Yan handed him the car keys: "Be careful on the road."

Cheng Shen took the key: "Wait for me to come back."

·

Cheng Shen didn't come back on time that day. There was a problem with the company's newly developed project. He led the team to re-examine the plan. Meetings were held one after another, and his voice was hoarse in the second half.When he finally had time to drink his saliva, he realized that it was already dark.He immediately jumped up from his chair, knocked over the water glass on the table recklessly, and rummaged through various documents for the silent mobile phone.

He thought that Yu Yan was still at home waiting for him to go back for dinner, and now that it was past the usual time to get home, Yu Yan was in a hurry to ask him what to do.But when he took out his mobile phone from under the pile of papers, he turned on the screen and saw that there were only two missed calls, which were from the investor. When he failed to get through, he went straight to Zhao Fei.There are a lot of messages on WeChat, all kinds of project-related documents are sent from the group, customers, and subordinates, but there is no Yuyan.

Yu Yan didn't ask him anything.

Cheng Shen's face suddenly became ugly.

Zhao Fei came over to wipe the table with a tissue, only to see Cheng Shen standing by the window clutching his phone, like a desperate lion.

After Cheng Shen recovered for 2 minutes, his expression finally eased, and he called Yu Yan.

The other side quickly picked up: "Hello?"

"Yanyan," Cheng Shen rubbed his eyes wearily, "I'm not done yet."

Yu Yan didn't even pause, as if he was already prepared, he said considerately: "It's okay, go ahead, I'll eat first."

"Yeah." Cheng Shen frowned in a place he couldn't see, but still cheered up: "What are you doing?"

Yu Yan said, "Read books, those you bought last time."

Cheng Shen smiled: "Okay, remember to eat first."

After hanging up the phone, Cheng Shen immediately changed his face.

He quickly called everyone together, arranged for his subordinates to take turns to eat, and the rest continued to work.

Zhao Fei held the document and asked, "Mr. Cheng, you should go to dinner first."

Cheng Shen turned his chair and sat down in front of the computer, and said without expression: "Go and eat, I'm not hungry."

In the next few days, Cheng Shen began to work overtime crazily. He left early and returned late, and slept less than five hours a day.During the breaks between work, he would feel that this state is very familiar, as if it was the same way half a year ago, using work to fill the blank left by Yu Yan.

In addition to working overtime, he also drank like hell. At the dinner table, all kinds of customers and investors refused to come. He got drunk and went to the bathroom to vomit twice before continuing to drink.

When he got home, Yu Yan was probably already asleep.

He stumbled after taking a shower, and no longer complained when he went to bed. They each occupied one side of the big bed, with their backs facing each other, leaving a long and narrow gap in the middle.

The day before Yu Yan left from Nancheng, Cheng Shen came back a little earlier.

He took a shower, took the book out of Yu Yan's hand, raised his chin to kiss him, and confirmed to him again: "Is it true that Mid-Autumn Festival is not coming back?"

Yu Yan leaned against the bed and panted slightly, his words became muffled in the wet kiss: "Uh... no, I won't be back."

Cheng Shen laughed twice, turned off the bedside lights on both sides, and groped for Yu Yan's hand in the dark: "Okay, go to sleep."

The next day, Cheng Shen took half a day off to send Yu Yan to the airport.Like last time, they said goodbye at the security checkpoint.

Cheng Shen was wearing a long dark windbreaker, with the open neckline setting off his sharp jaw, making him look sharp.

He handed the luggage to Yu Yan, and restrainedly shook the other's palm, not like a lover who has shared the same bed for many years, but more like an old friend who is about to part.

"remember to miss me."

Yu Yan gently raised the end of his eyes, as gentle as the continuous rain in April: "I will."

He turned to leave, and the rollers of the suitcase scratched lightly on the shiny floor tiles of the airport.

"Yu Yan!"

Cheng Shen called to stop him again.

Yu Yan looked back on the spot, fully taking Cheng Shen's figure into his eyes.

Cheng Shen made a gesture a few steps away: "If you want me...just," he paused, as if saying something extravagant: "Call me."

Yu Yan's heart twitched slightly, and a bit of reluctance finally appeared in his eyes.

·

The plane passed through the clouds, and the day Yu Yan left was bright and sunny, the orange light slanted, dyeing the clouds red.

Yu Yan looked out of the window in a daze, and Cheng Shen, who was still in his eyes not long ago, was reflected into a blurred image by the Dasheng light, and finally turned into a cloud that could not be chased, and merged into the thousands of worlds.

But at a certain moment, Yu Yan felt that Cheng Shen had a lot to say.He thought of Cheng Shen's choking sobs that night, and he seemed to understand the fear suppressed by madness behind that simple "hug".

In the past, Yu Yan thought that Cheng Shen was a kite that could fly very high, and he was the thread that chased him.But in the eyes of a kite, how far it can fly and where it can fly is not the wind that has the final say, but the person who pulls the string.

The string can chase his kite, but the kite can't catch the desired string.

Yu Yan felt that what Cheng Shen actually wanted to say was, hug me, I can't catch you soon.