Just A Bit Ruthless

Roman was up to something; Luke was sure of that.He's playing some kind of game, though Luke doesn't quite know what the purpose is yet.

After what happened last night, he suddenly lost his prediction of this man's every move.Hell, after last night, he couldn't even predict his own actions.He didn't even know how to move his hands and feet when Roman was by his side.His half-conceived plan—to pretend to be an uninformed, powerless brat, to get Roman to let his guard down—seemed like a joke now.He didn't need to pretend at all, the current feeling was enough to make him feel ashamed and vulnerable.Among so many people, he just revealed his most embarrassing sexual fetish to Roman Demidov: he likes to be forced, to be used to vent, to be called around, and to be insulted and belittled by all kinds of people.None of his ex-boyfriends knew he had this unique preference.Luke has always been embarrassed to tell them—doesn't someone who would orgasm from being treated like that look like a pervert?Why can't he be normal?

"I don't want to talk about this," Luke said, eyes fixed on the food on the tray, fighting the urge to move away from the man next to him.Occupied by Roman's big and thick body, the bed suddenly seemed so small.Does he have to sit on Luke's bed like this?There was clearly a chair in the room that couldn't have been better.

"Why?" Roman said.

"I don't know about you, but to me, sex is a personal thing," Luke said as calmly as possible, peeling off a slice of apple with a knife and popping it into his mouth.If he hadn't given up the idea of ​​using force against Roman, he would have wondered how the other party would allow him to use a knife.But obviously, Roman's muscles were not built by gyms and nutritious meals.The vigorous and calm gestures are obviously only possessed by a man who knows how to use his body as a weapon.

The question is: why would this dangerous — and probably busy — man waste his time watching Luke eat and talking to Luke about topics he had absolutely no interest in discussing?

It's all so confusing, especially after what happened last night - Roman using his mouth to get off, kissing him until his toes curl up, and then going back to his bedroom to fuck goodbye The woman in the room made the other party pant so loudly that even Luke, who was two doors away, could hear him.

Luke pursed his lips into his own.

"You little guy was so open last night," Roman said.

"Last night was a mistake," Luke said stiffly, trying not to blush as he looked at the rest of the food on his plate. "I'm not—I'm not that kind of person."

"What kind of people? People who like men?"

"No, of course I like men." Luke looked up at Roman.Roman's shirt was half open, and he tried not to let his eyes rest on the smear of dark chest hair that was revealed there. "Look, you're going to get it wrong. I'm not that nice of a guy — I don't like it that much. I've had four boyfriends, and I've never played that kind of thing with any of them."

A faint smile floated on the corner of Roman's mouth. "Then I'm really flattered."

Luke glared at him, and as a result Roman smiled more obviously, as if he was amused.The smile even infected his hard eyes, and then, for the first time, Luke realized that this man could be so attractive, so attractive, if only he wanted to show it.Thinking of this made him feel a little uncomfortable.He didn't want to notice this.

"If you can't tell your love partner which way you like to play, then your relationship is not good," Roman said, looking down at him.

Luke glanced around the room and said, "This—this isn't important in the first place. I think the relationship itself is more important than those heavy-hearted fetishes." Luke pushed a strand of curly hair behind his ear. "I'm not saying I'm good at that. I'm not a freak."

The scrutiny of Roman's eyes made him a little distraught.

"What?" Luke said reluctantly.

"Your parents divorced when you were eight," Roman said.

The sudden change of subject made Luke blink. "Yes," he said, not sure which song it was singing, and why Roman thought of talking about his parents' divorce among so many topics.

"According to what I have heard, you are the main object of their competition. Your mother wanted custody, but it turned out that your father won. He also restricted your mother's visits to you." This can be said to be Luke's life. It was one of the most difficult days I have ever experienced, but when Roman talked about these basic facts, there was no emotion on his face.

Luke bit the cheek meat in his mouth and nodded.

Roman continued: "It is difficult to dig out the details of that divorce, but according to reports, your father claimed that your mother had a bad influence on the children and was not suitable for raising you. How about that?"

Luke picked up a banana and started peeling it.He knew it was okay if he didn't answer.He didn't even tell his friends about it.But then again, Roman wasn't his friend.After this series of torture is over, it is impossible for Luke to meet him again.Tell the truth, who can hurt?Even if Roman got this handle, he couldn't think of what the other party could do to him.Maybe it would be to Luke's advantage in the long run that Roman would see him confess everything.Not to mention, at this point in time, Luke would rather talk about something else, anything but his unmentionable fetish.

"My father can't stand her getting too close to me," he shrugged, taking a bite of a banana and chewing slowly. "My mum and I were best friends. She was—and always has been—an amazing mother, but she always wanted a daughter and wasn't very good at raising boys. But she was just me Such a child, and she did try her best, but my dad has been busy, busy, so..." Luke shrugged again, staring at the banana in his hand. “He came home one day and found me playing house in my mom’s dress. He was pissed.” To say that would be an understatement.Luke still shuddered whenever he recalled the whipping he had received that day.He cleared his throat and said, "He's accusing Mommy of turning her son into— into a freak, freak." He cleared his throat again. "The funniest thing is that I don't actually like dressing up as a girl. I'm just playing games, like any other kid." Well, he still likes fancy things, but that's not the same thing at all okay.

Luke put the banana down and sipped his coffee instead. "Anyway, my parents are divorced, and my father hired a tutor to teach me... to be a man. Teach me to be 'manly', and get the whole shit out of my mother's head Clear it out." He looked at the cup in his hand and chuckled.He felt that in the end, both sides were seeking benevolence and gaining benevolence.His mother was happily remarried, living in Los Angeles, with a loving husband and three gorgeous daughters—whom she could spoil as much as she wanted, without fear of incurring his wrath any longer.Luke also adores his half-sisters, though he only sees them sporadically a few times a year, and the siblings have little in common.

"Freak," Roman said in a strange tone. "I wouldn't say you're a 'man'. Do you think that makes you a 'freak'?"

Luke's fingers trembled slightly, he put the cup on the tray and looked at Roman. "Even if I like eating dicks and getting dicks in my ass, it doesn't mean I'm not a man." He was very proud to be able to say this in such a firm and confident tone.Though he didn't actually feel firm or confident at all.There was a familiar panic in his chest.He felt like the eight-year-old again, trying to defend himself when his father taunted him with mean words: I'm normal, I'm normal, I'm normal.

No, he's not normal.Didn't he already know about this?His father often teased him about being "girly" until Luke learned to hide it.Damn, even his closest buddy, fellow gay James often jokes about his stupidity and girlishness, even though the other party doesn't mean any harm; so even when he's surrounded by friends, Luke is used to Rein in his nature.He dresses conservatively and learns to speak in that concise and pragmatic tone. He has learned so much that this mask has almost become a part of his personality.However, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't completely erase the other part of himself.The part of him that wanted to be beautiful, stared at those fancy patterns and brightly colored clothes—clothes that would make him look girly and effeminate, that would draw harsh scolding from his father .

"No, your preferences in bed have nothing to do with your nature," Roman said, looking at him carefully. "But from your point of view, it seems that you have done something wrong if you are not 'manly' enough. Your tone does not sound like a person who can easily and calmly face his own nature."

Luke avoided his gaze and chuckled a little. "I'm gay and I'm proud of it."

Roman lifts Luke's chin with his thumb, causing him to look up, bringing them closer to each other. "Really?" he whispered. "You're so proud, that's why you haven't come out yet? Or, that's why you've straightened your curls and dressed like an old-fashioned, middle-aged businessman? When I first met you, all I saw was Against his will, a little boy forced himself to dress up as someone completely different from his true nature."

There was nothing Luke could do but stare at him, his throat was dry and swollen. "I'm out of the closet because my dad not only isn't open minded, but he's also the most dangerous and bad tempered guy in the world. I dress like that to make myself look older and not get caught by a bastard like you Contempt." What he said was the truth, but why didn't it sound like it was coming from his heart?Luke stared hard, his fingers trembling. "I didn't do that because I still have a sense of homophobia that can't be eradicated in my mind. Not all gay men are stereotyped as gaudy and feminine."

Roman's blue eyes stayed fixed on his face, unmoved. "But there are," he said. "And you seem to think that's not right. You're implying that I'm homophobic. You may be right. But I think you're the one who really struggles with your sexuality, more than I do. You say you're right Proud of being gay, but you're terrified of looking 'like gay'."

"You don't understand me," Luke managed to overcome the choking feeling in his throat, and he choked out the words, and his breathing became rapid.The heart was beating so fast in his chest that it was sickeningly fast.It's an anxiety attack.He had an anxiety attack.He must calm down.But that's easier said than done.God, he's out of breath. "I am oblivious."

"Did I poke you where it hurts, Kitty?" Roman said, rubbing Luke's trembling lower lip.He leaned close to Luke's ear, his warm breath tickling him, and murmured, "You don't have to act like a big man in front of me, you know? You don't have to act like anything. You Let it go, sweetheart. What happens here, stays here." He kissed somewhere just below Luke's ear, his rough beard scraping at Luke's skin.God.

Luke involuntarily closed his eyes. "Why did you do that?" he whispered, trying to hold his breath, trying to focus but failing.He shivered, and a feeling of discomfort spread throughout his body.He wanted to sink limply on Roman, put his forehead against his chest, and draw strength from him. "Why?" he said, trying to keep his sanity. "You have a purpose."

"Of course I do," Roman said, running his fingers through Luke's hair. "But that doesn't mean I'm lying to you. I don't judge you, I'm not qualified to judge anyone. Just be yourself, honey." He stroked Luke's cheek with his knuckles. face.

Luke is on the verge of meowing like a cat, and he leans into Roman's hand, catering to his touch, both intoxicated and disgusted by it.Why did this man shake him so easily?His proximity, his voice, his smell, his words.

Roman kissed him behind the ear.Luke's skin immediately crisped up.He whimpered, longing in his heart—longing for this feeling, longing to be touched, hugged, and comforted.

"Good. How about you sit on my lap, honey? You'll feel better."

Luke should have laughed and told him something.Doesn't Roman know how fake his gentle caress and sweet words are?This person is just taking advantage of his weakness and trying to take advantage of it.

But he didn't smile.He didn't resist when Roman pulled him into his lap to sit.He buried his face in Roman's chest, a tuft of sparse chest hair protruding from where the button of his shirt was unbuttoned, tickling his nose.Luke inhaled, exhaled, and let himself lose himself in the scent of this man, this fit, strong, young man.A strong hand caressed his back, drawing him closer to that broad chest.Despite the alarm bells ringing in his head, but... it felt so good.

Little by little, Luke's tremors calmed down, his breathing became even, and his mind was no longer a mess, and then he remembered that little sticky nervous breakdown performance just now, and he gradually felt awkward and embarrassed stand up.God, he probably hasn't had an anxiety attack in years.He thought that when he grew up, he would not make this mistake again.It now appears that it is too early to speak.

Luke pressed his face to Roman's chest. "Now?" he said.

"Now, you're going to be nice and tell me who Luke Whitford is at heart—not who you try to be, but who you really are."

Luke frowned, and said with a smirk, "Then you can use that to deal with me, right?"

"I don't have any reason to deal with you, little curly hair," Roman said, brushing his curly hair with his hands. "I have a problem with your father. He will pay the price. Not you."

"Then why am I here?" Luke doubted.

It took Roman a moment to answer.

"Yeah, I'm going to use you for my own purposes," he said. "But I assure you that when this is over, you will return home safe and sound, unscathed."

The promise given by a criminal is not trustworthy, but Luke vaguely feels that Roman is a person who can keep his word.Roman can't help but believe him even more when he can bluntly say that he's going to use Luke against his father.

"Why do you think I don't care what happens to my father?"

"Do you care?" Roman said

does he care

Luke thought about it for a moment—thinking of that ruthless man who had always been indifferent to him, with whom he had few memories from his childhood.

"I don't hate him," Luke said. "I just don't know him. He's basically a stranger to me. So if you're trying to dig something out of me to fix him, you're going to be wasting your time." Luke chuckled. "Maybe you know him better than I do." He smiled selfishly, remembering his failed attempts to understand his father. "You ask me 'what is Luke Whitford at heart,'" he said quietly. "The answer is, I don't really know. I always try to please people. Everywhere I go, I try to fit in. Looking back now, I may be trying to please my mother, so I want to be what she wants daughter. And that was the motive behind me wanting to please my father and be the manly, strong heir he wanted - I can't tell. I guess I always wanted to be someone else Look qualified in your mind." But it can never be done.I'm hoping to find someone who loves me for who I am and who doesn't want to change me.

He didn't say it.Because no matter how relaxed and casual it feels to talk to this man, he is still not his friend.It was weird enough that he was sitting on Roman Demidov's lap, speaking to him from the bottom of his heart, and letting a man stroke his hair.He shouldn't—couldn't—trust the man.He shouldn't take comfort from Roman's touch, or words, or the steady beating of a heart that Luke hears when he puts his ear to his chest.

"I don't know how I did it, but I told you this," Luke said with a small laugh. "I don't know why I'm sitting on your lap. Please do something nasty. It's unbearably comfortable and I'm afraid of you."

Roman chuckled and said, "Maybe this is the bad thing I'm going to do?"

From what Luke knew, it wasn't impossible.

He couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief when he heard Roman's cell phone ring.Roman reached out and took the phone out of the jacket that was thrown aside to answer: "Demidov." His tone became visibly colder.Luke didn't know what to make of that.

"Horosho. Yabudutamskoro①," Roman said before hanging up the phone.He lifts Luke from his lap and puts him back on the bed like he's as light as a feather, effortlessly. "I have to go."

Note ①: Russian: very good.I'll be there.

"Did the evil mission come to call? Who are you going to kidnap again?" Luke sneered at him sarcastically.

"That's pretty much it," Roman said, smiling at him for a moment, then leaning down and taking a bite on his cheek—a tooth-in-flesh bite.

Luke yelled, feeling more surprise than pain.

"Uh," he said, touching his cheek, and then trying to see the other's intentions from Roman's expression.The Russian stood up and put on his coat, and Luke glanced at Roman's crotch, making sure he was half-hard.Luke looked up and found Roman looking at him with an unfathomable expression.

Luke licked his lips and tightened his grip on the quilt beneath him.

Roman chuckled, "Relax, kotyonok. I won't do anything to you."

Then he was gone, leaving Luke alone with the strange feeling.It felt a lot like disappointment, and he didn't want to admit it.

During the day, Roman did not come to see him again.

Later at night, a woman's excited panting came from Roman's bedroom, and Luke, who didn't want to hear it, simply pressed the pillow on his head.