Ming Minghe

Woke up from a dream at 4am.I dreamed that Ai Shuixin was new again.

His eyes were soaked in a summer's rain, the lake was too wide and bottomless.It has the texture of a northern lake, and even a stone can't make a sound.I always hear his panting in my dreams, one after another, like the tide hitting my heart.

It must have been an extremely sunny day. We went to the beach to pick shells, and he took my hand without any scruples and led me to find big and bright shells.

But now, his face was always sleeping in the darkness.A faded, distraught face.

The culprit is me.

Ai Shuixin likes shiny things. For this reason, I always pick out the fake diamonds from the newly bought skirts and shoes and hide them in the secret base of Ai Shuixin and me.On that cool summer night, I sat on the balcony with a jar of chocolate and Ai Shuixin to enjoy the breeze.The wind blew through my wet hair, and I just focused on stuffing sugar into my mouth.

There was constant noise outside the window, and the woman's drunken screams sounded particularly disturbing.The boyfriend tried to persuade them again and again, and the two quarreled again, and it took more than half an hour to calm down.There are specks of light and shadows suspended in the air, and occasionally, a loud train passes by, its lights illuminating the windows.

I went to the living room and poured a glass of ice water, the cold feeling made me sober.Dimly, I turned around and entered the room, and saw Ai Shuixin sitting by the window, with a white light all over her body, like an angel.

I stared at his fluttering corners, and suddenly remembered that he was wearing the aqua blue shirt I gave him.There is no joy and no terror.I know that Ai Shuixin in front of me is just an illusion of my longing.

Over the years, I have always dreamed of his death. I usually woke up in the middle of the night, and my parents didn’t notice. I was alone, curled up in a corner, not daring to make a sound, only weeping silently.At this time, amidst the tears, I always see Ai Shuixin squatting next to me, stroking my hair one by one.

The hair that was wet with sweat from crying was pressed against his palm, cool, and I knew that even Ai Shuixin was his soul.

Later, I gradually learned to endure, learn to pretend, and use my studies and work to numb myself.I don't make boyfriends, except for my college classmates, colleagues, and relatives, I don't associate with anyone who has nothing to do with me.The photos were locked in the bottom of the box, together with all Ai Shuixin's shiny things, he was still reluctant to throw them away.Although my father, who has always been strict, made repeated orders, but he couldn't get rid of my tough attitude.

They were also afraid that I would commit suicide. During the few nights when Ai Shuixin left, they took turns to look after me. Even though I was crying and fell asleep, they still refused to step out of the room.It wasn't until later that I took the initiative to assure them, "I can't bear you." They gradually gave up.

A large truck passed by, and the sound of the wheels woke me up again. It turned out that what was just now was a dream.

The hustle and bustle of the city, those trivial details of life, with the departure of Ai Shuixin, I became indifferent.No longer worry about the brand of milk you drink and whether it tastes pure.Not caring if the carpet underfoot is clean or there are no crumbs that just fell off a chocolate chip cookie.

Just as always, love to drink ice water.The room was a bit shabby.Often wearing pajamas, barefoot, sitting in front of the computer to work.

I don't turn on the heater very often, not because I'm lazy, but because I'm afraid that the warm feeling will remind me of Ai Shuixin.The person who often shares an umbrella with me, from childhood to adulthood, we have walked through the best weather and the worst weather together.

When we were in elementary school, our games were always active in the bright mountains, catching cicadas and catching dragonflies.He stood on the hill, crossed his hips, and held a dragonfly web full of spider webs in one hand. When I climbed to the hill, I rushed down with him and felt the wanton wind.

Now I am far away from the city, and come to a small village in the severe cold of the northern country. At night, the stars are extremely numerous and dense, and snowflakes are falling one after another in the dark sky and earth.

If I go to sleep again, I won’t be able to sleep anymore.I put on my clothes, and as soon as I turned on the light, I saw the back of a person walking alone outside the window.

Who is it that wakes up in my dream on a snowy morning?

I get out of bed and get dressed, a black cotton men's coat, the smallest size.I'm always used to buying clothes that I think Ai Shuixin will like, and then store them in my closet.During this trip to the Northland, all the clothes I wore were men's styles.

The proprietress has been looking at me strangely, I think, she must think that my sexuality is not normal.

Pulling aside the simple wooden fence of the farmhouse, I walked in the direction of the man.Along the way, he picked up a handful of snow and stuffed it into his mouth.The cold feeling relieved me from the exhaustion of trekking through the snowfields and insomnia for days.

I cheered up and followed the man's footsteps again.After a while, passing through a large white forest, I saw the man.

Walking through the silent snow field, let me see him, when the dim light of the early morning illuminates this isolated paradise.He turned his head to look at me, and I tightly wrapped my black handmade scarf to look at him, and the snowflakes gradually spread across the sky and the earth.

His outline is so similar to Ai Shuixin.