Flight of the Bumblebee

The room was eerily quiet, only the sound of raindrops falling on the tin roof and the rustling of rummaging could be heard.

Xing Yan sat on the chair, He Qi stood in front of the wardrobe looking for clothes without saying a word.

They were all drenched, two soaked chickens in the house.

He Qi picked out his own clothes first, he hesitated for a moment, took off his top, changed into a clean one, and then changed his wet underwear and outer pants one by one with his back to Xing Yan.He can no longer look at Xing Yan with ordinary eyes like before, but he will not deliberately avoid him. He wants to be magnanimous with nothing outside his heart, and hopes that Xing Yan can do the same to him.

Xing Yan lowered his head, he was completely in a terrible mood.Unlike the situation when he had a panic attack five years ago, he found that his heart was as calm as a pool of stagnant water, and he did not waver in the face of any nakedness. His eyes were empty, as if floating in mid-air, groggy, in the dim light. Indoors, acting as a speechless ghost.

Last night, he seemed to have died once. He survived with all his strength during the typhoon, and then he died again when he was in front of He Qi. Now he doesn't know where his soul has drifted to.It will probably be parasitic on He Qi, and follow him to the ends of the earth.

There were plastic bags piled up at the door to be thrown away, and he saw that there were slippers he usually wore in them.Xing Yan remembered very clearly that He Qi bought it for him when the two went to the supermarket for the first time.They were lying in pieces in the garbage, about to be swept out, like him.

What should he do, what should he say, in order to save time?

He Qi found out his clothes, threw them on the bed, turned his back to him and said, "Come here and change."

Xing Yan didn't move, he sat on the chair, staring at the wall blankly.He Qi came over with the clothes, handed them to him, and said, "Change the clothes."

Xing Yan glanced at him, then lowered his head again, feeling so weak that he couldn't lift his hands.He Qi wanted to yell at him, but when he saw the wound on his face, his heart softened, he put the clothes aside, and said with a sideways face: "Would you like to wear it or not, anyway, it's your own business if you catch a cold."

He turned around and was about to leave when Xing Yan held his hand, He Qi glanced away, unwilling to look at him.

Xing Yan lowered his head and asked him sullenly, "When are you going to leave?"

He Qi said: "I'm not sure, it will be within a week."

"So fast..." he murmured weakly.

"After the resignation procedures are completed, return this room to the landlord, and book a train ticket, I should leave."

"Hehe..." Xing Yan let out two self-defeating laughter from his throat, shook his hands vigorously, He Qi frowned, looked down at him, and said to him: "Didn't you say you have something to tell me? You Now you can say it."

"Then get out of here after you finish speaking, right?" His voice trembled, so he couldn't see Xing Yan's expression at this time.

Xing Yan let go of his hand, buried his face in the palm of his hand, and grabbed his already long hair with his fingers, as if deliberately suppressing his emotions. When he saw a big bruise on his forehead, he felt emotional. Recalling the second meeting, he fell into the bushes, covering his injured face so that he would not see him, and staggered to escape.Memory is a poisonous snake and beast, good and bad will swallow him up, why doesn't he understand why every time he sees him hurt, there is always a place in his heart that feels extremely sad.That's not love, it's more like sympathy.

No one could tell him what a dangerous signal it must be to begin to feel pity for another person from the bottom of his heart, to worry about his sorrows, to feel his pains.

How can you just think of yourself as a good person.

He sighed a long time, found the medicine box from the closet, and said to Xing Yan in a gentle tone, "Take off your wet clothes, and I'll help you treat the wound."

Xing Yan sniffed his nose. It turned out that he had been crying a long time ago. Crystal tears slipped from his nose and fell to the floor under his feet.

He said aggrievedly: "Do you still dare to approach me? Do you still dare to touch me? Are you not afraid of me?"

He Qi glanced at him helplessly, and said: "What are you afraid of? It's too late to know now. I've seen your whole body, and you've seen my whole body. What else can I say? I have what you have. , take off your clothes now."

Xing Yan lowered his head and clenched his fists with both arms on his legs. He shook his head and said, "How...you don't understand...you don't understand..."

How puzzled: "What don't I understand?"

He raised his tearful face and said to him, "You don't understand how much I like you...you don't understand..."

He Qi smiled wryly, looked at his injured face and said, "You came to see me through the eye of the typhoon," he lowered his head, "I think... I know how much you like me..."

He looked at He Qi with tears in his eyes and said: "If I told you that every night when you fell asleep, I would lie on the bed, staring at you blankly, and almost walked to your bedside several times, what would you think? ?”

"What if I told you that you were drunk that night and I kissed you. It wasn't because of the alcohol, but because I really wanted to kiss you?"

"If...if I told you...the afternoon I picked you up on the first rainy day, you walked past me naked and into the bathroom. In this room...I think of you... I can't control myself..." He couldn't continue, weeping like a sinner kneeling in front of a priest, confessing all his crimes under the holy cross.

He Qi held the medicine box, not knowing what to say.

Xing Yan continued: "Every time I see you, my heart is split into two pieces, one side is occupied by excitement, anticipation and desire, and the other side is desire, jealousy and despair. Why, you can never imagine, I look at you When you are sad, you will be as happy as you are, and as happy as you are, you will be as lonely as you are. You are the best and best person I have met in this world, the person who understands me the most and is the one who tolerates me the most. Never again There will not be a person who suddenly broke into my life like you and told me that love is like this. When I was encouraged by you, I really felt that I was a hero and could do anything. Without you, I What should I do? It doesn't matter if you don't like me, just take me away, why... I am willing to do anything... I will not expect to get emotional returns from you, I will not cling to you, and I will not envy you Future girlfriend. I will learn to do many things, I will support myself, I will play the piano at your wedding, I will be your child's piano teacher, I will be a very good person. How… ...please don't push me away...don't push me away..."

He Qi's face was also full of tears, and he couldn't remain indifferent after hearing these words.

Growing up so big, it was the first time I heard someone like me so much.He has no good looks, no special skills, and no ability to socialize with people.It's just that he happened to pass by a desperate man's world and gave him a hand. Is he worthy of being liked so much?

Xing Yan, he has a good family background, is tall and handsome, and can play the piano, and when he walks on the road wearing his high school trousers, he will be looked at twice by the little girl with a blushing face.Such a person, what do you like about him?

As long as he went with his brother, he would return to his original position. A frustrated pianist would sound better than a former tramp.It's not that he has nowhere to go, what can he do if he stays by his side?Are you stupid, Xing Yan, it won't do you any good if you stay by my side, only endless pain and loneliness.

After He Qi decided to go home, he already had a preliminary vision of his future.He will listen to his father and try to see if he can be a civil servant.Of course, nine times out of ten she won't pass the exam, so she had to obediently help out at Aunt Li's farmhouse.He also doesn't have the skills to meet girls, so he will probably go on a blind date, marry a passable person, have a child or two, and spend the rest of his life in his hometown, quarreling over trivial matters and turning into a A stubborn old man.

This is his life.You see, there is no place for Xing Yan.

"Don't be silly." He Qi wiped away the tears on his face with his arm, and said to Xing Yan with a forced smile: "How could I let you go home with me? You are German, you don't have a passport, and you don't even have a train. I can’t sit down, let alone live with me in my hometown. If you are caught by the police, you will only be deported. At that time, it is very likely that you will never come back for the rest of your life. Moreover, even if I am willing to keep you by my side, your brother will not Agreed. He did a lot of things for you, but you didn't know it. Xing Yan, you have a good brother, don't break his heart."

Xing Yan covered his face, as if there was a tunnel with no exit in front of him, there was no correct solution between him and He Qi, only two intersecting straight lines, never met in the past, and the future is drifting away, the only thing he has is the present, only This moment.

"I love you, why..." He covered his face and whispered, "I love you... say you love me too, just like when we first met..."

"..." He was silent for a long time before his voice sounded in this empty and boundless room: "I'm sorry, I can't..." Before he finished speaking, he actually choked up.

Xing Yan raised his head, looked at him, showed a tearful smile, and said with ashes in his heart: "Then please help me...treat the wound, I will go back soon."

Only then did He Qi walk over with the medicine box in his arms, put one hand on his cold cheek that had been drenched by the rain, and gently held his head up.Xing Yan was crying all the time, those eyes were like the black sea under the moonlit night, full of waves.He Qi took a deep breath, barely swallowing his tears.He took his hands away from Xing Yan's face and looked at the wounds on it. There were only a few bruises or wounds cut by twigs. Except for a big bump on his forehead, there was nothing serious about it.

He dipped a little bruise medicinal wine with gauze, and carefully applied it on his forehead.Xing Yan kept staring at him without blinking. This was the first time that his eyes did not hide his feelings, and it might be the last time.

He Qi seemed to be burned by his gaze, and could not help lowering his eyes.He put down the gauze, picked up the clothes that had been put aside earlier, and said to Xing Yan: "Take off your clothes, don't catch a cold."

He was still wearing wet clothes, sitting on a stool, his trousers soaked with water, dripping on the floor.

Xing Yan raised his right hand, grabbed the hem of the clothes below him, moved stiffly, and took off the T-shirt attached to his body with great difficulty.When he exposed a large part of his chest, he touched a certain wound, and he couldn't help grunting.

He Qi was frightened, when he saw a terrible depression and a hideous bruise on his chest.

"This... what is this?" He asked tremblingly, and then raised his voice: "How did you do it?"

Even though he was seriously injured, Xing Yan didn't show much pain on his face.He replied ambiguously: "Maybe it was hit by something, I can't remember."

"That's how you came here?" Before Xing Yan could answer, He Qi put down all the things in his hands, turned his back suddenly, and walked to the blue glass window, on which rainwater was streaming down in patches. Like a sea of ​​waves floating, it reflected on his bewildered face.He subconsciously searched his pockets, but couldn't find what he wanted.He immediately opened the drawer of the cabinet next to the bed, and took out half a pack of cigarettes and a lighter that had been stored for a long time.He tried a few times, but his fingers trembled and he couldn't fire.He Qi felt abnormally anxious, with the damp cigarette in his mouth, and even the smell of rain.

Xing Yan hugged him from behind, touching his slightly cold body carefully, the cigarette fell to the ground with a soft sound.The glass window reflected the faces of two people, He Qi's expression seemed to be lost in the ocean, and he was the one who lost his way.

"Don't be like this..." Then he saw his tears, "I can't help but pity you and love you, but it's not love, Xing Yan."

Xing Yan turned his body around gently, kissed away his tears, Xing Yan's face never stopped crying.

"How do you know this is not love? Don't rush to reject me. If you decide to leave, keep a place for me in your heart, I will leave, I will return to Germany, and I will become a better person to meet you. At that time, please think again, is it possible to fall in love with me." He held He Qi in his arms, never before, He Qi's heartbeat sounded in his broken chest, "Plop-plop ——", almost consistent with his clamoring heart.

Again, saw the light.

Distant, faint, through the vast interstellar, shining here from hundreds of millions of light-years, gently surrounding them.

How dare not touch the light.

Shi Leping saw Xing Yan walking down alone with a black umbrella, put on clean clothes, and carried a cheap electronic piano that looked a bit old under his arm. He took the umbrella from the back seat and went Opened the car door and went up.There was only one umbrella in the car, so Wang Sheng had to stay in the car and wait for them to get on the car.The rain hasn't stopped.

He saw Shi Leping grabbed Xing Yan's arm and asked anxiously, but Xing Yan just shook his head and didn't answer.Shi Leping took his electronic organ, reached out and fiddled with his forehead, even Wang Sheng saw a big bump on his forehead.

Soon Shi Leping took his younger brother's hand and got into the car from the back seat.

"Go to the hospital!" He said to Wang Sheng.

Wang Sheng started the car and drove away from the rental building.

Probably not again, it's all over.He thought to himself, stepped on the accelerator and drove on the waterlogged road.

Xing Yan was probably extremely tired, and fell asleep on the back of the chair not long after.Shi Leping carefully lifted the clothes on his chest, and it was true that his ribs were broken as He Qi said on the phone just now.

He urged Wang Sheng to go faster, Wang Sheng gritted his teeth, stepped on the accelerator heavily, and the car headed towards the hospital quickly in the rain.

The black sky, the white rain, the intersection not far away, and the surrounding scenery are moving backwards rapidly.

His mind went blank for a moment in the fast-moving car...