tell me

The topic that had disappeared for more than a month was brought up again, Du Yu was stunned and had a headache.

He knew that Lu Yinke would never let him go easily, but he didn't expect to be so eager, let alone threaten himself.

"Let's change it to something else." There was no way, he could only deliberately avoid the other party's hot and stubborn eyes, and he hesitated, "I remember we discussed this matter."

"Yes, we've discussed it. You haven't given me an answer, and I haven't urged you." Lu Yinke grabbed his hand that was trying to escape, "But if I don't ask, you probably won't be able to do so after the time has passed." I will respond."

This was right, Du Yu twisted his neck uncomfortably.

"Actually, I have thought about it carefully. Perhaps influenced by my parents, I really want to be a teacher. If possible, I will try my best to develop in this direction in the future. There are many paths. I can study as a graduate student. Teacher You can do it later, but Du You really can't delay those two years..."

"Part-time graduate student? Convinced, it's really lucky that you figured it out. Not to mention how expensive it is, you can't afford to waste this time alone? And if you really want to be a lecturer in a prestigious school, you still have to study full-time. Doctor, don’t you think the price/performance ratio is too low and the opportunity cost is too high?”

"And you always talk about Du You Du You Du You, I know she is very important to you, but have you ever asked her what she thinks? You never thought that a little girl would sacrifice her future and ideals with her brother in exchange for her Is the money really happy?"

"No, Du Yu, who do you think you are? The savior or the Virgin? Why do you always have to sacrifice yourself? Don't you understand that people who really love you will not be happy about it!"

Listening to his increasingly pale reply, Lu Yinke's expression also changed from being sure of winning at the beginning to being puzzled and displeased.

He really couldn't understand why some people would put aside the convenience at their fingertips and insist on sticking to their own unchanging bottom line.To put it nicely is to have integrity and principles; to put it bluntly, it is naive, ignorant of flexibility, current affairs, and elm-headed.

The more he thought about it, the more worried he became, and the more he thought about it, the more he felt that Du Yu could only be a teacher.Otherwise, with his temperament, if he enters a deeper circle, he will either flourish or be lost.

And neither of these two kinds is what Lu Yinke wants to see.

He only hoped that Du Yu could always be safe and happy, smiling peacefully and dignifiedly forever.

Du Yu was rendered speechless by what he said, and could only watch helplessly as the green light bounced back to zero, but he couldn't move a step.

He closed his eyes in pain, the pain in his heart was like a wrung towel.The full and plump water has obviously been squeezed out long ago, but the two diametrically opposed forces are still pulling desperately, playing games with each other, as if trying to tear his soul apart.

"I know, I know, I know everything. Please don't say any more, don't force me anymore..." He still pulled out his hand, and his clenched fist seemed to bear the full weight of his life, "You are not me , you can’t understand. All this happened because of me, and I brought the blame on myself, this is the only thing I can do to make up for my mistakes, otherwise I will never be able to forgive myself for the rest of my life.”

His trembling words were like whips and knives, Lu Yinke felt like he was being tortured, there was no pain in his whole body that made him suffocate.

He couldn't ignore any pause, any exhale, any vibration of the other party's vocal cords.

It was as if he had returned to those thousands of powerless nights all over again.No matter how much you shout, how much you plead, it is as if you are floating in a vacuum, the sound cannot be transmitted, and the fire cannot be ignited.

But Du Yu, he is light.

But the light just walks too fast.

"Du Yu, I beg you too, please listen to my words, please? You have overcorrected. This is not a responsibility, but an escape. You are avoiding the past, the future, your true self, and the fact that nothing is done! Because If you don't want to face it, you can't get out!"

"You always tell me to be in awe of life and live a good life. Tolerate this and tolerate that, be polite and polite, be grateful and moved. But you are the biggest fucking speaker! The worst executor! You have done nothing to yourself , you have never lived for yourself for a single moment!"

"Why? Since the past has passed, why can't you reconcile with yourself and plan your own future? You have me, Du You, and Cui's parents, you are no longer alone! But you Why can’t you come out?! Is it that we are not worthy of your trust, are you not worthy of your dependence?! Say it! Say it!”

A few desolate and distant sirens rang through the silent night, the sound of the whistle pierced through the clouds, pierced the sky, and rang in the ears.

Du Yu didn't say a word, just doing the final monologue with him in silence.

He didn't dare to look at him, he was afraid that with just one glance, his complete camouflage would be peeled off and he would be defeated.

They were in a stalemate like two male lions, each guarding a territory, their chests heaving and panting rapidly.

"Forget it." After a long time, Lu Yinke finally sighed in a low voice, took out his mobile phone from his pocket without much interest, swiped and slapped Du Yu's chest twice, "You'd better see for yourself."

02-1623: 03

Du You "Sister-in-law, sister-in-law, I want to ask you something"

Du You "I saw my brother looking up graduate students on his phone today, tell me the truth, does he really want to study?"

Long-legged Corgi: "What? It's not good to peek at other people's privacy, but why are you asking?"

Du You: "No, I don't know him too well, I'm afraid he will do stupid things like he did when he was in college."

Du You: "If he says that it's for me and for me, you have to persuade him quickly and say that I don't accept this favor."

Long-legged Corgi: "It's useless for me to persuade you. You are the most important thing in him, and you have to persuade him."

Du You: "I persuade! In the past few years, I have persuaded whenever I have time! But he still blamed himself for the death of his parents! He believed from the bottom of his heart that I blamed him, no matter how many times I told him it was the same. Empty talk!"

Du You: "Well, I'm just telling you the truth secretly. If you want to say it's weird, then I must have been weird before. But if you don't blame him, who do you blame? Who do you love if you don't love him?"

Du You: "Actually, I was still young when my parents passed away. It's been more than ten years. It doesn't matter how sad I am. The Cui family is very kind to us. Now I have enough food and clothing, and I am content. Don’t blame him. It’s just that I can see it, but he can’t, and I don’t know who to compete with.”

Du You: "I've already made up my mind. After the college entrance examination, I will go to work part-time. I have also said hello to my uncles and aunts on the tuition fee. I owe it first, make an IOU, and pay it back after work. They are quite happy, saying that I Brother’s graduate school money can also be paid together.”

Du You "Oh, but that's not what I meant, I didn't mean to borrow money from others!! How should I say it!!!"

Du You "I just hope he doesn't support everything by himself. My heart hurts, and so do my uncles and aunts."

Du You: "I'm not young anymore. I'm no longer the soft and weak little girl I used to be. I always do what I can. What does it look like to hide under the wings of my brother? Every time I think of him being so tired, it's for I feel guilty."

Du You: "Besides, hehe, to put it bluntly, I'm not as smart as my brother. In the future, our family will have to rely on him to make a lot of money. My days of eating and drinking are probably still long, and the past two years can be counted." what

Du You "Didn't Camus say that the real generosity to the future is to dedicate everything to the present"

Du You "I feel very happy now, and I hope he can be more generous to his future self, and realize that there is so much love around him!"

Du You: "Hey, let's not talk for now. My brother urged me to sleep. It's a sin for me to talk so much without paying attention."

Long-legged Corgi: "You're a funny kid, why don't you think your brother doesn't look like you at all?"

Du You: "Everyone says that, but who would have thought that I was much better than my brother when I was a child, and it's also a trick of good fortune."

Du You "Anyway, sister-in-law, please!!!"

Long-legged Corgi "Okay, I'll try my best."

Du Yu swiped further down, and there were no more.

"Finish?" Lu Yinke sullenly took back the phone from him, "How do you feel?"

"I don't know..." Du Yu finally spoke, he sniffed blankly, "She never told me this..."

Hearing that his voice was not quite right, Lu Yinke pressed his chin and turned him over.

Under the dim street lamp, the water on his face was gentle and clear, covering his cheeks with a thin layer, as delicate as a layer of glitter scraped from mother-of-pearl.

"Yo," a smile finally revealed, "Crying?"

"Who's crying?" Du Yu cried silently, hiccupping while weeping, "I drank too much alcohol...burned my eyes."

He raised his hand to rub it.

"All right, all right, it's hard to drink too much. Damn, you have a lot of reasons." Lu Yinke pressed his hand, led him to sit on a wooden chair by the roadside, and hugged him in with his long arms and legs. He put his arms in his arms, touched the back of his head and said slowly, "Is it comfortable now? Then let me ask you one last time, what kind of life do you want to choose in the future?"

"Can……"

"Don't worry about the cost. Just like your sister said, even without me, the Cui family's parents are happy to help you pay for it. This question has never been about money, but whether you are willing to accept it. It has always been you It’s an attitude problem.” He rested his chin on Du Yu’s shoulder, and could even feel the frequency of the other’s breathing, “But I still hope you can rely on me more, after all, thanks to you, I’ve got nothing to do with my old man. We discussed the terms."

Du Yu was shocked: "What, what?"

"Well...he promised to sponsor me to study abroad, and he also promised to give me the start-up capital to start a business, on the condition that I help him get that broken trading company back in the future." He sighed, "But it's okay if I start my business for five years If it gets better, we have to use 4.5% annual interest rate as a loan to get it back.”

"Yes, I know, it's a few tenths of a percentage point less than the commercial loan in the same period. To be honest, I'm also quite surprised. I didn't expect him to have a conscience."

"So you see, your household registration is with your uncle, you can't receive scholarships, and college students can't get loans, but you can ask my dad. This is equivalent to us getting a loan together. In this way, you don't owe favors, and you can be self-reliant, even You can also pay Du You's tuition, what do you think?"

"You...!" Du Yu raised his head and met his smiling eyes as soon as he finished listening, "Why... didn't you say it earlier! Is it fun to make fun of me?"

"Fuck, I said it's not about money! It's your idea! Your attitude!" He poked the other's collarbone, venting his unconcealed anger, "You can give up graduate school for her today, but what about tomorrow? Maybe It’s career, it’s family, it’s life! But this is what your sister doesn’t want! You should communicate with her more, instead of keeping silent and avoiding self-blame like you are now! You have to figure out what you really want in this life What is it, since you are still alive, you should pay more attention to yourself! Treat yourself as a person with emotions, not a prisoner!"

"Who hasn't made a mistake as a kid? But it's how you live that matters, isn't it?"

Du Yu stared blankly at Lu Yinke, as if meeting this person for the first time.

He nodded dully, and nodded, and nodded again.Then he quietly lowered his neck, and buried his face tightly into Lu Yinke's shoulder.

His back trembled like an autumn leaf on a treetop, and his clogged sobs wet a piece of fabric of the sweater, leaving a cloud of deeper water marks.

"I...I think..." he whimpered.

"What do you think?"

Lu Yinke had never felt that his heart was softer than this for a moment. He held Du Yu in his hands for fear of breaking, and held Du Yu in his mouth for fear of melting.

"I want to... go to graduate school..."

"Read, I will study next year."

"I want to... travel..."

"Okay, where we want to go, let's go one by one."

"I, I still want to...read comics and play games..."

Lu Yinke was stunned.

"I also want to have dinner...team building...make, make friends."

"I don't, I don't want... to work, I don't want to get up early... I don't want to drink porridge... No, I don't want to be looked down upon by others, I don't want to be alone..."

"I, I also want...I also want to live well...live well!"

"I'm so tired... I'm really tired!"

"Why me! Why me!!"

He cried hoarsely, as if he wanted to pour out all the depression and unwillingness of more than ten years.

Is this Du Yu?

Is this young man who is crying with snot and tears and has no dignity or image, is it actually Du Yu?

That Du Yu who has always been like a banished immortal, with a pine bone and a jade tree facing the wind?

Lu Yinke was confused for a moment, but then hugged him even tighter.

He clasped his five fingers on the warm neck of the other party, and occasionally brushed the roots of the thin and short hair.The stubble was so fluffy that it made him feel distressed and itchy.

This is Du Yu.

Suddenly, he thought.

This is the real Du Yu.

It's Du Yu who can be shy and willful, whose eyes sparkle when he sees something he likes, and can't walk.

This is the light that makes him yearn for.

He smiled faintly, took out a tissue from his pocket and stuffed it for Du Yu.

"Wipe it, wipe it, it's so dirty, go back and help me wash my clothes." He said proudly, "Well, as long as you beg me, I will accompany you to realize all your wishes in the future."