why do you like me

030 illness

After the two reconciled, Jiang Chuan asked Cheng Jing for a gate key with a sullen face.Now he knocked on the door, took out the key and opened the door himself.

Cheng Jing was in the study on the second floor. Just as he walked to the door of the study, Jiang Chuan had already come up.He smelled the smoke first, then saw the cigarette in Cheng Jing's hand, and couldn't help frowning: "You smoke in the middle of the night, do you stay awake on purpose?"

"My head hurts." Jiang Chuan approached, but Cheng Jing didn't give way, and looked directly at Jiang Chuan.

He was facing the light of the study with his back, and there was a gloomy light in his eyes.The light suddenly jumped, and Cheng Jing asked softly, "Jiang Chuan, can I give you a hug?"

"Who am I, just hug me." Jiang Chuan stretched out his arms to hug the boy.

The cigarette in Cheng Jing's hand fell to the ground, he closed his eyes and hugged Jiang Chuan's waist, and snorted through his nose: "My head hurts."

Humming very softly, I don't know if it's because of the pain, but it's a bit coquettish.Jiang Chuan lowered his head and asked softly, "Where does it hurt, can I rub it for you?"

"Can you still massage?"

"No. If you want me to give you a massage, I can learn it."

Jiang Chuan gently rubbed Cheng Jing for a while, Cheng Jing suddenly pushed his hand away, sobbing undisguisedly in his voice: "Stop rubbing, hug for a while."

Cheng Jing is a very tolerant person. He can turn any emotion into an expressionless face. He seldom really sheds tears. At this moment, such a situation happened. Jiang Chuan couldn't help but asked worriedly: "What's wrong with you, it hurts so much. Did you take your medicine? Do you want to go to the hospital?"

His concern was so sincere and defenseless, Cheng Jing suddenly couldn't help it and didn't want to hold it any longer, tears rolled out, and he hugged Jiang Chuan even tighter, as if he wanted to squeeze into Jiang Chuan's body, The tormented soul squeezed out of his body.

"Jiang Chuan...it hurts so much...I miss my mother so much..."

Jiang Chuan panicked and reached out to rub it, but was pushed away by Cheng Jing.

"Don't touch...it's useless..."

That kind of pain is neither in the skin nor in the bones, it floats on the nerves, but the touch of the scalp has no effect at all, it will only make people feel cruel. You have to break open the head that is in the way, and reach out to take out all the things in it, before you can feel it. And a peace of mind.

Cheng Jing's tears fell down big and big, he hugged Jiang Chuan tightly, afraid that Jiang Chuan would push him away and run away, and regarded Jiang Chuan as the only straw in his life.The voice covered with water vapor was hoarse: "Jiang Chuan...is so sick..."

Jiang Chuan stomped out the cigarette on the ground, carried Cheng Jing to the side of the chair, and looked down to see several cigarette butts already lying in the garbage basket.Feeling more and more panicked, he kissed Cheng Jing's hot forehead, and asked anxiously: "Cheng Jing, what's the matter with you, what happened today?"

"I miss my mother so much...I miss her so much..."

— But I'm sorry for my mother.

Originally, there was a touring exhibition in the art gallery in City Z, and Cheng Jing thought it was worth seeing, so he took Jiang Xing there.He had never been here before, and he didn't know that there was an area in the art museum that introduced local celebrities.When he saw Xie Jiayu's works on the list, he almost lost control on the spot. There was even a painting of him.

Perhaps because of the pride and love of being a mother, Xie Jiayu always claims that Cheng Jing is the best work of her life.In addition to painting a portrait of Cheng Jing every year, Xie Jiayu also paints Cheng Jing in her spare time, which incorporates some other elements, but the whole is full of love and hope.

Only in the painting before the suicide, large swaths of black and red are intertwined, and the bright garnet red is nothing but a proven lie.The young Cheng Jing is in the middle of red and black, amidst the interweaving of lies and disappointment, with clear eyes and innocent smile.

Cheng Jing was taught and raised by Xie Jiayu himself, and he could understand the implication in that painting at a glance.Cheng Yumin betrayed the love and marriage of two people, Xie Jiayu was so sad, but finally chose to forgive because of Cheng Jing's existence.

— But mother, I cannot forgive father, nor can I forgive myself.

He personally brought Cheng Tong to his mother's studio, and let her know the existence of this illegitimate child, and learned that the marriage had existed in name only.It was he who personally destroyed this family and mother's belief in love.

When she was in the art museum, Cheng Jing could still hold back her emotions, and when she came back, she sat alone in the study, all restraint and pretense were corroded and peeled off.The headache came on without warning after taking antidepressants, and he had no choice but to smoke cigarette after cigarette in a delusional attempt to numb himself.

Countless nights before have survived like this.

The headache lasted all night, originally Cheng Jing could bear it, but this time he collapsed in front of Jiang Chuan, his eyes were swollen from crying.He seldom breaks down, and he is very afraid that the broken self will make Jiang Chuan feel disgusted and troublesome, but the boy just keeps hugging him, comforting him clumsily, and finds the cause of the headache and how to deal with it on his mobile phone.

Cheng Jing heard the boy yell at him a few times: "Why are you saying there is no way? Is the medical level of human beings so backward in the brain?!"

The nerves in the brain were throbbing, Cheng Jing shrank into the boy's arms, let go of all restraint and defense, the wound opened softly, and fell asleep in the pain and comfort.

Waking up on the bed, Cheng Jing unconsciously sat up and pulled the quilt, but couldn't move it. After waking up for a while, he saw Jiang Chuan lying beside him, covering most of the quilt, and suddenly felt a warmth in his heart.

Although he had cried, the skin on his face was dry. It should be that the boy wiped away his tears after he fell asleep.Cheng Jing didn't move, just sat quietly, her eyes fell on the boy.

Jiang Chuan moved for a long time, and called Cheng Jing in a daze. Cheng Jing hummed, but Jiang Chuan didn't respond. After a while, he suddenly opened his eyes and jumped up from the bed. In one breath: "Scared me to death."

"Did I scare you?"

"No." Jiang Chuan reached out and touched his forehead, "Does your head still hurt? You seemed to have a little fever yesterday, and I didn't dare to give you medicine, so I wiped your face with a towel. How are you doing now?" , do you want to go to the hospital?"

Cheng Jing shook her head: "I've seen it, but it's useless. If you don't rest well, it will hurt from time to time."

Jiang Chuan frowned: "Is it because you always suffer from insomnia?"

"Insomnia, neurasthenia, depression...everything is the reason." He smiled inexplicably, "I'm in trouble...everyone says I asked for it."

Jiang Chuan had never seen Cheng Jing like this before. He sat down beside the bed, his eyes fixed, "Is there any way to make you get better soon?"

Cheng Jing was stunned.

Jiang Chuan said: "I don't know your situation well, and you always say it very simply, as if it's not a big deal. But several times, I saw that you were very uncomfortable."

He leaned closer: "Being sick is not a matter of one person, how can I let you fight it alone."

The eye sockets instantly became warm, and Cheng Jing was a little helpless looking at the tenderness revealed by the boy.He has always known that boys have a gentle core, but he never knew that this gentleness can destroy his disguise over and over again.

Why did he ever want to pretend.It's just that she has been extraordinarily independent for a long time, and her weakness seems so incredible.After the diagnosis of depression, everyone around him was surprised, thinking that he was affected by Xie Jiayu's suicide and he would recover after a while.

However, time is never a cure for everything.Those kind and warm people I met in the long time are the placebo to heal the regrets of the past.

Cheng Jing lifted the quilt, looked at the gentle boy with fierce scars on his face in the sunshine of the room, and said, "Jiang Chuan, will you ever feel that I just want to find someone to take care of me when I tell you that I am with you?" Own?"

Jiang Chuan raised his eyebrows, and then the long and narrow scar stood up and retracted strangely. He asked back, "You think so?"

Cheng Jing looked at him.

Jiang Chuan couldn't express his mood at this moment, he was a little bit angry or suddenly realized.But this sentence was just a hypothesis, and it was his hypothesis, so he said firmly: "Cheng Jing, you came out to your family so early, and you should know a lot of people who are in this situation. You didn't tell anyone else. Together, is it because someone dislikes you is a trouble?"

Cheng Jing shook her head: "No, that's not the case."

Open tender wounds without a word of ridicule or misunderstanding from this person.He suddenly had such an idea, to cut off his own retreat.

If the two of them separate in the future, they will not be able to use such an excuse... In his heart, it is the only excuse that can be used to break up cleanly.

You can wait and see each other across mountains and seas, but deception can kill the love in your heart.

Jiang Chuan didn't know what Cheng Jing was thinking, so he was slightly sneering at the moment, but he wasn't laughing at Cheng Jing, and said, "I don't care what other people think, and you shouldn't use such an excuse to break up with me in the future, I don't accept it. If I meet a mangy dog ​​on the road, I will throw quick meat to it..."

"You say I'm a mangy dog?"

"It's me, it's me, I'm a dog, a rascal." Jiang Chuan admitted that he was the scoundrel, "Don't think so much, it makes me panic, don't suffer from insomnia, and don't worry about it anymore. Depressed, okay?"

Cheng Jing suddenly smiled.

This only possible excuse... was also denied by Jiang Chuan.

In the following years, no matter what happened, Cheng Jing felt that she was lucky.When his soul was being tortured, there was a person who didn't ask him whether he was right or wrong, and didn't show any confusion or doubts about his choice. He just hoped that he would get better and have a healthy body and a happy life.

Because of such a sudden encounter, Jiang Chuan temporarily put Jiang Guodong, the bomb whose fuze had been exposed, behind his mind, and began to think about Cheng Jing's condition.

Those like Jiang Xing who have been sick since childhood, if they are taken care of properly, the number of sudden attacks will be greatly reduced. Coupled with regular monthly treatment, they look no different from normal people on the surface.He felt that if Cheng Jing was taken good care of, he would get well soon.

After meeting Jin Min that day, Jiang Chuan took Cheng Jing to the hospital for an examination.Cheng Jing used to have an attending doctor, who was also an authoritative expert, but he was in N City, and the two had regular telephone consultations.

Jiang Chuan thinks this is fucking.

He has seen a lot of fucking things, not to mention leaving the patient alone, and throwing the patient with his last breath on the road to touch porcelain.I didn't think this was normal before, but now that it's on Cheng Jing, he just wants to curse.

Cheng Jing was doing an electrocardiographic examination inside, and Jiang Chuan was checking the money deposited during this period in front of the hospital's ATM.

He drove Nanxichi's car, and Nanxichi didn't ask him for extra money except for the gas fee, and even found a lot of jobs for him, so that he could earn nearly [-] yuan in more than a month.It is hard work, but making money is very attractive. Jiang Chuan weighed for a long time before deciding to open a heavy truck.

Cheng Jing was already taking medicine, and Jiang Chuan wanted to find out about insomnia, depression and neurasthenia in today's examination, so as to know how to help Cheng Jing recover.He paid the relevant fees and listened very carefully to the doctor.

Jiang Chuan didn't want Cheng Jing to live alone anymore, but their house was too small, and his sleeping on the sofa all day would affect Jin Min and Jiang Xing.He slept at Cheng Jing's place... Jiang Chuan usually didn't think much about it, but when this thought flashed by, he still thought about it for a while.I don't think I'm a gentleman, so let's suppress this idea for now.

It never occurred to Jiang Chuan that it was Jiang Guodong who made him finally decide to sleep at Cheng Jing's place.

The author has something to say:

The list is empty again...

I don't think I can apply to the list anymore.

In this article, the overall data is very cold, and the first point is only more than 500. I am not very familiar with some operations of the website, and I don't understand why.

How much is released in the hope that someone will see it.

When I first started writing, I probably rewrote the beginning of [-] words.

The original inspiration was just a signature in the hook-up software that was mosaiced in the text.

In the beginning, Shou He Gong also had no name, and the writing was very difficult.Until the two names Cheng Jing and Jiang Chuan came into my mind, until I wrote down the initials of the names, I was sure that they were destined for each other.

The previous two articles were from Shou’s perspective, and this one was also from Cheng Jing’s perspective at the beginning.But found it difficult to write.Cheng Jing's character is too complicated, and her thoughts are hidden too deeply, so many plots cannot be unfolded.In the end, I switched to Jiang Chuan's perspective, and finally wrote it smoothly.

Now that Jiang Guodong has appeared on the stage, the plot in my mind has swished to the college life of the two of them.

Someone asked before, if Jiang Chuan's career will always be a driver... The person Cheng Jing likes will not be stuck in Xitangkou.

This pair is my own son, and I want to write about it until the end.

I like the ending scene very much, and I thought about it when I wrote the beginning.

I would love to be able to write that picture out.

Thank you for your support, happy National Day~