Black Hurricane

At first I was sitting on the couch singing a cappella, then into a microphone, and then the whole band was backing me.I have to admit that the more I sing, the more I feel, and I enjoy it.This is something I hadn't thought of before.

Dean doesn't sing anything because he wants to protect his voice.So he's just sitting on the couch talking to Kal-El.I watch them from time to time.Kal-El was a bit restrained at first, but it seemed like he was slowly getting used to Dean.He didn't know Dean well, although they had taken a few classes together in high school.He'd always thought of Dean as one of those pushy egomaniacs, so he wasn't too surprised when he later heard from me what Dean had done to me.I can't help but wonder if he still sees Dean as the jerk I described him to be.

We rehearsed "The Whore of Hades" back and forth several times.I already know how to sing without looking at the music, but I still need to know when to sing my part and how to work with the instrument.Dean's part was sung by Yin Lai.It's kind of a difference, because Yoon is more high-pitched, and Dean is... well, Dean is full-range, but more bass-heavy.During the break, Yin quietly told me that Dean's voice was troubled because he tried his best to sing high notes.He also told me that one of the reasons Coleman put me on stage with Dean was to give Dean a voice rest.

So the first day of rehearsal wasn't too bad.I didn't have to interact with Dean much, and I found the rest of the band to be really nice.On the way back, Kal-El lavished praise on the entire rehearsal, and I savored every little bit of it.I also found out what Kal-El and Dean were chatting about, basically about sci-fi, music, leather—in a nutshell: their shared interests.

The second day was fine too, except we stopped singing other bands and just focused on Black Hurricane.That meant I had to practice their songs and get to know the lyrics.When I see these emotionally charged words—the creators of which are said to have written them with me in mind—I try not to feel any emotion.As much as I try to deny it, they do have a bit of a bearing:

In the clouds and rain among the blue and green flowers,

Kissing secretly at school.

My love is a ray of moonlight,

Projected in the crisp winter pool water.

Before leaving yesterday, I was given all the CDs of "Black Hurricane" for homework, and I was specifically told to listen to "Turquoise Moon" and "The Whore of Hades" several times.In the end, I fell asleep listening to these songs. As a result, these melodies kept playing back in my head automatically, and I didn't even have a moment of peace.

Today was the same as yesterday, Dean sat on the couch talking to the blushing but chattering Benji without saying a word to me.He didn't even look my way anymore, much to my frustration.It felt like being ignored by him as a child.The thing is, I should have felt relieved that Dean had done as I was told.Is he punishing me?Or has he come out?My body seemed to be at odds with my heart: the one I just wanted to shake off this shit and walk away; the other I wanted to slap Dean on the couch and remind him that I was right in front of him.I wanted to scold him, I wanted to yell at him, I wanted to declare that he was mine alone.I want to ignore him, but also want him to look at me well.

None of the ideas were practical.I couldn't walk away because I signed a contract and taming Dean was harder than taming a cat.He has always done what he wants, regardless of time, place, and object.I can guarantee that this nature of him has never changed.Besides, I don't want to waste that time in vain.

Eric came to my house that night and he plopped down on the couch and dropped about fifty bags of different colors at his feet.

"What's all this?" I asked, my mouth full of Hershey's Kiss chocolates. "Don't you have enough clothes?"

Eric looked at me with a rare serious expression. "Honey, I'm trying to help you get your sex back." He pulls out a gossip magazine, and there's a picture of me out skating in what he calls "beggar style." "As your friend, I can't see you walking down the streets of Boston in rags. It took me two months' salary to buy them, so you better put them on for me."

"What—no, I won't accept it!"

He stood up, walked over to where I was sleeping, and started pulling out all my old clothes and throwing them on the floor, and occasionally a few that he thought looked good on the bed.

"You can pay me back when you become famous and rich. What is this?" He picked up a pair of jeans that were so rotten that he couldn't even find the crotch. "My God, Jess. The shelters give homeless clothes better than this."

"That's what I got from the shelter," I said confidently, "...a few years ago."

Eric had an expression of "hating iron but not steel". "So it's time for a replacement." Then he muttered, "I don't know which is worse, you're wearing a rag, or you're still sexy in a rag."

"So what's wrong with that?"

"Just because you dress sexy doesn't mean you have to dress like a bum and stand next to Dean. He's wearing leather and has style, and you're wearing ripped jeans and looking out of style."

"I have leather ones too," I protested.I hate what he says.I literally dressed like a rag around Dean.

Eric stopped what he was doing and raised an eyebrow at me. "You got that from a second-hand store."

"So what? That's real leather, too."

Eric rolled his eyes. "It's different, okay. Did you buy it at a second-hand store for the sake of style?"

"No, it's because it's cheap. I buy everything except socks from second-hand stores."

"What about the panties?"

"Never wear it."

"Come on you're awesome," Eric muttered, continuing to fiddle with my clothes.

Well, thanks to him, I don't have to wear old jeans and a paint-splattered T-shirt when I go to rehearsal on the third day.Instead, I have dark brown leather pants, a new black vest, and shiny black boots.I just hope Dean doesn't think I'm getting dressed up for him, but from the way he keeps looking my way, he probably does.

Seeing me learn to sing the yellow storm lyrics of "The Most Dazzling Rock Style", Eric's eyes widened like a child.Dean was in charge of the sexiest part, and I sang the chorus.I ran through the lyrics from beginning to end, and made up the corresponding scene in my brain, and I couldn't help but feel that my pants were a little tight.We also practiced "Don't Let Me Go", and Yin Lai still sang Dean's part.When I sang, Yin tried to imitate Dean's heavy metal voice, and the result was weird, and everyone couldn't help laughing.I thought everything was going well, but when Jack Coleman walked into the room, he shook his slightly silvery head.

"Rotten," he said, arms folded across his chest.

"I'm teaching him the lyrics," Yin said, putting down his electric guitar.

"Dean should be teaching him the lyrics and going through the choreography."

"We still have choreography?" Dean asked, sitting on the couch with Eric.

"Just now. You guys have to know what you're going to do on stage. Jess has never been to a concert, and I don't want to see him on stage like a beautiful china doll. Tomorrow you two rehearse alone. OK."

"What?" I protested. "No, I'm bringing Terry."

"Terry can stay in the outhouse with the rest of the band." Coleman pointed behind him. "It's just you and Dean staying here. Whatever problems you and Dean had before, you've got to get over it. I don't want to see anything unnatural on stage. I want to see passion and sexual tension, and the intensity doesn't come in time Take off your pants and it's going to be shot." He turned to leave, stopping halfway to point at Dean. "Think of something. Teach him to be sexy."

"He's already hot," Dean said through gritted teeth.

My heart rate soared again.Although before Coleman came, my heart was already beating quite fast.Dean's hot stare at me before made my mind go crazy, but hearing him say I'm sexy makes me feel like I'm 13 again, adoring bad boys.So back to the original entanglement: I want him, I don't want him.I want him more than I don't, and it scares me.I swore to myself that I would never fall in love with him again.

"You know what I mean," Coleman said. "Actually, resolve your differences now so you don't have to waste time in rehearsal tomorrow." He looked at the others. "Everyone go out."

The silence in the room tickles me.Or it's my leather pants.One by one, everyone else left—including Tommy, the borrowed keyboard player who had just rehearsed with us today—and Eric stayed until Coleman turned back to peer into the room.

"Sorry," Eric whispered as he passed me, and closed the door behind him.

Time passed by second by second, and the room was awkwardly silent.I fiddled with the hem of my vest and glanced at Dean as he sat down on the coffee table.His eyes rolled back and forth over my clothes again.Damn, I look totally dressed up for him.In particular I also added a little bit of eye makeup and let the hair hang loosely over my shoulders.I even got hairspray.Am I really dressing up for him?

"What's up? That's what I'm supposed to be wearing when I'm on stage, right? Or is it okay if I wear ripped jeans?"

A small smile curved Dean's lips.He stood up and walked over slowly. "No, that's fine," he said in his low, soft voice. "Jack's assistant, McGee, will help you prepare your costume for the stage."

He was wearing black skinny jeans and a green shirt that flattered his eyes.In fact, his eyes were so drawn to me that I didn't even notice he was standing in front of me until he stroked my chin.The gentle touch of his fingertips interrupted my trance, and I quickly took a few steps back.Damn, I hate how my body reacts to just the slightest touch, or just looking at Dean.Sometimes just the thought of being in the same room as him is enough to make me blush and shudder.

I want him, I don't want him.

Dean looked away annoyed, with his hands in his back pockets. "If we perform on the same stage, you have to accept that I touch you."

"Why?" I asked, once again getting his full attention. "Can't you stand on one side and I stand on the other?"

Dean pursed his lips together, obviously holding back a smile. "Success, Jack will do it when you see it."

I rolled my eyes and leaned against the wall.

When the words fell, there was a trace of sincerity in Dean's eyes, and the moment he spoke, I understood what he was going to say. "Jess, I want you to listen to me, okay? About high school."

"No, Dean," I said equally calmly, suppressing the uncomfortably maddening surge.I curled up and my shoulders slumped. "We don't have to talk about that. Just do what's right now, and let's be like that."

"But there's this... this..." Dean moved his hand back and forth, trying to find the right word, "...this kind of boulder is lying between us, and we can't work together. Please, listen to me Speak."

"Just tell me what to do on stage, and I'll do it. We don't need to 'fix'"—I put quotes in mid-air—"any problem. We just need to rehearse, practice the steps, and that's it .”

"Taise step?" he cried, his eyebrows almost twitching together. "Performing on stage is more than just walking a few steps. You have to give it your all. I don't think we can do that now."

I bounce off the wall and poke my fingers into his chest. "You just want to take the opportunity to ask me to forgive you."

"Stop putting gold on your face," he said sharply, his green eyes narrowing. "It's not about the two of us, it's about giving the best concert possible. Every concert is for this purpose: to be better than the previous one."

"I may be a little too impatient about you and me, and I have some irrational actions," he continued, ignoring my snort, "but I am a professional, and I will not let you and your That smelly ass temper ruined the concert."

I was dumbfounded for a while.Did I hear you right?

"What did you say?"

"I said..." Dean came over and pushed me against the wall, "...you've got to get your stinky donkey back and learn to cooperate, or the show will be a joke. "

He met my stare straight up.When I was about to push him away, he grabbed my wrist and pinned it over my head to the wall.

"Jace," his soft voice didn't soften the force he was using to pin me to the wall.His chest was pressed against mine.No matter how hard I struggle, I can't break free. "Believe it or not, I did fall in love with you in high school, and that was the only time I ever fell in love."

"Liar!" I said through gritted teeth, still trying to break free.

"I'm not lying!" He also yelled back, and I was so scared that I froze all of a sudden. "I want you so much. The day we first kissed was the best moment of my life, when we made love—"

"You mean when you fucked me? No condoms and lube?"

His eyes locked on me as hard as his body. "Is that for you? Just for fun?"

I opened and closed my mouth several times, trying to find the most suitable answer.

"Not to me, but certainly to you," I replied. "It's always been like this: push Jesper up against the wall, stick your tongue in his mouth, say something sweet so he'll let you take off his pants, spit on him, fuck him dazed and jerk him off Shoot—bye bye!"

"Is this how you feel?" he asked, sounding genuinely hurt.bitch.

"Yes!" I yelled, tensing under his weight. "I felt terrible afterwards, felt used and abandoned. But I kept kidding myself that you liked me at the very least, but you didn't. You just wanted someone to take it out on and I got fucked by you Fascinated, it turned out to be your easiest target. You clearly knew my feelings for you, and you took advantage of it."

He finally let go of me, and I rubbed my sore wrist, the bracelet was almost digging into the flesh.

"What the hell do you think you're apologizing for?" I demanded. "Your apology means nothing if that's not what you're apologizing for."

Dean rubbed his hair for a while, then frowned and looked out the window. "My apologies for ignoring you in the hallway and not spending more time with you. I left without saying anything."

A surprised laugh escaped my lips.Then there was another sound.

Dean was still frowning as he looked at me, looking really hurt.

"say to me. "That's an apology, but it's more than that. I was 14, my mother. I was scared to death. I had no experience, and I trusted you. I believe you know what you are doing. The first time It hurts like hell, you're totally fucking me. You don't even need a condom."

"I didn't understand—" He tried to speak but I cut him off.

"I don't understand either, but you were sixteen at the time, so you should have searched the Internet anyway. You suggested having sex. I didn't even think about going there. As soon as you were done, you pulled your trousers and left. .”

I walked up and down the open space of the room, eyes closed, trying to remember everything I should have told him.So that he can understand.

"When I'm 17," I said, but shook my head again.I have to start from the beginning. "After you left, I collapsed. You never came to school again, and no one knew where you went. I waited for you outside the factory for many days, and even skipped class and went to your house secretly, but you were not at home, No one knew where you were. The heartache and shame of that moment made me realize that I was nothing to you... Dean." I looked up and met his pained eyes. "I don't care about anything anymore. Completely indulged myself. You left me sad and confused, I think you must have told everyone I was gay and ruined everything I had in school."

Dean raised an eyebrow and shook his head. "I never told anyone."

"Then why later when I asked your friends where you were, they all called me your little boyfriend? I was bullied for a year and a half until Kal-El rescued me. By that time, I was already like a Soaked in drugs and alcohol like a sponge."

Dean was still shaking his head like he didn't want to believe me.

"I, I started prostitution because I didn't have money for drugs. I didn't give a damn who fucked me, and I don't even care now. Sex was just a momentary orgasm for me, and I often felt cheap afterward."

"My snobby parents didn't know what to do with me, so they let it go. My brother didn't let me go. Sometimes I wouldn't come home for days, either on high or at some guy's house Overnight. I missed school, I stayed in first grade and then dropped out straight away."

Dean's frozen body finally moved, and he came over.

"It was Kal-El who brought me back to life. We became friends, and after half a year I dropped out of school and left home at 17. I saw you on the TV news and that was the second thing that hit me I couldn't take it anymore. I was on the street for months until Kal-El's mom picked me up. I was never really addicted to alcohol, but I used drugs to numb myself. Kal-El Help me through this. That's what happened to me when you disappeared. You never told me you loved me, you didn't even say you liked me. Find a hidden place to have a quick sex? That's not love, Dee Ann. That's you using me."

I head for the door.

"Where are you going?" he asked softly.

"I need a drink," I said as I headed towards the kitchen.It's not my house, but I don't care.He owes me at least a bottle of beer.

Eric and the others were playing near the kitchen when Yoon said something that made them laugh.I found a bottle of wine and drank half of it in one go.Dean came after me and took a long gulp from a bottle of water.

I put the bottle on the black marble countertop, and there was a crisp sound from the bottle, and we were silent for a while.

"Can we just rehearse and not talk?" I asked softly.

"No, I have something to say about what you said to me," he replied, equally softly.

"Please don't," I begged, meeting his gaze. "I can't talk anymore today."

He breathed out through his nose and drank what was left in the bottle.

"Okay, but our conversation isn't over yet."

"Okay." I agree we have other things to talk about, but I'll do my best to steer clear of the subject.Maybe I'm being too hard on him.He didn't force me to drink that first bottle of vodka, he didn't force me to smoke that first pot, but he did make me feel penniless, vulnerable, and worthless enough to indulge in drugs and alcohol.