Black Hurricane

It's been over a month since I separated from Dean.To be precise, it was six weeks, six weeks when I was drawing angrily; six weeks when my blood was gradually drying up; six weeks when I couldn't eat or sleep well.In the end, this wasn't because Mama Kal-El's cooking wasn't good—though it wasn't very good—but because I whetted my appetite anyway.I don't know the taste of food.

Yes, I live with Kal-El now.My friends drove me home that night, packed my bags for me, and I sat on the couch like a zombie the whole time.Most of the things have been packed before. After I was with Dean, I didn’t go back to the attic very much, so things didn’t move. With friends packing up and Rick’s van in a hurry, we didn’t spend a lot of money. How long did it take to move everything into Kal-El's basement.

I was ninja until it was just me and Kal-El in the empty attic, and I tore the deed of the house in half and let the pieces scatter all over the floor.It was at this moment that I finally understood that I would never see Dean again.The two of us are officially done, and the deadline is forever.He hurt me so much that I don't remember how I got from the attic to Kal-El's basement, or how Kal-El's mother made me take medicine to sleep.

Everything was replaying over and over in my head.His joy, his smile, his tears.Can anyone really fake the truth in his kisses and his touch?The look on his face when he said he loved me, the pain in his eyes when I left, I started to blame myself for not being able to calm down and listen to his explanation.This is one of my great faults when I get angry. I don't usually go crazy like a Doberman Pinscher like this time.This has gotten me into trouble for years, and I wish I hadn't been so pissed off backstage that night.Dean was somewhat startled.He kept begging me to hear him explain, but he didn't explain anything to me, as if he didn't know where to start or how to speak.Thinking back carefully, I feel that I treated him very badly.If he really loved me - which is true - then maybe I really should give him a chance.

Would something like this make a difference?Will he invent more lies?Or will something be said to make up for it all?Maybe at first he really planned it out, but then he really fell in love with me.Maybe the regrets and feelings in his mouth are true; maybe he doesn't know that there are sneak shots in the factory and the island; maybe everything is Coleman's idea.Now there is no way of knowing, because I ran away like a heroine of a bitter drama, cut off contact, cut off love, moved elsewhere, and changed the phone number.Cut off all escape routes.

Dean made no attempt to reach me.Maybe he contacted, but no one told me.I'm grateful that my friends didn't talk about this guy, I just couldn't bear the mention of his name.I was back where I started, only this time, instead of punching me in the face, mentioning his name brought tears to my eyes.I fucking miss him.Besides, if he really loved me, he would want to contact me, right?When will he stop pursuing what he wants because of my blocking?

"Haven't you figured out what to wear yet?" Eric asked, as he was making a pile of various costumes.We're at his and Alex's house finalizing plans for our Halloween party tomorrow at Clash.I'm actually not very interested in it, but everyone else will go, and I'm not sure what I will do by myself.I'll just drink, drink up, and kill the night with booze.Maybe someone else could have a shot.

Anyway, now I can afford to drink.Even if I didn't do the encore, I still got all the money.Now I have close to thirty thousand dollars in my account.I insisted on paying rent to Kal-El's mom while I lived at his house, knowing she would use the money.I also paid back all the money for the clothes that Eric bought me, and they were still in boxes, and I couldn't bear to look at them.I choose to wear my old clothes...the few old clothes I have left.

"Eric called Ja--S." Ariel waved in front of me.

"Sorry, what's wrong?" I shook my head and put my foot down to the ground.

"I was just saying that if you don't want to be a 'Ukrainian man,' you can dress up as an Indian. Terry saw a pretty decent outfit yesterday."

Note ①: Kazaky is a Ukrainian boy group of four.Sexy, high heels, amazing dance skills are the hallmarks of this band.

"Oh, it's okay. I'm just not used to high heels." I looked around at my black leather jacket and pants.Our plan: Me, Terry, and Benjy would wear black leather pants with black leather sleeves and straps.The outfit reminds me uncomfortably of that music video, and Eric knows that.Jesse is persuaded by Eric to become the fourth "Demon Boy" member.I thought Eric was going to want to be one of us, but he and Alex were going to dress up together as a pair of "fallen angels".

"You should walk around in your heels more and get used to it, or you'll have blisters after tomorrow," Benji said, turning the TV to the music channel.

"If I walk more today, I'll get blisters today, and then I won't be able to wear them tomorrow," I retorted, not really in the mood to try those heels.

Eric was amused. "Well said!"

"Uprising" by the "Muse" band came from the speakers, and Eric and Benji jumped up immediately after finishing their clothes.Terry walked into the room, pumping his fists to the beat of the music.He grinned at me and took four glasses from the holder, along with a bottle of white wine.I couldn't help but smile back at him.My friends are always so good, never leave me alone, they always bring up the topic to distract me from my heartbreak.Eric, Benji, and Terry tried to talk to me, but if I didn't want them to, they gave in to me, and most of the time I didn't want to talk about it.

Note ②: "Uprising", by Muse.

Rick, Adam, and Kal-El brought out plate after plate of delicacies made by Alex himself: pork tenderloin with mustard-like sauce, a large bowl of savory eggs mixed with seasonal vegetables, and a large plate of cut meat And smoked salmon rolls, deep-fried balls, ham and asparagus with cheese sauce in a small bowl, strings of olives, tomatoes, cheese, sausage, and six small bowls with various dipping sauces.Alex's cooking was incredible and for the first time in weeks I had an appetite for food.

Jess fetched napkins, toothpicks, chopsticks, forks, and Alex came out of the kitchen with the rest of the glasses in hand.

"Let's go," he said after everyone took their places around the coffee table.We planned to watch a movie after eating, so the TV was left on.

I picked up an olive, tomato, sausage and cheese skewer, and the flavors of these foods combined into an irresistible flavor in my mouth, and I couldn't help but let out a little hum of pleasure.Maybe my lack of appetite before was a matter of Kal-El's mother's cooking... Apparently other people enjoyed the meal too, everyone's mouths full and speechless, occasionally a sound or two, "tasty!"

When the next MV played, my mouth was full five times, and at that moment, the prelude to "I'm a Slave for You" filled the living room.All eight heads were raised in unison, either looking at me or at the TV.Eric stared at me almost horrified, dumbfounded.Kal-El cursed loudly, Terry took my hand, and Benji went across the couch to get the remote.

"It's okay, don't change the channel," I heard myself say.I don't know when this MV was released.I'm sure Eric knows, but what's the point of asking.

On screen, I'm walking towards the door, camera in hand.It's weird to see myself like this, but I don't look bad.The hair and makeup artist and videographer did a great job.Flashes of Dean writhing on the ground in his leather straps dragged my stride.The prelude is long, and the occasional flashes of Dean on the screen during this period feel like teasing me.Green eyes pop open in one frame, and he crosses his fingers and mutters, "Where are you?" Then he suddenly looks at the camera, and reaches out for a hug, like the first time we were in that mansion like in love.

It was really sad to see his face and almost put me in pain all over again, but I had to watch it or I would never hear his name or see his face without breaking down.

When shooting this music video, we had two days to replay clips over and over again.At that time, I couldn't imagine how they would cut these scenes into a 4-minute video in the future, but Kevin did a great job.I stood in front of Dean and kept pressing the shutter on him. He crawled on top of me, only to be pushed away heavily.Every time I press the shutter, a still photo of Dean flashes on the screen.Then I lay next to him, in leather, and we teased each other, made out without actually making love, wanted each other but couldn't get each other.

I can't do anything but stare at the screen, feeling like I'm no longer in Eric's living room, but with Dean in the music video.When Dean's fingers are on my skin; when I trace his jaw lightly with my teeth, pressing him down; Come on, the heat spreads on my body, and the hot blood goes straight to my lower body.All set to funk rock and Dean's vocals.When the song faded, I was back in my jeans, pulled away, and the camera fell to the floor.Dean looked away, then looked back at the camera and closed his eyes slowly, long lashes fluttering over his cheekbones.

Another MV started to play, but my heart was uneasy.I feel like a lump in my throat, but I still try to swallow the choking.There's no need for them to watch me cry, it's hard enough for Kal-El to clean up the mess for me.

As I looked over at Teri, still holding my hand tightly, I noticed the obvious bulge in the crotch of his red jeans.

"Dude," I say, and this time I'm sure the lump in my throat is gone. "You don't need such a big reaction after watching the MV."

The others cleared their throats and adjusted their sitting positions somehow with shame, and it seemed that they were similarly affected.Even Adam, who was focused on Jesse, was the same.

"Hey, you react too," Rick pointed out.

Yes, I got hard too.I also hope they haven't noticed.What's the use of loose jeans if they can't hide the "little tent"?

"Man," Kal-El said to me across the way, "you gotta admit this video is a blast. I fucking hope it's not that jerk who's jumping on you, but I can't help it."

I think that's the only time Kal-El said anything nice about Dean.

"Whatever," I mutter, prodding a croquette.Suddenly, it didn't look as appetizing as before, but I forced myself to put it in my mouth, trying to break the uncomfortable atmosphere.

Others also began to bury their heads in eating.

Rick cleared his throat, "Anyone want to play 'Extreme Spinner ③'?"

Note ③: BottleExtreme is a bottle spinning game. Generally, the person who turns the bottle is required to kiss the person whose mouth is on the bottle. This refers to the upgraded version created by Eric, which requires more dirt.

"No." I poked a piece of smoked salmon with a toothpick.Even though I'm horny right now, I don't need any sex games. "You can do whatever you want, I'll quit."

"What's an 'Extreme Spinner'?" Jessie asked.

"You better not know," Adam muttered dissatisfiedly, glaring at Eric.