Black Hurricane

After downing a few peach schnapps at a bar, I splurged and took a taxi straight to Rick and Benji's place.Terry opened the door with a smile on his face, his white teeth gleaming even more against his dark skin.

"Hey Jess, come in."

After giving him a quick hug, I strode into the living room and threw myself on the couch.

Rick watched the game on the TV—with the volume turned down—and held up his beer bottle as a greeting.

Terry sat on the edge of the couch and moved my feet into his lap.

"Don't walk in with your shoes on. You know Benji's going to blow your hair," he said, taking off my sneakers and giving me a foot massage.Terry doesn't like to have his hands idle, so he gives me a massage like this every now and then.

"Are you okay, bro?" Rick asked when the game was paused for commercials.

"Not good," I muttered, rubbing my face with my palms, running my fingers through my hair and tugging at my scalp. "I need to get my sanity back."

Rick raised his bottle to drink when he stopped and turned his head, staring at me with his blue eyes under red eyebrows. "You expect to find sanity here?"

There were snorts and giggles from the master bedroom as Benji ran out in a shiny pink dress.

"Oh my god," Terry said, covering his eyes. "Since when did you take the route of a fake mother?"

"Not a fake girl." Benji put one hand on his crotch, like a real drag queen. "We were just talking about last year's Halloween, and then we talked about what theme we should play this year. Eric wanted to go disco, so I found this dress in my closet."

"Okay," Terry said slowly, while Rick chuckled and stared at the TV. "But why do you have a pink dress in your closet?"

"Oh, that's because I was tricked into becoming a drag queen before, and I ended up keeping this dress."

"And these shoes." Eric said as he walked out of the room, holding a pair of white high heels in his hands.He raised his eyebrows when he saw me. "Oh hey, Jess, I thought you were still with Dean." Maybe it was because of the slight displeasure on my face when he mentioned the name, he quickly dropped his shoes and walked over. "Okay, let's talk." He took my hand, and I let him lead me into the kitchen, wishing Terry would follow in and continue the foot massage.

"Change your clothes, Benji," Eric said to Benji, who wanted to follow. "Pink really doesn't suit you."

"Maybe it's not for me," Benji said, touching the glittery sequins. "But it's quite suitable for you, so I'll wear it for you."

"No way. I don't wear skirts."

"I like to wear it or not." Benji said and disappeared from the door. "If you have anything fun to do, you must call me first!"

Eric led me to the farthest corner of the kitchenette, directly opposite the cabinets.

"Brother," he whispered. "Why didn't you tell me you and Dean were in love in high school?"

I really really don't want to talk about this right now.

"Because we're not 'in love,'" I snapped a quote through the air with my finger. "We have nothing."

"He said he liked you back then. And he wrote a bunch of songs about you. I mean, did you listen to the lyrics to that song 'The Whore of Hades'?"

"Well, I've heard." I pushed Eric away and filled the teapot with water. "That's what I wrote."

"What?" Eric's voice rose instantly. "But Dean said—"

"Dean's lying." I turned on the teapot button and brought out another mug. "I wrote the lyrics, he made the music. Then he fucked me, over and over again, for months, ignoring me the rest of the time, and then he disappeared. He didn't like me, he just liked it I."

That's it.To cut a long story short.I'm not so naive to expect Eric to let it go after knowing this.

"Wh-wow!" Eric took a step back and looked at me with wide eyes.

I opened the cupboard and rummaged through the tea bags before I remembered that Benji had put them all in a box on the countertop.

"I told you he was a rot." I turned to get the box and found Benji standing in the doorway, still in the same dress.He's just been there all this time?Well, everyone will know in the end anyway.I really don't care anymore.I just hope Dean disappears quickly.

I picked up the little box and pulled out a peach-flavored tea bag just as the water boiled.

Eric stumbled to the breakfast table and sat in a chair.Perhaps sooner or later he would give up bringing it up.It was the second time in a week that he was speechless.What a record.

"God, I've been sucking up to that guy. You should have told me sooner."

"I told you," I remind Eric, pointing at him with the spoon. "Kal-El told you too."

"Yes, yes, but I didn't know it was that serious. How old were you?"

"Fourteen. Dean Sixteen."

"God..."

"Where was Kal-El when this happened?" Benji asked, moving the back of his skirt down so he could sit down.

"Oh, we weren't friends then. That was when he fished me out of the dumpster one day."

"Wait," Benji said, as I turned off the kettle and poured hot water over the teabags. "You ever been a 'dumpster kid'? You? Other kids threw you in the dumpster?"

Put four teaspoons of sugar and stir.

I shrugged at Benji. "Yeah, I was short and skinny and I looked like a girl. There was a rumor in school that I must be gay. Most people didn't care, but to those who did, I was a An easy target."

I leaned on the cooking table, holding a steaming cup in my hand, watching the steam rise in the air.Then I smiled and said, "Kal-El was tall and muscular back then. He was so different and had no friends. He hadn't dyed his hair back then, so he looked...white. But then again, he was tall and strong after all, so no one dared to bully me. We have been best friends since then."

Eric rested his elbows on the table and rested his chin in one hand.Then he lowered and lowered the hand to rest on his lap. "Oh, I just... I don't even know what to say..."

"It's okay, Eric. You don't know it. You are his fan, and I don't want to destroy his image in your heart."

"Is that why you're so lenient?" Benji asked, his flat bangs blue eyes dilated with sadness.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you never settle down. Never stop for anyone."

"I guess so." I took a sip of the hot tea and wrinkled my face.Still too hot. "I would say that after Dean left, I kind of screwed up. Became a real 'dumpster kid,' drinking, doing drugs, whoever I was. I was lucky I didn't get sick. It's just I think... I don't know..."

Note ①: Dumpeterkid refers to both the bullied child who was thrown into the trash can, and also refers to the bad boy who gave up on himself.

"Painless?" Benji stood up and walked towards me, putting his hands on my thighs.

I smiled sadly at Benji, "Yes." Then I hugged him into a warm embrace.What I've been through is nothing compared to what happened to him, or what happened to Eric last year.Or maybe they are not comparable. "Being used, a poor man, physically and mentally damaged."

"Does it still feel like this?"

I snickered. "Not so much. Sometimes. Can we talk about something else?"

Benji gave me a reassuring smile and patted my cheek. "Of course, dear."

Everyone fell silent until Rick walked in and planted a loud kiss on Benji's head. "You're not playing sentimental, are you?"

"You mean, we're talking about emotional issues?" Eric said, taking his place. "Yes, join?"

"Hmm." Rick frowned and squeezed out a wry smile of "Oops!" "It's tempting, but I passed. I'm here for the beer. Baby, can you move it?" He pushed Benji away from the fridge. "Thanks. By the way, Jess, we're playing on Friday. Are you coming?"

"Well, of course." I raised my teacup and clinked it with his two beer bottles.

"He doesn't even ask us now, is it reasonable?" Eric asked Benji after Rick slipped away.

"Because you keep saying no," I said sharply.

"Yeah, but I'm going to cheer for Alex."

Benji applauded and jumped a little. "Cheerleader! This is how you look, braids and outfit. Your hair is long enough. I can look up how to make pompoms. Gosh, you can be Glee." Brittney."

"No way." Eric jumped up from the chair and raised his hands in protest. "I don't dress up. Maybe I dress a little girly sometimes, but that's not the same as dressing up. Besides, if I were to be the girl cheerleader on Glee, I'd be Quinn." kindness."

"Oh come on, your skin is so white."

"Sister, have you heard of 'makeup technique'?"

"Why are you guys talking about this now?" I picked up the tea bag and dipped it in the cup a few times. "It's only August."

"Because preparation never fails," Benji said.

"That's right," Eric interjected. "We'll have to think about the costumes for you too. Help forget about all the rock star shit you've got in your head," he added, sneering in distaste on his cute little face.

I grabbed him for a hug. "You're all my buddies anyway, but seriously, I'm fine."

Although actually, I'm not really okay.Why did Dean have to dig out the past?Why did he have to hug me so tenderly?I can deal with the bad ones, but not the good ones.

***

The next day, a large package appeared on my small coffee table.It was tall and wide and heavy, and it was wrapped in white paper tied with a turquoise ribbon.I don't know who sent it: the label only has my name and address on it, and I have a foreboding feeling.

"Open it." Kal-El rested his feet on what was left of the coffee table. "Or let me open it for you."

"No," I muttered, running my fingers through the back of my head and tugging at my hair.I was really curious and a little uneasy at the same time.If it was from Dean, he'd be no different than a stalker.How did he get my address?I have no registered address.

I sighed deeply, sat back in my chair, and stared at the box.what's insideblack Rose?Porcelain dolls with protruding eyes?Or maybe a melted doll?That's weird enough.A shudder rippled through me.

"I'll do it," Terry said, reaching for the bow.

"No," I declined again and sighed.Bracing for the worst, I bent over the package and undid the ribbon.It slid open easily, and I carefully removed the wrapper.

"Orange Fanta?" Kal-El put his feet back on the ground for a closer look. "Why did he send you three boxes of Orange Fanta?"

I couldn't help laughing out loud.Not because of what's in it, but because of the looks on the faces of my friends.The look on Terry's face was as puzzled as Kal-El's.

"I drank it all the time in high school. Dean never understood why I could drink this 'lip balm flavored' drink, that's what he called it. But when we were together, he never seemed to mind it smell."

Terry now also knows about Dean.All my friends know about it.When Alex and Kal-El came to Benji's place that day, we went to the living room and told the whole story all over again.At least now I don't have to explain anything.Well, except for this one in front of you.

"Oh yes," Kal-El said. "I remember you drinking this drink."

"I'm surprised Dean remembers," I said, ignoring the pleasurable itch that overflowed my heart.

Kal-El picked up a bottle. "Do you think they will be poisoned?"

"I don't think so," Terry said, picking up a bottle and examining the cap as well. "The seal has not been broken."

"A guy with his money could easily buy off a worker in a beverage factory," Karl-Eyer pointed out.

Terry makes a look at Kal-El, the look everyone makes whenever Kal-El has an idea, "At the risk of breaking the law? I don't think so."

They turned the bottles in their hands.Kal-El even took a sniff.

"There's only one way we'll get the truth." Terry unscrewed the bottle cap.

"No, wait!" I yelled, but it was too late.

"What's wrong?" he asked, still holding the bottle, his fingers clutching the unscrewed cap.

"Oh nothing." I slapped him lightly with my wrist. "I was going to return it."

"That guy has plenty of money, take this gift and turn the page," he said, unscrewing the cap and taking a sip. "Well, not bad. Why haven't I had a drink before?"

We were silent for a while, until Kal-El reassured, opened a bottle and drank it in one gulp.Those gamers, drinking soda is as common as breathing air.I've seen Kal-El's friends play online, and there's always a pile of pizza, lots of sugar, and endless soda.They sat down hiccupping, fighting, laughing and cursing.

"I can't believe you're forced to move," Terry said, reaching for his bowl of peanuts.Unlike Kal-El, Terry is more particular about what he eats.

My landlord, Mr. Ambers, called me last night to put a tragic end to my miserable day.He has officially put the loft on the market and has found interested buyers.A good lot like this isn't likely to stay on the market for long, so soon I'll be on the street again.

"It's going to happen sooner or later." This, along with Dean's lips covering my mouth, made it hard for me to fall asleep last night.God, what the hell was I thinking?

Kal-El picked up another bottle. "You can move in with me anytime."

Terry sneered, "You live in your mother's basement."

"So what? There are plenty of rooms. Besides, Jess lived in my place for a year."

"One year?"

I feel for an unopened bottle, running my fingers over the rough texture of the cap. "Yeah, Kal-El found me on the street one cold November night, dragged me by the hair and led me to his place. He made me promise that when I had enough cash to rent the place myself Then I can move out. He also helped me get rid of the drug addiction that I almost formed."

"Jess, when did that happen?"

I lean back in my chair. "I don't remember exactly. It was probably when I was 17?"

Kal-El nodded.

"That's right," I confirmed. "It was right after I dropped out of school. I just couldn't stand school anymore. My family kept complaining about me and asking me to behave myself. It's not okay to be gay, drink, do drugs. Going to the domineering president, and after being reduced to a scumbag, I don’t even want to find a decent job. I kind of hope that I can finish high school, even if I have to keep a grade. I didn’t even bother to take the exam in the end, I just thought it was meaningless .”

Feeling that this "complaint conference" was too heavy, so I pushed the bottles away and went to the kitchen to get some snacks.

"Holy crap, I'm going to have to find someone to fuck. Haven't done it in about a week. I should have gone to 'The Rush' last night, even if there was a disco there."

"Well, we're all there," Terry said. "We can have a threesome."

I scoffed and poured the chips into several bowls. "Every time I have a 3P with you two, it's me who suffers in the end, and you two flirt with me. When it's just the two of you, who gets it?"

Kal-El took the bowl from me and opened another Fanta. "We flipped a coin. I always lost. I'm sure he played with the coin, but it was the same with my own coin."

Terry smirked.

I also smirked.Then Terry and I laughed until tears rolled down our cheeks.

Kal-El looks at us like we've lost our minds. "What's wrong?"

"You—" I laughed again, and my stomach hurt so much that I had to bend down.

"Honestly, guys, you guys suck," Kal-El said, turning on the TV with feigned indifference.

"Sorry." I wiped my tears. "Do you remember all the magic tricks Terry did?"

"So?" Kal-El looked at me warily.

"Remember some of these were coin tricks?" I poked Kal-El in my head to remind him to come to his senses.

Kal-El frowned for a moment. "Ma... Hey!" He turned his head to Terry.

Terry couldn't hold it back anymore, grabbed his belly, and laughed until his knees were bent to his chest.

"Brother, what's going on?"

"Sorry," Terry organized his words between two bursts of laughter. "I just want to see when you will understand."

Kal-El slapped him on the forehead. "It's been several years!"

Terry's whole body convulsed with laughter, and he got a hold of himself. "I know. Sorry. How about I let you toss next time?"

"Screw you. I'll be the one to attack you next time!"

This made Terry and I laugh again.I laughed so hard that I couldn't even unscrew Fanta for a long time.

We ended up drinking tons and tons of Fanta.I thought about throwing the rest away, but Terry was right.Why not accept it as a gift and turn the matter over?Except it wasn't easy turning the pages because of those hot, tender kisses that kept flashing before my eyes, and the look in Dean's eyes when I leaned against him.It seemed like I wanted to believe the bullshit he was using to fool me, but also knew I couldn't let myself be with him anymore.I just can't.Now all I need is to convince myself to believe it completely.