you are the minutiae of the world

No one cared about his existence and disappearance. It was already late at night when Liu Yueming returned to the resort, and the colleagues who shared the room with him didn't ask much. After a simple greeting, they quietly went about their own business.

In the early morning, my colleague snored, and the person lying on the other bed tossed and turned without sleep.

Living in the resort for half a month, Liu Yueming suffered from insomnia for half a month, his face became more haggard, the dark circles under his eyes became more serious, and he became thinner and thinner.

But no one cares about these things. He doesn't want to get close to the circle of his colleagues, and wanders in the corner of the resort every day in a daze. Although Ji Chuan and Liu Minghao are on vacation, they are still very busy, even if something like that happened to Ji Chuan and him, For the powerful Ji Chuan, it was nothing, maybe he didn't remember it, Liu Yueming didn't wait for Ji Chuan to contact him, and he didn't wait for Du Sheng, as if he went back to that year overnight, and with this The world doesn't fit in.

The vacation is coming to an end tomorrow, and many of the colleagues in the villa have gone out to play. As usual, Liu Yueming found a quiet and unoccupied corner in the huge villa to be dazed, but when he was about to bend down and sit down, he found that he had fallen out of his pocket. Falling business cards.

He picked it up, lowered his eyelids and thought for a moment.

Liu Yueming was not an acquaintance. He didn't call the old man to make an appointment. Like other patients, he registered the number of the psychosomatic department and sat quietly in the waiting room waiting for the doctor to call his number.

Running over so recklessly might not meet the kind old man that day. The patient in front of him has already entered the consultation room. Liu Yueming rubbed the registration form in his hand. He frowned, hesitating whether to leave or not.

The nurse called his name.

Fate in this world is always wonderful, Xu Dehua raised his head and saw the young man he met that day.

Xu Dehua smiled at Liu Yueming and invited him to sit down.

With the first smile in Liu Yueming's eyes in so many days, he closed the door and sat opposite Xu Dehua: "Didn't you say you need to make an appointment?"

"That's right," Xu Dehua said, "today, the doctor in the psychiatric outpatient department asked for leave, and the old man came to help me, and he happened to bump into you."

Liu Yueming handed the list to Xu Dehua, and then remained silent.

"Want to chat with me?"

Liu Yueming shook his head lightly: "It's the same whether we talk or not. It's useless. Is there something wrong with me? It doesn't matter whether I am healthy or not. I don't even know why I came here." Liu Yueming paused as he spoke. Dun: "I may have wasted your time."

"Young man, do you know why I called you that day?"

"Why." Liu Yueming said calmly, he didn't have any doubts, he seemed really not curious.

"Human eyes can speak," Xu Dehua said, "I think you are a very lonely child. Have you... ever thought about dying?"

Liu Yueming stared at him for a long time.

Xu Dehua was very patient, he did not break Liu Yueming's silence.

"I never thought about dying, and I never thought about it when it was the most difficult time... Maybe I had thoughts... When I was not awake, sometimes I would feel dizzy and flustered, and I couldn't control it..." Liu Yueming's eyes were out of focus looking ahead.

"Have you had a medical checkup recently?"

"The unit has a physical examination every year. Apart from sub-health, I have no other problems. I know what you mean." Liu Yueming smiled inexplicably with his head down: "I have problems. I am not a normal person. Doctor, can you How can you help me?"

"You can take some medicine to help you control your emotions. If your emotions can no longer be controlled, maybe one day you will do something impulsive to hurt yourself, and it may even endanger your life. If there is no problem with your physical examination, There is no organic disease in the body but often dizziness, palpitation, and shortness of breath. It is most likely caused by psychological problems. Drugs and psychotherapy are carried out at the same time. You will be fine. You say you don’t know why you came here, but I know you You’re a good boy, you’re here because you want to ask me for help, maybe you don’t even realize it yourself.”

"Doctor, do you know that I am not afraid of pain, nor of death." Liu Yueming blinked his eyes with a calm expression: "But I am afraid of waking up."

"I thought you were different, but it doesn't look like it now," Liu Yueming stood up slowly: "I'm abnormal according to your standards, but I'm not happy."

"Doctor, I thank you, but I'm already broken, and no one can save me."

Liu Yueming left. Before leaving, he put the business card on Xu Dehua's desk, and he promised Xu Dehua that he would not commit suicide.

Liu Yueming walked out of the hospital gate, squinting his eyes and looking at the dazzling sun. He thought it was a bit ridiculous, but he didn't laugh. What's so terrible about death?

Just like him, it stinks.