Just A Bit Obsessed

Jared opened the door, and this time there were no hugs or smiles waiting for him.

Alexander stared at his cousin's face, desperately trying to arouse some affection for him.Yet all he seemed to see was the sight of the man with his tongue in Christian's mouth.

yes i want him.Thinking of Christian's answer, he clenched his fists at his side, his breathing was unsteady, so heavy that he could hear it.Anger roared inside him, mixed with panic and resentment.He loves his cousin.He shouldn't be thinking that, and he's about to shove Jared against the wall and beat him over and over until his face is bloody.

As if reading his thoughts, Jared stepped back and watched him warily. "Come in."

The house was dark and silent, and the fire in the fireplace was the only source of light in the living room.

Alexander took off his clothes and threw them on the chair, then sank into an armchair by the fireplace.

Jared stared at him, walked over to the minibar, and grabbed a few cans of beer.

"So," Jared tossed him a can, and sat down on the couch to open a beer. "About that pretty boy you brought."

Alexander stiffened, but said nothing.He was afraid he might say something he regretted later.

"Relax," Jared looked at him. "I don't want your Christian," he chuckled. "Of course, if he sat naked on my lap, I wouldn't say no - he's just too attractive, and I'm not dead. But I don't want him."

Alexander's body relaxed slightly. "Then why did you touch him?"

Jared took a sip of his drink. "Because I'm curious about your reaction. You've been touching him the whole time, so I thought you'd be annoyed if I touched him. But your reaction exceeded my expectations."

"If you want to study me like a guinea pig, don't involve Christian—keep your tongue in your mouth properly, damn it."

Jared gave him a serious look. "I thought you had a girlfriend."

Alexander looked down at the wine, the shadow of the fire dancing on the jug. "I had it, but now it's gone."

Silence.

"It's kind of weird," Jared said seriously. "The relationship between you two seemed okay the first few months. I thought you weren't interested in men."

Alexander pulled back the gag and took a big gulp. "I wasn't interested until Mira invited Christian to have a threesome." Alexander stared at the yellow flames dancing on the firewood in the fireplace.Now it feels like it happened in a previous life, not two months ago. "I was bothering him." He smiled dryly. "I don't know how I went from annoying him to wanting to fuck him."

He looked at Jared, gauging his reaction.

His cousin's expression was calm and unsurprised.That's Jared: always poised.Sometimes Alexander gets jealous of him because he always feels like a ticking time bomb.

"From the way you're looking at him today, it's probably not just about sex anymore, is it?" Jared whispered, taking a sip of his drink.

"I don't love him," said Alexander curtly.

"I didn't say that," Jared raised an eyebrow. "But I'm going to ask out of curiosity—why do you think you don't love him?"

Alexander pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Because I just don't love him. It's—not love. Love isn't supposed to be like this."

"What kind?"

Alexander met his eyes and said quietly, "When I saw you kiss him, I wanted to tear you apart. I'm not exaggerating." Seeing Jared's expression, he smiled gruffly. One sound. "Yeah. Even if you're my closest friend and cousin. This thing... completely took away my control. I feel like— like possessed. Like he's mine. Except No one but me can touch him. See, this is obsession, not love."

Jared watched him, lost in thought. "It's just that your previous desire for someone wasn't enough to make you jealous. You always didn't care enough, didn't want enough. That's why you don't think it's normal to feel this way." He laughed, a look of pain on his face, but He quickly covered up and reverted to his original form. "It's normal, trust me. It doesn't necessarily mean it's not love. If you think it's not love, you've never been in love before."

"I loved Mira," Alexander retorted through gritted teeth.

"Really?" Jared said quietly. "I doubt it."

Alexander tensed up. "What do you mean?"

Jared looked down at the drink, then looked him in the eye. "I've never said it before, but I've always felt in my heart that all your past relationships were a little superficial - no, hear me out! Yes, they were all persistent and serious, and they were all... nice and stable .But they didn't make you feel anything else. You were never jealous, never angry, or caring enough." He continued, staring at Alexander. "But that's what you want, right?"

Alexander's jaw tightened, and he gave him a sidelong glance. "I don't like your overtones, Jared. And you're wrong."

"Maybe," Jared backed off. "Maybe you do love your girlfriends. But the jealousy you show for Christian betrays everything. You don't think it's normal and you don't want to feel that way because you think something so strong and ugly isn't love. Jared stared at the beer in his hand, a weird and twisted smile appeared on his face. "You're wrong. And it's not healthy to repress your feelings, Alexander."

Alexander pursed his lips. "How do you do it, Jared? Nothing can stop you. You know all the answers."

Something flashed across Jared's face. "No need to use that tone. I don't have all the answers. Far from it. I'm just saying that sometimes, love isn't beautiful. It's not neat, it's not textbook perfect. There's no ideal template for love .Sometimes it's nasty, sometimes it's creepy. Sometimes it's even painful."

Before Alexander could say anything, he heard a series of footsteps.

A half-naked young man paced down the stairs, yawning and stretching.His features were somewhat exotic, and his hair was dark blond.His emerald green eyes glanced at Alexander without interest, and the man walked over to the sofa and slumped down, resting his head on Jared's lap. "My neck hurts," he said with a slight French accent.

Alexander raised his eyebrows slightly, not sure what happened.He had absolutely no idea who Jared had that kind of relationship with, and Jared said he didn't.

He glanced at Jared's face, startled.

Jared's whole face looks different with a doting "I can't stand it" smile on his lips.His eyes were warm and his face was full of admiration, which made Alexander very uncomfortable.Because it was like he was witnessing something intimate that he wasn't supposed to.

"I told you to strictly follow the training plan," contrary to his expression, his voice was cold.But the other party couldn't see it. "And you are rude, Gabriel, you don't pay attention to my guests."

"I want a massage," Gabriel demanded. "He's not your guest. I bet he's your family, he's just a paler version of you—"

"I don't like that statement," Alexander said dryly. "I should be the most handsome Sheldon you've ever seen."

Gabriel turned to look at him. "Well," he said thoughtfully. "No. You're nowhere near Jared's dexterity, I can see that. Jared, come on. Remember, I'm hurt."

Jared rolled his eyes, then began massaging the man's neck. "You sprained your ankle, not your neck. Alexander, allow me to introduce you to Gabriel Duval, the most pampered athlete in the world."

Alexander hid his surprise.He'd heard that Jared had taken care of a wounded French kid a few years ago, and he didn't expect them to be together. "Are you playing football?"

"Football players," Gabriel corrected him, but quickly smiled comfortably. "Well, there it is, right."

"Your neck is so stiff," Jared scolded him gently. "How did you make it so..."

"Ah, people are here." A female voice sounded.

A pretty young woman stood at the top of the stairs with her hands clasped around her waist in her pajamas, watching Gabriel impassively. "Gabe, don't be childish."

"She's being disrespectful to your guest, too," Gabriel complained, eyes closed. "Why am I the only one being scolded?"

The girl flushed slightly and smiled apologetically at Alexander. "I'm Claire, Gabriel's girlfriend."

Alexander stared at her, then at Jared, who was expressionless.

"Nice to meet you," Alexander said, turning around slowly to greet the girl. "Alexander Sheldon, Jared's cousin."

She gave him a casual smile, then said firmly, "Gabriel Dewar, stop bothering Jared and get up. We've interrupted him on vacation—"

"No," Jared smiled at Claire, the smile not reaching his eyes. "But I'm done pressing—"

"No," Gabriel cut him off.

"—so take him away," Jared continued, pretending not to hear.

Gabriel sighed and stood up. "I hate you," he said before leaving, pecking Jared on the cheek. "Good night."

"Good night," Jared said, looking away.

Neither Jared nor Alexander left without taking another look at the couple.

Looking at his cousin's dull face, Alexander didn't know what to say.

"He doesn't know does he?" he asked at last.

Jared gritted his teeth and shook his head.

"Why didn't you tell him?" Alexander sneered harshly. "You told me not to suppress my feelings, and you—"

"It's different," Jared snapped.

This was the first time Alexander saw his cousin angry. "What's the difference?"

Jared stood up, went to the small bar, poured himself a glass of whiskey, and drank it down. "Because there's no comparison. He's straight. Not like you. He's really straight. I know him all too well. He's really one of those straight guys who can't get hard on guys. He loves him My girlfriend, the two are serious. If I tell him, it will only make everything awkward, nothing else."

Alexander looked at his stiff back. "He doesn't look like he's indifferent. He's very affectionate with you—"

"He's French," Jared said evenly. "Besides, he's not indifferent. He loves me. Maybe too much. But not in that way."

"Then how do you—"

"Stop it. Please. I've struggled with this for years."

Of course, Alexander recalled the look on his face when he looked at the French kid. "Why don't you leave? Resign and go home."

Jared gave a short, ugly laugh. "I can not do it."

"why not?"

"It's the same reason your mother can't live without your father. He's my everything." Jared turned to look at Alexander and smiled sarcastically. "I know you look down on your mother for that. Do you think I'm weak and pathetic too?"

Alexander looked at his older cousin—the one he had looked up to since childhood—and didn't know what to say. "You can't just watch him with someone else. It's going to destroy you."

Jared grabbed the whiskey bottle and lifted it to his mouth. "I understand," he said, taking a swig, his eyes weak and tired. "Today her girlfriend asked me to take her for a test. Obviously they are going to have a baby."

Alexander gasped. "Then she...?"

"No. Not pregnant yet." Jared took another big sip as he spoke. "But it's going to happen someday. Then, I'll be best man at his wedding, maybe godfather to his kids, and—" Jared choked up, stopped talking, and turned away. "Maybe I'm really weak. Maybe I'm stupid for being there because he needs me. Maybe it's sick to live for every morsel of love and make him the center of my life. Maybe."

There was a long silence.Jared stared at the crackling fire, and Alexander stared at him.

"If you want my advice," Jared still didn't look at him.He whispered with difficulty: "My advice is this: Get rid of your bloody complexes. Don't think too much about it. Obsession, or love—it doesn't matter what you call it. Those are just words. If you look at him, Thinking 'this is mine', then take it for yourself. If you can, grab it. I wish I could."

Alexander walked over and hugged Jared's shoulders tightly. "I regret."

Jared's muscles stretched under his palm.

"Yeah," he said tonelessly. "I regret it myself."