Just a Bit Unhealthy

"Okay, what's the matter?" Oscar asked as soon as he got back to Jared's house.

Jared took off his coat and turned to face Oscar.He was too lazy to pretend to be confused, only a fool didn't realize how quiet he was on the drive home just now, and Oscar was not a fool.

"You can tell me anything," Oscar said, with worry in his kind gray eyes.

Jared stared at his masculine, handsome face, then suddenly grabbed Oscar's arm and pulled him towards him.Oscar exclaimed, and was immediately kissed by Jared.Jared kissed him hard, trying to feel it—anything.Oscar groans and kisses back, sliding his hands down Jared's shirt, and it feels—

It didn't feel right, it really didn't, and it felt cheap, like he was having an affair behind Gabriel's back, and it made Jared mad at the idea that it didn't make any sense.He was angry with Gabriel, but even more angry with himself.Why did he feel that Oscar's loving kiss was boring after Gabriel tolerated himself kissing him?It doesn't make sense.He likes Oscar, he wants to love him, Oscar is the perfect boyfriend every gay man wants.

He is not Gabriel.

Jared quickly dismissed the thought.Before Gabriel appeared, he was satisfied with Oscar, and with Oscar in the future, he will continue to live contentedly.He just needs to try his best to hold the person in front of him tightly and not hang himself on a tree that will never bear fruit.

Oscar was pushed down on the bed by Jared, and laughed out of breath.

At least his body is different from his heart, and he still has feelings.He was hard, and he stayed hard, into Oscar's body.

Then, after the insertion, he began to look wrong: Oscar's bright golden hair gradually darkened, his skin became fair and soft, and his body felt thinner. Finally, the person in his arms turned into Gabriel, looking up. Looking at him, eyes full of trust.At this time, a string in his body suddenly broke, and he felt his clitoris swell and his blood rushing.

Afterwards, Jared barely remembers what he did.He only remembers his own lust, love and that grinding longing running freely in his blood, and only remembers the name he called out when he climaxed, not Oscar.

The dignified atmosphere lasted for a long time, and there was no sound in the room.

Then Oscar pushed him away, sat up and reached for his clothes.

Jared turned away, feeling like the biggest bastard in the world.

"You should have told me sooner," Oscar said simply, standing up and putting on his jeans, "you should have told me the fuck you were in love with someone else before I had to…" He paused, shaking his head. "You should have told me earlier."

"I didn't think it mattered before."

Oscar began to button his buttons, his movements were slow and stiff. "It matters," he said, "if I knew I was just a stand-in for you, I wouldn't be so stupid—so stupid..."

Jared took the condom off. "sorry."

"Oh, you're sorry."

Jared got out of bed and put a hand on Oscar's shoulder. "I'm really sorry," he whispered. "I know better than anyone how bad this is. He's straight and will never be mine."

Oscar let out a short, non-smiling laugh. "I won't pity you now." He turned around, and the corners of his mouth pulled up into a smile, a very hurt smile. "I, I really thought you were my true destiny."

The blatant pain in Oscar's eyes heightens guilt, remorse, and self-loathing, all of which are so unfair. "I really want to be with you," Jared said. "You're the kind of partner I've always wanted: kind, selfless and—"

"But I'm not him," Oscar said.

Jared looked away. "You are much better than him."

"But I'm not him after all."

Jared fell silent.

Oscar's jaw trembled, he nodded, turned and walked towards the door.

"I tried to love you," Jared said, "I thought if I could pick one..."

"do not talk."

"...It must be you, if I can choose..."

"But you can't choose," Oscar said through gritted teeth, "and neither can I." He tried to laugh as hard as he could. "But at least I'm not going to love a straight guy. Good luck." He left.

Oscar didn't slam the door when he left.

If it was Gabriel, the door would have been smashed down.

Jared sits on the unmade bed, throwing his hands up to cover his face.Damn, he's tired.Tired of unnecessary resistance, tired of forcing myself to love someone I don't love, and suppressing my true emotions.He'd been suppressing it for years, trying to have one-night stands, trying to have a boyfriend, trying to live without Gabriel, but it was all futile, and deep down, he knew that no matter what he did, it was useless.

I love you.Gabriel whispered to him softly and sincerely.You can't say I don't feel it just because I don't respond to you, I really love you.

Jared clenched the inside of his mouth until blood came from the bite.