Just a Bit Unhealthy

Earlier this year, Jared told his cousin's boyfriend, Christian, that people are really good at ignoring what they don't want to see, and apparently he's good at it too.He hadn't seen Claire in months, but he wasn't surprised either.He never asked Gabriel where she was, he just thought he was glad she wasn't there.

Jared doesn't hate Claire.She's a good girl, and treats Gabriel well: she'll always stop him from running the train with his mouth full, and tell him he's gone too far.True, Jared doesn't hate her, but there's a difference between hating and loathing, he just doesn't hate her.

Jared brought the bottle to his mouth and took a swig.The vodka poured down and burned his throat, but the numbness he had sought after leaving the office lingered.

Gabriel is going to be a father.

His little Jia is going to be a father.

It's unbelievable.After all, Gabriel was a restless and vulnerable child himself.

child.

Claire is about to give birth to Gabriel.Give him a home, Gabriel has always wanted a home.

Jared took another swig of vodka.He stared blankly at the opposite wall, wondering why he felt so lost for something he never had.He always knew things would go this far.He'd always known it was hopeless, and he felt like he'd accepted it, felt like he was ready.But he was wrong.

Doorbell rang.

Jared looked at the door, but didn't move.

The doorbell rang again.

Jared sighed, put down the bottle, and walked across the room.

When he opened the door, it was Gabriel who came, and he wasn't surprised at all.

"Why didn't you wait for me? I said I would come over after training." Gabriel suddenly sniffed and narrowed his eyes. "Are you drinking?"

"Yeah," Jared said.

A look of concern flashed across Gabriel's face. "What's the matter?" he asked, pushing Jared into the house. "Is something wrong?"

Jared laughed, closed the door and leaned against the panel.He laughed hard, but he couldn't help it.He laughed, kept laughing, couldn't stop—he was just laughing at himself.Yeah, something went wrong: something went wrong with his life.

A fool, a fool who is addicted to love.

"Jay?" Gabriel said uncertainly.

"It seems I should congratulate you."

"Congratulations?"

"Yeah," Jared said, meeting Gabriel's eyes. "Congratulations on becoming a father."

Gabriel's face turned pale instantly, he opened his mouth and closed it again, unable to say anything.

"Why?" Jared finally asked the question that had been bugging him for hours. "Why didn't you tell me? I thought—you would be the first to tell me about such an important thing."

Gabriel swallowed, his Adam's apple twitched.He looked at Jared, still silent.

"How long has she been pregnant?"

Gabriel lowered his eyes. "More than five months."

"Five months," Jared repeated, "it's been so long, and you've been...why?"

Gabriel bit his lip, still looking down.

Jared studied him.

Then, he took a deep breath.

Impossible, Gabriel wouldn't know, he couldn't know.

"Tell me." He was surprised that he could speak so calmly. "immediately."

Gabriel didn't dare to look at him, his eyes wandered. "I...I don't know what to tell you. I don't want to make things weird."

"Strange?"

Gabriel licked his lips. "I know...you like me."

Jared suddenly felt his stomach shrink suddenly, and his abdomen suddenly became empty, which was very strange.

"I like you," he said dryly.how could be? "How do you know?"

The green eyes met his own. "I know you."

These three words were easy to say, but they pierced his heart like a knife.

Gabriel smiled at him. "Did you really think I didn't notice? You looked at me like—like..." Gabriel blushed, uncomfortable. "You're making it obvious."

Jared let out a low growl.He didn't know if he should laugh or find a place to hide.All the while, he thought he was hiding it well, but it was obvious that Gabriel had figured it out.

Jared walked back to the couch, picked up the bottle, and took a long sip.

"Jay—"

"I'm going back to America," Jared said.

"what?"

Jared took another sip of vodka.

Gabriel turned him around by the shoulders. "You're not serious! It's okay, you have nothing to be ashamed of, I don't care that you're like this—I don't care that you like me."

"Shut up," Jared said through gritted teeth. "Shut up."

A trace of hesitation appeared on Gabriel's face. "It's nothing, I really don't care—"

"I care," Jared cut him off. "I don't like you, I love you."

silence.

Gabriel has a strange look on his face: disturbed, confused, and... something else. "Jared—"

"Stop it," Jared said. "I've decided that when they find someone to replace me, I'll go."

Gabriel grabs his clothes. "Can't go! I won't let you go!"

Jared smiled. "You can't control me, Gabriel," he said quietly, trying to rip Gabriel's fingers off his clothes. "We are different people, you have your Yangguan Road, and I have my single-plank bridge."

Gabriel clung to his shirt, his green eyes wide. "no."

"Yes," Jared said, managing to steady his voice. "That's the best thing, really."

Gabriel stared at him. "Best for whom?" His Adam's apple slid up and down. "Why do you have to do this? Obviously everything is fine! Both of us are fine!"

Jared looked at Gabriel's face full of panic, and could only control himself not to touch him. "No, we're not at all fine. This--this won't work. You know very well yourself, or you wouldn't be hiding from me about Claire's pregnancy. And it's so stupid to do so. You think you can How long have you been hiding it? Anyway, I will find out sooner or later. Then what do you want?"

Gabriel's jaw quivered. "I know, I didn't mean to, I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't say it." Gabriel looked down at his hands that were clutching Jared's clothes. "When Claire told me she was pregnant, I was kind of freaked out too. I mean, I was happy about the baby, but—but I wasn't ready. I thought she was on her meds because we said goodbye Wait a minute."

"It's no fun talking about it now," Jared said flatly. "You're about to have a home, which means I should go."

"No." Gabriel hugged him suddenly, this hug was full of deep despair and pain. "Jay, come on, please, I can't—I can't—"

"You can," Jared said. "It's time for you to be independent. You could have done it before, and you can do it now. This...our relationship...has a bad effect on you."

"I don't give a shit." Gabriel clenches his arms around him. "That's what I need, I want you."

Jared held back the urge in his body.Gabriel didn't mean it that way, he never thought that way. "It wasn't enough for me, I thought it was enough - thought I could get by - but I was wrong. I couldn't and I didn't want to."

Gabriel's body froze.

"I'm sorry," Jared said. "Finish it." He kisses Gabriel on the side of the head, but Gabriel pushes him away, jaw clenched, eyes full of anger and betrayal.

"Okay, do whatever you want!" He rushed out of the house like the wind, and slammed the door so hard that the windows trembled.

Jared collapsed on the couch, covering his face with his hands.