Just a Bit Unhealthy

Gabriel's hands were shaking as he prepared a late dinner.Jared was still at work and didn't come back. The medical staff had to work overtime, but it was getting late.Jared should be back soon, right?

Gabriel cut his finger, dropped the knife quickly, and gasped, grinning.Oh shit.

He leaned against the table and forced himself to take a few deep breaths.But still no use.The fear still hasn't gone away.

He was so afraid.

He didn't like the look in Jared's eyes when he left him today.Jared looked as if he had made up his mind to do something unpleasant but necessary.Was he pushing Jared too hard?

By the time dinner was ready, Gabriel had lost his appetite with worry.

Why hasn't Jared come back yet?

Finally, the sound of cars driving in the distance gradually approached the house, Gabriel's heartbeat began to speed up, and he felt the violent beating sound of his heart shaking his whole body.

He wiped his hands, ignored the stinging fingers, and took one last glance at the table to make sure he hadn't missed anything, and waited for Jared to come to him.

But Jared didn't come.The front door opened and closed, and the sound of footsteps continued from the doorway directly upstairs.

Then it disappears.

10 minutes passed.

As his anxiety grew, Gabriel left the kitchen and headed upstairs as well.

He saw Jared in his bedroom, fresh out of the shower, changing.

"I'm going out," Jared said, pulling on a dark T-shirt.

"But...but what about dinner?"

"I'm not hungry," Jared said, zipping up his jeans.He grabbed his coat and walked to the door, passing Gabriel.

"Jerry," Gabriel said, grabbing his arm.

Jared finally looked at him. "Listen, this relationship has confused me," he said, "our...our relationship...has made me delirious. It is obviously strong enough to be uncomfortable, but it is pitifully weak. A muscle in Jared's jaw twitched. "I want something from you that you can't give me, and to be honest, I don't have the confidence to keep myself from pushing you to do things you don't want to do. We need to draw a line. I never wanted to say this In a word, but for me, it is really better to obediently pretend to be good friends."

Gabriel swallowed, and began to have a bad feeling. "What do you mean?"

Jared's lips pursed into a line. "No kissing, no hands and feet. I'm going out to play and have sex with someone else." He gently pulled his arm out of Gabriel's relaxed palm and walked out of the room, leaving behind him frozen in place. Gabriel.

The downstairs door slammed shut, and Gabriel's knees gave way.He sits heavily on Jared's bed, his eyes open and empty.

All right.He has to think rationally.it's not a big deal.Didn't they make an appointment before?That's what he planned when he was in America: He'd try to make Jared happy, and Jared could do it with other people.He wanted that relationship before — and he still wants it now.He doesn't care who Jared sleeps with, it's none of his business.Those one-night stands that couldn't get Jared to leave him were nothing to be afraid of, and he didn't care about those bed partners at all.

But now, his stomach was like a hard iron ball, bumping around in his body, trying to rush out of his throat.

Gabriel pulled his legs up to his chest and hugged his knees.He took a deep breath, trying to suppress the sickening nausea in his body.His chest was throbbing, but he didn't know why.What happened to him?He'd never cared so much about Jared going out for a one-night stand.As long as Jared loved him, everything would be fine, wouldn't it?

Gabriel's eyes fell to the side, and he saw Jared's shirt on the bed.

Gabriel picked up the clothes, looked at them for a long time, and then put the clothes in front of his nose.The clothes smelt of the hospital, and of Jared.He took another greedy breath, his body shrank slightly because of shame.If Jared knew—it was bad enough now, he could barely look Jared in the eye these days because of that night—a night he didn't want to think about.Just thinking about it brings a blush to his cheeks.He may have just been on a whim at the time, and he just happened to be a little horny that day.Maybe the scene where Jared was masturbating hit him a little bit.Maybe.

But it doesn't matter what you say now, does it?Jared wants them to go back and be friends again.What he said also made sense, it would be better this way, they wouldn't be confused, they wouldn't be so close, and they wouldn't be so nervous anymore.Between them—their relationship—it wasn't healthy, it wasn't normal.They have been trapped in the forbidden place between friends and lovers, love without desire, tepid.They had to compromise, Jared had nothing to blame for wanting to have sex, and he couldn't make Jared look like a monk in the future.Gabriel wasn't that selfish, and he couldn't be that selfish.

He can do it.

He can.

This is for everyone's benefit.No more kissing, no more touching, just friends.Jared could have sex with someone else and come home and be fine, no complications.

A lump pressed against his throat and he remained motionless.It was as if something was scratching inside him, trying to carve a way out.That's his heart.