Just a Bit Unhealthy

Originally, Jared liked the airport very much.He likes to hear the different dialects and languages ​​here, and he likes to see the different costumes and traditions here.He loves watching people improvise at airports to pick up bland souvenirs that only foreigners find amusing.He loves hearing people share their insights on London: the confusing subway, favorite tourist spots and subtle cultural differences in food.

But he had never seen anything like it, so many people crying and embracing their loved ones, with desperate looks, before they even got on a plane to America.Maybe he just hadn't noticed before.Every time he leaves England he knows he will be back, but not this time.He will miss England.Jared smiled to himself, thinking of those icy, rainy nights in Stoke.If you think about it carefully, you probably won't miss it.

He glanced at his watch.Boarding soon.

"Jared!"

He froze and turned around.

Gabriel pushed through the crowd and came towards him.

Jared's heart skipped a beat, then started beating violently, so loudly that he couldn't concentrate.He had a little thought of just walking away like this.But he couldn't help but look at him greedily, this was the last time he saw him, and just thinking about it made his heart ache.

Then he saw a few chattering reporters following Gabriel, constantly asking him questions.Xiaojia should be wearing sunglasses, otherwise how would he be recognized?

Jared stepped forward, walked up to him in the middle, and regardless of what the reporters asked, he grabbed Gabriel's arm without saying a word and led him to the nearest bathroom.

After pushing Gabriel inside, Jared closed the door, locked it, and turned to face Gabriel. "What are you doing here? You should—"

Gabriel fell on top of him in an instant.There's no other way to describe his movement: he literally slumped, his face buried in Jared's shoulders, his arms wrapped around Jared's waist. "Don't go," he said, his voice breaking. "Please. I can't do it, I really—I can't live without you."

Jared closed his eyes.His arms went up and around Gabriel, hugging him tightly.Gabriel whimpered and rubbed his neck, stirring up a surge of love in Jared that had nowhere to rest and was painful.It never occurred to him that a person could miss the person he was holding in his arms.His throat clenched from the pain of losing this man, he hugged Gabriel harder, but it felt like grabbing a handful of sand that slipped through his fingers.

"Meeting you, I don't regret it," Jared said, and Gabriel just let out a sound that sounded a lot like a sniff.

"Okay," Jared said softly, pinching Gabriel's chin, forcing him to look up.A pair of wet green eyes met his, and Jared's chest shivered.Gabriel never cried, not even when he was paralyzed, when all their treatments and exercises didn't seem to work, he never cried.Even if others boo him and boo him, he doesn't cry.Gabriel never cried with a red nose, nor let tears stain his bright, clear eyes.

but now.

"do not--"

"I'm not crying," Gabriel said, cocking his chin stubbornly and staring at him. "I never cry."

Jared smiled, wiping the tears from the corners of Gabriel's eyes. "In a few years, or a few months, you'll look back on today and laugh at yourself how stupid you were to not be without me."

As soon as Gabriel opened his mouth, Jared put a finger on his lips. "You'll find out. You're young, and—" He swallowed. "The way you feel about me...is not healthy for you. You're better off without me. This...will pass and you'll be stronger for it."

He could see that Gabriel wanted to retort, but his expression changed suddenly. "What about you?" he asked instead.

"I'll be fine too." Eventually.Should be.Jared forced a smile. "I don't want to be an antisocial depressed lonely bachelor. Maybe one day, I will fall in love with someone who loves me." At least that's what he believes-believing that he will fall in love with someone else.Jared put a smile on his face. "Everything will be fine, just watch."

Gabriel just looked at him as if he didn't understand a word he was saying.

The boarding announcement sounded, Jared cleared his throat, let go of his hands and stuck them to his sides, and felt his arms were empty for a moment. "It's about my plane, I'm leaving."

Gabriel was still staring at him blankly, pale.

Jared came to the door, but stopped to take one last look back: one more time at the dusky blond hair, one more time at those green eyes he loved so much, and one more time at Gabriel's soft lips.Gabriel's lips quivered as he tried to say something.

Jared's legs moved on their own, and he cupped Gabriel's face in his hands. "I'm so proud of you," he whispered, touching his forehead.He took a deep breath, inhaling his scent greedily.Gabriel, his little plus. "Remember." He kissed the corner of Gabriel's mouth lightly, feeling his trembling lips.He kissed the other side again, whispering. "Goodbye, Xiaojia."

He pulled away to go, but Gabriel grabbed his clothes, tears swirling in his begging eyes.

"Let go," Jared said, looking away.He can't look at him, he feels that he is not that strong yet, if Gabriel looks at him like that again, he can't refuse.

silence.

Then he felt Gabriel's fingers release, slowly, release him.

He should have breathed a sigh of relief.

But he didn't.

He took a step back, unlocked the door, and walked out of the toilet.

He ignored the reporters and walked away, feeling more empty with every step he took.

Goodbye.

the second part

wandering