Just a Bit Unhealthy

She woke up in the middle of the night because of the urgency to urinate.Claire opened her eyes in a daze and rubbed them.She glanced aside, the other side of the bed was empty.Gabriel was not in bed again.

She pursed her lips and stood up with difficulty.God, it's only seven and a half months pregnant, and she already feels like a baby elephant.She wasn't sure if she would make it through the remaining two-odd months.Maybe they really should have waited, as Gabriel thought: they had enough trouble, no need for another child.Gabriel hadn't reacted as positively to her pregnancy as Claire had thought, and his mood had gotten worse the closer it got to her due date, and she wasn't the only one to notice.Thankfully, Gabriel's public relations manager kind of contained the fire he created in the first game of the season-he spread the word that Gabriel was just in a bad mood because his doctor was leaving.Both the public and the mainstream media accepted this explanation: everyone knew the story of Gabriel's miraculous recovery from his injured spine.This is a great explanation.

This explanation is good because it is true.

Sometimes she wished it wasn't true.

Claire sighed.Frankly, she was pretty happy when she learned that Jared had left the UK.

She liked Jared—he couldn't get people to hate him, and he was radiantly handsome—but his relationship with Gabriel had always made her… uncomfortable.Seriously, she'd always been a little jealous of him, always been so close to Gabriel.She knew her jealousy was unwarranted.Jared may be gay, but their relationship is very platonic; Gabriel is straight as an arrow, and he loves her.only……

It's just that there's something in Jared and Gabriel's relationship that Gabriel doesn't have in her relationship: intimacy.Gabriel loved her and wanted her, but he never opened up to her.Even when they had made love and lay naked together, she still felt that there was a distance between them.This is an invisible but real gap.Gabriel doesn't like cuddling after sex, he's not the crooked kind—well, it's different with Jared.When he was with Jared, he was very clingy, always picking on him at every opportunity.After thinking about it calmly, he also understood why Gabriel was so relaxed when Jared touched him: after all, Gabriel had been paralyzed for several months, and he might have gotten used to Jared touching him every day.It was only natural that he trusted his former physical therapist so much, and there was nothing to be jealous of.

Claire glanced at the empty side of the bed again, frowning.Who is she lying to?She knew she was jealous of Jared.Gabriel may love her, but he doesn't need her.When he's sad, he only goes to Jared.Jared was the only person he needed.

Claire suddenly remembered the game against Arsenal last season, and twitched the corner of her mouth.It was a London derby, a big one, and Gabriel's team lost because the referee had somehow ruled out Gabriel's goal.Gabriel was furious and very sad.Claire tried to comfort him, but Gabriel yelled at her to go, saying he didn't need company, so Claire went for a walk, leaving him for a few minutes to calm down.She came back a few minutes later and saw Gabriel clung to Jared, his expression calm and relaxed, Jared stroking his back and whispering something in his ear.Claire stayed where she was, watching it all, feeling like an outsider, unable to intervene.

That's why she was glad Jared resigned and returned to America.She thought that in this way her boyfriend belonged entirely to her.

Claire chuckled.She is so naive.

The desire to urinate came up again, so she had no choice but to get out of bed and walk gently to the bathroom.

After going to the bathroom, she walked back to the bedroom, and suddenly stopped, looking at the empty bed.Where did he go?

Claire turned and left the room.

Gabriel found out that the house she bought after she became pregnant was big and luxurious.This is her dream house.But now, in the darkness, the whole house seemed empty and cold.Claire held her belly.Soon the house will not be empty again.

She found Gabriel downstairs.

He fell asleep on the couch, moonlight pouring in through the open window, illuminating his features.The moonlight was quite gentle on him, softening the bags under his eyes.

Claire stared at him for a while, and then saw the mobile phone on his chest.She was hesitant, but still wanted to see it.

Cautiously, she picked up Gabriel's phone and looked at the screen.

The mailbox software was still open, Claire frowned, and found that Gabriel had saved a few emails in the draft box.It was meant to be sent to Jared, but none of them were sent.Sitting quietly on the sofa next to Gabriel, she began to read her earliest emails, those from more than a month ago.

...

Claire asked me to say hello to you.She doesn't know why you left, so I can't tell her we're not in touch anymore.That's why I have to write these.Say hello to her.

...

The new doctor is very nice, her name is Anne Boye, she is very humorous and very pretty.She is the only female team doctor in our Super League.Isn't it great?

I really like her.She is great.She is not mean to me and never forces me to quit my favorite food.She doesn't care about me, that's fine.

...

Tristan really is a bitch.He somehow made it to the England national team.Everyone somehow treats me like a ticking time bomb.They probably thought I was going to be angry and jealous, but I didn't care.Feel free to be arrogant.

...

We don't know the sex of the baby yet.Claire wants to save the surprise for last.I don't know if I care or not, and it scares me.Shouldn't I care a lot?I'm terrified that I'm going to be a bad dad.

...

After training today, my muscles are sore.Ron's massage was really bad.He had the guts to blame me for not being relaxed enough, for cringing when I was touched.Can he blame me for his wrong methods?

I kind of hope I'll be on the bench for the next game.I hate playing right winger anyway.

...

I found your t-shirt in the closet today, I think it's the one you wore when we went hiking in June.It smells of summer and sunshine on top.I really miss summer.

...

I didn't sleep again last night.I asked Rebecca for sleeping pills again, but she refused me and snitched on the coach.I knew she hated me.

...

The coach forced me to see a psychiatrist.You know I hate psychiatrists.They always twist what you said into what you didn't say.

Dr. Setter is fine, but she keeps asking silly questions.Today she asked me why I didn't marry Claire as if it was none of her business.Is a piece of paper that important?Claire doesn't care, and neither do I.

...

Today the coach yelled at me again.do not know why.He's been like this lately.Maybe I should pay more attention.

...

It is raining again.Sometimes I feel like the rain never stops.

Maybe I should accept Barcelona's offer and move to Spain next year.There is nothing to miss here.At least it was warmer there.

...

jay i

...

You see, it's all your fault.It's you who made me like this.So go die.I wish you sad every day, wish you every day is monotonous and difficult.I hope that once you see my photo, you will spend all your money begging me for a hug.I wish you can't sleep well, even if you fall asleep, you still dream of me, even if you wake up, you still feel cold all over, you just want to continue to sleep, but you just can't fall asleep.

...

This is the last undelivered email, written tonight.

Claire closed the email software, staring blankly at the dark room.OMG, OMG.She was pregnant, but had Gabriel always thought that?

so sad.Even more sad than his views on marriage.

Gabriel didn't even bother to ask.He never asked her if she wanted to get married.Why would he acquiesce that she doesn't care?She clearly hinted several times, she said that her dream is to hold a grand wedding.

Shaking her head, Claire persuaded herself not to be naive.Many players are not married to their girlfriends, and many famous players have close lovers and children, but they are not married - so she feels that she should not feel sad.Gabriel loved her, he really did.But she really wanted him to ask her opinion.

There were other things she wanted to know too.

Claire doesn't know why you left.

Isn't she the closest person to Gabriel?Why did he hide it from her?Why is he so distant?

Claire racked her brains to recall what had gone wrong, but she just couldn't.They used to be very happy, but in retrospect everything seems to have happened in a previous life.They met at a party two years ago, and she thought it was love at first sight. She was mesmerized by his good but unique looks, his fame, and his sparkling green eyes.He was with her all night, and she couldn't believe she was so lucky: he was a rising football star, and she was just an obscure young model.But he looked fascinated, watching her all the time.They spent the night together, but he seemed to want to go further.He asks her out.Then they made another date, and then another.

For a moment, she was overjoyed, but as time went on and Gabriel's passion faded, she was terrified.She was beginning to fear that Gabriel would tire of her after the hot period was over.Did he love her enough to settle down with her?He is young and famous, and his girlfriend can be picked at will.At this time, her friends all suggested that she use the trick of pregnancy to tie Gabriel.She did, but was she right or wrong?

Claire held her belly.She must be right.

Beside him, Gabriel woke up with a start.Claire quickly put the phone on the sofa.

"Claire?" he murmured listlessly. "Why aren't you in bed?"

"Then why aren't you here?"

Gabriel yawned. "I couldn't sleep, so I came out for a while. I didn't want to wake you up. How did you wake up? Is it because of the child?"

"No," Claire said, covering her stomach with her hands, covering the fruit of their love. "Not because of the child."

Gabriel yawned again. "What's the matter?"

Claire bit her lip. "Why is Jared leaving?"

In the moonlight, she couldn't see his expression clearly, but his silence said everything.

"Does it matter?" Gabriel finally spoke, with a strange sense of tension in his tone.

"I'm just curious." Could he be lying?Will he tell the truth?What is the truth?

"I told you—he's homesick."

"Come on," she said.

The long silence fell heavily again.

"It's a private matter," Gabriel replied simply. "It's a private matter between me and Jared."

She clenched her fists. "I am the mother of your child. What is private between us is private."

"It's different."

"Why is it different?" She could barely control her voice. "Aren't your personal affairs with Jared different from those of the rest of us?"

"Don't mess with you—"

"I can't take it anymore, I don't want to be third again," Claire whispered. "Jared's gone, I thought things were finally going to change, but you're too busy grieving over him to have time for me. We're going to have a baby in less than two months , Xiaojia. Child!" Her voice changed. "Don't you care at all?"

He sat up, wrapped his arms around her shoulders, and pressed his nose against her cheek. "Don't be silly," said Gabriel anxiously. "Of course I care. I'm glad we're going to have a baby. I've always wanted a home, you know. It's always been my dream."

Claire took a shaky breath. "I know. But sometimes I feel...sometimes I feel like it's just a kid's dream. It's just a wish, it's not real. It's like...like when you put the shiny trophy in the cupboard, Take it out for special occasions, but you don’t use it every day.”

"Okay, don't lose your temper."

"Tanter?" Claire smiled without a smile. "You know what I'm afraid of? I'm afraid that as soon as the baby is born, you're going to keep the baby in the back row. After Jared and the football—"

"Jared's gone," Gabriel interrupted, taking his hand away. "He's not coming back."

A laugh escaped her throat. "Just continue to comfort yourself. It seems that you are the one who can't accept the reality and let go of the past."

Gabriel said nothing.Claire wished she could see his face, but was a little thankful she couldn't.

"I never asked," she whispered, looking at her hands. "I never want to be the kind of girlfriend who makes my boyfriend give up his friends for me. But now I feel like I should. Because your relationship with him...before...was just too much. It was so disturbing, So intimate." She smiled. "You know, sometimes I feel like he's your boyfriend and I'm just your friend with benefits."

"You know I don't like men," Gabriel said wearily.

"That's the only thing stopping me from asking you to break off with him." Claire gritted her teeth.But in fact, she felt that she couldn't win at all.

"Why are you doing this?" Gabriel asked. "What's the point? Jared's gone. You should be glad."

Claire slumped on the couch. "How can I be happy when you are so depressed?"

"I'm not depressed," Gabriel said flatly.

Claire snorted contemptuously. "Yeah. You just hardly sleep, you hardly eat, and you play soccer without passion. So, you're not depressed at all."

"I'm not depressed," Gabriel said again, as if repeating it would make it true. "I just...I just want to take it easy. I'm going to take it easy, really, that's what Jared said."

Claire felt uneasy hearing the determination and despair in his voice.Jared said.His feelings are far from over.

what exactly is it?Some weird dependency?Is it love?Is this platonic love that strong?She didn't understand, and she didn't dare to ask, because she was afraid of hearing the answer she asked.

"You miss him," she whispered, clasping her hands.

Gabriel smiled.The sound of laughter was distorted. "Think? I didn't miss him..." The more he spoke, the deeper he got.

When he spoke again, his voice was almost inaudible, with disgust. "I'm just empty and feeling empty."

Claire bit her lip.God.

"It will pass," he whispered, holding her hand tightly, "it will pass, I promise."

His grip hurt her, but she didn't complain. "Okay," she replied feeling unashamed.For their children, she could only believe it.