Just a Bit Unhealthy

"He looks like a little monkey," Gabriel said, looking at the baby.The baby's skin was red and ugly, completely different from the cute little babies he had seen on TV.

Claire laughed, although she was still a little tired looking. "All newborns are a bit like monkeys." She held the baby to him. "Come on, give him a hug."

He hesitated for a moment, then looked at the child uneasily.The baby looks too delicate. "I'd drop him, or hurt him."

"Don't be silly, you won't. Come on."

Gabriel carefully took the baby from her.Damn, it's so small it feels weightless.Oh, can't say it anymore: it's him.his son.

"Hi," he said clearing his throat. "Hi, little one."

The baby boy opened his confused eyes, and Gabriel held his breath for an instant.His eyes are dark blue. "He has blue eyes."

"Many newborns have blue eyes, and the pupil color is likely to change later. Neither of us have blue eyes."

Gabriel stroked the dark hair on the baby's head.He hoped the color wouldn't change.

"Claire is going to rest," Claire's doctor reminded. "Give me the baby, Monsieur Dewar."

Gabriel obediently complied.

Claire gave him a weary smile and held out her hand.He caught that hand and held it.

She gave him a probing look. "are you happy?"

Gabriel smiled. "Of course I'm happy." He glanced at the doctor. "Go to sleep for a while. You must be exhausted." He leaned over and kissed her lightly, and smiled again before leaving the room.

As soon as he stepped outside, the smile on his face disappeared.

God, I'm so tired.He wasn't a natural liar like Tristan--that little bastard could look someone in the eye and tell a complete bullshit lie without changing his face.He had absolutely no idea how Tristan did it.For Gabriel, putting on a smiley face and all that stuff was exhausting.If it wasn't for Claire, he wouldn't bother to pretend, but she was too worried, and he didn't want to upset a pregnant woman.She doesn't need to know the mess in his head now, or how pathetic he is now.It's been months, damn it.He shouldn't want to curl up in a ball, close his eyes, and hope that this is all just a nightmare, that Jared isn't out of his life forever.

forever.

Gabriel felt a tightness in his throat and quickened his pace.He wants some fresh air.He hated hospitals, hated every tall dark-haired man in a white coat making him breathless.This is so fucking stupid.Jared rarely wears a white coat, preferring to wear a nursing suit.But maybe now Jared is wearing a white coat.But how could he know.

Gritting his teeth, Gabriel pushed open the front door and walked out.

It was raining outside, the pattering cold rain of November, but this rain couldn't stop the reporter who had been squatting outside the door for a long time.

Gabriel walked straight to his car with a look of disgust on his face.He kept walking, blocking all the microphones sticking out to his face, trying his best to ignore the harsh questions coming from all directions.

"Gabriel, what's your son's name?"

"Gabriel, what do you think of your brother's outstanding performance in the England national team?"

"Gabriel, what do you think Chelsea's chances of winning the league are after the draw with Manchester United?"

"Gabriel, are you going to marry your girlfriend?"

"Gabriel, are you still unhappy that your brother took your right wing position?"

"Gabriel, are you..."

He got into his car, closed the door from the reporter's face, and locked it with trembling hands.The reporters were still relentless, knocking on the car windows and shouting non-stop.Gabriel Gabriel Gabriel.

Gabriel couldn't breathe. He tried to loosen his collar, but his coat didn't have a collar.He wasn't being strangled: it was just a figment of his imagination.

He slumped back in his chair, watching the rain beat against the windshield, pretending not to feel the great emptiness in his chest.

Shouldn't everything be fine by now?

Maybe next month, Gabriel said to himself—said last month.