Just a Bit Unhealthy

Gabriel took off his coat, looked at the crowded room, his heart beat faster and faster, and he was even a little dizzy.He shouldn't have come.What is he doing here?Why did he listen to Tristan instead of anyone?

Because you have always wanted to do this, a voice said in his heart.Because he just needs one last push from Tristan.Because Jared has been wrong all along.Time does not dilute everything.If time is useful, it just makes him feel more and more uncomfortable every day, making him uninterested in anything.The football doesn't want to be played, the child doesn't want to be hugged, and Claire doesn't want to care about it.He could no longer deny that something was wrong with him.He remembers that he used to love football very much, loved Claire deeply, and dreamed of starting a family, but now he doesn't feel this feeling at all.It was as if something inside him had suddenly broken and lost its function.Sometimes he wondered if there was something really wrong with him, if Jared was the only one who could make him feel loved.He used to be happy with Claire, but that's probably because he was also inundated with Jared's love.His relationship with Jared had a huge impact on his state of mind, and it had a huge impact on his relationships with other people, more than he could have imagined.Now that Jared's gone, he doesn't feel anything—just that he's not whole, that he's disconnected from the world.Damn, there's more than something wrong with him.

Worst of all, apparently Jared isn't exactly like him.Apparently Jared is doing well, should have said very well.He was obviously too busy flirting with some Yankee to think about him.

"Hi! Looking for someone?"

Gabriel shuddered and turned his head away.A blond man was watching him curiously, but he didn't seem to recognize him.In this place, on the other side of the ocean, few people knew him.

"Well, yes," Gabriel said. "Where's Jared?"

"It should be in the kitchen." The man pointed to the left. "I'm Sean."

After thanking him in a low voice, Gabriel walked over there, but for some reason his footsteps were a little unsteady.

In front of the kitchen door, he stopped suddenly.

Jared is not alone.He was accompanied by a man—Oscar Moen—who was all attached to him.They were kissing, Jared's hand on Moen's ass, and Moen moaned as he rubbed Jared, his fingers tangled in Jared's hair.

During this too long and excruciating moment, Gabriel suddenly felt that his heart had lost its ability to beat.He couldn't breathe.So it's true.It's all true.

He must have made some noise, because Jared stopped kissing and turned his head.

Jared was stunned.They stared at each other steadily, the noise of the party seemed to be far away from them.Jared felt his heart pounding in his ears.

"Hey, you're Gabriel Duval."

Gabriel struggled to take his eyes off Jared and looked at Moen.He almost laughed out loud, although he looked at this man without any pleasure in his heart.It seems that Moen is the only person in America who can recognize him at a glance.

"Yes, who are you?" Gabriel knew that his tone was not very good, but he didn't care.He has never been a kind person, let alone change suddenly for this bastard.

"This is Oscar Moen, my boyfriend," Jared said, wrapping his arms around Moen.

Gabriel swallowed, and looked at the hand on Moen's hip for a long moment before raising his eyes to look at Jared's face.Jared was expressionless, he couldn't see what Jared was thinking, it was too uncomfortable.It shouldn't be like this.He'd imagined -- fantasized -- seeing Jared again, but never imagined it would turn out like this.Jared shouldn't be looking at him like this without interest, let alone sticking to this blonde man.

Gabriel forced a smile. "Nice to meet you. Can Jared lend me a moment?"

Moen gave him a strange look, but nodded and left the kitchen.Gabriel held his breath as Moen passed him: he could smell Jared's cologne on him.

He closed the door behind Moen and turned.

Jared's expression remained unchanged. "What are you doing here?"

Gabriel didn't know what to say.He shouldn't have come.Claire thought he was training with his teammates in the training center now.Chelsea have a game tomorrow on Boxing Day, and he should never have flown to America today.The coach will definitely kill him if he finds out.And Jared wasn't happy to see him either.Everything he had planned now seemed utterly foolish.Jared has come out, and Jared doesn't care anymore.Jared has a fresh and delicious boyfriend.

① Boxing Day, the first day after Christmas.

"Nice to meet you, too, Jay."

Jared looked away. "Gabriel—"

"I'm glad you remember my name." His voice became a little husky, but Gabriel couldn't stop.His heart hurts so fucking badly.He's been out of his mind for months, feeling nothing and mixed emotions, but Jared seems to be having a good fucking time. "Wow, you're so quick. I thought it would be at least another year before you could 'love' another human being again."

Jared didn't even look at him. "Is Claire okay?"

"She's fine. We have a son named Jules."

"Congratulations," Jared said coldly, and immediately headed for the door. "I have to go. Oscar is waiting for me—"

Gabriel grabbed his arm.

He felt Jared's muscles tighten in his hands.

"Let go," Jared told him, his voice eerily calm.

"Do you love him?"

Jared looked at the closed door. "like."

"You're lying." He grabbed Jared by the shoulders and pulled him closer. "You're fucking lying!"

Jared's expression was very complicated, and all the muscles in his body were stiff after being touched by him like this. "I'm fine with him. Leave me alone."

Gabriel clenched his hands. "Look me in the eye and say you love him, and then I'll leave and never come back."

Jared clenched his jaw. "He's just the kind of boyfriend I want."

"You didn't answer the question."

Jared looked him in the eyes and said, "I love him. You are in the past, and I don't love you anymore."

Gabriel gasped, his stomach churning.

"Prove it to me," he whispered, hating himself for being so pathetic.

"How do I prove it?"

"Hold me and I'll know. I've always known you."

A look of emotion flashed across Jared's face. "You are too stupid."

"Then prove me stupid," Gabriel demanded again, more firmly this time. "If you're telling the truth, you have nothing to hide, right?"

Jared didn't move.

"Don't tell me you still have something to hide from me?" Gabriel raised his eyebrows as he spoke.

Pursing his lips, Jared raised his arms and gave him a quick hug before letting go—but Gabriel grabbed him by the shirt. "I want to really hug. Are you afraid?"

Jared gritted his teeth anxiously, pulled him into his arms and hugged him so hard that he couldn't breathe.Gabriel didn't care so much: when Jared hugged him, his whole body melted. He wanted to hide in his body, lurk under his skin, and never leave.Jared cursed again, hugging him harder, oh my god, the smell of Jared, Jared hugging his arms, his strength - it felt so good, so good, everything So perfect, it almost made him roll over.His body had been cold for too long, and now he finally warmed up.He felt warm, cherished and loved.

"Honey," Jared called hoarsely, kissing Gabriel on the brow, then down his cheek, his breathing trembling and messy.

Gabriel laughed—Jared hadn't called him that in years. "I miss you," he said softly, closing his eyes, attached to his touch, and letting Jared kiss his face. "I really want to."

"I know," Jared answered him, sliding his lips over Gabriel's face and taking a deep breath.He didn't seem to be in any better shape than Gabriel: he couldn't seem to get enough of it.God, he'd been longing for it.Longing to sometimes feel that this desire will wear through his soul.

Gabriel sighed softly, feeling Jared kiss the corner of his mouth, then the other, and his lips parted in comfort. "say you Love Me."

"You selfish little brat," Jared said, but the love in his voice made Gabriel's toes warm.

"Say it," he continued, running his hand through Jared's hair, which was a little longer than usual.

"I love you," Jared gasped against his cheek, "love you."

Gabriel laughed, feeling sparks of happiness before his eyes. "Look, you're mine," he said softly. "Not his."

Jared froze.He cursed under his breath, let go of him, stepped back, stared at him and said, "What the hell are you thinking, Gabe? You're a fucking selfish man! I'm not yours, I have an Oscar now— —”

"But you said you loved me. You just said that!"

Jared gritted his teeth and shook his head. "So what—"

"What?" Gabriel growled. "You don't need him! You love me, and I love you—"

"Stop saying you love," Jared cut him off. "You don't love me at all."

Gabriel smiled. "Thank you for the reminder. Then tell me why I can't live without you."

Jared sighed, ran a hand through his hair, and turned away. "I don't know what the hell you're here for. You don't mean anything at all. You have your own life, you have a family, you have a son. You have no place for me in your life—never—"

"Who said there is no such thing."

"Not the position I wanted," Jared said quietly, sounding tired. "You can't give me what I want."

"Then Moen can?"

"Yeah, he can." Jared looked at him. "I can't love you like a brother or a friend. I have needs."

Gabriel blushed suddenly. "I know," he said a little coyly. "I'm not stupid. I understand."

"No, you don't understand at all," Jared retorted. "I want to kiss you, I want to kiss you all over your body, I want to put hickeys on every corner of your body. I want to put you under me, spread your legs, and put my penis in you in vivo--"

"Stop it!" Gabriel shouted red-faced.

Jared gave a wry smile, and the pain that followed pierced him. "Ha, you know what I mean." Before Gabriel could answer, he left.