Rest and Be Thankful

Cam opened his eyes for a moment before realizing where he was.

A series of sensory impressions rushed to my face at once: it was dark and he was in bed.The alarm clock's red numbers wobbled in the dark, telling him it was "23:41."The warm hand on his crotch came from the man lying beside him.

Rob.

He was in Rob Armstrong's bedroom, and it would be midnight on New Year's Eve.The beginning of the new year.

Cam waited for the usual apprehension to creep up on him when he woke up, but it didn't this time.

Did you regret having sex with Rob?Regret because for the first time in your life, you have revealed your heart and said what you really want?

I want you to put me on my knees... I want- whatever.

He thought carefully, and slowly blinked his eyes to wake up.No, and no regrets either.Even thinking of how surrendered and indulged he was in front of Rob, he didn't have any regrets.

Well, he has no regrets, and for the first time, no stress while sober.Nothing but the warm night and Rob's warm body beside him.and a rare sense of satisfaction.

Cam moved, rubbing his hip against Rob's groin as he moved.His movement made Rob move behind him, and his hand stretched across Cam's crotch before moving up to caress his chest.

His breath sprayed on Cam's neck, and he asked sleepily, "What time is it?"

Cam liked the sound of his voice, its sleepy husky.

"It's 15 minutes to midnight," he whispered back.

"The bell is about to ring. Do you want to..." Rob's voice trailed off, and his tone was a little uncertain. Cam turned his head to study his expression, but he could only see the outline of his head.

"what?"

"Wake up? Welcome to the New Year?"

"Okay," Cam replied cautiously, wondering why Rob had suddenly become cautious. "Ok, deal."

Rob didn't say anything else, just turned around, turned on the bedside lamp, the dim light filled the bedroom, and then rolled over and got out of bed.Cam blinked at him.Rob quickly pulled up his pants, pulled on his T-shirt, and turned his back to Cam, making no eye contact.

It's like he can't wait to get some distance from him.

Maybe Rob regretted the two having sex?

Ignoring the thumping disappointment at the thought, Cam forced himself out of bed and searched the floor for the stray clothes.He found the jeans and underwear first, and put them on.But he couldn't find the T-shirt anywhere, and when he looked at Rob to ask, the cautious look on Rob's face made him feel sick to his stomach.Cam looked away again, staring blankly at the floor without saying a word.Now, a vague sense of regret has finally sprouted.

Tonight he exposed his innermost self to Rob.He's not going to do it lightly -- he's certainly not doing it with any Gomorra hookup -- but when he's with Rob, let himself be naked, let Rob see himself naked Desire, it feels right.But now he was beginning to feel that trusting his instincts was wrong, that it was silly to reveal so much, that it was stupid to show it.

please, oh, please...

Just remembering how he said those words made him sick.

"Cam?"

Cam looked up suddenly.Rob was watching him worriedly.

"Are you okay?" Rob asked.

Cam found himself confronted with this question and relied on the default answers again.

"It's okay, I'm fine."

From past experience, this answer is perfunctory enough for anyone, but Rob doesn't seem to believe him. Cam smiled reassuringly, and his eyebrows furrowed even deeper.

"No, you're not good," Rob said.He took a few steps forward to shorten the distance between the two, and stopped right in front of Cam. He was quiet for a while, his eyes searching.Then he stretched out his hands, clasped Cam's round and bare shoulders, and slowly stroked the warm skin with his thumbs.

Cam felt himself pinned to the spot by Rob's attention.There was no escaping the feeling—Rob saw right through him.

"Are you regretting we slept?" Rob asked quietly.

"I didn't, I didn't!" Cam exclaimed, blushing immediately when he thought that his words revealed his inner thoughts.Especially when he asked helplessly, "Do you regret it?"

At this, Rob looked comically confused: "No. Do you think I regret it?"

Cam didn't speak, just looked for the slight changes in Rob's expression, and used clues to deduce what he was thinking.Rob is doing the same, their eyes meeting, as close as Rob is still inside him.There was doubt in Rob's eyes, and perhaps a hint of disbelief.Then, the corners of those wonderful eyes wrinkled slightly.Cam felt that whatever doubts Rob had had just now, everything was revealed now, because now his eyes were smiling again, and his eyes were soft and affectionate.

"I don't regret it at all, Cam," he said. "I couldn't be happier with what happened. If you really want to hear me say it—what I'm thinking right now—then I will. I don't want to have just one night. I want to do it again. No It's just sex, it's everything. Talk, dinner, getting to know each other." He smiles again, open and unafraid. "It's okay if you feel differently than me, but, that's my interpretation. It's my thoughts on everything that happened."

Cam stared at Rob for a long time, overwhelmed by his courage to speak his mind so frankly and bluntly.

Confessing desires in bed like Cam used to is hard enough.But doing that—saying you want someone more than sex—is harder.

At this moment, Cam realized that expressing desire, even need, might not be a symptom of weakness but a display of strength.And sometimes—perhaps—it can be a sign of cowardice to let yourself carry everything.

After all—he thought of the landslide at the rest station, even a mountain can't always be unshakable.

Cam swallowed hard. "I'd like to come back later, too," he said.He put his hands on Rob's hips and pulled him in front of him until they were close together. "I want to know what happens next."

And then Rob laughed—a total laugh.It wasn't just his eyes, but the corners of his mouth were smiling too, the lips were curled up, the teeth were showing, and man, that contagious smile made him a completely different person.Cam couldn't help but laugh too.

"Great," Rob said firmly. "It's—that's great." He slid his hand down the back of Cam's neck, pulling him toward him for a quick, deep kiss, then backed away, still smiling. "Come on, the bell is about to ring. Let's welcome the New Year together."

Cam laughed too. "Wait until I get the champagne out of the bag. Let's celebrate."

***

Rob tunes into a radio station that's broadcasting wild parties on the streets of the capital.The bell was a few minutes away, and Cam was uncorking the bottle, turning the wire holder that held the cork in place.

As soon as he unscrewed it, he fixed the body of the bottle, and with a twist, there was a loud "bang", the cork fell off, and a pile of foam burst out.

"Come on," said Rob, as soon as the wine was poured. "Let's go to the water's edge to see."

He took Cam's hand and led him into the dark greenhouse.Through the transmission of electromagnetic waves, the voices of crowds in the city sound almost unreal.Screams of joy, high-pitched music, and a sense of excitement ready to go—fireworks, kisses, and bells.But here on the peaceful lakeshore, a few miles from the village of Inverbeach, there is no such commotion.There is only stillness, darkness and quiet lake water.

And Cam.

Cam stood beside him.This man, a few days ago, Rob met and had to cross the street to avoid it.

The snow has stopped, but there is still a thin layer on the ground.

The snow shone brightly, glowing in the dark, and now the clouds were gone and the sky was clear.

"It's almost zero!" the announcer yelled over the radio over the shouts of the crowd. "Countdown: ten, nine, eight..."

Rob looked at Cam. "Soon," he murmured.Even though it was dark outside, the glimmer of light from the snow allowed him to make out the line of Cam's jaw, the gleam in his eyes, and the bright teeth that showed when Cam smiled.

"...Three, two, one!"

The first chime came from the radio, low and loud, followed by the crackling of fireworks.Only sound, no picture.The sky above the lake was still very black, with only a few silver dots flashing, and over the distant Edinburgh, colorful fireworks were blooming.

"Happy New Year!" the announcer yelled.

The bell struck again, and Cam raised his hand and ran his thumb over Rob's cheek.He moved closer and pressed his lips to Rob's, a soft kiss different from the passionate one before.There is still heat and passion, but it is unhurried.This time, it carries promises, promises of future enthusiasm, promises of enough time.

The bell strikes again and Rob slides his arms around Cam's waist and pulls him in, deepening the kiss, and he loves the moans that come out of Cam's throat as they kiss.

After that, Rob heard no more bells, or saw invisible fireworks, or the excited commentary of the announcer.He was preoccupied with the perfect kiss right now.

By the time they finally parted, "Auld Lang Syne" was playing to the end, accompanied by countless off-key, drunken choruses.The famous nostalgia song is sung with no reminiscence, as the band on the radio blasts the song, and people laugh as they babble and try to keep up.Whatever the lyrics are, whatever the actual lyrics are, to Rob it means something good is coming, very good things are coming.

That's when Rob realizes—he realizes that even though he's loved Andrew before, for the first time in his life he feels like he's exactly what he wants.

His "Rolling Stones" career was over.

It's really funny, because this house has been his source of stress for years, and this man has been his nemesis for months.

But somehow this house — this place — became home.And Cam?Well, who knows what role Cam will turn into in the future?

Rob raises his glass to toast, and Cam touches it.They drank together, but their eyes met over the rim of the glass, and to Rob, the bubbles popping in his mouth seemed better than any fireworks.

Cam smiled. "Happy New Year," he whispered.

"Happy New Years," Rob replied.

These four words are a promise, not only to himself, but also to Cam.

-The End-