Rest and Be Thankful

Cameron -- Cam -- McMorrow is having a serious, momentous conversation with his sister.

Rob glanced at their table several times while he waited for Var to prepare the food and make coffee.He couldn't see Cam's face at all, but the girl's expression looked first sad, then concerned, and she kept putting her hands on his.Cam shrugged and hunched.He looked...like throwing up his hands in surrender.It's not like the image of Cam in Rob's mind, and somehow he finds the idea unsettling.

Before today, Rob would have called Cam an extremely confident, almost arrogant person.This kind of person will chase after what he wants without hesitation.From their first meeting, Rob had liked his bluntness—at least until Committee officer Pete Bruce made a beeline for the boathouse and gave Cam a formal warning.On that day, Cam's bluntness made him storm out to the coffee shop, walk around the bar, and unceremoniously barge into Rob's private space to confront him.That's probably why Rob - always a laid-back Rob - lost his temper.Otherwise, he probably wouldn't have supported what Var was doing.He's so pissed off about it that he doesn't even deny it when Cam accuses Rob of being the one who reported it.

It's weird for Rob to see men look so different today.He glanced again—Cam had been rubbing his face while his sister was talking, and her expression was earnest and determined.Rob felt his appetite sink.Somehow, seeing Cam so stressed and exhausted made Rob uneasy.

He was glad the kitchen bell had interrupted his thoughts—the food was ready.The dishes were already set when he came to the window, and Var was at the other end of the kitchen, with his back to him, stacking the dishes into the dishwasher, a job she usually complained about.It seemed she was planning to stay away from Cam McMorrow.

Rob picked up the plate without saying a word, closed the small window, put everything on the tray, and brought it to Cam's table.

Irri had spotted him before he arrived—she had put on the expression that people use when they see a waiter coming, put on a social face, and was at once cheerful and distant.

"Here," Rob said, setting down his plate.

Cam rested his arms on the table, but now he leaned back, brushing aside the shredded paper towels.

Rob felt absurdly that his every word and deed as he divided the plates and glasses was under the watchful eyes of the man.It's ridiculous to be overly sensitive to other people's scrutiny, but he senses it anyway.When everything was finally arranged, he straightened up and tucked the tray under his arm. "Use it slowly," he said, wanting to leave quickly, but just as he was about to turn around, a splash of peach and teal on the table caught his eye, on a glossy card, a dazzling gold G-shaped icon It was so familiar that he recognized it immediately.

"Oh, 'Gomorrah'!" he exclaimed. "Holy shit, I haven't been there in years. Are you going to a party on Eve?"

He glanced at Cam, and the smile on his face faded a little when he noticed the man's cautious expression, and he suddenly realized that this might confirm what he had guessed from time to time when the two were still talking—whether Cam gay.

And those occasional, slightly lingering expressions are Rob's own imagination...

After what felt like a long time, Cam finally spoke. "Yes - I'm looking forward to it. I used to go to Gomorra almost every weekend - it must be great to catch up with old friends."

Go to Gomorra every weekend?That means Cam is gay, right?

"It was my Christmas present for him," Ellie said.Her words broke the eerie, renewed tension, and Rob looked gratefully at her. "He needs to get out and have a good time," she added. "He is always working and hasn't relaxed for a long time."

"Yeah, I'm sure he'll do well in Gomorrah." Rob tried to put on a relaxed smile, though he suspected it looked far-fetched, and right now, the only thing he could think of was Cam Mack Moreau laughs, drinks hard liquor, and dances bare-chested in the midst of a frenetic crowd.Gosh, they're all going crazy over him - he's so good looking.

"What about you, Rob?" Elly asked. "How are you going to spend New Year's Eve?"

"I might go to the Stag," said Rob. "The boss usually invites locals to celebrate the New Year together, but declines guests."

As soon as he said it, he wanted to take it back because, of course, Cam was part of the local scene now, but he wasn't invited.

After listening to Rob's words, Cam didn't look up.He just scooped a few spoonfuls of sugar from the bowl on the table to flavor the coffee—busy, very busy.He acted like he hadn't heard, leaving Eli to do the monologue, but Eli stopped looking at Rob.Her attention returned to her brother, with concern in his eyes.

"I, uh, probably don't actually go out," Rob added awkwardly. "It's not a formal party, just a few people getting together for a few drinks."

He explained too much.He knew it himself, and Irri knew it—her face was cold when she finally looked at him. "Well, whatever you do, have a good time," she said politely.

This obviously means "you can go", and Rob takes the cue, wishes them a happy meal again, and returns to the bar, where there is already another customer waiting to pay.

For the next half hour, Rob watched Cam and his sister from time to time, his gaze stealthy but frequent.He watched Ellie stuff half a sandwich and most of the cupcakes into her brother's hands.

As soon as they finished eating and Cam went to the bathroom, Ellie jumped out of her seat.She was already putting on her coat on the way across the table to the bar, and she came up to Rob and opened her purse.

"No need to change," she said, handing Rob fifteen pounds - not only enough to pay the bill, but also a large tip.

He wondered if Yi Li knew what happened between him and Cam.If she had known—if she had listened to Cam's version—she might have thought Rob was narrow-minded and calculating.Not a good idea, and Rob wishes he could refuse to tip - but it would be rude and unrefined to do so, so instead he mumbles thanks and puts the change in the tip jar for Var middle.

"When Cam comes out, can you tell him that I'll go to Spal's to buy something?" Ellie said. "I'll wait for him outside." Before Rob could reply, she left, and the moment she went out, Cam just walked out of the men's bathroom.

Cam looked at the empty tables for a moment, then walked over to the bar, with a wary look on his face that made Rob feel uncomfortable.

"How much do I have to pay?" he asked as he fished out his wallet.

"No," Rob said. "Your sister has already paid. She said she wants to do some shopping in Spare and will wait for you outside."

Cam looked weirdly embarrassed about it, flushed a bit, but he just said, "Okay, thanks."

Just as he turned to leave, Rob found himself blurting out, "Hey, uh- Happy New Years in advance. You're going to have fun, I mean at Gomorrah. We used to love the New Years parties there."

we.

As if he was speaking for himself and Andrew, although to be honest the last time Rob went to Gomorrah, he was with Andrew.That must have been six or seven years ago.

God, he's old.A widower, for goodness sake.

Cam's eyebrows furrowed slightly. "Yes—uh, thanks. You too. Have a good time, yourselves."

Rob didn't need that last reminder.He smiled weakly, and there was another tortured silence before Cam turned and walked out of the café.

After Cam and his sister leave, Var sneaks out of the kitchen.

"He's gone?" she asked cautiously.

Rob mechanically wrapped the cutlery in Christmas paper towels and said without looking up.

"Yes."

After a brief silence, Var said in a weak voice, "You're upset." Out of the corner of his eye Rob could see the dangling hairpin on her head glowing red-green-red-green, but he didn't look. her, or answer her.

"What happened?" After a pause, she asked again.

"It's nothing." He could feel her eyes locked on him carefully.

"If nothing happened," she said quietly, "why are you giving off signs that you're upset?"

Rob sighed when he heard it, not a little sigh, but a heavy sigh, puffing impatiently. "Because I feel terrible," he said. "Cam - I don't know, he looks like he's lost."

"When did you start calling him Cam?" Var asked, somehow finding the least relevant point in his words.

"That's what his sister called him."

"You mean the girl he was with?" Before he could answer, she added, "Well, I don't understand why you feel bad when he's down. How could it be your fault?"

"My God, Var," Rob snapped. "Don't you regret everything that happened?"

"What do you mean?"

Rob puts down the wrapped cutlery. "His sister—the woman he was having dinner with? She was talking to me, and then she said it was nice to finally meet one of Cam's friends." Rob rubbed the back of his neck. "I was going to die when she said that. You know what, Var? I don't think Cam has any friends in Inver Beach."

"That's not your fucking fault!"

"Of course it is!" Rob yelled in confusion. "My fault and yours! If you had told me first, instead of being smart enough to get Pete Bruce into trouble with the houseboat coffee, I would have gone to Cam and settled this like a normal person. But no, you You just have to make the whole thing bigger.”

"I don't see what it has to do with his lack of friends," Var protested in a stubborn whisper.

"Did you? You forgot that after our quarrel you gossiped about him to anyone who would listen? He won't be able to come here after that, and he won't be going to the Stag anytime soon."

"But he shouldn't be out here running wild, right?"

"What else can you expect him to do?" Rob shook his hand. "You fucking call the officials to deal with him."

"He picked things up first!" Var retorted loudly. "What about our cafe?"

Rob was silent for a moment, then spoke quietly. "It's not our coffee shop. It's my coffee shop."

Var stared at him, seemingly hurt, but this time Rob didn't care about her feelings.This must not be allowed to continue.He liked Warr a lot--she was a loyal friend and a pretty good manager--but she was wrong about snitching on Pete Bruce, and he was even more wrong about not doing it right. Explain it to Cam McMorrow.

"You know what else his sister said?" he asked her.

Var watched him carefully. "What?"

"She asked me what I was doing for New Year's Eve. I opened my mouth without thinking - I accidentally leaked that I was going to the Stag to celebrate behind closed doors with the other locals." Rob sighed. "Cam's ignorance of this couldn't have been more obvious."

Var's expression fell.For all her gossip and fuss, she had a soft heart, and Rob knew whoever was left out, even Cam McMurrow, would upset her.

"Kenny wouldn't go out of his way to not tell him about it," she protested weakly. "He's not that kind of guy. He's just telling the regulars and Cameron isn't going to the Stag."

"Never again," agreed Rob, "but he used to go. And the only thing that kept him from going was our fight. Before that, he went every Friday for a drink." A few cups."

"Oh, yes. He seems to have gone, doesn't he?" Var frowned. "Since you mentioned it, I seem to remember that he has looked at you a few times. In fact, I have guessed whether he likes you."

Rob sneered, even though he sounded like he didn't believe it.

Thank goodness Var didn't hang on to this one. "Maybe we can invite him to join us at the Stag Bar for New Year's Eve?" On the contrary, her tone was tentative. "Just ask for peace, right?"

"I think he has other plans for New Year's Eve," Rob said. "But we can ask him to hang out with us another day. New Years is a good time for a change."

The jingle of the wind chimes alerts them to the arrival of Kathy and Mary, two lovely old ladies in town who are regulars for afternoon tea.Mary said hello tremblingly, and the two went to their usual chairs.Var waved at them to show that he knew, then pulled out a notebook and pen from his apron, and was about to go over to place an order.

"Okay," she said. "Let's get him out for a few drinks next week. Maybe I can apologize to him after a few drinks."

She might have dragged him under the mistletoe to kiss him, thought of him as her best friend, and planned a vacation with him—but that was Var.

"This could be your new year's resolution," Rob suggested half-jokingly.

"What? What about yours?"

"me too?"

"Hey, don't copy mine," Var joked. "Also, I have prepared one for you."

"what is that?"

She patted him on the shoulder, and when she was about to walk around him to Kathy and Mary who were waiting to place an order, she leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "It's time for you to give others a chance. This is what Andrew wants of."

She walked briskly away, her skirts fluttering, greeting the old women with her usual little chirping jokes, while Rob watched her from behind, his chest empty and aching.

This blow is cunning enough.She brings this up now and then, more often recently.

In the years immediately following Andrew's death, Rob just felt... numb.He was completely alone—he couldn't even think about it.After that, well, he wasn't completely abstinent, but he wasn't cultivating anything that could be called a romantic relationship either.These days, he carefully picks out like-minded friends with benefits who don't want emotional entanglements.

Var disagreed.Not because she's against loveless sex—she's personally fanatical about it—but because she thinks Rob is unhappy.very lonely.

At this moment, for the first time, Rob felt that she might be right.