Suicide

The air in the room seemed to freeze in an instant, and even the lights were dimmed. I only heard my chaotic heartbeat, and my mind was completely blank.It seemed as if a century had passed before I slowly asked out loud: Are you serious?Tang Xiyue.

She nodded earnestly and said "hmm".

"Even if my mother is gay, do you still want to take care of me without hesitation? Don't you treat me as your younger brother to show your desperate family affection? Even if you are punished for meeting someone like me Is it okay to laugh at me? You look at me, look me in the eyes, and tell me your answer."

But Tang Xiyue's stunned reaction completely irritated me, especially the surprise and sluggishness on her face made my inferiority complex nowhere to hide.I suddenly burst into tears, like a summer torrential rain, piercing my heart.

"I thought you would be different from them, but now it seems that there is no difference! They are all eager to be good friends with me all the way, willing to tell me secrets, what they say should never be forgotten for the rest of their lives, God knows it's all for earning My trust, knowing my secrets to satisfy the ugly curiosity. Why don’t you ask me directly? If you are curious about my life experience, scandals, and sexual orientation, I will tell you without any concealment. Why do you play the sympathy card by beating around the bush? Why on earth did you treat me like this? I almost believed it, almost believed that you are really an angel sent by God, an angel sent to love me."

I said this series of angry words in one breath, and then looked at her with a flushed face. She still didn't say anything, but lowered her eyes to avoid my scrutiny.It really makes me sad!

"If this is the case, then you go! You better go!" I turned around and closed my eyes to prevent tears from falling.Everything was quiet for a long time, but when I opened my eyes, I found that Tang Xiyue hadn't left. She was standing in front of me, looking at me with inexplicable eyes. I stared at her eyes coldly, and my heart was full of A feeling of being humiliated. In the end, I couldn't stand such bleak suffering, and said angrily: If you don't leave, I'll just leave.

Tang Xiyue took my hand abruptly, and said softly: I am willing.

But I still didn't intend to stop, she suddenly deepened her strength and grabbed my hand, and said enthusiastically: "I am willing, I am still willing to be friends with you, love you as a family member, and I am willing to do anything."

I didn't look back at her, and said in a cold voice: It's too late, don't you want me to trust you again.After saying that, he pulled her hand away forcefully, and left without looking back.

Listening to her calling my name from behind: Zhang Xiaoyu, why don't you give anyone a chance?Why are you always so sensitive and vulnerable?Anyone would be surprised to hear such news, why wouldn't you believe that it was mere surprise and not ridicule?Why are you arming yourself like that? ...

I suddenly felt dizzy and exhausted, and then I fell to the ground and didn't know what to do.

I had a dream in a dream.I dreamed that my mother always shed tears in the lunatic asylum. I asked her why, and she always said that she missed my other mother-Xu Rouying. I asked her again, why can't we go to the outside world?She sighed and said nothing.Later, my mother committed suicide in the lunatic asylum, and I knew everything in her suicide note.

It turned out that my mother once had a lover of the same gender as her. In her heart, she was like an angel, and she was simply her whole world.They loved like a raging raging fire but were sneaky, and finally one day they decided to face this relationship upright, so the mother told all this frankly to the family, no matter how much they objected and obstructed, the mother never changed her mind, and the mother's father saw hard If you can't stop it, tell your mother that they respect your mother's choice, but it took decades of hard work to bring her up. Isn't it too heartless for her to just leave like this?The mother is a filial child, and she also feels ashamed of her parents, so she agreed to her father's proposal, "marry a man named Zhang Guangji, and give birth to a son and a half daughter, who will die for the two elders a hundred years later. After thinking about it, I married this man named Zhang Guangji. I heard people say that this man is my mother's suitor. My mother is full of joy, thinking that after giving birth to me, he will treat me very well, so that my mother can have nothing to worry about After walking away with Xu Rouying, my mother's face was red all the time, thinking that everything was perfect!"

Unexpectedly, Mr. Zhang finally found out that his mother was gay.The mother thought that he would forgive her for the sake of past love, after all, she was pregnant with his flesh and blood.It's a pity that Mr. Zhang is a real hypocrite, and even an extremely cruel person.He imprisoned his six-month-pregnant mother in a lunatic asylum, and he didn't know where his mother's lover was taken.My mother gave birth to me in a lunatic asylum, and there was no one to take care of me, including my own parents. I heard that they also agreed with Mr. Zhang's approach, thinking that my mother was a lunatic, and I might be the next lunatic in the future, so they also dismissed it. I had the idea of ​​'wanting me to die in retirement', fearing that it would damage my reputation and lose face.

My mother gradually became crazy. She always flirted with the old men in the yard behind my back. I know it. I also heard those old men say those dirty things. They always hide it in front of my face. Said: "It's very joyful, why don't you feel it?"I thought I didn't understand it, but I actually understood it very well.

My mother couldn't bear this kind of torture. I had no lover, no family affection, begged for death and worried that no one would take care of me, who was still young, and I was even more decadent all day long.Finally Zhang Guangji came to see his mother, and he didn't know what he said. Anyway, after that, my mother committed suicide, leaving only these suicide notes to tell me the truth, and told me not to get entangled with girls, so as to tarnish my family's reputation.Looking at my mother's dead body and this cold suicide note, I cried so loudly.

Later, I left with Zhang Guangji, but not long after, I met Aunt Bai and heard that she was my mother's best friend, so I told her about my mother, and she was also very sad. I lived with her.Zhang Guangji treated me completely indifferently, even when I left, he didn't even ask me a little bit.I don't understand why he treats his mother like this. In my young heart, my mother is not wrong. Whether it's falling in love with a woman or other reasons, I even think falling in love with a woman is a very beautiful and pure thing. So I can only be a child!Anyway, I don't love Zhang Guangji, even though he is my biological father.I hate him.

In a blink of an eye, ten years have passed!I have lived with Aunt Bai for ten years, and I know that she is also my mother's suitor, and I am very fond of her, but she never talks about this feeling to anyone, and she is just not married so far.

I don't know what love is, and I have no fate.But as long as that person appears, I think I will listen to her everything. She said to be friends and I will only be friends with her. If she said to be together forever, I will never leave. I will always listen to her and obey her. , cherish her.It's a pity that I don't have feelings for men or women, but what about Tang Xiyue?Yes, how should Tang Xiyue treat her?I want to stay awake and yet be in a dream.

Tang Xiyue, Tang Xiyue...