[FGO] Stone is a bad civilization

"I have something to tell you."

When I was held by Romani and forced to sit on another chair, my mind was full of the look when he stared at me seriously and said these words to me just now.

Different from my light-colored eyes, Romani's eyes are very bright and transparent, but when he concentrates on looking at you alone, you will feel that his pupils are so deep that it seems to be Drowning all who beheld in his tender gaze.

To be honest, I am very afraid of being stared at by others like this. It has nothing to do with the reason for being stared at. I am simply afraid of being regarded as the focus of gaze.This is still the case when I have confidence, but now I have ghosts in my heart, and the guilty mood spreads more quickly in my heart.

What should I do if what he wants to say is really what I imagined?

I have always known that I have some psychological problems. Although it has not reached the level of morbidity, in daily interactions with people, it will always make people feel more or less unpleasant.I don't know what happened to me that caused me to become this neurotic look, but...

I sneaked a glance at Romani, who started to monitor the singularity data after leaving me behind, and sighed inwardly.

It's too entangled, Aiba Xuejian, I blame myself so much, how can this awkward look be considered a man's appearance?In your previous life, you were probably not a little girl who could only beep!

I don’t know whether I was a man or a woman in my previous life. After all, those messy memories didn’t seem to have anything to do with me except that I struggled with some incomprehensible ethical and philosophical issues throughout my teenage years. What other effects have had on my personality, that is to say, I've become what I am, largely because that's who I am.

So... I was in a daze for a moment, what kind of personality charm does a man who is always indecisive and deceiving himself have!

From my experience in a German castle when I was a child to the life of studying in the clock tower when I was young, I thought a lot, and finally came to the conclusion again: Sure enough, my popularity is really not good.

If I want to, I can definitely use my utmost tenderness to care for and pamper someone, but it is like a patterned behavior, saying hello to her every morning, preparing her for her favorite dessert, and waiting for her when she is frustrated. comfort her in the most suitable way...

This is probably not love.

Do I like the director?No doubt, I like it.But all the support, encouragement and care I give her is not simply because I want her to be happy and strong, but to a large extent, it is for my own satisfaction.

It's that, not the love, that makes me happy, watching her change moods because of what I've done.

In order to consolidate her position as the new director, she worked hard to train herself to become the chief of the master, and in order to please her, she gave her eight-link twin crystals condensed from the core of the puppet every day, giving her supportive applause and encouraging hugs ...

I "choose" to like her.

This emotion is not so much love as it is my emotional sustenance.To put it bluntly, having a pet is nothing more than that, they need me, she needs me, so my existence is meaningful... However, the actual meaning of this kind of psychology is just the opposite, it is me, I need She, they come to prove my worth.

If it's just "love" for this reason, then how can I be qualified to respond to Romani's feelings for me?

"Ah, all right. The situation with the singularity has stabilized for the time being."

Romani's expression relaxed, and he turned to look at me: "So see you..."

"and many more."

As soon as I got out of my thoughts, I heard Romani's words, and subconsciously interrupted him.

"You..." I hesitated, and asked him, "Are you sure you want to talk about this here?"

Although the place where Romani and I are staying is the highest part of the control room, there are no people around, but as long as we move forward a little and look down, almost half of the Chaldean employees are working there in a professional manner.There is no partition between the main console and the sub-operating consoles, and every word we say will be heard clearly by the people below.

It's not that he didn't expect such a day to come, it's just that he felt a little uneasy about the location chosen by the other party.After all, it is not a good thing for me to be teased or treated in a strange light afterwards.

So should I just refuse decisively just now, I wondered in my heart.

"I mean, do you want...a different place?"

With some difficulty, I spit out these sentences: "There are too many people here."

"Why? What's the problem with too many people?" Romani looked at me innocently and asked, "It's better to say that there are more people?"

What does it mean? !

My body froze with a jerk.

Romani, are you going to use the power of public opinion to force me to agree? !Who gave him such a bad idea? He himself would not use this method... Da Vinci, is it Da Vinci!

"Romani," I took a deep breath, tried to calm myself down, and bargained with him, "I will never interrupt what you have to say this time, so, can you find a quieter corner , just the two of us, talk alone?"

However, Romani still maintained an uncompromising attitude in the face of my almost pleading words.

"Don't make trouble, Xue Jian," he said, "This is a very serious and important matter. Only this point, I will never change my mind. Just say it in the control room."

Ugh, totally irresistible.

I looked at him for two seconds, and finally lost.

"Okay, if it doesn't work, let's stay here. Tell me, I'll listen, but you..." I said bravely.

"Otherwise," Romani laughed, "Let me explain to you the operation of various instruments in the control room. Didn't I say that I will support Lixiang's rear?"

I was taken aback: "Huh?"

Probably because the blank expression on my face was too obvious, Romani looked at me puzzled and asked, "...What did you think I was going to tell you?"

"No, nothing, nothing..." The other party looked at me inexplicably, and I hurriedly denied it, "Really, nothing."

"Okay," Romani glanced at me again, then turned his head away, and began to introduce to me the key parameters that need to be detected in the singularity monitoring task.

I listened in a trance, and occasionally said "um", feeling that my sanity was going to heaven.

I thought you were going to confess to me!

So what did I struggle with for so long? !I shouted in my heart, I was mentally prepared, I overcame my instinctive fear and compromised with you to stay, but you told me that you stopped me just to teach me how to use the equipment here! ?

Sure enough, this is because I thought too much, in fact, Romani's previous hesitancy and hesitation did not mean that kind of thing...

I felt mixed feelings in my heart, mixed emotions of gratitude and loss, and a series of small sparks exploded in my brain.

Aiba Xuejian, you are hopeless, kill yourself!

There seemed to be such a voice in my heart shouting so loudly.Think someone wants to confess to you?Think too much!This can be misleading, and I even nervously imagined how I would reject the other party. Who gave you such a big face? !Demon Pillar or Solomon?

what a fool i am...

The explanation about the work was very brief. I listened vaguely all the way, and memorized all the basic operation items.However, while my sense of responsibility as a staff member continued to function spontaneously, my mind was actually a mess.Embarrassment, all that remains in my heart is embarrassment and disdain for the self-entanglement just now.

"Have you remembered these parameters?" Romani asked me after explaining all the precautions.

I glanced at the screen and responded numbly, "Yeah."

"What about the operation? The operation of the instrument."

"Ah."

"The detection of the map and the surrounding environment will also be available?"

"Ah."

"Well, I like you, do you like me too?"

"Uh-huh?!"

Wait, what did he just ask?

It seemed that I heard something terrible, and I suddenly broke away from the half-dead state just now, and looked at the other party in horror: "You, you just..."

Romani looked at me and smiled tenderly.

"Didn't you hear clearly," he said, "Then let me ask again."

"I like you, do you like me too?"

I……

I like you, I sighed in my heart.I think you are cute no matter what expression you make. I want to hug you when you are bullied by Da Vinci and the others. I want to make you different snacks every day. I want to see you happy because you ate your favorite cake. smile...

But... Did I like you because I wanted to like someone, or did I like you just because it was you.

I like you so much, I'm afraid I can't give you my truest love.I'm afraid it's just an illusion created by the drawbridge effect, and I'm afraid it's just selfish desires in pursuit of self-recognition...

For people like me, the "likes" I give are probably too cheap, but I don't know how to give you more "high" likes. I don't know what to do.

"You, what do you usually think about in your head..."

Romani stretched out his hand helplessly and touched my face.

He gently wiped the underside of my eye sockets with his thumb, and said, "As I was talking, I showed a very aggrieved expression..."

What?I followed his strength and raised my head in a daze. What I said just now... Did I say it all?

"Yeah," Romani said with a smile, "I've said it all. Although the voice is very soft, I heard it all. I have thoughts about you...or confession."

Me, I'm speechless.

Shame, embarrassment and other things, when the other party said the word "confession", they all put on their wings and flew away with my reason.

My heart is dead, I probably belong to this state now.

"You have always been like this." Romani withdrew his hand and said to me, "Only when I am angry, you will take good care of yourself, and only when the director strengthens your belief because of your support, you will feel that you It's valuable... tsk, so why did you mention Mary at this time."

Romani pursed his lips and continued: "In short, you never examine what your true emotions are. Even the simple instinct of liking will make you entangled for so long."

"Like is like like it," he said, "this is the most extravagant emotion a person can provide. Why do you still think that what you pay is cheap?"

"If it's not because you like it, how can you be afraid of your state of mind, how can you be afraid that your emotions are not high enough, or fake, or an illusion."

he sighed.

"You really like me, Xuejian."

The author has something to say:

Xuejian to the director: I like her, and I prefer to take care of her, so the point may not be simply liking her

Xuejian to Romani: I like him, but will the situation of liking him be the same as liking the director at the beginning?This won't work, liking should be the most important thing, but I don't know whether I like him or like to care about him...

Basically, because I like Romani so much, I am afraid that I can give too little. After all, he has a criminal record against the director [tired laugh]