memory hole

Purpose - that fatal blow.

Deng Yi has been missing for three days, I don't know how he is doing now.

Zhong Xian was tortured deeply, life would be better than death.He knew that Deng Yi's situation would only be worse than his.

He wrote an e-mail to Deng Yi, hoping to use these words to lessen the other party's harm.

He wrote down his views on the Deng family and his guesses on the internal struggle.But after thinking twice, he deleted it again—to overthrow his family in an all-round way would undoubtedly deal another heavy blow to Deng Yi's mood at the moment.

He rewrites.

This time I only wrote my guess about Deng Qian.It is suspected that he has always harbored resentment and strategy, and firmly controlled Deng Yi's life.

He deleted the tirade again.From Deng Yi's point of view at this time, letting him know that he has lived in a huge conspiracy since he was a child will only make him more painful.He may not be willing to believe it.

What should I write in order to play a role in this worst situation.

For the third time, Zhong Xian gave up those conspiracies and undocumented guesses.He dropped all the bad words.He chooses to confess his love directly to Deng Yi - he is the only one in his heart.The reason why he acted betrayal was because the fourth elder brother Deng Qian gave him money and help with his future.He can only repay in this way.

He repeatedly used all kinds of words he could think of to describe his feelings for Deng Yi, hoping that the other party would believe that his love for him had never been more than a half point.In this world, there is only him, and he is the only reason for him to live.

Acts of betrayal are unforgivable,

But his heart has always belonged to him only.

He read and read this letter full of emotions and affectionate words, and he was sure that he could not write it better.It was sent out.He expected Deng Yi to see it immediately and get better because of it.

Then he found that the sun had set.He has never felt that day has come, and it has come to night again.

He started to make his preparations. He pushed the freezer that he had prepared for suicide when he was pursuing Deng Yibu to the front of the sofa.

Before this, he had thought of several methods——

Drive into the sea that Deng Yi once rushed into, or jump down from his upstairs, and other more direct and fast methods.

But all of these will make his appearance terrible in the end—if Deng Yi is still willing to look at him.

He added a lot of narcotics to the wine.

He has been thinking about whether to leave a message to Deng Qian at the end.

But his heart was so painful that he didn't even have the strength to breathe.

He really wanted to plunge a dagger straight into the heart.

Demon

153

as if,

autumn.

The last rain over the northern cities did not fall on the ground,

It formed a layer of mist and floated on the roof.

Young people, their hands are still like new bamboo shoots.Clear eyes, quiet, determined.

"Go and travel around the world." The voice also had the hoarseness of a teenager.

Zhong Xian turned his head and put his thumb to his nose playfully.He's not quite grown up yet.The afro blocked his eyes: "Told me?"

"You are the freest person in the world; and I have long wanted to leave my cage."

"with you?"

"Ah."

Zhong Xian spit out the cigarette butt he was biting in his mouth. "Can you forgive me?"

Can you forgive me?

forgive……

Zhong Xian struggled to open his eyes, it turned out that he was stuck in a memory.

He didn't notice when the effect of the medicine took effect.

Perhaps at the end of his life, the brain cells awakened for some reason, allowing him to see the part of the memory that had disappeared.Like the reflection of the light, this short stay may be just to fulfill a wish - to review the buried truth.

……

One of the copper-colored strings of the guitar is broken, and the eyes of the person in front of me are so gentle.

Zhong Xian said confidently, "Promise me about that, okay?"

The person who was originally calm turned his eyes away.It made him suddenly feel unbearable.

"Row."

……

This is not relief.

When the corners of sequestration are melted.

The disconnected pictures were connected frame by frame in his mind, and the memory corridor where the fog gradually dissipated, as if he could see outer space clearly.

Ten years ago, he stood outside the glass window and looked at Deng Yi who was sitting on the other side. He was still a young and quiet boy.

Another man's arm was on his shoulder. "it's him."

……

He smashed the wine glass he was holding and stuck his fingers down his throat, trying to spit out what was about to take his life.

……

Ten years ago, he was brought into the world of luxury and money.I used to feel like I was blessed by God.

"Have you experienced the feeling of fragments?" The younger Deng Qian, with a smile on his lips, can touch all living things. "Try?"

"Brother, I haven't had a break from drinking." The young and ignorant person deliberately acted maturely.

"I will leave a mark on you, if you can remember tomorrow..."

"How to stay?"

"If you remember, you will know. Take a breath..."

The memory after the smoke cleared, I woke up in the back seat of a car, I couldn't tell what it was like, my heart was full of anger and fear, but I didn't know why.

He got up and looked at Deng Qian who was sitting in the driver's seat in surprise.The latter turned his head, lighted a cigarette calmly, and stuffed it into his mouth.

"Do you have a headache?"

"Uh... dizzy."

"It'll make you feel better. Remember something."

"Well. Uh. It's really broken. How could it be..."

Deng Qian stretched out his hand to the back of his head, and pulled him abruptly to his eyes.

"I'm not playing anymore!"

"The worst is later. Don't worry, you'll forget."

……

Zhong Xian crawled to the side of the sofa and touched the cell phone he had left there.He added a line of words under the message he had already sent to his fourth brother Deng Qian. "I know the reason..."

He wanted to save his life.Thinking tears flow.

But his existence, so far, is just a tool for others to do whatever they want.

When his consciousness gradually became chaotic, a melody appeared in his mind——

I put myself,

take away from your side,

Give you a chance to escape from the abyss.

He didn't need to cut another blood vessel.

The excessive amount of anesthetic he drank was enough to kill him slowly.He could have crawled into the freezer as planned, preserving his appearance.But the recovery of memory made him feel that this was no longer necessary.

He touched the dagger and stabbed towards the most painful place. His hand had no strength, and he only cut a bleeding hole in his chest.

He was moaning as if it wasn't his own voice.It won't take a few minutes and everything will be over.The pain will end.Everything will be peaceful, as if it never existed.

forgive me.

In a daze, he saw Deng Yi open the door.

He was in a state of confusion, thinking that this was an illusion at the end of his life—what he longed for could only be satisfied with illusions after all.

He saw Deng Yi rushing towards him, holding his head up, but he heard the roar close to his ear.

"Why did you kill yourself?"

He tried to see the man in front of him, the pure love God had given him, so sad and confused now.

The temple was repeatedly pressed, and the Renzhong point was about to be pinched to bleed. He finally took a breath and felt himself being hugged into a firm embrace.He heard Deng Yi calling on the top of his head, calling an ambulance, calling a family doctor, calling a friend...

He tried his best to make a sound, but the sound was just like a mosquito struggling.

"Do you think I won't forgive you? Why did you commit suicide?" Deng Yi's face twisted, staring closely at Zhong Xian's absent-minded pupils, as if confirming his life and death. "Zhong, I can't give up...I can't be separated from you."

There is also such a scene in the memory of ten years ago.

"I killed you."

"It's ok."

"I gave you so much trouble."

"I don't care about that stuff."

……

Zhong Xian desperately tried to retain the last consciousness. "forgive……"

The dagger stabbed in the chest fell, and Deng Yi was able to discover that it was not the cause of death.He carefully moved Zhong Xian's head to his arms, "What else did you do to yourself?" He saw the broken wine glass on the ground. "What did you drink?"

Zhong Xian's pupils could no longer see clearly.His consciousness rose to the ceiling, and instead he took in everything.

People who received Deng Yi's call rushed into his house one after another, and the bodyguards and personal doctor arrived first.

The doctor checked Zhong Xian, then shook his head at Deng Yi.

Deng Yi yelled crazily, turned to pray to the doctor, and started to pull out the phone in a panic, his hands were shaking so much that he could hardly hold his phone.

"Second brother, the best doctor you know... Isn't it true that the doctor you mentioned last time can bring the dead back to life?"

"Daddy...help me...one last time. I haven't changed? I don't think it's wrong. Help me this time. I'm really going to change..."

"Fourth brother...you have always been omnipotent...don't explain to me, my forgiveness is meaningless, why don't you stay by his side! You have to find a way to make it up! Save him."

A trace of consciousness returned to Zhong Xian's mind, he didn't want Deng Yi to waste his time elsewhere, he squeezed Deng Yi's wrist lightly with his fingers with all his strength.

"Y..."

"What do you want to say." Deng Yi put his ear on his mouth.

"Original……"

"Yuan... you said 'forgive'? You forgot, I said that as long as you still love me, I will forgive you, you forgot, you are my life." Deng Yi kissed his dry lips. "It's me...I shouldn't let you despair. Without you, I'm left with hell."

Zhong Xian's heart and consciousness descended from the ceiling, and extinguished together with his limp body in Deng Yi's arms. At that moment, he was surrounded by sweetness.

"I forgive you."

This soft and affectionate words made him smile and let out his last breath.He wanted to tell his lover, but he couldn't express it in words.he forever