memory hole

If you are virtuous and talented, life will not treat you badly.This is his point of view. "Deng Yi said.

"You actually think so too."

"I don't think there's a guideline for life. My rule of thumb is, at least you can have a clear conscience."

Zhong Xian stared at Deng Yi, and took a sip of wine by himself.

"Your father was a businessman?"

Deng Yi nodded.

"You should come from a good family. You said you weren't forced by life."

"I'm not short of money." Unexpectedly, Deng Yi admitted directly. "My father was a successful businessman. Since I was born."

"Then what do you lack? You have to lack something to be worthy of continuing to chat with me." Zhong Xian stared at the wine glass and said.After waiting for a while, Deng Yi did not answer.

"You can't be the rich second generation." Zhong Xian said with a smile.

Deng Yi glanced at Zhong Xian.shook his head.

Zhong Xian continued: "You are not short of money, that's what you said. Then you are short of love."

"I'm missing you." Deng Yi said seriously, jokingly.

Zhong Xian laughed.

Deng Yi continued to speak with a rather serious expression. "You have it, I don't."

"What do I have?" Zhong Xian was a little confused.He didn't feel like he had anything.

"You are brave. You are not restrained. You don't care about etiquette. You dare to do anything, whether it is against morality or not..."

"Understood." Zhong Xian interrupted him, "You are saying that I am immoral and capable of doing all kinds of bad things. You are a good person and I am a bad person. You really understand what you said."

Deng Yi smiled and continued to drink.

"I lack virtue, but you don't. It means you lack me." Zhong Xian said conclusively.He picked up the cup and was about to take a sip when Deng Yi smiled and touched Zhong Xian's cup with his own.

"Even if you've been tortured, it's still the same," Deng Yi said. "That's who you are. You'll make it. Unless you fall, but you won't back down."

"Did I succeed?" Zhong Xian asked suspiciously, not exactly asking Deng Yi.He puts down the glass.

"I'm talking about success, not what you have now." Deng Yi said.

Zhong Xian felt baffled.He felt that Deng Yi's praise for him was purely ironic.He shook his head: "You're wrong, I'm not that strong. I don't dare to relax completely with anyone, even... I want to go further with you, I don't dare, relax."

Deng Yi stared at Zhong Xian for two seconds, then drank the wine in the glass.Then he said, as if gathering courage, "You can trust me."

Bell just kept silent.

Deng Yi said softly: "Even if you say that you have killed someone, I will not betray you."

Night

77

Dark night.

Heavy tiredness.

The will has not been diminished by this, and it is still as strong as alcohol.

Zhong Xian half leaned on the deck chair on the balcony, his eyelids drooped, drunkenness and tiredness struck him, but he persisted.Deng Yi was standing on the edge of the balcony window, admiring the night view outside, looking in good spirits, in stark contrast to Zhong Xian's sleepiness.

It's already midnight.

They carry on many topics.Scattered and non-stop topics.From childhood to work, from people around me, trivial things to impressive setbacks and experiences.Say it when you think about it, don't think about whether it is timely.

Maybe it's the alcohol, maybe it's their familiarity.No one thought it was a big deal for a strange remark to come out of nowhere.

"Have you... tried it before?" Deng Yi suddenly asked in a low voice when the two were discussing the bustling night scene outside the window.His voice was so erratic that Zhong Xian could hardly hear what he said.Just vaguely heard a word.

"Try what?"

Deng Yi couldn't get up.Zhong Xian had a premonition.

"Which of your former friends am I like?" Deng Yi asked.

"This, it's hard to say."

"You and him...will it be like me and you now?"

Zhong Xian narrowed his sleepy eyes and looked at Deng Yi.The latter's eyes could not see clearly in the unclear night.In order to facilitate the viewing of the night scene, the lights on the balcony were not turned on, and the lights in the living room were also dimmed to reduce their sharpness. The soft light projected from behind them buried their faces in darker shadows.

"you mean……"

Deng Yi nodded.Nodding super slowly, as if wondering if he should nod at the same time.

"He is, a pure friend." Zhong Xian said subconsciously, and soon realized that such a thing should not be explained at all. "The familiar feeling you give me is only a little bit at the beginning of our acquaintance. I have thought about it many times. We have never known each other."

Before they knew it, they stopped talking and watched the night outside the balcony together.

Zhong Xian thought that during the limited times when he and Deng Yi were alone together, they didn't watch TV or check their mobile phones.Now when we don't talk, we don't look at each other, we just stare out the window together in a daze.

He once again began to doubt whether Deng Yi really existed.How could anyone be silent with him so naturally.

Zhong Xian didn't know why he was so sleepy tonight, he really wanted to fall down and sleep.He always had trouble falling asleep when he was home alone.

A sense of tranquility, like a comfortable quilt.He didn't want to fall asleep in a daze, so he forced himself to stand up from the couch and face the city lights outside the balcony in the middle of the night with Deng Yi.

"Why do you want to live here?" Deng Yi said. "Shouldn't the residence be chosen in a quiet and livable place?"

"I know your home is in a quiet garden in the center of LH. I can't afford such a place." Zhong Xian laughed.

Deng Yi looked at the balcony: "When I was young, this was a bamboo forest..."

A burst of drowsiness struck, and Zhong Xian couldn't even open his eyelids.

Deng Yi turned to look at him. "Drunk too much?"

Zhong Xian hung his head, staggered, and simply threw his head towards Deng Yi.Deng Yi supported him. "drunk?"

"Not drunk."

"Just now I was bragging about my drinking capacity."

"I said I was sleepy, would you believe me?"

"Then go to sleep."

"sleep together."

"Go to bed first. I'm very energetic."

"Then I won't sleep either."

Zhong Xian simply leaned his head on Deng Yi's shoulder.

"Okay. Lay down and talk." Deng Yi is very understanding.

When he finally threw himself on the bed, Zhong Xian fell asleep almost instantly.But he woke up again in a jerk, stretched out his hand and caught Deng Yi's hand. The latter was sitting on the edge of the bed facing the French window, looking out the window in a daze.Deng Yi was taken aback when Zhong Xian grabbed her hand.

"Why are you sitting? Sleeping together."

"Are you sleepwalking?"

"I should mix some more medicinal wine for you. I just want to sleep. Can you be sensible and cooperate."

"Where did I mess with you. I'm almost a sculpture, and I'm not quiet enough?"

Zhong Xian suddenly felt inexplicably worried. "After I sleep. What do you want to do?"

"Uh, what do you think I'll do?"

"Tell me."

"What can I do...Steal all your things, and don't even leave you with a pair of underwear."

"Leave something and steal it from me."

Deng Yi smiled: "Are you not sleepy anymore?"

"I'm sleepy. You'll go when I sleep, won't you?"

Deng Yi froze for a moment. "Well……"

Zhong Xian grasped Deng Yi's hand tightly and didn't move for a while.Deng Yi once tried to withdraw his hand, but failed, so he simply rolled over on the bed and lay down on the other side of the bed.After a while, he approached Zhong Xian and said. "I won't go. Don't worry."

Zhong Xian let go, not because he felt relaxed, but because he really didn't like himself like this.Like a child holding on to its mother's skirt.Like a drowning man clutching at straws.

"I really want to die." He cursed softly.

"You want to die because you didn't do that now?" Deng Yi said half-jokingly.

"Every time I... feel that I need someone, the first thing I feel is this inexplicable and extremely uncomfortable feeling. I really want to die."

"Why is that?"

"Do you want to go?"

"You have asked many times."

"You will leave sooner or later." Zhong Xian covered his head with a silk quilt. "why not?"

pear blossoms all over the ground,

The sky is full of fallen leaves,

Cars drive on unknown streets.

The scene is chaotic.

Zhong Xian approaches Deng Yi.

"You can trust me..."

"What are you doing in the back? What do I say? Can you put on your seat belt, why not?"

Zhong Xian woke up crying. "Why not?" He was hugging Deng Yi.He didn't know if he was dreaming or not. "Why don't you understand?"

No one can catch anyone, he knows that no one's world can be forcibly retained.Every world would leave, taking part of his flesh and blood with him.

"why not?"

78

The next day, they went to visit Xiao Zhu's girlfriend again.

The newborn is still in the intensive care unit.I learned from the doctor that due to severe hypoxia and infection at birth, even if the baby is rescued, the baby may be disabled or even have cerebral palsy.

As a mother, Xiao Zhu's girlfriend did not make any statement.He also refused to sign the rescue agreement.

When Zhong Xian went to visit Xiao Zhu's girlfriend in the ward, the girl still looked indifferent, as if the world had nothing to do with her.

"Is the child Xiao Zhu's?" Zhong Xian asked the girl while Deng Yi was away.Deng Yi is in the opposite doctor's office discussing the situation of the newborn with the attending doctor.

The girl does not answer the bell.After a while, she raised her head and glanced at him. The moment she saw the person in front of her clearly, there was a little light in her eyes, but she quickly lowered her head and retracted into her shell.

"Is it his?"

The girl didn't respond.

79

It's been a busy week after the clock strings.In preparation for the final round of negotiations on new projects.

He tried every means and asked the purchasing boss of the project construction party to come out for tea alone at night.Promise the other party a kickback of 5 points.Been waiting for his reaction ever since.About the sixth day after drinking tea, I received a call from the other party and revealed the bottom bid to him.And asked the price not to be lower than