memory hole

Admittedly, despite everything, he was in love for the first time.It started so late, this age should be able to bear everything, but he couldn't bear it.

He even began to think about his last wish.Fulfill those wishes that you want to do but haven't done, and you can say goodbye to the long and boring life you will face.Since he was a child, he had thought of committing suicide many times. Before, he just thought about it. He never thought that he would really do that.Only this time, he wasn't sure.

He even imagined that perhaps Deng Yi would see his appearance after death, and it might be important to choose a quiet and beautiful way of death, for example, lying in the refrigerator surrounded by candles and flowers, waiting until Deng Yi found out his final appearance.Not disgustingly rotten, and the guy could touch the last of his face if he wanted to.Even if you can get a drop of tears from your sweetheart in the end, so that he can see his heart clearly.

It's strange to say that he still doesn't believe that Deng Yi doesn't have feelings for him.

I don't know if it is really self-indulgent and thorough.

Or the grievance and indignation in the heart, wanting to give the ruthless person the last blow.If that person suffers, it's worth it.If he is indifferent... There is no need to miss this boring life.

This kind of thinking can be seen as a moment of madness.

But when Zhong Xian went to Zhao Qi's appointment the next night, he still had a strong thought of dying.

"Are you sick?" Zhao Qi put a blue cocktail in front of Zhong Xian. "I've never seen you like this before."

Zhong Xian's eyes turned from the goblet to Zhao Qi's face, only to find that Zhao Qi is very delicate today, with extremely beautiful makeup.False eyelashes naturally make the eyes appear large and the cheeks delicate and thin. "You asked me to come today, what's the matter?" Zhong Xian remembered that he hadn't gotten an answer yet.

"Why is there something wrong? I hired a new bartender and asked you to taste it. Don't you like wine?"

Zhong Xian lowered his head, and after a while raised his head again and asked Zhao Qi directly: "What do you like about me?"

Zhao Qi froze for a moment.

"You called me 20 more times last night."

"You always don't answer, I'm worried if you have something to do."

"Is there anything wrong with me? It's none of your business? Do you also care about Deng Yi so much?"

"I thought I made it clear to you."

"You young lady, Deng Yi and you are the right family. Deng Yi is a thousand times better than me. He is a veritable young master. Even if he treats you coldly, don't you still be with his brother... fourth brother, right? I saw you kissing him clearly. There are so many tall, rich and handsome people around you, who am I? Or are you fed up with abalone and lobster, and use me as a game seasoning?"

"Zhong Xian, you are too much!"

"You said that you are only worthy of being your friend if you tell the truth. Can't you accept that I am speaking my heart now? Why bother to whitewash? Which of us is not dirty? You want me to perform to you now Is it noble?"

Zhao Qi quickly stirred the wine in the glass and took a sip: "From the first time I met you, I knew you were a clown. You are not worthy. How can you be worthy? You are so obviously bad."

"Good scolding. This is me."

"But you... are not nasty enough. You didn't make me give up. Although you pretended to be affectionate, you didn't really want to play tricks on me and hurt me... You are a clown who wants to climb up by any means... How is it worth my condescension..." Zhao Qi felt a little Excited, she couldn't speak for a while, a bead of mist was on her eyelashes, "But, with you, and the three months when we didn't even kiss, I feel alive and full of strange things. Energy... your badness fascinates me, you bastard can only be complacent, how can you understand..." Zhao Qi stood up and rushed out of the cubicle,

These incoherent words just hit Zhong Xian's feelings at the moment. His heart ached so much that he picked up Zhao Qi's remaining half glass of wine and drank it in one gulp.

Zhao Qi came back soon and seemed to have regained her composure.Two glasses of rainbow wine in hand. "Try this new concoction," she said nonchalantly.It was as if the loss of control just now had never happened.

"You marry me." Zhong Xian said with his head down.

As if she didn't hear it, Zhao Qi pushed the wine glass in the direction of Zhong Xian, and picked up her own glass to drink.

"Leave Deng Yi and marry me."

"Impossible! You bastard!"

"Aren't you happy?"

"I know you too well."

"I can't give you happiness. But you can have me from now on. If you really feel the same way as me, there is only one person who can..."

"I don't need you." Zhao Qi laughed a few times, "Do you think I lack a man? Unless you can love me."

"We're all hurt, isn't it okay to keep each other warm? And you, got the person you want."

"What on earth are you trying to do, Zhong Xian. Are you taking my liking for you as a joke?"

Seeing Zhao Qi was really angry.Zhong Xian said no more.Start drinking glass after glass.

"I...so tired." After a while, Zhong Xian covered his face. "I want someone to pull me back from death."

He felt Zhao Qi sitting next to him, and squeezed into the soft seat that was not spacious with him. "What's the matter with you? String."

"...I'm talking nonsense." Zhong Xian touched the wine glass, and they didn't talk after that. After drinking many glasses of wine, Zhong Xian quickly became drunk. When he was in a daze, he felt Zhao Qi rubbing his hair. Then she started kissing him again.

He knew that Zhao Qi drank no less than him.They're probably all crazy.

Zhong Xian closed his eyes and let Zhao Qi rub them.

"Xian, you are the most charming when you are sad, but you shouldn't be sad like this..." He heard Zhao Qi biting his ear affectionately.Suddenly, he felt his fingers being caught, and looking down, Zhao Qi took off an emerald ring from his left middle finger, and put it on Zhong Xian's ring finger. "This is the evidence."

Zhong Xian looked at their fingers in confusion: "You..."

"Give us another chance, three months, if we can always get along so honestly, like a good friend relationship, I would like us to start over."

"sorry, I can not……"

"Don't be in a hurry to deny it. Decide in three months..." After Zhao Qi finished speaking, she began to kiss Zhong Xian's lips frantically. Zhong Xian closed his eyes and his mind began to spin - he really wanted to go back to the lunch table that day Sitting in Deng Yi's trembling arms in the chair in front of her, they kissed jerky, clumsy and nervous, they had to stop several times, and the heartbeat was always earth-shattering.

But Zhao Qi's kiss was too skillful to make him imagine another person.

120

On the third day after wearing Zhao Qi's promise ring, Zhong Xian and President Gao took the high-speed train to Hangzhou.He unexpectedly discovered that Deng Yi's second brother - a person who made him feel shy when he met him in the concert hall last time, his gaze was like a searchlight - was sitting opposite him and Mr. Gao.When Mr. Gao held Zhong Xian's hand several times, Zhong Xian was afraid of being seen by Deng Yi's second brother.But that guy had obviously noticed it, and he spent almost half of the time staring at the bell string up and down.

Enlightenment

120

this way,

Zhong Xian learned something unknown,

Chatted with Mr. Gao about a secret topic.

Mr. Gao was very interested in chatting this time.

"Am I your enlightener? Before me, you didn't have it. Have you been changed by me, or did you have this desire without knowing it?"

Bell shook his head.

He had never discussed such a private topic with anyone.

In a sense, Mr. Gao is indeed the first.Before that, he never thought that he could be like this with a man.He felt that this alternative approach was too far away from him.He has been surrounded by women and does not need comfort from men.

Knowing that he was the first Zhong Xian, Mr. Gao's eyes lit up. "Tell me about your feelings. You should have experienced many women before."

Zhong Xian nodded as inconspicuously as possible. He glanced at Deng Kai who was sitting diagonally across from them, across the aisle and a row of double seats——Deng Yi's second brother. With an innate disdain for all beings, even though he was concentrating on looking at his phone, Zhong Xian was still inexplicably nervous.Zhong Xian tried to lower his voice: "After that... I never touched a woman again."

Mr. Gao couldn't hide his excitement. "Is it like opening a new world, and I regret why I wasted so much time before, living a life that should have been wild like chewing wax."

"You can't belittle the feelings with women like this. - I have been distressed before, it is difficult to invest in the interaction with women, I always have to take care of their feelings, even if there is impulsiveness, it always ends in disappointment, making every time like I am completing a task. Sometimes, I still have the urge to want to die."

"In this way, you have had this tendency for a long time, and you don't know it. I'm just a guide..."

"You are my enlightener." Zhong Xian habitually said things that would make Mr. Gao happy, and they were not sincere.

"For me, it can be described as beyond imagination - because as a kind, I know what the other party needs." Zhong Xian said from the bottom of his heart.

The only regret, and Mr. Gao, was not what he wanted.

Recalling that time at the wine shop, when he sensed Mr. Gao's unusual intentions, he was frightened and wanted to run away.In the end, the desire for the goal overcame himself, and when he had to endure another urge to die, he also breathed a sigh of relief, which was much better than he expected.Mr. Gao is highly skilled and experienced.Let Zhong Xian open his eyes.

After eating the marrow and knowing the taste, he has no interest in women at all after that.

Mr. Gao is very satisfied with Zhong Xian's answer.If it wasn't in the high-speed rail car, he seemed to be planning to stretch his hand down. "Is this the best experience of your life?"

"So far