Red Red

The silence around him made all his emotions nailed to the chopping board, and he dared not act rashly.

Taking advantage of the slightly bright sky, Shen Ju'an got up, adjusted the crumpled and shapeless clothes on his body, and then pressed his temples, trying to dispel the tiredness caused by not sleeping all night.

He tiptoedly opened the door and looked around.The scene when Zheng Hao kissed him last night was still vivid in his memory, for this, he felt guilty and didn't know how to deal with it.He didn't sleep all night and thought a lot, but he felt like he didn't think about anything at all. Those past times inexplicably got into his mind, which made him feel ashamed and sad, and he still couldn't get past this hurdle in his heart.

Fortunately, the living room was still dim and dark. Several people were lying on the sofa, and some were lying on the ground, pulling blankets to cover their bodies.

He didn't know if Zheng Hao was among them, but he didn't dare to look for him carefully.I had no choice but to walk lightly, opened the door, and ran outside.

The street lights were still on, and there were few people on the road.The sky was glowing with dark blue light, depressed and dim.When he came out, he took a breath of cold air, but he felt his heart open in an instant.

So he walked along the concrete road under the street lamp, and then started running again.It was still a little cold in February, and his face was slightly flushed by the blowing.

For Shen Ju'an, Zheng Hao is his best friend, buddy, he never thought of having that kind of relationship with him, so it doesn't matter to have close contact with him.He knew that he couldn't hold anyone in his heart except Jiang Weidong.Perhaps as time goes by, the gap in my heart will slowly open up, squeezing Jiang Weidong's position, but not now.Now, he seemed to feel ashamed, he didn't want to invade anyone with fruitless love, he just wanted to treat himself better.

Moreover, Zheng Hao is not necessarily gay, since he has been in contact with girls, he has liked girls.Shen Juan knew all these things, but he couldn't remember what he did to give Zheng Hao the illusion that he could be fascinated for a while and do such shameful things.

When he was tired from running, he stopped to rest for a while, and then continued to run until the sky was bright and the pedestrians were bustling, and he ran to the campus of Peking University.

Shen Juan held back his breath, his chest was heaving and heaving, he wiped the mist off his face, and walked towards the dormitory.

The roommates had already gotten up, seeing Shen Ju'an coming in, looked at him in surprise, and then greeted him with a smile.

Shen Ju'an responded perfunctorily, then climbed to his own bed and fell asleep.

The roommates looked at each other in blank dismay, not knowing why.

It was already noon when he woke up, his eyes were dim and painful.Thinking about the wine I drank last night, I regret it.

The surroundings were quiet again, and the sense of loneliness emanating from the inside quietly emerged, wrapping Shen Juan in the empty space.

He slowly lifted the quilt, then stepped on his shoes and walked wearily to wash his face with cold water.Then he sat down on the head of the bed, looking at the light and shadow outside the window and the flow of people walking around.Although my heart is still calm, I always feel a faint uneasiness.

In the next one or two months, Zheng Hao didn't come to him, and occasionally saw Zheng Hao's figure on the court, it seemed that nothing had changed, he was still sunny and energetic.It seemed that everything had changed, and that person was still missing by his side.

Until the end of the semester, Shen Juan nestled in the library to catch up on reading materials and books.When I was looking at it vigorously, I suddenly felt that the light and shadow in front of me were missing a bit out of the corner of my eye.

He couldn't help raising his head, and saw Zheng Hao standing beside him, still wearing the pair of glasses he gave him, which were shining brightly, and his eyes couldn't be seen clearly.

Shen Juan's face froze for a moment, and then he showed a slightly embarrassed smile.During the past few months, it cannot be said that the two of them did not meet each other, they occasionally greeted each other, occasionally passed each other, and occasionally turned their heads quietly to glance at the distant figure, these were all there.It's just that there seems to be no turning back in the dark. Once things like feelings are exposed, you can either accept them or be unfamiliar, and let nature take its course.

Zheng Hao dragged away the chair opposite him, and sat down with a warm smile.

Shen Juan followed his moving figure and fixed his eyes on his face.I don't know what to say.

Zheng Hao took the initiative to speak.

"You are really here..." There seemed to be a hint of helplessness in the gentle tone.

Shen Ju'an didn't reply, just laughed lightly, then glanced away uncomfortably.

After a long time, Zheng Hao said: "Before... I didn't mean to..."

After a moment of silence, Shen Juan smiled and showed disapproval: "It's okay, I didn't take it to heart..."

Anyone can understand what he said against his will.

Zheng Hao looked at him unpreparedly, and said affectionately: "But, I..." It seemed difficult to say, he hesitated, and he wanted to continue, but Shen Ju'an cut off his words, saying: " I've already forgotten about this matter...you don't need to feel sorry for me, let alone all men, if there is anything to be sorry for..."

He smiled lightly, but his heart jumped wildly unexpectedly.He wanted to quickly escape from this embarrassing situation, so he changed the subject and said, "I... have to go back to class..."

Zheng Hao didn't answer, and lowered his eyes, looking at the table in a daze.

Shen Ju'an thought he had acquiesced, so he got up and wanted to go out.But just as he moved away, Zheng Hao grabbed his wrist with one hand.

Zheng Hao seemed to be suppressing some kind of emotion, his face turned red unnaturally.He said firmly: "I... I'm going to study abroad..."

With a look of hesitation, Shen Ju'an grinned and said: "Congratulations!" The snow-white canine tooth was exposed, but it was fleeting.

Zheng Hao seemed to know what he was thinking, so he slowly let go of his arm, and said with a smile, "Thank you..."

"When are you leaving?"

"next week!"

"Oh, I won't see you off at that time. I have an important exam next week. When you return to China...I mean, if you still recognize me as an old friend by then, I will treat you to dinner." Another touch With a fleeting smile, Shen Juan turned around and took a step, and his figure disappeared at the red door of the library.

Since then, I have never seen Zheng Hao again.

Some things seem to be destined in the dark, and there is no escape, no one can escape.Shen Ju'an wished to put up with Jiang Weidong for so many years, endured it, and went crazy, but in the face of these pains, he just crushed himself and swallowed his blood, no one can redeem him.Maybe Zheng Hao didn't fall into that deep, maybe he should have his own long life, since Shen Ju'an can't do anything to him, why not overthrow everything and let him start afresh with the flow.

He was afraid of making a choice in such a matter, after all, no one should be chosen.

In the blink of an eye, it was the 90s, and everything seemed to be filled with the bright spring and the atmosphere of laughter and laughter.

After graduating from university, Shen Ju'an really followed the easiest path for him, walking alone.He took the Ph.D. and stayed in school to become a teacher.

Time flies, but he still can't wear away the vigor and restraint of his youth.In a blink of an eye, he was almost three years old, but he was still the same as before, showing a little mature temperament in his youthfulness.

The past few years have been fairly smooth, the family has not had any major relocations, and the younger sister has also entered elementary school.He still goes home every year as usual, but he has to leave within two days.I only met Jiang Weidong once, and never saw him again.It is said that Jiang Weidong is very busy and rarely goes home during the holidays.

After these years of precipitation, Shen Ju'an figured out one thing.His life should not be occupied by the past, and he should not be selfish just pretending to be Jiang Weidong, Jiang Weidong is not the whole world, because the whole world is much better than Jiang Weidong.

As long as the person he loves the most is living a happy life, he can indeed let go, and even the miss can be slowly erased.

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