Lost Dreams

This is the first time Xia Yunzhu has come out to prostitute.

She was wrapped in the suit that Zhao Manqing bought specially, her unpainted mouth was purple and white, and a pair of shiny leather shoes stepped on the creaking floor, she seemed to feel the upturned wood stuck into her feet , but this is just an illusion.It was the naughty laughter that surrounded her in a small world, and she stood beside Man Qing in the center, a little out of breath.The chest was tied too tightly, even though Man Qing personally wrapped the cloth for her, it was still too uncomfortable.

It's been a while since I've been in Chongqing. Except for the theater, Junzhu doesn't often go to other places, and occasionally goes to the cinema.She is a theater fan and often goes to theaters with her uncle in Shanghai.I love being with my uncle the most.The younger uncle became a regular customer in the theater as soon as he paid for the tickets, no matter how popular Hua Dan was, he would sell him three cents of thin noodles.Junzhu often followed him to the backstage, watching him paint the eyebrows of the boy he liked the most, and the rouge was scattered and applied to his lips, which was weird.

Junzhu often heard people say that my uncle likes those young and beautiful rabbits, but there are several rooms full of aunts and wives at home, all of whom were cheated back from the theater.Junzhu likes to go to the small mansion to see a few aunts and grandmas who are idle and hang their voices, dangling their oily hair in a bun, pulling their short and permed hair, lying obliquely on the beauty's couch, with foreign lamps on their heads Light it up, like a showgirl in a dance hall.The concubines who were married didn't go back to sing operas anymore, and Feng Guanxia, ​​who brought over, picked up a few pieces and gave them to Yunzhu, and the rest were all pressed at the bottom of the big wardrobe, which should be left to Nianxiang.Every time Junzhu comes, he must listen to a song.Several concubines also liked her, and often sang to her the favorite song, "Suoqi pouch". Yunzhu shook her head and listened to them singing "I only know that life is destined to be rich and noble, but who knows that the number of life will be clear in an instant. I think I used to act like a baby back then. Even if I don't believe in the past." I can never get enough of this drama.Sometimes the aunts and wives were too tired to start the show, so they gave her a few theater tickets for her to go to the show by herself, and she was naturally very happy.Sometimes when I get addicted to drama, I run straight to the small mansion without even saying hello.The second aunt is used to it, and as soon as she heard her slightly hasty knock on the door, she yelled at the others: "Hey—this opera idiot is here again, those who can sing, sing a few lines, and those who can't, find a few It's easy to get a movie ticket."

Then there is the sound of throat clearing, or the sound of rummaging through a cabinet to find a ticket.When Junzhu went to Hong Kong to study, he still went to the theater every day. Half of the pocket money sent by his family was used to buy clothes, and it was usually all lost in the theater.This place is no better than Shanghai, and there is no uncle's small mansion.Only then did Jun Zhu know how happy he was to watch free movies. Although every time he went to the small mansion to listen to the movies, he was always happy, but he always felt that it was a matter of course, and he was not so grateful, until he changed to a new environment. .

When the battle broke out, Jun Zhu had just returned from Hong Kong, and was entrusted to Chongqing to look for Zhao Manqing before the ink bottle was secured.One is that Manqing is temporarily developing there, and she used to have someone to take care of her.The second is that the Xia family is very busy here, and Junzhu often hears in the dining hall that so-and-so is taken away as a gangster, and so-and-so is arguing with others again.Her family has been in business for generations, so it wouldn't affect anything at all, but Mrs. Xia is a person who has half-stepped into the gate of hell, and the family may be separated at any time.Her elder brother had to stay and take care of the family business. Thanks to her father being the eldest son, even if the family was divided, most of the inheritance rights were left to them.Jun Zhu thought that it would be fine even if she was allowed to stay in Shanghai, but her brother was worried about her, thinking that the younger sister who grew up in this honeycomb had to be coaxed and looked after, so he entrusted her to Man Qing.How could she be so fragile?Although they are always taken care of in the school, the nun makes a pot of tea every afternoon, and while eating the snacks brought by the maid of the eldest lady in the next class, she studies and prepares for the exam, which is not considered hard work.But after all, going out alone has to suffer, and she is no longer a delicate young lady who doesn't touch the spring water. The family still treats her like a child, and they are afraid that she will cause some trouble when she is so busy. , and was afraid that she would be neglected and lonely, so she immediately booked a boat ticket and took her to the pier.

Junzhu thought, this is not even a firm stand, and he is sending me away without even listening to a play, I don't know how worried I am.The uncle's aunts and wives came to see her off one by one, and gave her one or two carved records, so she wouldn't be too lonely.

As for Manqing, Yunzhu has an indescribable feeling that she is the goddaughter of Mrs. Yi, and she should call Manqing the second sister-in-law.Her second elder brother is disabled, and most of the Yi family now depends on Zhao Manqing and her elder brother and younger brother for survival.Junzhu often heard people chewing her tongue behind her back, saying that she was good at doing business because she had physical relationships with several other big families, and that she couldn't be satisfied with marrying a disabled person, so she hired a lot of little men outside.It is also said that Man Qing is engaged in homosexual love, and marriage is just a cover.But these people only dare to talk behind their backs, and only dare to call her Boss Zhao respectfully in front of her.There are still many people who respect her, and those gossips can't make any waves.

Yunzhu didn't care much about these.In the past, when Manqing was still in Shanghai, she often stayed with her. They were only five or six years apart, and they were always considered sisters when they went out.The Zhao family and the Xia family are also considered family friends, and even the school arranged for them to be in the same school, a combination of junior high school and senior high school.Manqing often took Junzhu and her playmates to play together. At that time, homosexuality was popular in schools, especially in girls' schools.One day, Junzhu and Manqing were hiding in the small bamboo forest, and saw two senior girls kissing.Yunzhu only felt that the hands holding her were sweating slightly, and she didn't dare to turn her head to look at Manqing.

She spent Manqing's years at school with a guilty conscience, and she didn't feel relieved until Manqing got married.She didn't know what she was afraid of, and she deliberately didn't understand that the tight lips in the bamboo forest that day were engraved in her eyes, and the gaze beside her was scorching hot.

"Mrs. Zhao, it's been a long time since you came to play?"

The sharp laugh pierced into Jun Zhu's ears, and she turned her head away in disgust.It was quieter upstairs, she raised her head slightly while supporting her hat, and saw a man standing on the stairs, two pink flowers were drawn on the lake blue silk cheongsam, with some messy bangs.Man Qing noticed her gaze, looked up, came over to hold her arm with a smile, and said coquettishly, "Huh? Have you chosen?"

She pointed to the man on the stairs with her chin, and Lao Jiu laughed at her for picking out a chick.She didn't take it seriously, greeted Manqing and walked up the stairs. She didn't even notice that Manqing picked someone who was very similar to her when she was in school and left. She just stared at her toes, which were black and shiny. The leather shoes, stepping on the creaking floor, are like a wild beast.

Jun Zhu silently walked into the room following the woman in front of her. She remembered Yutang Chunli's story about a man who fell in love with a noble son, and suddenly felt a little funny.They sat down at the Eight Immortals table, silent for a while, she was so bored that she took off her hat, put her hair down, took off her coat and put it aside, she took a sip of tea before thinking of speaking.

"Xia Yunzhu."

Seeing her obviously embarrassed for a moment, she replied "rose".She was a little dissatisfied and didn't want to hear such a name, but she didn't say anything else.They sat silently under the dim light. It was the wind that made the candlelight shake, as if the cheap curtain had been ignited.Rose went to turn off the light and closed the window tightly.They went to the bed in silence, comforting each other strangely, Junzhu found a trace of happiness in the close body temperature, just like the first time she was taken to the courtyard to watch a big play when she was a child.It was the sweet perfume that covered the musty smell of the wooden bed, and they kissed.

When Man Qing came to call her, Yun Zhu got up slowly.As Manqing taught her, she left a stack of foreign bills. Rose leaned under the quilt and forced her eyes to look at her. She went to kiss the top of her head, put on her clothes one by one, put on her hat, and went out.A little bit of Manqing's lipstick was wiped off, she didn't intend to remind her, she just stared at the worn wooden boards under her feet, and slowly walked out the door.

Junzhu remembered the scene when Manchun said to bring her to play today. She leaned on the door frame, lazy like a cat, with blood-like rouge on the silver pipe, and the charming look in her eyes.Junzhu just felt bewitched, so he agreed.She still doesn't know Manqing's intentions, and she doesn't want to investigate anymore.

On the second day, instead of looking for roses, she sent someone to send her a bunch of flowers, and ran to the theater by herself.When Man Qing found her, she was sipping tea in a daze. The life and death on stage became less important in an instant. She was immersed in her own thoughts, thinking of the bright red lips of roses and the sweet and cloying cheap perfume like a nightmare. taste.

"Junzhu." Manqing stood beside her, her green cheongsam forming a barrier.She raised her eyes and saw Man Qing staring at her with a half-smile and raised eyebrows.

"Guanlin Guanliang is back. The old man has set up a big table in the Eight Immortals Building, let me rush you."

Yunzhu took a sip of tea and remained silent.Man Qing put her hand on the back of her chair, and her fingertips touched the shirt of her dress.Then she stood up, and her white high-heeled shoes stepped on the floor with a bang, which coincided with the sound of the gong on the stage. After one scene, she left.

The heavy family gathering made Junzhu almost breathless, and the soup in the bowl was cold and refilled.The old man laughed and recalled the past, Guanliang brought a female companion, Miss Yang who played in the movie.Man Qing sat beside the old man, smiling calmly and generously.Junzhu and Guanlin sat together, someone talked about their marriage, and it was decided when they were young.Man Qing hesitated to speak, but Yun Zhu thought it was a little funny.

It's not that she doesn't know Man Qing's intentions, but so what?She will definitely not accept it.After graduating from middle school, she never called Manqing "Sister", only Miss Zhao.After she gets married, she will only call her the second sister-in-law, or "Mrs. Zhao", and will always call her in the middle to let her know that she doesn't have that kind of heart.Man Qing's expression now looks like she is reluctant to part with some treasure, but she was the one who arranged the marriage in the first place.I don't know what is the intention of marrying her brother.Junzhu doesn't care, Guanlin has been treating her well, so why don't you just play around now?It would be safe to marry him.Guanlin is competitive, and he doesn't need to rely on Manqing for support. It is estimated that they will both go abroad as soon as Yunzhu passes the door.At that time, no matter what manqing or rose is, you don't need to care about it all. So what if you love it or not?Life has to go on as usual, although the eldest brother of the Xia family is often afraid that something will happen to her, but he is never worried about her. He is not afraid that she will learn to be bad. I will wrong myself.

Yunzhu suddenly laughed. Some people she had been with called her fickle, but she did not refute.What's wrong with being fickle?It's better to take care of yourself than hurt others.Love will eventually be worn flat and lifeless by reality.In the end, we have to rely on getting used to living together, it is better to let ourselves live comfortably.

After spending several days in the theater, Jun Zhu went to the brothel again.It was still Manqing who brought her here.She didn't name her either, and she gave Qian and sneaked into the Rose House, hugging her from behind.Her lips pressed against the back of her cold neck, feeling relieved.They hugged and kissed and fell on the table.Junzhu smiled when she saw the withered roses she put in the glass vase.

"Think of me like that? You won't throw away the flowers when they wither?"

"Still talking? I'm a customer and I didn't pick up any of them. I spent my money for you!"

"It seems that this is the first time I have served you well, girl, and I don't want to touch others anymore?"

"Grumpy!"

Chu Yao pushes her, Yun Zhu grabs her wrist and leads her to the bed, this time without even turning off the light.Junzhu opened his mouth to hold her cock, she cried out, and touched her too.After being satisfied with her relatives, Jun Zhu got up and stared at her, and asked her teasingly.

"I'll send you flowers every day from now on?"

"Are you covering me?"

"It's for you."

So she stretched out her hand to embrace Yunzhu's neck, brought her lips to her ear, and said softly.

"Chu Yao."

"what?"

"You asked last time, my name."

"surname………?"

"Master Sui, his surname is Lin."

"Good to hear."

Chu Yao then laughed and kissed her again.The curtain was torn down, and there were some gray yarns.

Moonlight poured in.

Since that day, Junzhu really sent people to send flowers every day, red roses, pink lilies, dew-covered tulips, and yellow sunflowers.The owner of the florist and the coachman of Manqing's family are very familiar with each other, knowing that the flower was given by a young master Xia in the house, he often laughs secretly.Rich people's bags are always like this, but how can there be Master Xia in this house?People with discerning eyes know it, and they dare not speak nonsense.

Yunzhu still often goes to see Chuyao, always with Zhao Manqing, and occasionally alone.When Zhao Manqing was there, they listened to Manqing's voice in the room after finishing their work. Two muffled thumps and a protracted "Master Xia—" were the signal of parting.When Manqing was away, Junzhu would occasionally stay overnight, and sometimes he would take a rickshaw and leave.

One day, when she went home with Manqing, Junzhu hummed a song in a good mood, and Manqing started the conversation, telling her not to come here often.It is said that there is a marriage contract after all, and people will always criticize it when they see it.Two weeks ago, Yunzhu took Chuyao to go shopping on the street, and when Manqing found out about it, she scolded her a lot.She nodded impatiently.

Although she didn't want to listen to Man Qing's words, the number of times she went to brothels did decrease, and the intervals were longer.Always too busy, the Zhao family wanted her to assist Guanlin, and hired someone to teach her about business.When I have free time, I have to go out with Guanlin on a date, and I always drink coffee and watch movies.Knowing that she likes dramas, Guanlin specially accompanied her to watch a few shows, but it was not interesting enough.Junzhu often thinks of his uncle's dark house, which is crowded with the small mansion of opera aunts and concubines.The moth-eaten Fengguanxiapei smells rotten.She likes the opera there the most, and it is sung for her alone. She can draw the lips of aunts and wives just like my uncle thrushes the eyebrows of those young students.And the few records they gave her, when she was alone in the room, the gramophone was turned on, and the whole house was full of love and hatred, babbling and babbling all night.

When Junzhu received the news of Mrs. Xia's death, she had just returned from the brothel. In the kitchen, Guanlin was learning how to make dumplings. When he saw her, he asked her to come with him.Manqing was also there, and Yunzhu imitated, wrapping a few clumsily.The dumpling skin was too thick, and it was not cooked at all for a while.Bite down is a mouth full of flour, like eating bread.The meat stuffing was a bit cooked, but it smelled like vinegar, but the rest was uncooked, the pink stuffing was a ball, and the fishy smell couldn't go away, it just made people sick.Wang Ma ran over with a telegram, brother Yunzhu called.Junzhu took a look and felt a convulsion in his stomach, his throat was sore, and he vomited it out.A few tears fell down and were all wiped away by Manqing.

My brother told her not to go back yet.The house was in chaos, so it was enough for the first seven days to come back and guard her for one night. After that day, she had to be sent to Zhao's house to guard her.Said that his father was negotiating business with several brothers.Junzhu wiped her mouth with a handkerchief, forcing herself to calm down.Guanlin came to hug her, she couldn't help it, and burst into tears.

When they came back from Shanghai, the Zhao family began to prepare for the marriage, and they all said they wanted to be happy, but Junzhu didn't object.The flowers are still sent as they are, Yun Zhu thought, if she leaves Chongqing, Chu Yao will be the one who will be most reluctant.Although he can't talk about loving her, being with her is the most at ease. One day, he had a whim and told Manqing that he wanted to buy Chuyao and be by his side as a girl.Man Qing didn't reply, she only felt that her childish nature would not come true.One day, when I ran into Yunzhu and sent someone to inquire about the money for the ransom, I said a few words to her anxiously, but Yunzhu didn't listen to her.

Man Qing spoke Shanghai dialect angrily, this was the first time since she came to Chongqing.She always only speaks Chongqing dialect or northern dialect.She was trembling with anger, but she had to keep her voice down, afraid of disturbing other people, she scolded Yun Zhu: "Nong think about it better? Which girl in there is innocent? I am sweet with you today, tomorrow I don't know who got rolled under him again! Don't be so stupid!"

"Don't you often go to play too?"

"Playing is just playing! No one takes it seriously like you! You are not afraid of being laughed at when you say it!"

Yunzhu ignored her, still thinking about it.Until one day Manqing came back in the middle of the night and knocked on her door, wrapped in a blue fox fur robe, with newly permed hair.She held the bong in her hand, the rouge and blood left on the cigarette holder.

"I went there today." She said, "Your beloved Miss Rose is here to pick you up."

Yun Zhu didn't speak, she felt a burst of anger, she didn't know whether it was towards Chu Yao or Man Qing.In the room, the foreign money used to redeem Chu Yao was still piled on the table.Trembling all over, she pushed Manqing and closed the door.She heard the sound of Manqing's high-heeled shoes stepping on the floor, and thought of the creaking floor of the brothel, and always suspected that a warped piece of wood had stuck into her feet.She put all the money on the table into her bag and told herself that Manqing was lying.She stayed up all night and went out early in the morning.She didn't even pretend to be dressed up, she was wearing a white cheongsam, like blue and white porcelain.She bought a bouquet of flowers at the flower shop in front of her house and walked straight to the brothel with the bag.Regardless of Lao Jiu's obstruction, he climbed up the stairs.When she saw a man come out of Chu Yao's room, her anger dissipated, turning into a wisp of blue smoke that seemed lost, scraping off the withered yellow leaves.She suddenly remembered what someone had said □□Ruthless actor Wuyi, she didn't dare to open the door to see if it was Chu Yao sleeping inside, she didn't dare to imagine Chu Yao's expression at this time, she felt disgusted.

She turned her head and walked down, accidentally sprained her foot and dropped her shoe.She stepped barefoot on the creaking floorboards, and the upturned logs dug into her feet.

She doesn't remember how she went out, nor how she got back to Zhao's house.Seeing her bleeding foot, Wang Ma yelled for the doctor to bandage it.Guanlin wanted to ask something, but was stopped by Manqing.After Jun Zhu's feet were wrapped, Xiao Fang also drove over.Only then did Junzhu realize that today is the day to return to Shanghai, and the wedding will be held there instead.Zhao's family is also planning to move out of Chongqing, Yunzhu thought, Manqing probably ran into Chuyao picking up customers when she was going to do business in a brothel.Thinking of Yuan Yao, her mouth felt bitter again.Guanlin carried her into the car, she hugged Guanlin's neck, and said something suddenly.

"I love you."

When they arrived at the pier, they heard panicked cries from the crowd.It was the Japanese army who dropped it.Standing at the bow of the boat, Junzhu saw the cannon fire all over the sky. From here, he could just see the brothel, although it was in a general direction.When Junzhu saw □□ thrown over there, someone sent a telegram immediately and showed it to Man Qing, who read it to her, saying that the brothel was blown up, and several nearby buildings were also affected, but it seems that Her property was only harmed by the brothel.He also said that the people inside did not escape, and many of them were killed in the bombing.

Manqing was still talking, but Yunzhu didn't listen to a word.She felt like she was in the sea, and everyone's conversation was separated by a layer of water, so she couldn't hear clearly.

For a moment, she felt that her soul was torn into two, and one got out of the body and flew into the sky full of gunfire.One stayed where he was, and sang hoarsely: "Which one will go to Nanjing and pass the letter to my Saburo. It is said that Su San's life will be cut off, and I will pay it back as a dog in the next life——"

(Finish)

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