double struggle

Chu Wendao drove Xu Qingzhou back in person, carrying the dessert and sour milkshake prepared by Chu's mother in his hand.The two walked in the quiet old-fashioned neighborhood, the lights were on and off, and the laughter just now echoed in their minds.

"Teacher, what did you say to that child?" After a long time, Xu Qingzhou asked.

Chu Wendao asked back: "Want to know?"

Xu Qingzhou was silent again, and tapped his chin lightly for a long time.He couldn't say he was curious, but he always felt that the topic they were talking about was about him.If Chu Wendao didn't want to say it, he didn't care much.

"This elder brother is an important person to my uncle, so you should treat him well, okay?" Chu Wendao imitated the tone at that time, turned his head and stared at Xu Qingzhou with a smile, "It turns out that she likes you more than I imagined."

Xu Qingzhou blinked slowly, and the astonishment was gradually replaced by a smile.He didn't talk anymore, but shook his head inexplicably, seemingly helpless and disapproving.

"very nice."

He sighed, and the white mist he exhaled disappeared into the light circle of the street lamp.

Chu Wendao looked down, and stretched out his hand to hold Xu Qingzhou's five fingers exposed to the wind.He can't give more warmth, but when two people who are equally cold touch each other, at least they won't be so cold.

Xu Qingzhou's voice was quieter than usual.

"When I was young, my parents were very busy. They worked very hard to make money, so I never expected more things. They provided me with a superior material life, which is already very good." He said, "Later, when I was ten When I was [-] years old, my family had a younger brother. My mother said that it was because I was afraid that I would be lonely, so I wanted to have one more person to accompany me.” He laughed self-deprecatingly.

Chu Wendao listened silently, the shadow touched by his eyes moved back, then disappeared, and returned to his sight after a while.In the scattered light and shadow, he seemed to see a small shadow, stumbling and ignorant.

Xu Qingzhou continued: "But the parents are still so busy, how can they have time to take care of a baby? I was still young at that time, and I didn't know how to deal with such a small child. It seemed that it would break if touched. But there is no way , I can only bite the bullet."

"My parents are successful people, they enjoy high honors, and as their sons, we two brothers seem to be born gilded, should be so good, and should have achieved as much as our parents. But I have never Without inheriting the excellent genes of my parents, I can only use more thought and spend more time than others to achieve the same results as others."

But he was very tired. While taking care of his brother who was ten years younger than him, while studying with all his heart, he felt that he could collapse at any time.He seems to be responsible for everything about his younger brother, even his parents take it for granted.If the younger brother is ignorant, he will be punished together; if the younger brother does not get good grades, he will take care of it; if the younger brother is sad, he will coax him.But what he didn't have, this kid had it all.

Others will tell his parents, your two sons are so sensible, the youngest has passed two grades at a young age, and has won many awards, so he will definitely be very promising in the future.Xu Qingzhou got used to it after hearing a lot. No matter how much he paid, it was justified, but no amount of honor would belong to him.

Maybe it was the rebellion of the young people, or maybe it was the perennial depression, Xu Qingzhou came out to his family.His mother was crying and his father was scolding.In particular, he remembered that when the pain of the wound fell on his body, his heart was filled with deformed joy and pride.At this point, he felt, he finally had the edge over his brother, earning the attention he craved.

From that moment on, Xu Qingzhou struggled out of this family.

Later, parents were less busy and had more time to stay at home.His parents seemed to want to make up for the missed time, but at that time, Xu Qingzhou was far away from this family.

Xu Qingzhou always felt that she was first attracted by Chu Wendao's thoughtfulness. He was so kind to the people he cared about, and he was so gentle when he smiled. He would praise him, criticize him, and take care of him.Gradually, Chu Wendao's position in his mind changed.Xu Qingzhou envied the person who was missed by Chu Wendao, and longed for the warmth of Chu Wendao.

After taking a bath, Xu Qingzhou found that Chu Wendao was still there. He took two steps closer and smelled the smell of smoke that would not dissipate in the future.When Chu Wendao saw him coming out, he stubbed out his cigarette and threw it into the ashtray, beckoning to him.He put away the surprise on his face and sat on the other side of the sofa, half a meter away from each other.

Chu Wen smiled apologetically and said, "Actually, you don't like the smell of cigarettes, do you?" He had seen Xu Qingzhou avert his face several times when he was smoking.

Xu Qingzhou shook her head, leaning on the sofa to move closer to Chu Wendao.

"I don't hate it, but smoking is bad for your health. I didn't know how to persuade you before, but I don't know now." He said.

Chu Wendao looked at the pot of citrus next to the TV. Because there was a promotion when he bought flowers, he simply bought an extra pot and moved it here two days ago.An empty room must have some old-fashioned flavor.When he first came here, he noticed that the leaves of this pot of citrus had been carefully pruned.

Chu Wendao exhaled and said, "Is there anything you want to say?"

Xu Qingzhou lowered her eyelids and stared at her flat nails.

He whispered, "Teacher, can you hug me?"

"You sit so far away, how can I hug you?" Chu Wendao leaned back on the back of the sofa and opened his arms towards Xu Qingzhou.

Xu Qingzhou pursed his lips, and approached Chu Wendao's chest cautiously. He raised his chin and looked at Chu Wendao's chin hesitantly.His limbs were still stiff, and it seemed that as long as Chu Wendao refused, he would immediately hide in the original corner.

Xu Qingzhou dawdled there, Chu Wendao didn't urge him, and patiently maintained his original posture, until the distance got closer, then he retracted his arms and took him into his arms.The arm he raised just now was a little sore. After thinking for a while, he put his wrist on Xu Qingzhou's shoulder.

Xu Qingzhou's body is fresh after bathing, and the undissipated water vapor is pleasantly cold.Consciously or unintentionally, he brushed the short hair on the back of his neck, thinking it was not bad.

"Teacher, I escaped from home."

A muffled voice came from his arms, and Chu Wendao's fingers running through his hair paused.He really couldn't imagine Xu Qingzhou arguing with others.

It's nothing more than coming in such a hurry at the beginning, he nodded knowingly: "Well, then what?"

Xu Qingzhou was silent for a few seconds and said: "My grandma has been getting worse and worse in recent years, and also suffered from dementia. She was sent to a nursing home last year."

He arched his head into Chu Wendao's arms, as if it would be warmer: "My grandma has a house under her name, which was compensated after the old house was taken over by the government. It is in the new district. My grandma is still there, they... …they have started negotiating the ownership of the house and my grandma's estate."

The "they" in Xu Qingzhou's mouth seemed vague, and Chu Wendao didn't ask. This "they" may include his most respected parents, or people who are related by blood.

"They talked about it in front of my grandma that night. I didn't want grandma to listen to their cynicism, so I took grandma out." He curled up in Chu Wendao's arms, calmly Said, "My grandma can't understand, and she still wants to eat sweet fried dumplings. In fact, I think it's best not to understand, at least I don't have to be sad for them."

Xu Qingzhou's face was buried lower and lower, as if being pressed on his back by a heavy burden.

"Light boat."

Following his call, Xu Qingzhou raised his face.He gently wiped the teardrops from the corners of his eyes. In such an instant, the calmness he concealed was overshadowed by sadness, and the tears under his palms could not be wiped away.

Xu Qingzhou finally said: "Teacher, I'm so sad..."

The so-called support for the young and support for the old, the parents are the harbor of the children when they are young, and the children are the support of the parents when they are old.The sorrow of human nature may arise from the coldness of the human heart.

Chu Wendao put his lips on Xu Qingzhou's forehead, and said softly: "Qingzhou, grandma loves you very much."

"She treats me very well You know, since I have my brother, I am not so important, only my grandma thinks of me first." Xu Qingzhou closed her eyes and said.

"Someday I'll go back with you to see grandma, okay?"

Xu Qingzhou trembled her eyelashes, staring at the upper eyes in astonishment.

Chu Wendao smiled and repeated: "Can you take me to celebrate the New Year with grandma?"

After a long time, the atmosphere cooled down.Xu Qingzhou stretched out his arm to hook the back of Chu Wendao's head, and gratefully kissed this overly gentle man.

He said, "Thank you, teacher."

"Thank you for what?" Chu Wendao narrowed his eyes and asked knowingly.

"You know." Xu Qingzhou replied with a smile.

Chu Wendao slowly slid his fingertips across his hair, stroking his temples, and then his cheeks.He rubbed his palm vaguely, and there was a layer of lingering light in his eyes.

Thanks for what?There are too many, too many to count.In his world, Chu Wendao was like an omnipotent guide, leading him across a series of obstacles.Apart from loving this man wholeheartedly, he no longer knows how to repay him.

Chu Wendao finally pinched his face, and when he felt pain, he relaxed and rubbed lightly.

"Just now Sun Hai sent us a WeChat message, asking if we would go to barbecue the day after tomorrow, at his house."

"I also can."

"That's how it is. I'll take you around the nearby attractions in the morning the day after tomorrow, and then go to Sun Hai's to have a barbecue at night. Chen Xintong said that she wanted to play with you, so I'll take her with you that day."

Xu Qingzhou's eyebrows were curved, and he agreed to whatever Chu Wendao suggested.It was so well-behaved that Chu Wendao couldn't help ruffling his hair again.

He remembered what Chu's mother said to him a few hours ago, the more well-behaved a child is, the more painful he is, he smiled and didn't answer.The more well-behaved a person is, the more things are hidden in his heart. Chu Wendao would rather Xu Qingzhou be willing to make a lot of noise.

In this way, at least his heart won't be in pain like it is now.