cosine of desire

Zhang Lingyan maintains a unique work and rest habit: he gets up near dawn and lights the wick of a red candle with a match; after a day of walking and leisure, he falls asleep accompanied by gentle Canon piano music.This literary giant dedicated his youth to writing: At that time, with his efficiency of writing thousands of words a day, or even breaking [-], Brookside Publishing House, which was flooded with first drafts, added at least one non-fiction book every year.He is proficient in music and literature, and his genius-like brain and strong body are brought into full play by this extraordinary talent.However, after more than ten years of such a stereotyped life, his inspiration slipped away with the passage of time, leaving an endless emptiness.On the afternoon of the last working day, Zhang Lingyan held a sample of his last published book on music theory, and left Creek Magazine forever.

Zhang Lingyan, who was relieved of the burden of work, found it pleasant to talk to and listen to others, and Yu Xian was the one who made him discover this.The wealth accumulated in the first half of his life made him do nothing after retirement, and the leisure to live peacefully made him at a loss as to what to do.To pass the time, he began to recall and sort out the past.In the hour before lunch time, he took out a black leather-stitched notepad and a signature pen filled with dark blue ink from the drawer of the wooden desk, and had a vague memory of the past.Every familiar and unfamiliar place name echoed in his mind, and it would bring one or two people's names.After he scribbled down the memory of these names in his notebook with a signature pen, he began to restore the fragments of memory into a complete picture.Yu Xinlin, founder of the secret organization "Song of Youth" who once dubbed him Leng Mumu; Zhu Yingchun, editor-in-chief of the magazine, and Ma Pengkun, deputy editor-in-chief; Yu Guangli, a confidant who met by chance; Ren Shicheng; Gui Guoren and She Ziyi who met by chance during a business trip to Nanjing; Shi Tongshen, the most admired medical professor in his life, and Hou Heng, the van driver who took him to visit Yishan in Dongzhen when he was traveling in Weifang, Shandong... The faces of these people gradually faded away The number of layers of eyelids, the color of the pupils, the height of the bridge of the nose, the length of the beard, and the thickness of the hair are constantly reorganized with the passage of time, until finally he was forced to take out old photos for comparison.This tidying up work lasted for half a year and ended with the ringing of the New Year's bell in the following year.

Zhang Lingyan's fragment restoration work attracted Yu Xian.Before that, he only knew that Zhang Lingyan's writing level was beyond ordinary people, but he never thought about where Zhang Lingyan obtained so many materials, until the tedious sorting work appeared in front of him.Zhang Lingyan's sorting work is the writer's vivid and clear life trajectory, a ring of fragments in the silhouette of fate.Each page of the notepad is pasted with a photo or a stick figure, and next to it are several lines of marked notes, arranged in precise chronological order.Although there are inevitable omissions along the way, Zhang Lingyan will not be as unrestrained as he was back then, filling in the gaps with fantasy, but letting the long river of memory roll by.At the beginning of the year, when Yu Xian visited Xinxing Nanli, Zhang Lingyan showed him the notebook with joy and anticipation, and the latter rubbed the wrinkled pages in shock.

"My God," Yu Xian exclaimed, "how much effort did you put into this?"

"Thank you," Zhang Lingyan replied, "Don't you like writing? This book is my New Year's gift to you. You can use it as a material and take care of it."

"It's so precious, don't you keep it? Or can you keep a backup?"

The seasoned writer laughed. "When I started decluttering, I didn't think about keeping it to myself. For many years, I was obsessed with professional book writing, as if it was my lifeblood. But it wasn't until I retired that I realized what I had experienced. Many, although the writing career is important, it has isolated me from communication with the outside world after all. Now, I am older and my ability is not as good as before. You are still young and can help me complete my missing works. But you write What happens is up to you."

"You mean you want me to write an account of your life based on this book?"

"Yes, I hope you can."

Yu Xian was puzzled and vaguely angry at the sudden task: "I'm sorry, I haven't experienced your life, how can I start writing based on the things you sorted out?"

"Silly boy," Zhang Lingyan looked at him kindly, "I didn't explicitly say that the writing should be true, but I just said that you can refer to the materials I provided. As for what the story is, that's up to you. Of course you can Reality is fictitious, as long as there is logic."

Yu Xian was not good at refusing, thanked Zhang Lingyan and returned home with a notepad.He wanted to decline the task entrusted to him by the elders, but driven by ample time and writing instinct, he carefully checked the dark blue imitation Song style in the notepad, and extended the names, brief plot and time of the people on the last page of the draft book, so as to This constitutes a schedule.After half an hour of accumulation, the schedule was piled up densely.Because some situations in the notepad cannot be accurately explained in words, various symbols and clumsy strokes interspersed with square patterns can be seen everywhere.Soon Yu Xian discovered that Zhang Lingyan's organization was logically confused, because no matter what events he experienced, there will always be a certain degree of deviation from the real experience in his recollection.In the process of series connection, while supplementing and perfecting the scattered plots, he also acts as a gardener to carefully repair the details with scissors, such as rewriting the names of real people, or trying to correct contradictions and irrelevant plots.

Yu Xian understands that the workload of constructing the timetable is far less than that of Zhang Lingyan, not only because Zhang Lingyan has a vast amount of information to search, but also because he can artistically process the frame of the story by unfolding endless fantasies, compared with the vagueness and rigor of recalling the past The vast wilderness contained in the imagination provides a broad space for cosine's exploration.He gradually realized that his thinking was no longer limited to the narrow frame in the notebook, but connected and extended the seemingly disordered fragments through a causal chain: birth, doing odd jobs to make money, life of educated youth, becoming a professor, publishing for the first time Writing for the agency... This chain of relationships traverses endlessly, spanning the road to writing in the future.

Three years later, Yu Xian took the first draft and went to Xinxing Nanli full of apprehension and excitement.Before that, he had asked Zhang Lingyan many times, and eagerly gave him unfinished works for review, but they were all rejected. Zhang Lingyan offered a helping hand only when he was stuck. "Showing unfinished things will only increase your inertia and blind satisfaction," Zhang Lingyan explained, "In this way, you will feel a sense of accomplishment, but this can only reflect your impatience, and you will not seriously complete the remaining tasks." Get down to that part." Now, Yu Xian opened the door without an electronic lock, walked up the stairs, and his heart was filled with surprise when Zhang Lingyan saw Shen Shi's first draft.He misjudged.Zhang Lingyan scribbled through the crumpled dossier, and Yu Xian, who was on the side, was stunned by his rapid browsing.

"Very good," Zhang Ling said in a flat tone, "It can be seen that you have put in a lot of thought, and the story is well written."

Yu Xian couldn't believe that his years of hard work got him a brief comment, as if in Zhang Lingyan's eyes, other people's hard work was indifferent: "You haven't even looked at it carefully."

Zhang Lingyan's answer was irritating: "No, unless you want to publish it."

Cosine immediately accepted the challenge.He spent two weeks revising the manuscript, printing it electronically, and submitting it to every publisher he knew, only to hear back for months.He was suspicious of this vision, so he went out and asked himself.Feihong Publishing House's reason for rejection was "there is no real emotion, and the story is not coherent", followed by Dexi and Xixing Publishing Houses giving similar conclusions, saying that the author's writing style is immature and will not bring business opportunities to the company; Dentsu Publishing House The editors of Yu Xian were very annoyed because Yu Xian's submission had nothing to do with the professional field it involved; the editors of Zhixing Publishing House, who were the only ones who took a fancy to the first draft, finally agreed to contact the author after rigorous screening, but just when they were about to send the letter to Yu Xian The night before last, the mainframe of the magazine was paralyzed by a virus attack, and all work was suspended due to sudden changes. "God," Yu Xian lamented facing all kinds of criticisms and accusations, "what's the matter." He endured the frustration of the magazine's rejection of the manuscript, lost his previous arrogance, and came to Zhang Lingyan dejectedly to ask the reason.The elder seemed to have expected this result and waited for a long time.He patiently listened to Yu Xian's tragic story without saying a word, then stood up, looking out the window at the evergreen leaves and the red-tiled brick building, his clear eyes sparkled with logic and reason, and the words he spoke were as light and sleepy as dying:

"Last time I flipped through what you wrote. Although I flipped through it quickly, I know that there are many problems in your work. The points pointed out by the editors of the magazine are correct, but I know that fundamentally you missed A core. I will not tell you what that core is now, you need to find it yourself.

"There's a party tonight at Xinlin Coffee House in the northwest corner of Xinxing Nanli. The host of the party is a couple. They got their first income from the record company last night. The boy's name is Lin Yujing—that's right. The author of the song you recommended to me at that time. I went to Hunan last summer and invited him to study and work here. Now he has income and motivation. You can talk and understand each other: he composes, you compose .You will come with me tonight."

Chapter 6

Lin Yujing and Zheng Qie's wedding was scheduled for Valentine's Day in February of the following year. The date was the result of mutual negotiation between the couple and their families.Many people are opposed to this marriage in their hearts, thinking that they are confused by the illusion of longing for life, dazzled by the fierce flames of love, ignorant of the burden of family and financial difficulties after marriage or have luck in their hearts.