cosine of desire

Combining it with art, it's like I was playing and writing music beside her when she was painting. "

"You didn't submit the song you wrote to the outside world or even publish it? I believe you work in the mail room and have contacts with people outside, right?"

"You don't know what I said. No matter how well I wrote it or how many people listened to it, I didn't intend to let outsiders listen to this song, let alone publish it. I can't pay for it. This song was originally It was written for her, and I have nothing to do with what other people think. But I changed my mind half a year ago, which is why you and that cosine were able to get the CD and then find me."

"Half a year ago? What did you go through then?"

"She died. Xia Tian died. I saw the news when the courier delivered the newspaper that day. When she was climbing a mountain, she slipped and fell down the mountainside. Her unfinished drawing collection was still in the bag."

"Feel sorry."

"I was nervous at the time. I read the newspaper when I got it. I hoped that the names of the people were important, but no, the words of Pingding the old district and some colleges and universities were printed on it. Then I called, and it was the same as a few years ago. No one answered. My whole mind was drained, and those memories that I had forgotten emerged again-after all, I didn’t wait for the day when I would play the music I wrote to her. At night, I really can’t bear this Feeling guilty, holding the sheet music and all the manuscripts that I was going to give her, I climbed to the top floor of the dream-seeking building in the dark. There was a stove there, so no kid was allowed to enter the roof. I opened the fire, and first put all the The manuscript of the piano score was thrown into the fire, and what was swallowed up by it was the music score that I had exhausted my energy to draw carefully one by one. I think if Xia Tian is in heaven, she will also see the score I wrote for her and hear my playing I looked at the flames, and that ruthless thing seemed to bury my youth. I suddenly remembered how she admired the overlooking scenery when I brought her here, so I went to the edge of the railing and looked down, what was there? None, black is not midwinter.

"I have no regrets, and I still do. I burned all my sheet music that night, none left, and I didn't have the energy to rewrite that sheet, but I've tried to get my sheet music to write since then. The song is out, I hope outsiders can hear my voice - I believe this is also the long-cherished wish of completing the painting collection in summer. I thought of a way. I asked Chen Yuxin to record the song I played and store it in In the CD, the cover of the CD is the landscape painting left to me by summer. Then I paid a lot of money to find someone to make these CDs, and entrusted Chen Yuxin to give them to foreign tourists for free. That cosine is one of them.

"Now I can say that I am the same as when I didn't touch the piano. I work as a janitor all day long, helping residents collect newspapers and deliveries. The work contract expires this month, and I can resign anytime and anywhere. I'm too lazy to do this because I can't find a job in other places. I still practice the piano every day, but I don't have the energy to write the music. Sometimes I can send a CD to people from other places. Since half a year ago After Xia Tian left, my mental state was not very good, that is to say, I think we all don’t know when we will leave. Everyone is just dawdling, trying to escape this kind of life but stagnant. Fortunately, there are still Music accompanies me—thanks to Shao Qin, that jealous bastard, I can survive until now.”

Zhang Lingyan was silent for a long time after listening to Lin Yujing's self-report. Although he appeared calm on the outside, his heart was turbulent, as if Lin Yujing's legendary experience had really happened to him.Zhang Lingyan was not only shocked by the ups and downs of Lin Yujing's life, but also felt sorry for the closure of his musical talent.He could feel that although Lin Yujing was slightly proud, he had never dreamed of entering the public eye. Distributing his own piano music to all parts of the country was just to commemorate his friendship with Xia Xia, because the author's name never appeared on the disc. Lin Yujing has never given up work because of his self-contained character. Conscientiousness is a virtue left over from his ancestors' farming generations, but he is also innovative. He has the courage to try when encountering a turning point in life. pace of.Zhang Lingyan paced along the lake with his hands behind his back, followed by Lin Yujing.Suddenly he turned his head, and his dark brown eyes stared straight at the other's enlarged eyes.

"Are you willing to go to Beijing to be a piano teacher? I have a position in my hand."

"I'm sorry, what did you just say? I didn't hear clearly."

Zhang Lingyan was sure that Lin Yujing's answer was out of shock and not distracted, so he repeated it with an emphasis.In order not to make the other party suspicious, he took out his ID card and work permit from his backpack, and played the piano for a while to prove his ability. "You are a genius," Zhang Lingyan persuaded, "You can come to Beijing to teach, and I can help you find a job there. Your talent should not be wasted in idle time." Lin Yujing shook his head instinctively, Look gloomy. "Impossible," he said in a hoarse voice, "Beijing is too far away from here, it is very troublesome for me to be unfamiliar with the place, and I have no experience as a teacher." But he was shaken, so he put all his eggs in one basket, gritted his teeth and roared slightly:

"You can figure it out for yourself. I'll give you three days to think about it. I'll be here on Monday morning to listen to your reply."

In the early morning of the next day, a beam of sunlight rushed straight to the surface of the ornamental lake, and with the slight breeze, it reflected the reflections of flowers, trees, blue sky and white clouds.A thin figure emerged from the shadow of the bushes, and then rushed towards the red brick path leading to the Dream Building.At the door of the mail room at the edge of the path, the thin Lin Yujing stood neatly dressed with the answer after thinking all night, with a calm expression but could not conceal the urgency and anxiety in his heart. It was not until the arrival of Zhang Lingyan that the tense nerves were relaxed.They discuss plans all day.Two days later, Lin Yujing resigned from his job, bid farewell to his parents and fellow villagers, took the last few CDs in stock, and followed Zhang Lingyan to leave his residence of more than [-] years by train, stepping into the land of Pingjin for the first time in his life amidst the roar of the train and the afterglow of the setting sun.

Chapter 4

Lin Yujing was deeply overwhelmed by the prosperous scene of the inner ring of Beijing. He was dazzled by the brilliant neon lights and the bustling streets.Zhang Lingyan turned into a private tour guide and led Lin Yujing to walk around the streets and alleys. The diverse fusion of ancient urban areas and modern buildings amazed the composer.He never left the water town of Hunan during his lifetime. Although the night in the downtown area of ​​Pingding New District is lively and full of businesses, the strange scene of empty alleys only stays in the TV images, and he has not been able to witness it until the beginning of life in Beidiao.Before that, he never thought that Nanluoguxiang was so attractive that Chinese and foreign tourists crowded into various shops with their wives and children. The astonishing prices of goods made him still recall it when he returned to his hometown and came to Fenghuang many years later.He bought candied haws, pea yellow and Poria cocos cakes under the seductive yelling of hawkers. The simple and sweet aftertaste left him with the imprint of coming to Beijing for the first time.

These novelties did not dispel Lin Yujing's loneliness and nostalgia for long.Ever since Zhang Lingyan arranged for him a rental house in Xinxing Nanli, the difference between the north and the south that Lin Yujing felt was increasing day by day.At lunchtime, he would walk three blocks to the Hunan restaurant, because there was never enough chili peppers in the restaurant downstairs, and this situation was not relieved until the second-hand furniture was purchased; in the second week, he developed nosebleeds and sore throat. Symptoms, after asking the doctor, I learned that due to the autumn weather, the coolness and dryness in the north should not be underestimated; even though he had heard about the high cost of the imperial capital when he was far away in Hunan, the soaring prices still caught him off guard. The rent will take half of the cost of living. Although he plans to become a piano teacher in the spring of the following year and make a living from it, the remaining funds can only temporarily meet food and clothing; many memories of his hometown are often brought up, such as the piano, Xunmenglou, mailroom and The images of relatives and friends linger in his mind, so he is amazed that in this world where every inch of land is expensive and there are many high-rise buildings, the barriers between people are so clear that when going shopping, there is a drive to avoid neighbors and acquaintances to avoid embarrassment.Lin Yujing didn't get used to this invisible indifference until he became familiar with the surrounding terrain, because even he, a lone ranger who had been closed in the studio for two years, liked to communicate and took the daily greetings of residents in Xinyoulin Garden as a routine. "Just get used to it," Zhang Lingyan, an elder who often visits him, often said, "After getting acquainted here, you will find that life in Beijing is actually quite fulfilling." Zhang Lingyan's words are meant to be comforting, At the same time, there was a faint warning, although Lin Yujing didn't understand it at the time.

In the first six months of Beidiao, thanks to Zhang Lingyan's help, Lin Yujing came to a well-known normal university to study music theory.Although Lin Yujing has always kept a low profile in the conservatory, his local accent, poor life and amazing piano skills have made him famous, because after class, students often see him wearing a shirt, with a solemn expression, huddled alone in the corner of the practice room , Playing the piano and studying alternately until the evening.Since coming to the Conservatory of Music, in order to get rid of his homesickness, he regained the habit of composing music, regaining his piano skills and generating inspiration at the same time.Therefore, he was amazed at the living standards of many people around him, as if a piano is a standard equipment for urban families, even though most of the time its appreciation value is much higher than its use value.Most students at the Academy can play Beethoven's symphonies to perfection, but few of them are able to whip up beautiful pieces quickly.For them, Lin Yujing is a foreigner with a clear mind, a traveler who can shuttle back and forth to the top of the mountain of thinking, with a great talent but not well known by the public.then