Luan

The tip of the knife plunged into my chest, never icy cold, with your temperature, send me to heaven.

"Why do you ask where the heart is?"

"I'm going to tell him that it's all about him."

I'm really glad that 'he' and 'she' have the same pronunciation in Chinese, so she will never know that I'm a gay who might make her sick, of course it's just me, never you .

Her smile froze slightly, and I didn't need to guess to know that she must be sympathizing with me, who is about to die, in her mind, sympathizing with me who is about to die, but there are people who still can't let go except family members.

She nodded, and the delicate heart of a woman can immediately understand what kind of person I want to tell.After only a few seconds of freezing, her eyes immediately changed into a rather ambiguous look.

She was sitting by my bed, and I opened the clothes for her to point out, and then drew a mark on it with a marker.

In order to allow you to stab more accurately.

I'm all set.

Yida, when are you coming?

We made an appointment to see me after your birthday, but you didn't know it. I waited and waited and waited that day, and my neck grew half, but you just didn't come.

I was thinking, will you not come?Will you betray me?

But in the end I still feel that even if you don't come, I will reluctantly forgive you, but in the end I deny this idea, because I have no doubts about how much you love me, and you will always come.You just need a moment, a moment to say goodbye to everything.

You are not like me with half a foot in the grave. You still have a great youth to squander and a bright future waiting for you to chase. According to common sense, how can a good person like you waste your life on me?

However, you cannot betray me.

But by the way, I found that since I was with you, I, a person who was described as very attractive by others, has also become humble. I belittle and doubt myself every day, but I am still the only one who can be with you shoulder to shoulder.

Now that you are with me, just think about that kind of thing.

I always remember that you first noticed me because of my looks, and I have to deny that I had a flattering face.If it wasn't for it, how would you notice me.

The school art festival is around September.At that time, neither of us sat in the back row watching the show.In particular, it was not the first time we met, just because our positions in the classroom were far away before rearranging, and everyone was studying like crazy, who would notice who?

You keep looking at me secretly. At first, I was still staring at the boring programs, but gradually I felt that something was wrong.As soon as I turned my head, you immediately looked ahead, but when I looked away in doubt, I felt someone was looking at me.

I'm not in the mood to play this little game with you, or should I break the silence first.

"Is there a problem?"

However, at that time you asked me if I was a man or a woman as soon as you opened your mouth.Then I felt that I had said something wrong, and I immediately denied it vigorously, maybe even you didn't know what you were talking nonsense.

I sighed helplessly, pulled down the collar slightly, and raised my chin to reveal the bulge, the thing that can most directly prove my identity.You froze for a moment, then apologized to me while shaking your head.But it's not the first time I've been mistaken by someone and I've gotten used to it, leaving you with the illusion of a good temper, and then you realize why oh my god, this person is so annoying.

But as a boy, I always thought it was useless, until I met you, I was very glad, if not because of my appearance, how could you find me among so many people?

Then I started paying attention to my face.

The funniest thing is that I still put on a mask at home. My mother hates this kind of behavior the most. She has always been troubled why I don’t look like my dad but like her. I have a meal.But I'm not a mother at all, you know, I just want to give you the best as always.

If we grow old at the same time, we will no longer pay attention to the skin, but the more ethereal, ethereal soul and spiritual things.But it’s different now, I’m being eroded by the disease day by day, but you still exude an irreplaceable and irreplaceable youthful vitality.

When I first got sick, I was always reluctant to let you see me, and you tried to push me away with the quilt covering my head.Although I know that you don't love me so superficially, just like I have enough confidence that I will still love you no matter what you look like, but I just don't want you to see me like this.

But I want to look at you.

I cherish every second like my life,

So what I saw when I got out of the quilt was you looking at me with a smile on your face, exactly the same as the days and nights you spent in school, but you can never go back.

I'm dying.

You can't live either.

At least, at least we can still die together.

Oh yes, there is something I've always wanted to tell you.Don't think I don't know, it was sent by you.

There were still a few minutes before class that morning, and I hurried into the classroom to find that you were not in your seat, and there was something extra on my desk.Slightly myopic, I squinted my eyes and approached slowly, a small white flower was quietly placed on my desktop by someone.

The flower is not big and has not yet fully bloomed, there is a little yellowish in the middle, and it doesn't take long for me to recognize it at a glance, it is a frangipani.I put the flower under my nose, and the faint fragrance lingered up, entangled in my nostrils.

I looked around and got no response, so I poked the girl in the front row with a pen: "Hey, did you give it to me?"

I know she likes me, she is also very smart neither to admit nor to refute, she smiled slightly and then turned away.

Of course I know who has such leisure.

You walked behind the teacher with our monthly exam papers and new exercise books, and walked in with the bell ringing.

You seem to have seen me, I put the little frangipani flower on my ear, and your hand that put the test paper on the podium stopped for a few seconds.The teacher's instruction saved you, and you immediately handed out the new workbook.

Until you sat back beside me, I raised my head to look at you, you hurriedly turned your head and took out the pen case, but a pen fell on the ground and rolled to my feet.

I bent down to pick it up for you, but I touched your hand.You shrank back as if you were electrocuted.I didn't get up either, and bent over to stare at the pen with you.

After a few seconds, I opened my palm and there was a small white flower lying there. I put it under your nose and asked with a smile, "Is it fragrant?"

You got up quickly and I sat up straight afterwards, and I got a warning look from the teacher.I lowered my head and opened the booklet indifferently, and when I looked up, I saw your reddish ear tips sitting next to you.

Alas, but there will never be another person in this world who will have the opportunity to receive the flowers you sent.

But, actually, I think I’m still pretty good, right? I remember you still have an older brother, and you and I don’t even count as your family is completely broken. After the pressure of living and the heavy hopes of your parents are left to you He's gone, you... just stay with me forever.

It must be false to say that I have never felt guilty at all.You are so good, even if I die, you can find a better one, with such good grades, you will definitely be able to get into a good university in the future, and then...

Then socialize every day like your father, marry a woman, give birth to the flesh and blood belonging to the two of you, and live a mediocre life.

You will definitely follow all the instructions of your parents and follow the path they designed for you.

After all, you are such an obedient baby.

But although I feel guilty, I don't regret it.

Rather than saying that I harmed you, it is better to say that I saved you.What's the fun in such a life?Of course, I am not you. Why do you say that you will live without fun?

I don't care, I just understand that I can compromise on everything, except this one.

If you fall in love with me, it means that you are also tired of this kind of life.Being with me is the most daring and rebellious thing you have ever done in your life, and it is also the most correct thing you have done.

I still remember that I didn't have much feeling for you at that time, it was you who always blushed when you saw me, and hid when you saw me.As smart as I am, how can I not know what you are thinking?

What can I do with a shy and innocent person like you?

I can only bravely pierce this piece of paper and tear you out of the road designed for you by your parents.

I spoiled you, you spoiled me.

But I have to say, your subsequent reaction is really beyond my expectation.Later, it became more and more daring, and we even had a hair in the dormitory.In the end, he was discovered by his classmates, and you, a good student, tsk tsk tsk, even threatened him not to speak out, otherwise you will let him die without knowing.

My God, you've changed, you've never been like this before.Did I make you like this?

No.

I won't carry this blame, you take care of it yourself and don't throw it on me.

I can still vividly see that idiot look in my eyes. It's not that you were spoiled by me, but your instinct. You are such a lovely person in the first place.

Of course, this is definitely not what surprised me the most. What is this compared to you asking to die with me after I got sick?

I hesitated for a moment, then readily agreed.

In fact, I wasn't that bad at first. At that time, I just wanted to die alone, and I wanted to die one step earlier before I was devastated by the disease.

However, I secretly swear in my heart that even if I die, I will not go to reincarnation, I will be entangled with you, just like when I was alive.Not only to monitor whether you like others, but also to love you as much as when you were alive.

Hey.

Actually, I really don't want to die.

You said, how can I be willing?

I used to be an existence that others need to look up to, so why am I willing to die here?

It's not just you and I can't let go, there are many things I haven't done, and there are many things I want to do with you.We want to run all over the world, play all over the world, and travel all over the world. I want to wake up tomorrow and see your face. Even if you have a little beard, I will not dislike you. I will give you a big kiss.

We will abandon the student days together and shine in the field of our own study.Don't think that your grades are so great, I'm not bad either.I have enough confidence that if we can continue to live, we will not become those mediocre garbage, we are the ones standing at the top.

It's just that there is no chance.

But it doesn't matter.

You still have me, I still have you.

Although it sounds very pale to have, but this is my only choice, no, our only choice.

To be honest, I really want to experience a lot with you. I want to watch with you under the blanket while listening to the sound of rain and blowing on the air conditioner with just the right temperature when it is raining heavily.The car outside was speeding past, the accumulated rain and the tires were tearing and rubbing against each other, rubbing and rubbing.But we're going to turn it up really loud to drown out those voices.

I want to go to see the snow with you, forgive the persistence of a southerner, see the world covered in silver, and go skating together.

I really wish you could take me to your original hometown, not your current big house, let’s go see what you call the chasing chickens, and see if the Chinese New Year over there will be more lively than ours .

I want to eat a lot of fried noodles with you, eat a lot of Xiaolongbao, Malantou, wine-flavored chicken, you say you don’t like leek-flavored dumplings, then we won’t eat them, and change them to mushroom pork, you don’t like it If there is raw garlic in the soy sauce, we don’t put it in. A little sesame oil, soy sauce and vinegar are enough.

I want to see the four seasons with you, see all kinds of beautiful scenery, and tell you that I really love you in different places.We can even sit together without doing anything all day, basking in the sun, arm in arm and go out to enjoy the breeze together.

I still think, still think...

I really want too much.

Sorry,

I must take you away.

Life can be beautiful when we're gone.At that time, we no longer need to secretly shake hands in dark corners, kiss quietly when no one is there, and don't have to worry about others knowing that I love 'him' instead of 'her'.

When you are very close to death, you will start to wonder if there is really an afterlife, and if so, what is it like?

I just hope that I didn't do too many sins and I won't be too miserable after I die.What to say, the biggest sin I have committed is to drag you down this bumpy road.

I don't believe in heaven, I don't believe in hell, I don't believe in reincarnation, I only believe in you.

It would be good if we were dead so we wouldn't be apart, ever.

let's go,

leave here.

Everything goes to a place that none of us know.

-Complete-

The author has something to say: the short and short stories planned for the long vacation are still not thick and long, but gratifyingly, I finally found time to finish writing it.

When I write this, I am actually very cold. While drinking cold yogurt, I am blowing on the air conditioner with the highest air volume at [-] degrees, but what is even colder...is my heart.When I first started writing, I still had the mentality I had when I wrote the other series of youth feelings, with a little viciousness, and I liked to look at these young teenagers.But my mentality has been changing with my hands constantly typing on the keyboard, until I finally write which one - finish -, my nose gradually becomes a little sore.

It sounds shameless to be moved by the characters in my mind, but I still like them very much.When I originally planned the series of Juvenile Feelings, the name of the story was: Killing a terminally ill person.And I don't want to write at all, it's hypocritical to death.But gradually I don't know what happened, and suddenly I have an urge to write, and the outline has been changed beyond recognition, tsk tsk tsk.

Well, all in all, I finished another article.I feel like I'm not in the mood to write anything else until the Youth Feeling series is finished. ╮(╯▽╰)╭ I don’t know when the next article will start...