between friendship and love

Qi Tian stayed in the hospital until New Year's Eve before returning home.His body was still very weak. He had several high fevers and couldn't eat. At one point, he had to rely on nutritional injections to maintain his health.The doctor told Yang Lin to take Qi Tian to the psychology department. Yang Lin was also very anxious, but after the Chinese New Year, almost all the psychologists were on holiday, so they couldn't make an appointment at all, so he had to take him home first.

After several days, Qi Tian finally understood that he was really alive, and the man said he still loved him, and his boyfriend and so on were also fake.He began to struggle, and he also hoped that he would be better and completely wipe out the devil in his heart.

When he was negative, he would even make a request to the devil, begging it not to appear again, the devil just looked at him with a sneer, and said sinisterly: Don't pull me to die with you?

Qi Tian shook his head: I don't want to die, I want to be with Xiao Lin properly.

The devil looked proud: But I don't think life is interesting anymore, and your Xiao Lin may have lied to you because he was afraid that you would commit suicide again. Haven't you seen his boyfriend?He looks so good-looking, and they are so close, how can it be fake?

Qi Tian was stunned.

The devil is proud: And you are still a cripple, and your personality is not pleasing, what makes you worthy of Xiao Lin's liking?

Qi Tian desperately shook his head: I... I'm still fine...

Devil: Sooner or later, you will become a lunatic like your father. Don't you have the desire to smash things now?Xiaolin sees this side of you, will she still like you?So it's better for us to die, Xiaolin won't discover your dark side after you die.

Qi Tian was about to collapse, but felt that what the devil said was right, he walked to the balcony in a daze, looked at the houses and crowds below, and couldn't help approaching the edge of the railing.

The balcony of the house Yang Lin bought is open to the air, as long as he climbs over the railing and jumps off, he will be free from any troubles.

Qi Tian grasped the railing tightly, his thoughts were confused, the devil yelled in his heart: jump quickly, if you jump, you won't make any mistakes, and Xiao Lin won't discover your scary side either.

Qi Tian felt another phantom appeared in front of his eyes, the houses and streets were all gone, and there was a piece of pure white cloud underneath. For some reason, he felt that jumping on it must be very soft and comfortable, allowing him to have a good sleep.He was really excited about jumping down, propped his palms on the railing, and when he was about to climb up, he heard the devil's sneer.

The devil smiled unscrupulously, as if mocking his timidity and humbleness.He had a moment of clarity amidst the laughter, and everything in front of him became real again, and the streets, buildings and crowds came into view again.

He said to the devil: I don't want to die, I want to be with Xiaolin properly.

After finishing speaking, regardless of the devil's jumping feet, he calmly walked back to the living room and sat on the sofa.His body was very weak, and after all the tossing just now, sweat was dripping from his forehead.But the heart beats very regularly.

He began to actively want to heal his illness.

When the hospital started to work, Yang Lin registered and took Qi Tian to see a doctor early.The hospital is very deserted, because of the Chinese New Year, there is also a decoration with the word "Fu" on the door.Yang Lin said: "Xiaotian, don't be nervous. Whatever the doctor asks you, just tell the truth. You have to believe that I will always be by your side."

But in fact, when Qi Tian went to see a doctor, he was more nervous than everyone else.He couldn't sit still, so he stood up and walked back and forth, putting his hands in his pockets, trembling slightly.He wanted to smoke at this time, but seeing the no-smoking sign next to him, he tried his best to endure it.

He didn't know how he got here for two hours. When he saw Qi Tian coming out, he hurried up to greet him and asked with concern: "Xiao Tian, ​​how are you doing?"

Qi Tian was not in a high mood, "I don't know, it might be serious, the doctor let the family members in."

Yang Lin told him, "Then you sit here and don't go anywhere, you must wait for me to come out."

Qi Tian was diagnosed with severe depression because he had hallucinations.The doctor prescribed medicine for him, and asked Yang Lin to pay more attention to him, especially on the psychological level, and he needed to come back for regular visits.

Yang Lin took it down seriously, when he came out, Qi Tian was sitting obediently waiting for him, and when he saw him come out, he showed a smile.

Yang Lin also smiled back at him.

The treatment process was extremely long, and Qi Tian's condition was somewhat recurrent, but he cheered up and worked hard to cooperate.He hardly ever went out, and at first he could only stay on the bed and in a dark room, then he could go to the study slowly, and then he recovered to be able to code Braille every day.He couldn't quit smoking, and Yang Lin didn't force him to stop him, but he agreed to only smoke five cigarettes a day, and Qi Tian obeyed obediently.

When he felt uncomfortable, he still used to pinch his own flesh at first, but Yang Lin soon found out, and he didn't blame him, but just held Qi Tian's hand and said softly: "Xiao Tian, ​​just say what you feel uncomfortable, or It’s okay to pinch me, but don’t hurt your body, okay?” He showed his arm, “Look, I have muscles in my hand, if you pinch me, it won’t hurt.”

His tone was too gentle, and Qi Tian felt a little warm in his heart, and when he got sick again, he would try his best to think back to what he said, and desperately told himself not to hurt himself again, otherwise Xiao Lin would feel distressed.

They slept in the same bed again a month later.

Originally, Yang Lin wanted to sleep together early, but Qi Tian didn't say anything, he seemed a little repelled in his heart, he had no choice but to follow him.But during that period of time, he found that Qi Tian could hardly sleep, so he stayed up with him almost all night, talking to him, talking about childhood anecdotes, anecdotes among colleagues, anyway, he would talk about any easy topic.

Qi Tian was a little embarrassed to be taken care of by him like this. If a man had to go to work during the day, if he didn't get a good rest at night, his body would really be unable to hold on, so he tried to compromise.

After lying together, smelling the familiar smell, his heart seemed to warm up again. Gradually, he was able to sleep peacefully for two or three hours every night, and later he was able to sleep for four or five hours. Return to normal sleep.

Sleep recovered, appetite also slowly recovered, every meal can eat a bowl of rice and a bowl of soup, Yang Lin is very happy to see him like this, and smiles more and more every day, and not forced smiles, But a genuine smile.

For his smile, you have to cherish yourself too.

Qi Tian thought to himself, but he was still a little scared, the devil hadn't disappeared yet, but hid in the corner and looked at him with resentment in his eyes, as if waiting for his mind to relax, he jumped out and dragged him into the abyss of eternal calamity.

He tried to reason with the devil: Can you let me go?I just want to live a good life with him, can you not disturb me?I don't want you to disappear, as long as you don't make trouble, we can live in peace.

The devil sneered at him and said nothing.

Qi Tian felt unhappy, the hollowness in his chest seemed to be revived again, he got scared, quickly found a pill and swallowed it, then lay on the bed, thinking that if I want to get better, I must get better.

But his body was still restless, as if there were many hands scratching his heart, which made him irritable.He got out of bed and started to walk around the room, his hands were shaking, and when he saw the TV, he thought of the crushing feeling of being smashed, and he felt a faint anticipation in his heart.He walked over step by step, and stopped when his fingers were about to touch the TV.

I'll find a small one to smash first, Xiaolin won't find out.

He thought it was a good idea. He walked quickly to the kitchen and saw the kitchen knife on the knife holder first. Thinking of the picture of blood flowing out, he became even more excited.But he quickly looked away.

If you can't hurt your body, Xiaolin will be sad.

He opened the cupboard, intending to find a plate, and when he got the plate in his hands, he saw a sticky note pasted behind the plate when he was about to fall.

The handwriting on it is clear and familiar, it was written by Yang Lin.

"Xiao Tian, ​​I love you the most in the world."

The hollow feeling was shrunk a little by the scorching heat, Qi Tian tore off the note paper and held it in the palm of his hand, then put the plate back in place.

His mood improved, and he was even a little happy.

The countless doubts and self-denials in the past have faded away, and the love words written by the man seem to have given him a shot in the arm.Since then, he has found this kind of post-it notes in various corners of the house, and without exception, all of them are the language of love written by the man himself.

——Xiaotian, you are my angel.

——Xiao Tian, ​​what I like most is seeing your smile.

——Xiaotian, I want to hold your hand and walk towards happiness together.

……