time has waited for me

As Tianya committed suicide, Jing Xian immediately felt better about Brother Mengmeng.

Besides, Brother Mengmeng does look very "dreamlike", no one doesn't like to see a pretty face.Jing Xian didn't go any further, but sat down next to Meng Meng who was squatting, looked at the moon on the water, Jing Xian said quietly: "I don't want to live anymore either."

Brother Mengmeng let out an "ah", and was so startled that he quickly looked back and stared at him.

"I'm suffering from depression." Jing Xian looked at the lake calmly, his voice didn't fluctuate, "It's mild, but it's also very painful. Maybe I want to commit suicide not because of depression at all, but because of my cowardice. Yes, I can't face it." The disappointment of the elders, the pointing of my colleagues, I don’t have the courage to face the strange eyes. I am used to envy and praise, but I can’t bear puzzlement and contempt.”

"Brother, don't talk about these literati, why do you have depression? Genetic?"

"I was out."

"What?!"

"I discovered that I like boys when I was 15 years old, but I know that it is impossible for me to really like a boy in my life. I can't let my parents down, and I can't let the world down. I hide my preferences and wishes, hide ten A few years. It was really painful to hide, others thought I was innocent, thought I was high-spirited, rejected girls time and time again, and was scolded behind the scenes by countless people, in fact..." Jing Xian laughed at himself.

"Then, brother, why did you come out of the closet?!"

"A female colleague who chased me found my social network account. I have used the account for more than ten years, but I can't be myself in reality. I am not allowed to read gay posts online, and I am not allowed to chat with my peers?"

"and then?!"

"I participated in a very important report meeting, where industry leaders and the media were present. When I was speaking on the stage, that woman rushed up and helped me come out, and my parents were also below."

"Fuck! This is too vicious!"

"For so many years, I have never been in love once, and I have never cheated on anyone's feelings. What is wrong with me? I asked myself, I have a clear conscience! She likes me, so I have to like her?! What is she?! "Jing Xian finally shouted out his displeasure.

"Bitch!!!"

"What does it matter to her that I like men? I still have face in human flesh?" Jing Xian has always restrained himself, he has never said such a thing in his life, and now he has vented, "She likes me wishfully, self-righteously giving, in the end, The victim is guilty instead?! Is it fair?!"

"It's so fucking unfair!"

"Even if she and I are the only ones left in the world, it's impossible for me to like her! Even if she's a man!"

"and after?!"

"Later..." Jing Xian lowered his head and put his chin on his chest, "My grandma was so shocked that I fainted. Although my parents wouldn't send me to some electric shock school for treatment, their disappointment... I understand , I was their pride. In our industry, this matter caused a lot of trouble. Thanks to my family, it was suppressed, but in our field, no one knows me. Is it a crime to like men? Disgraceful? I didn't despise my sexual orientation, I just wanted to build a perfect me. Now, the perfection has been punctured."

"Oh..." Brother Mengmeng sighed.

Jing Xian shrank his legs, put his chin on his knees, and continued to look at the moon on the water without speaking.

"Brother, you are really miserable, no wonder you don't want to live anymore. Don't be sad, I understand you!" Brother Mengmeng broke the silence for a moment.

Jing Xian nodded: "In the past few days, I really found it difficult to continue living, and finally chose to commit suicide."

"I was also dumped and felt that life was hopeless. Human beings are too complicated, and I am tired of dealing with them. People's hearts are too difficult to understand. When I came here, I was ready to get drunk, sleep well, and die when I woke up."

"I woke you up."

"It's okay. Brother, how did you find this place? Where are you from? I'm from Shanghai."

Jing Xian's eyes paused, and he said slowly, "I'm also from Shanghai."

"What a coincidence!"

"I came here with my parents when I was a child. In the third grade, I wanted to write a composition about crabs. I have never seen it before. There are crab ponds here, and there are all kinds of crabs. My parents brought me here. I accidentally walked to Here. I like the scenery here, it is very quiet and beautiful. I still remember that when I came here, it happened to be the sunset, and it seemed to flow gold on the water. At that time, I thought, if my life could be so good, full of Praise and envy, bright and wonderful."

Brother Mengmeng quickly nodded: "I have seen it too. I came here with my friends to buy crabs to eat a few years ago. There is such a forest nearby. I came here to write songs with my guitar. I found a tree to climb up and sat among the branches. The sun shone on me in fragments. It was quiet, only the sound of the wind, as if the wind could pluck the strings of my zither. I was thinking at the time that I would buy a tomb near here after I died and be buried here."

Jing Xian smiled: "You can also write songs, amazing."

Brother Mengmeng smiled "hehe" and said, "I'll eat my own food, I'll eat my food."

Jing Xian didn't continue to ask, and Brother Meng didn't ask about his job, after all, he was just a stranger, and he was also an adult, who knew what respect and necessity meant.

The two stopped talking, and the occasional sound of cicadas sounded in the distance, indicating that midsummer was about to pass.

Time to end.

Jing Xian sighed, put down his legs, turned back to Brother Mengmeng and said, "I'm going to die, what about you?"

"Should we be together?"

"Is this still a companion?"

Brother Mengmeng smiled and stretched out his hand: "Your lighter."

It was only then that Jing Xian remembered about smoking. He took out two cigarettes and handed one to Brother Mengmeng.

"Thank you!" Brother Meng Meng turned on the lighter and lit it. He lit it once or twice and found that there was no fire, so he raised his head and asked, "Is this new?"

"Yes." Jing Xian nodded.

Brother Mengmeng smiled: "Brother, have you ever smoked?"

"how?"

"This brand of lighter needs to be filled with special oil! The newly bought lighter has no oil in it, so of course you can't light it!"

"Uh…………"

"Come on, I won't be able to smoke before I die!"

Jing Xian was very concerned about saving face, so he changed the subject and immediately asked, "Where did you hit you before?"

"It hit my forehead, I'm leaning on a rock and I'm sleeping." Brother Mengmeng said, opened Liuhai, Jingxian took a closer look, and was surprised, the skin was broken and there was blood!He was afraid that he might be wrong, so he immediately leaned forward, and it really broke his skin!Jing Xian immediately reached into his pocket to look for a handkerchief, and when he found half of it, he saw Brother Mengmeng staring at him nervously, not daring to move.

Jing Xian looked down, the two seemed to be a little closer.

"Uh, brother." Brother Meng Meng spoke, his voice touched Jing Xian's face very close, Jing Xian also became very nervous, "It's the first time I've seen such a good-looking man as you."

"..." Jing Xian tensed for a long time before sitting back, bowing his head and not moving.

"Cough!!" Brother Meng Meng coughed hard, Jing Xian immediately stood up, raised his foot and walked towards the water, "Wait!" Brother Meng Meng stopped him, Jing Xian stopped, Brother Meng Meng also stood on the ground Get up, stand behind him, and ask, "Shall I sing you a song? I can sing pretty well."

Jing Xian felt a little weird, he was about to die, what song did he sing, but he asked uncontrollably, "What song?"

"Perfect Summer."

"Okay." Jing Xian still didn't turn around, only heard the rustling sound behind him, Jing Xian was a little curious, and the sound of beat began to sound, Jing Xian hesitated, should he turn back?

The singing sounded—

All summer, lingering at your window

waiting for you to appear in the breeze

All summer, lost in the wilderness of dreams

Revel in the oath of the sea

I want to exchange my madness for your lingering

Prove your beauty with burning

Goodbye love, my heart is tired

I just want to escape the cycle of pain

hope in my last gaze

your eyes are still so pure

Goodbye love, I was so fearless

longing for perfection that doesn't exist

Desire for my love, won't be easily destroyed by you

The voice is clear and full of vicissitudes, and even has an inexplicable sweetness.

Jing Xian turned around, Brother Mengmeng was sitting on the ground, beating the beat with both hands and feet, while singing, looking up at him and laughing, his voice became brighter and louder.

Gathering and parting, love always has a new experience

Can only learn gradually

know my madness

dream of love

also fades with age

Goodbye love, my heart is tired

I just want to escape the cycle of pain

hope in my last gaze

your eyes are still so pure

Goodbye love, I was so fearless

longing for perfection that doesn't exist

Desire for my love, won't be easily destroyed by you

Jing Xian stood a few steps away, quietly watching him sing, but he seemed to be singing vigorously, stood up with his hands on the ground, walked up to Jing Xian, and sang to him——

The end of the story

Will there be an unexpected peak return?

Unwilling to discern the truth of the rumors

i'm like a child

Hold fast to the fort made of sand

Resisting the destruction of the waves

At this point, Brother Mengmeng walks past him, walks to the water's edge, turns to look at him, with his back to the moon in the sky, the moon on the water, and the world in late summer, and then sings softly to him——

All summer, lingering at your window

waiting for you to appear in the breeze

It's over.

The sound lingered for a long time, and Jing Xian thought it was an echo.

Brother Mengmeng smiled brightly, spread his arms stupidly, and said loudly: "To commemorate my dead love, to commemorate my first encounter with you, to commemorate our frozen perfect summer!!!"

Only then did Jing Xian realize that it wasn't an echo, it was because the voice sang into his heart.

Jing Xian looked at him silently, just when Brother Meng Meng was puzzled.

Jing Xian asked from a distance, with a voice that could just be heard: "Have you ever slept? With a man."