Now, little cane

Qi Ling stood outside for a full quarter of an hour, her breathing was disordered and complicated, and every time she calmed down, a few traces of the past were involved in her heart, spreading out like ripples.

After several struggles, he finally showed a dejected gesture.

Yan He sat in the private room, in a dazed state, with continuous burning on his face and throat, and he couldn't suppress it even after drinking water.

A person walked by with long legs and sat opposite, took the order list in his hand, asked the waiter to clear the table, and ordered more, Yan He took a closer look, it was Qi Ling, and suddenly he was shocked, unexpectedly woke up A few drinks.

Qi Ling looked up at Yan He, lowered her head and ordered what she wanted to eat, and ordered Yan He a glass of juice.

Yan He trembled and reached for the phone in his trouser pocket, pulled it out with a lot of force, and it fell to the ground with a thud.

Before he had time to bend down, Qi Ling quickly picked it up for him, and placed it on the table.

Yan He: "Hehehehe."

Qi Ling unlocked it and called You Suxi's number.put out.

Yanhe: ...

You Suxi's voice on the phone lacked confidence, and said weakly: "Hello?"

Qi Ling: "I found someone, I'm by the side."

You Suxi's voice was like a bell: "Yanhe, are you okay?"

not good.Simply bad.

Yan He opened his mouth: "Yes."

You Suxi: "Then you two, talk?"

Yan He: "...um."

beep beep.You Suxi didn't even have time to say goodbye, so she hung up quickly.

Yan He covered his eyes with one hand.

Qi Ling watched the waiter clean up, but Yanhe hardly touched any food, and the wine bottle was empty even after he weighed it. I don't know how much he drank the shochu wine with more than 40 degrees.

Qi Ling took a deep breath, took a long time, and then let it out slowly.

Yan He went to see Qi Ling, and Qi Ling asked him with her usual expression, "Want to talk?"

Yan He shook his head like a rattle.

Qi Ling: "Then we won't talk."

Yanhe nodded.

Yeah, stop talking? ? ?

After realizing it later, the movement paused again, Qi Ling glanced at him again, Yan He quickly pretended to look at the wall lamp and turned his face sideways.

The dishes came one after another, and Qi Ling pushed a teacup of steamed eggs to Yan He's eyes.

Yan He stared blankly, Qi Ling pushed a few more in front of him, pulled out the chopsticks and ate the sushi rolls, Yan He was still looking at the things in front of him.

Qi Ling reached out her chopsticks and tapped on the porcelain rim in front of Yan He's eyes, and with a ding, Yan He regained consciousness, and Qi Ling said, "Eat."

Yan He hurriedly went to get the chopsticks, Qiling frowned, took out the chopsticks from the paper sleeve for him, handed them to him, and watched him hold them steady before going to eat her own again.

Yan He bowed his head and started to eat in an An'an manner.

After eating the same thing, I feel much more comfortable in my stomach.

Looking up, Qi Ling was tilting her head with her chin resting on her cheeks, staring at him, Yan He was drunk, with a double image in front of her eyes, she couldn't see his expression clearly for a while.

Yan He cheered himself up in his heart and asked, "Are you angry?"

Qiling replied quite calmly: "Is it useful to be angry?"

"No, no."

Yan He was frustrated, and dared not ask any more questions.

Qi Ling couldn't see him like that, so she said, "Don't be angry."

A dry sentence was not convincing, Yan He glanced at Qi Ling, then quickly looked away.

Qi Ling thought for a long time, and finally added a sentence: "I'm not in my teens anymore."

The tone is very light and very natural.

Yan He seemed to have been hit with a stick in boredom, opened his mouth slightly, and stared at Qi Ling.

The expression on Qi Ling's face changed slightly, but he still pressed her down again, pursed her lips, got up in a panic and said, "I'll go to pay the bill first."

Yan He watched Qi Ling leave.

The space in my heart widened, and the reflex arc, which was delayed for a few seconds, was finally connected. Yan He lowered his eyes slightly, unable to remember the original question, all fears were swept away, and what remained was boundless unfamiliarity and loneliness. .

Qi Ling came back and asked him: "Can I go? May I help you?"

Yan He shook his head slowly, got up a bit slowly, but walked steadily.

Walking to Qi Ling's car, Yan He was stunned for a few seconds, opened the car door, sat in the passenger seat, fastened his seat belt, and stared straight ahead in a daze.

When we got to the community, Yan He's posture didn't change. Qi Ling called him, and it took a few seconds for him to respond, but he was very rational and methodical. Qi Ling was a little afraid of him like this.

After parking the car and walking downstairs, Yan He stopped.

Qi Ling: "What's wrong?"

Yan He rubbed his nose and said slowly: "You go up first, I'll walk around the neighborhood to sober up."

After a moment of silence, Qi Ling said, "Okay."

Yan He didn't have time to watch Qi Ling go upstairs, so he turned around and walked away, suppressing his emotions and drunkenness and walking a hundred meters, Yan He took a deep breath, and when he let it out, his whole body trembled.

There is another reason for Yan He to quit drinking. As long as he drinks, his emotions will be very obvious, and they come and go quickly, and he can't control it.

For example, now.

Those memories that were pressed down in his heart were uncontrollably playing in his mind, roaring like a black and white movie.

In almost every scene, Qi Ling is smiling.

At the beginning, Qi Ling held his hand with a stern face, and begged with a smile: "Hold me, you promised me."

It was as if there were stars all over the sky falling into the young man's eyes.

When he was almost desperate, he just lost his temper with Qi Ling, and in a blink of an eye someone came to him again, smiling awkwardly, coaxing patiently: "Okay, okay, don't force yourself, can't I be wrong?"

More, more fragmented, and grander memories circulated in Yan He's heart like a mudslide. With every heartbeat and every breath, their different postures forced him to recall the original feelings.

They used the same gesture to remind him that it was at the beginning.

Yan He stopped in place, covering his eyes with one hand, the street lights were too bright.

My palms are wet.

Drops of water dripped from the lower jaw.

Yan He simply let go, allowing himself to stand where he was, washed away by memories and reality, letting his emotions keep amplifying and churning, making his whole body ache.

He could even clearly hear his own heartbeat beating in his ears.

When he felt that he could still bear it, Yan He sniffed and turned around.

Not far away, Qi Ling who was following behind was stunned for a moment, and after seeing Yan He's face clearly, she couldn't help taking half a step back.

Yan He raised his forehead, and those emotions that were on the verge of bearing rushed out again.

He couldn't bear it too much, he repeatedly told himself to shut up, as Qi Ling approached, his emotions seemed to be pushed to a commanding height.

Yan He closed his eyes in panic.

Qi Ling: "You, you..."

Yan He looked at him, the young man's face was full of bewilderment, distressed, mixed with emotions he couldn't see through.

Qi Ling: "I wasn't..."

Yan He calmed down.Lift your eyes and look into the distance.

"Didn't you ask why I didn't recognize you when I saw you?"

Qi Ling was stunned by this sudden beginning.

Yan He Anran: "Because I know that you can no longer be the same you, time cannot go back, and people will always move forward.

"I don't like Wu Yixing that much. I'm still with her. She is somewhat similar to you at the beginning. She loves to laugh and always feels that there is no obstacle that can't be overcome. I try hard to forget you and start over. , because I know that all I miss and think about is you as that boy, and you can't wait for me where you are. What I want to go back is the past that I can never go back.

"What I want to go back to is the campus that was buried by time more than ten years ago."

Yan He looked at Qi Ling with a gentle voice: "But you did a great job, you made me...unaccustomed to a world without you.

"Without you, the treatment has gradually developed in a good direction. I am almost the same as a normal person.

"But my heart is always stubbornly guarding. I don't know what I am waiting for. To a certain extent, I also know that I am just waiting for the illusory and unrealistic past to come back."

"I even forced myself to have sex with others, but each time it was always worse than the previous one. The first time I could bear to take off my clothes, the last time I met... even if the other party didn't have time to move.

"Lu Xi said it was a heart disease, forcing it was not good, and it affected my previous treatment, and ordered me to give up."

"I am also hesitant to start again with you, it's not that you are bad, nor is it that I don't want to.

"I'm afraid, when the you I know is no longer like the you I remember, I can't even find someone to get it back, I don't know who to ask for it, your father or your mother, or the absent self .

"No one can give it back to me, you who loved to laugh back then."

After Yan He finished speaking in one breath, his heart became quiet.

Qiling didn't know how long he had kept those words in his heart, nor did he know how many years he had thought about those words.

Hearing it suddenly, I don't know how to respond.

Qi Ling opened her mouth roughly: "Am I not good now?"

Yan He shook his head: "It's not a question of whether it's good or not."

"Look, you are very mature, you can deal with me with ease, you know how to make me feel bad, you know where my bottom line is, and you will never ask me to lower the limit indefinitely, knowing things that are useless , I don’t get angry easily, because you know, things have already happened, and getting angry will not improve our relationship, and will not affect the established facts.

"Because you can already weigh it all."

Qi Ling's eyes also turned red: "You don't like it?"

Yan He smiled, revealing a sense of desolation.

He took Qi Ling's hand and stroked the slight calluses on his palm: "It's not a matter of liking or not.

"Every time I see that you are so mature and sensible, and you have a good calculation of gains and losses, I think, what have you experienced, how did your family treat you, when you were most isolated and helpless, when you were most uncomfortable Sometimes, I will think...

"How much should you have hated me then?"

Qi Ling was dumbfounded.

Yan He smiled lightly.

I still said it out, sad and at the same time with a hint of relief.

Qi Ling bowed her head, her chest rising and falling.

"What about you, don't you hate me?"

Yan He looked at him, Qi Ling's eyes were dark red, her teeth were clenched tightly, and she showed a bit of the same stubborn posture.

Yan He touched his face and said, "I don't know."

Qiling breathed heavily for a few moments, but she sighed without asking the next words.

"go home."

Yan He couldn't open his eyes when he got home, Qi Ling pushed him to take a bath, he felt in a trance that Qi Ling was washing his hair seriously, and the next things became silhouettes one by one, his thoughts were broken, some Remember, some don't.

Being held forcibly while sleeping, Yan He vaguely felt like Qi Ling who had lost his temper.

But I haven't had this person in my life for a long time.

I didn't even have the strength to think clearly, and my eyes were dark.

It's quiet now.

When he woke up the next day, the sky was bright and Yan He had a headache.

Aww yelling.

It was useless for Qi Ling to pull the person out of the quilt.

Yan He: "Sleep, sleep, sleep."

Qi Ling knocked on Yan He's forehead: "It's noon soon, sleep on it and get up."

Yan He: "No no no no no."

Qiling couldn't do anything, so she took the quilt away, stayed outside for a while, and finally floated out.

After washing up, I poured myself a glass of juice, and the things from last night slowly came to me.

Yan He was sitting next to Qi Ling, and when he saw him bluffing, he cautiously approached him and asked, "Well, last night..."

Qi Ling turned her head and looked at him blankly, Yan He couldn't continue with horror.

He swallowed: "Did I say the wrong thing again?"

Qi Ling had expected this result a long time ago, so she asked calmly, "What do you still remember?"

remember, what...

Yan He bit the bullet: "Wu Yixing asked me to drink, and then you came, and then, just, went home?"

The vague impression is only approximate.

Qi Ling shook her head and said no more, Yan He thought about it, but also kept silent.

In short, it should be, no, what a good thing, right? !