don't force me

In Du Xuan's opinion, it takes countless time and energy to create the three words "a lifetime", and he has made full preparations for this.He put the plane that Lin Tingan gave him on the desk, with the nose slightly tilted towards the window.From his position, the back and wings stretched straight, as if they were going to break through the air.Sitting in front of the desk and seeing this plane every day, Du Xuan will be full of imagination about the future.In his plan, they will go to college and graduate school together. After all, the major they chose is unlikely to stop at undergraduate; Lazy small city, and then lead an ordinary family life.Buy an ordinary two-bedroom apartment, and there will be a supermarket and many restaurants downstairs. After all, both of you are kitchen idiots; every morning, you rush to the bathroom, wear the wrong underwear or socks for each other, and kiss before going out. Then remind the other party not to forget to bring the key; if the place of work is close, make an appointment to have a simple but warm lunch; call each other in the afternoon to report whether you have to work overtime, and whoever will go shopping if you can go home on time Who will wash the dishes, wash the smelly socks and the underwear that was stripped off.If one party works overtime and the other party happens to have time, then drive the car to pick up the other party. There must be a box of snacks or a bunch of skewers in the car; if necessary, two people go to the supermarket together and put them in the same shopping cart Put milk, vegetables and fruits; as a doctor himself, he will definitely criticize him for eating junk food as unhealthy, while putting potato chips and Coke in the shopping cart.If you are in a good mood and have time, you can go out to eat something good and watch a mind-free movie by the way.After watching the movie, the night is dark, and the two should hold hands and walk home slowly.

after returning home...

Du Xuan let out a breath slowly, a little sweat broke out in his palms.That kind of pleasure makes people feel the taste, he is nostalgic for Lin Tingan's warm breath, tight skin, and pounding heartbeat; he likes Lin Tingan urging him to hurry up or panting to beg him to slow down Son.He used a little trick, using the taekwondo uniform method to confine the person in his arms, and then watched Lin Tingan's eyebrows stained with water in fascination, and his misty eyes quietly fell on his face.At that time, Lin Tingan would cling tightly to himself, and every gasp expressed his needs.

Du Xuan felt an unprecedented sense of satisfaction.

For a long time, he always felt that he was not needed.Or that he is emotionally unwanted.The meaning of his existence is to "show", to show everyone a standard "excellent kid".Piano, chess, calligraphy, English, mathematics, and even physical education, he did not learn swimming and badminton that ordinary children learn. He also learned the expensive fencing at the beginning, but changed it to taekwondo because he had injured his ankle; and when he really When I like these sports, I have to give way to "achievement" and "attached to normal university".Various emotional needs are regarded by parents as "children are ignorant", or simply "hypocritical".

The kind of caring of ordinary families, the happiness of parents scolding themselves for not growing up while stewing braised pork, the kind of excitement when they go home with unqualified papers, first overwhelmingly scolding, and then encourage and comfort Feeling, the warmth of being forced to wear long johns by his mother after he sneezed twice, he has never been able to listen to Sun Rui's rambling, and he has never experienced it.

Until he met Lin Tingan.

Will babble about "Grand Slam" and "Grand Slam"

Will complain that I can't accompany him in the tutoring class every day "too tired"

I will tuck my feverish self under the quilt

Will be knocked on the door at night and filled with pork rib soup and big steamed buns

……

Du Xuan has a feeling of being needed, and Lin Tingan needs him to be better, healthier, and happier, because all these things will make him happier.

This is the feeling - Lin Tingan "needs" Du Xuan to live a happier life.

All of these made Du Xuan feel satisfied, and this kind of satisfaction filled him with longing for the future.Because of this longing, he has different expectations for the future.

Three years ago, when the teacher said on the podium, "This is the first big exam in your life, you must lay a solid foundation for your future", he was just a rebellious and stubborn boy who wanted to use it once. The "revolution" came to fight against his parents. He only had a vague concept of the "future", and he never thought about whether there would be a companion.Three years later, the teacher still said on the podium: "This is the starting point of your life, the first cornerstone", but now Du Xuan has the clearest vision for the future, and even every detail is as clear as it is now. .

He even thought more, more... so much that he didn't dare to mention a word to Lin Ting'an!

In his eyes, Lin Ting'an will always be the sophomore boy standing on the podium, showing two thumbs up in front of the principal.He can be smart, crazy, cheerful and enthusiastic, and have friends all over the world, or he can be happy and angry, and live by himself.If it is said that he will inevitably face all kinds of social pressure and even discrimination in the future, Du Xuan hopes that at least in his student days, his Lin Tingan can always be pure and simple.In order to keep this innocence, Du Xuan can pay more.

Sun Rui looked at Du Xuan picking up the rice grains on the plate while quickly browsing the English composition on the phone.He clicked his tongue: "Can you do it? Even if the winter vacation make-up school is not so strict, don't be too ostentatious. You dare to take out your mobile phone."

"It's okay," Du Xuan said, "Why don't you help me block it?"

"Are you sure? Are you planning to take the English single-subject champion?"

"I was."

"I'm talking about the college entrance examination, the top scorer in a single subject of the college entrance examination." Sun Rui rolled his eyes, "Is the Beijing Medical University exam so difficult? Look at your final ranking in the district, tsk tsk tsk..."

Du Xuan smiled: "What's the top score in a single subject? I still want scholarships, first-class scholarships, national scholarships, I want all scholarships."

Sun Rui rolled his eyes and snorted coldly: "I'm sorry!"

Du Xuan smiled. In the future, he really needs a scholarship.

When Du Xuan got home from school, he locked himself in his room. He must do mathematics and physics first every day. Lin Tingan said that these two subjects are one-size-fits-all.Du Xuan really believed what Lin Tingan said. Besides homework, he went to the teacher every day to ask for two typical questions.I persisted for a semester, and although I dare not say "Belden" now, these two subjects will not hold me back.

He is used to collecting test questions. After finishing each set of papers, he will cut and paste the typical questions and wrong questions. The boxes were all to be handed over to Lin Ting'an in the end, and Du Xuan sorted them out very well.

Zhou Man went into the room to clean him, and saw that the desktop was clean and neat, and the books were neatly stacked, only the shredded and densely written papers in the trash can showed how many questions he had to write every day.Zhou Man sat on Du Xuan's bed, staring at the broken papers in a daze.After the divorce, I lost a lot of entertainment, and I was busier at work but spent more time at home.Regardless of whether she works overtime or what time she comes back, Xiaoxuan's life will always be peaceful.He let go and learned to go home at a fixed time, even if he was late for no more than half an hour and would report it; Eat some bread, instant noodles, or order a takeaway at most.Get up at six o'clock in the morning, and then let himself sleep for a while, he went outside to buy breakfast.

Zhou Man found out in a panic that the more impression Du Xuan left on her was the name on the bulletin board and the back of the writing desk.The door of Du Xuan's room was never closed tightly, revealing a gap half a meter wide.This habit has existed before. When my son was in the first and second grades of junior high school, he quarreled many times because his parents did not knock on the door.At that time, she felt that a child could have some kind of secret, and only having a secret meant that the problem was serious and needed supervision.After a long time, Xiaoxuan's door was always ajar, and when she walked through the living room, she could always see her son's peaceful back.Outside the window, the sun is rising and the setting sun is setting, the flowers are blooming and the snow is flying, the back is always calm like an old monk in meditation.Zhou Man was very pleased with this for a time, thinking that her son had finally grown up and became sensible, but now she felt uneasy and distressed.

Occasionally, Sun Rui who came to the house would scold the sky and say that the third year of high school is hell, he would rather wander than repeat

The director of the parent meeting will say that we must pay attention to the child's psychology, because the pressure of the third year of high school is unimaginable to ordinary people.

The peers in the unit will take care of Xiaoxuan and ask Xiaoxuan if he is under pressure, comfort him more and cook him something delicious

Grandma and grandpa will make a phone call once a week and tell them not to force the child to rest for a while and get tired and sick. The gain outweighs the gain

……

The third year of high school became a storm, and the surrounding area was in turmoil. Du Xuan was the calmest eye of the storm.Zhou Man doesn't know if this is good or not, but she knows that her "sensible" son is getting farther and farther away from her. The "ignorant" Du Xuan will argue and quarrel with herself, but the "sensible" Du Xuan does not need her own supervision and management at all, let alone any encouragement and comfort. On the contrary, she needs him more and more.

Zhou Man's eyes fell on the plane. The words on the fuselage clearly indicated that it was a birthday present, but she didn't know who gave it to her, and she never thought of asking who gave it to her. He didn't even think about why he had to carefully put the plane in front of the desk and wipe it spotless every day.

During the divorce, she said, I don't want anything, I just want my Xiaoxuan.

But, is Xiaoxuan really hers?Is she really "coming" to Xiaoxuan?

Before the New Year, Zhou Man began to leave information to the housing agency to rent a house near the No. [-] Middle School. Du Xuan firmly opposed it after learning about it.Zhou Man said: "Live near No. [-] Middle School, you can save at least an hour and a half of commuting every day. How many more questions can you do with this hour and a half?"

Du Xuan said: "I have enough exercises now, and the second half of the third year of high school is mainly for consolidation."

Zhou Man said, "It would be good to sleep an extra hour and a half every day."

Du Xuan opened his mouth and watched Zhou Man's eyes slowly widen.

"What's the matter?" Zhou Man asked nonchalantly, but she was very sad. It was just to let her son sleep more, but Xiaoxuan was so surprised!

Du Xuan shook her head: "There are too many places to spend money in the future, medical school is very expensive, I don't think there is any need to waste it on rent."

Zhou Man paused: "Xiaoxuan, if you really don't want to miss finance, we can study computer, and law is also very good. Hey, you have always been good at liberal arts, and you can recite things quickly, or study law."

Du Xuan shook his head.

Zhou Man sighed: "Don't you read the news? It's not easy to be a doctor now, the time cost is still so high, and you can't make much money after the medical reform. Why are you bothering?"

"I like."

Zhou Man looked at his son: "What's the use of 'like'? There are so many 'like' things in this world, do you have to try every one of them? Some things look beautiful on the surface, but they are actually very dark. You don't know if you haven't come into contact with it, but your mother knows, and my mother told you to save you from detours."

Du Xuan said softly, "Walking in a straight line...that's so boring."

"It's not a question of whether it's interesting, it's a question of your whole life."

Du Xuan smiled briefly: "Mom, you haven't encountered anything that really concerns my life."

Zhou Man frowned, and asked suspiciously and vigilantly, "What do you mean?"

Du Xuan shrugged: "I mean, let's talk about these things later. Let's talk about it after I get the college entrance examination results, in case I don't pass the exam."

Zhou Man watched his son turn around to do his homework suspiciously, always feeling that there was something in Du Xuan's words.

During the New Year, Zhou Man took Du Xuan back to his hometown.After a year of precipitation, Zhou Man's divorce has not caused any trouble. Everyone finished the New Year's Eve dinner amicably, and sat together to watch the extremely boring Spring Festival Gala.Grandma and grandpa called Du Xuan to the room, gave a thick red envelope, and then took Du Xuan's hand and sighed.

Du Xuan leaned close to her grandma and said, "It's New Year's Eve, why are you sighing?"

"Oh, such a good boy."

"Such a good child, don't you like it?" Du Xuan made the old lady happy.

"I like it, I like it. I just think...my Xiaoxuan is so pitiful, your father is a bastard. I objected to your mother marrying him back then, but she just didn't listen, she..."

Du Xuan interrupted grandma's chatter: "Let's not talk about him when it's Chinese New Year, grandma, let's go to the yard to put flowers."

My hometown has retained many traditions. Fireworks and firecrackers have been going off since the evening. Du Xuan looked at the fire trees and silver flowers exploding all over the yard, and remembered that Lin Tingan sneaked into his house at this time last year and received an unexpected red envelope...

Du Xuan was suddenly very lonely. The house was too quiet, except for the sound of firecrackers, she couldn't hear other sounds.At this time, he missed Lin Ting'an very much, and he wanted to see him immediately.