love you and me

Xia Shui invited Qing Yuan to a restaurant for dinner that day. Qing Yuan was still wearing a short-sleeved shirt and ankle-length skirt, but today his hair was tied into a ponytail and he wore a pair of plain glasses.

"Why did you remember to wear glasses today?"

"I'm in a better mood these days. My colleagues asked a few more questions when they saw her. I wanted to make myself look more ordinary, so as to dispel their curiosity."

Xia Shui smiled, nodded, and continued to look at the menu.

In the evening, Xia Shui and Qing Yuan went back to her apartment.

All the clothes on Xia Shui and Qing Yuan were taken off.Xia Shui was lying on Qingyuan's bed, and Qingyuan was lying on her side beside her. Xia Shui pulled Qingyuan's hand and put it on his body, asking Qingyuan to touch her carefully.

She told Qingyuan that it would give her a feeling of being cleansed.

As expected, Qingyuan caressed her carefully, fingers lingering, palms caressing, some skin on Xia Shui's body turned slightly red because of this.Qing Yuan didn't intend to stop, and Xia Shui still closed his eyes, enjoying it.

After a long time, Xia Shui opened his eyes and sat up.She pulled Qingyuan to sit up, facing her.She hugged Qingyuan in her arms, with her face pressed against her neck, as if she was hiding, or preparing to talk to the air behind her.

"I was sexually assaulted when I was just in my early teens. He was my head teacher at the time. I was on duty in the class that day, and I accidentally picked up a dollar. I also ran to the office with the coin on a whim, knocked door, saw that he was the only one there, walked over and handed it to him. He took the coin and bowed his head to think for a while, then told me not to leave, wait for him. I saw that he seemed to be going to the outside The way he left, he was also a little puzzled, not understanding how it was so difficult to say a little praise. Looking at him again, he saw that he was back again. Not only was the door behind him closed by him, but he also deliberately used a stool and chair to block it. ...I sensed that something might be wrong, but before I could react, he was already walking beside me."

"When he was lying on me in exhaustion, I reached out and grabbed his hair, and pulled it with all my strength, pulling a small piece of his head bald. But he became even more excited."

"I changed schools shortly thereafter. At that time, besides me, there were a few other people who were in the same class as me, girls. He had some background in that school. The situation in my family was also normal. I I told my mother about it at the time, but she just held me in her arms and told me not to cry, 'don't stay alone in the office with anyone again'."

"I hated her for a while, why can't I share that pain with me."

"When I grew up in the past two years, I felt a little ashamed of the mentality of resenting her at the beginning. That is not the mentality that a child should have towards his mother."

Qingyuan imagined herself into the picture drawn by Xia Shui's narrative, and found that she couldn't think about it halfway, her heart trembled violently, and she subconsciously hugged Xia Shui even tighter.

Xia Shui patted her on the back lightly a few times, and let out a long sigh.

"I have never held a fragrant, warm and soft person in my arms to tell a memory that I have tried countless times to forget."

"I just felt that thing for the first time, and not only did I accept it in my mind, but I also accepted it in my heart."

"That's what reconciliation should feel like."

"I didn't like to get close to men after that incident. Later, I had a good impression of the women around me, and I had the urge to get close, but I suppressed this urge inside. I have never wanted my homosexuality to be caused by It was caused by that incident. So I allowed myself to have sex with some women, but I forbade myself to have feelings with them at the same time. I thought that was to protect myself, but it was actually a kind of self-abuse."

"That person did not end well and was expelled from the school. I heard that he had an acute cerebral hemorrhage a few years ago. The rescue was not timely, and he died very quickly and early."

"I can't even remember what he looks like these two days."

"I've heard some people say that once some people have sex with others, they will have a sense of responsibility towards the other party in their hearts, as if they have developed a special magnetic attraction effect on the other party. Finally they get I don't know whether I really fell in love with the other person, or the love is actually born from the kind of responsibility they have, and who the other person is is not decisive."

"I'm not that kind of person, Ah Shui."

"But I have a sense of responsibility for you in my heart."

"what is love."

"what is love."

"Will we fall in love?"

"Will we fall in love?"

"Qingyuan, I had a period of suspension from college. I used that opportunity to live in the mountains for a while. That mountain was the place my grandparents chose after they retired from their teaching career. They lived there until the death of my grandpa, grandma I also followed the hunger strike, and within half a month, I also left with my grandfather. At that time, I lived alone in the yard where they lived, staring at the blue sky and green trees in a daze all day long, wanting to escape because of uncontrollable depression over and over again, Want to commit suicide."

"Later, a person walked a night road alone, walking among the dense three-dimensional shadows of cypress trees and poplar forests, and knew that the side of the road was full of graves; Carrying a shoulder bag, holding the shoulder strap tightly with both hands, the fingers are painfully clenched, and walking forward step by step; I can't make a sound in my throat, and there is a sense of panic mixed with anxiety in my heart."

"I knew I wasn't ready. I chose to survive until today."

"When there is a chance, would you like to go with me to the place where I lived alone?"

"I am willing."

☆, a friend