Jigsaw puzzle

After the time when the biological clock should fall asleep, Li Ran lay on the bed for a long time without feeling sleepy.Han Yicheng was still holding him in that position, the strength of his arms didn't decrease, and he didn't know if he fell asleep.

Li Ran moved twice, turned around to face Han Yicheng, and found that the other party was still staring at those three white eyes, and his eyes didn't change much.

"Old Han..." Li Ran looked at him helplessly and said, "You are really scary, do you know that?"

Hearing these words, Han Yicheng vented his pent-up anger as if he had suffered a major blow.He slowly let go of Li Ran, and turned to face the other side.

"Turn back to me," Li Ran pulled Han Yicheng, forcing him to turn back and look at him.Li Ran found that his hair was still wet and wet the pillow.

"Let's chat," Li Ran looked at him seriously and asked, "How did you find out I'm here?"

Han Yicheng lowered his gaze: "Qi Xin told me."

After finishing speaking, Han Yicheng obediently took out his mobile phone, clicked on his WeChat and handed it to Li Ran.Li Ran took a look, and sure enough, at the top were several dialogue messages sent by Qi Xin to Han Yicheng.

-I saw Brother Aran in my dad's shop! ! !

- can i go and say hello to him

-【picture】

Li Ran looked at himself in this picture speechlessly, holding a chicken leg in his left hand, staring at the waitress with a meaningful expression on his face, as if he was thinking of some bad idea.

He recalled his mental journey, and never thought that his disdain for marketing tricks at that time would show such a wretched look, no wonder the little girl wanted to give him his contact information later.

"Then...do you have any questions?" Li Ran threw the phone aside, looked at Han Yicheng and asked.

Han Yicheng tried his best to make his tone less aggrieved: "Why did you lie to me?"

"I'm sorry," Li Ran sighed, moved his hand to Han Yicheng's hand, and gently grabbed him, "Because I like you very much, I put you in the boyfriend's place. I don't know if you mind if I go there in the middle of the night. Drink with someone else."

Han Yicheng has been single for 30 years and has never heard such a confession from others. He froze for a long time, staring fixedly at Li Ran speechless.

After a long time, he asked, "Then why didn't you ask me?

"Because you are not my boyfriend, I have no obligation to ask you, right?" Li Ran held Han Yicheng's hand and said sincerely, "I shouldn't lie to you, but you have no right to meddle in my affairs. .”

Han Yicheng was so uncomfortable being bullied by Li Ran that he opened his mouth several times, but he just didn't know how to express himself.He was like a sea urchin with thorns all over his body, holding something in his stomach, but he couldn't find the exit.

Before Han Yicheng turned his head again, Li Ran quickly pulled him back again.

"Do you like me?" Li Ran asked him.

Han Yicheng nodded.

"Then why can't you be with me? Has something... happened to you before? Have you ever been hurt by someone else? Can you tell me?"

Even though Li Ran's questions were extremely gentle, Han Yicheng still showed a very resistant expression. He frowned, as if remembering something very painful, and his breathing gradually became short of breath.

Li Ran regretted seeing him like this, and felt that he might be too impatient. He smoothed Han Yicheng's hair with his hand, and was about to give in when he heard Han Yicheng speak in a very weak voice.

"No, it's me, I... hurt people," he said, "I... let everyone down."

Li Ran pinched Han Yicheng's earlobe, silently motioning him to continue talking, and he was listening.

Before meeting Li Ran, Han Yicheng had no friends or lovers, so naturally he never told anyone about the past.

What he said at the beginning was very messy, illogical, scattered and full of details, and the sealed memories and emotions poured out like a flood from the sluice.

Slowly, Li Ran pieced together a reflection of Han Yicheng's first half of his life from his narration.

Han Yicheng was set with extremely high expectations by his parents since he was a child, and grew up under extremely strict discipline.His father will hire him a top-notch teacher in the city as a tutor, and his mother will strictly control the nutrition of his every meal.

So Han Yicheng has always been among the top grades in his grades from elementary school to high school, but he hasn't watched a whole cartoon, and he doesn't have any common chat topics with his peers.

On the contrary, Han Yanan, Han Yicheng's older sister, has been ridiculed by her mother and ignored by her father since the birth of this "brother". Even though she is also very smart, she doesn't get half as much attention at home as Han Yicheng.

As a result, Han Yanan gradually turned toward rebellion, and her relationship with her family fell into a vicious circle.The more she wanted to prove that she was on the right path, the more she got ridiculed by her parents.The more the family hated Han Yanan, the more Han Yanan longed for the approval of his relatives.

In the case of being completely disappointed with her parents, Han Yanan placed all her feelings for her relatives on Han Yicheng.

Because Han Yicheng didn't understand why his mother hated his outstanding and capable sister so much when he was a teenager.In the beginning, at the dinner table, he would quietly help his sister, but after being offended a few times, he changed to doing things secretly for his sister.

When Han Yanan went to university and completely cut off financial ties with his parents, Han Yicheng would secretly put the money his parents gave him into his sister's bag.

And Han Yanan will do his best to treat Han Yicheng well.Go after everyone who bullies Han Yicheng and warn him, secretly show him interesting novels and movies, and take him to eat junk food when he is very stressed.

In this way, Han Yicheng's parents, Han Yicheng, and Han Yanan formed a delicate and fragile balanced relationship.Han Yicheng was admitted to the best university under great pressure. Han Yanan graduated from another university majoring in communication and joined a documentary filming team.

But in the second year after Han Yicheng went to college, everything changed.

After entering the more open-minded environment of the university, Han Yicheng gradually got closer to his classmates and the outside world. He found that unlike most people, he was particularly attracted to boys of the same gender.

At that time, Han Yicheng hesitated for a long time and decided to tell his parents about it.

At that time, Han Yicheng was much simpler than now. His whole world was almost only study, grades, and research. Even those school bullying targeting top students were all stopped by Han Yanan for him.

Unlike his elder sister, he has so much malice towards his parents. After all, all his rewards, honors, and rules are set by his parents.Han Yicheng felt that this incident was not like a bad grade, which would do anything to his parents who had always been proud of him.

However, when Han Yicheng finished talking about this matter with his family, the consequences were almost devastating.His father, Han Jianhong, who has always been cautious in words and deeds, completely lost his mind for the first time and broke several brooms on Han Yicheng.

Han Yicheng ran back to school in a panic, only to realize that he didn't even have a friend who could help him, and finally he called Han Yanan for help.

Han Yanan had been married to Qi Dongqing for more than a year at that time, she drove Han Yicheng home with a big belly, patiently enlightened him and comforted him, and told Han Yicheng that there is nothing wrong with liking the same sex.

Han Yicheng lived in Han Yanan's house for a month in fear. When his mood gradually stabilized, Han Jianhong called and asked him to go back and discuss a solution.

At that time, Han Yicheng was suffocating in the great fear of disappointing his parents, as if the value of life had lost all meaning.Han Jianhong's phone call was like a pardon order, which made him return home with a glimmer of hope in fear.

Han Jianhong and Han Yicheng said that they asked about an online rehab center through their relationship, which could "correct" his incorrect sexual orientation. If Han Yicheng was willing to take a break from school and go there for "treatment" for a year, he could act as if nothing happened. Pass.

After Han Yicheng experienced a very painful psychological struggle, he surrendered to Han Jianhong.Even though deep down, he believed what Han Yanan told him, he didn't think he was wrong.

But he has been living under the control of his parents, and there is not a single muscle in his body that does not subconsciously obey his parents' orders. In the end, he secretly suspended Han Yanan behind his back, and was sent by Han Jianhong to the Internet rehabilitation center in the suburbs.

However, Han Yicheng completely misunderstood the meaning of this place from the very beginning.He was constantly forced to admit his mistakes, and repeated those meaningless mechanical labors over and over again. After only staying here for a month, he was completely on the verge of collapse.

Every night when he couldn't sleep, he began to question over and over again why he was trapped in such a place, and his feelings for his father Han Jianhong and mother Ma Xiuju also became very complicated.

When relatives visited, Han Yicheng realized that just looking at Han Jianhong, who was well dressed and wearing a mask, made him feel extremely angry.

When he heard Han Jianhong say "you get back on the right track earlier, we are still a happy family", he even felt physically disgusted.

So he secretly used Han Jianhong's mobile phone to send Han Yanan a text message for help, and then stared at Han Jianhong's back and disappeared in front of him little by little.

Han Yanan was immediately furious when she received the text message. Even though she always dismissed her family's behavior, she never thought that a senior intellectual like Han Jianhong would do such a thing to Han Yicheng.

She drove to pick up Han Yicheng in the heavy rain, took Qi Dongqing and turned the Internet rehabilitation center upside down, and then on the way back to the city, a car accident happened.

In order to take care of the pregnant Han Yanan that day, Qi Dongqing drove by himself and let her sit in the back row.But who would have thought that the road was slippery in rainy days, and the big truck behind didn't stop the car, smashing the back row of the car to pieces.

"Before the accident, the last thing she said to me was, Han Yicheng, I am so disappointed in you." Han Yicheng said this, tightly pinching Li Ran's wrist, which hurt Li Ran.

"Everything is caused by me." Han Yicheng's eyes were bloodshot, but no tears flowed, "I have been letting everyone down."

That day, Han Yanan, who was lying in a pool of blood, held her belly tightly before she fell into a coma. This was also her reaction at the moment of the car accident.On that rainy night 10 years ago, Han Yanan was declared dead after rescue efforts failed.

She died quietly at the age of 26 when she was just about to shine, leaving only a young and delicate baby crying all night in the hospital.

Han Yanan's death was like a heavy hammer, destroying all the hypocritical beauty of this family. Han Yicheng hated his biological parents from then on, refused to do any "treatment" and never communicated with them again.

Han Jianhong waited in the country for another two years, seemingly expecting Han Yicheng's repentance and improvement.However, in the end, he had to accept the reality. The son he had cultivated with all his efforts was gay, and he could no longer live up to his expectations.

And Han Yicheng's mother Ma Xiuju, because she has always been extremely mean to Han Yanan, now that Han Yanan is dead, she began to refuse to face the reality that she owed Han Yanan, and finally immigrated abroad with Han Jianhong two years later, leaving a house for Han Yicheng, Let him do it for himself.

However, everyone's reactions can't alleviate Han Yicheng's sense of guilt like shackles. His parents left, but he lived like a self-tortured old man, with no friends, no hobbies, and stopped alone in the same place alone.

He went to school step by step, took the postgraduate entrance examination, studied for a Ph. D., and worked.At first he didn't dare to visit Qi Xin, so he sent money to Qi Dongqing regularly every month. Later, he found that Qi Dongqing was addicted to drinking, so he began to try to take care of Qi Xin slowly.

Sometimes he feels like he has become a tool man, but he can't fix any of the things he wants to fix the most.He was also not good at getting along with children, so he could only clumsily stay by Qi Xin's side, at first he bought her a mobile phone, then he tried to do homework with her and took her to eat junk food.

Han Yicheng has lived alone for ten years. On the one hand, he desperately longs for warmth and care, and on the other hand, he has adapted to loneliness to the point of numbness.

If he hadn't met Li Ran who forcibly broke into his half-dead life, he once thought that he would spend his lonely life like this.

Li Ran had guessed before that Han Yicheng's past might not be so good, but he didn't expect it to be so extreme and tragic. He didn't know what to say for a while, so he could only hug Han Yicheng gently and tell him over and over again, I am here, I am here with you.

For Han Yicheng, he is like a prisoner locked in an isolated island prison, dying of thirst alone behind the iron bars.And Li Ran is like an adventurer who came to an isolated island by accident. He didn't know his hopeless past, but kindly handed him a glass of water.

Han Yicheng greedily didn't want him to go, but he couldn't get rid of the iron railing around him. He buried his face next to Li Ran's collarbone, and closed his eyes exhausted.

The air conditioner at the express wine point was still humming, and the two of them were squeezed into the same single bed, sticking tightly together.

"Go to sleep for a while," Li Ran said again, "I'll be with you."